57 | Diamond or Tin
There are many effects of the Spell that should be discussed; in history, it has never once succeeded. The foolish woman was arrogant to think she, a stupid and untalented lady, could be the exception to the centuries-old rule.
❂❂❂
Zeka rested in one of Alwyn's war shelters, wearing their true body as they heard General Juliet's forces arrive. They shivered, hanging against the corner of the wall on a bed. They were nervous. Not cold; scared. So they sat poised and prim, trying to dispel the anxiety.
Soon, Juliet's stern voice sounded from below. "Lieutenant. Show yourself."
Lieutenant. Zeka was fine enough to become a general. But, of course, this woman had taken Micah's rank when he'd married the queen. Because Zeka...was...a tool.
They walked out, seeing Nell standing there; the Del's eyes held a glimmer of embarrassment. That's right, Zeka thought. You don't control me anymore, you bastard.
"We came as soon as you warned us," Nell said, walking close, hands clutching his med-pack.
"Is Micah back?" Zeka asked.
Juliet shook her head. "We don't know where he is. Her Majesty said he followed Shadow Weaver into a tunnel. Haven't seen her either."
"Is he...dead?"
"I don't know," Nell said softly. He was so sensitive with his real friends. "We've got to be prudent if we're to take this city back."
Zeka nodded. "Carmen left her lieutenant here. Went back to the Fright Zone positively peeved that Tara defected to the Waste."
Nell's expression remained placid. "Then the mission should be easy, I suppose."
"No," Zeka said. "We're going to have to find a way to force the Horde to surrender."
"Won't taking Carmen's lieutenant hostage be enough?" Juliet asked. It was a dumb question, Zeka thought – a lieutenant wouldn't be valuable enough to make the Horde give up a strategically advantageous location.
"No," they replied. "I'd thought to use Carmen as the bait, but Shads is the only one willing to barter for her – and as mentioned, she's nowhere to be found."
"Then who could we use? There aren't any other Force Captains in the area."
Zeka chuckled. "No. There's one more."
Nell's eyebrow quirked up. "Then will you help us?"
"Oh, I will. Just get Jules to hold a sword at my throat at the right time. Are the soldiers ready?"
"They're on the outskirts of the Woods," Juliet said doubtfully. "Lieutenant, are you sure?"
"This is what I'm here for." Zeka turned, breathing in deeply. Their heart raced with the pulsing worry in their stomach.
Nell sighed. "I'd get the scouts to do some recon, General. First, we'll need to know where everyone is posted, then overwhelm the city."
Juliet nodded. "I'll get it set up, Master Nellith. It would be best if you would stay down here while Lieutenant Zeka prepares for their role. We cannot afford to lose you."
"It is well," the Medicancer said softly. Juliet left the shelter, going upward to reconvene with the soldiers. Zeka retreated to the bed, lying down to get some much-needed sleep before the operation.
✧✧✧
Nell sat on the bench in the storm shelter, closing his eyes and leaning back. Exhaustion pressed upon him, not just due to the recent Horde attacks. Immediately after he'd come to, he fled to Alwyn with Juliet. He told himself he would help them retake the city so the supply chain to the Kingdom of Snows would reopen, but in actuality, he'd fled from shame.
I can't escape shame, can I? Nell glanced toward Zeka's bed. The shifter had shown their actual body briefly, although they'd reverted back to their usual tanned, female frame for now.
Nell's stomach was stabbed with pain, and he wanted to scream. To throw his head against the wall, to fade away as he was reminded of his unreasonable request. But he was sick of being a coward. So he crossed the room, pulling the curtain aside and swallowing. Zeka's back was turned from him; Nell was unsure whether she was awake.
What was he going to do? Apologize? As if an apology could make anything better...
Be brave. Nell swallowed. "Zeka?" he asked quietly.
Zeka hugged herself. "What?" she asked tersely. "I need sleep, darling."
"But you're awake now..." Nell's voice trailed off. "I wanted to say that... I'm sorry for...what I asked you to do long ago."
Zeka looked over her shoulder at him. "What?" she whispered.
Nell put his hands in his pockets, repeating his sentence. "I'm sorry. It was a foolish and cruel thing to ask. I knew you'd been mistreated in the Waste – you were a pleasure worker. And still, I tried to use you in the same way."
Zeka shifted her position, sitting up. Then she sighed. "Took you long enough."
Nell winced. "I didn't know how to...say something. If I could take back that day, I would. I swear to you..." his voice broke. "By all the moons, I would."
"Are you saying this just because your actual ex-fianceé dumped you again?" Zeka snapped.
He'd been afraid of this. "No," he said. "I should have apologized long ago. But I'll still try to reason with Alura... I'm sorry, Zeka."
Zeka shrugged. "I knew," she murmured, resigned. "I knew I had no chance. You still don't care."
"I do care about you," Nell said, force in his voice. "Just...in a different way."
"Everyone does, don't they?" she said. "But I see the truth. Everyone views me as a tool. A weapon, something they can use to their own advantage." She made eye contact with him. "Even you."
Anger and shame boiled in harmony within Nell. "Zeka, I was wrong. I'm not asking you to be my friend again. But please...at least believe me."
Zeka sighed, rubbing her face. "It's too late, Nell," she said softly. "I've already thrown in my lot with the Horde. They'll kill me sooner or later."
"What does this have to do with the conversation?"
"Don't you understand, darling?" she whispered. "You drove me to this place. You taught me a valuable lesson. Even heroes use people who adore them."
"Zeka –"
"Go away," she said. "I never want to see you again."
Nell gasped sharply, covering his mouth as anxiety and tremors overwhelmed him. The words twisted inside him.
There really was no way up. She would never forgive him.
He rushed away from her bed, finding a corner. Then he pounded his fist against the wall as frustrated tears inched down his face. But in the midst of that, some of the guilt subsided. Courage wanted Nell to repent. And that was what he'd done.
❂❂❂
Did you know...
- Although I believe that forgiveness is vital to everyone's mental health and thus everyone should forgive those who've done wrong, the reality is that not everyone does forgive. I wanted to represent that here.
- Zeka's story is very personal to me. Growing up as a gifted kid, I struggled a lot with people only wanting to be friends with me so they could leech off me.
Tell me what you think...
- Did Zeka make the right choice? Why or why not?
- What about Nell?
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