Jensen

I WAKE UP LATE THE NEXT MORNING with a grueling headache. Groaning against the bright sun assaulting my eyeballs, I throw an arm over my eyes and try to will myself back to sleep. When that doesn't work, I roll out of bed and shuffle to the bathroom for some Tylenol. I wander out to the kitchen and see the empty beer bottles littering the counter, evidence of my stupid life choices last night.

After starting a pot of coffee, I gather the bottles and dump them into the recycling with a loud clang. I pick up my phone where I abandoned it last night to find way too many notifications demanding my attention. I ignore them all except for one text thread. I click on Teddy's name, curious to see what she has to say.

TEDDY: Heading to the farm soon to check on the animals. Mostly Cleo. The stinker has a bad habit of getting loose. Wanna meet after for a run?

Before responding, I check the timestamp on the message and see she sent it 30 minutes ago.

ME: Sorry, just seeing this. Are you still around or did you leave without me?

TEDDY: Just finishing up. I had a jailbreak to deal with.

ME: K. I'll be out in a few.

I'm not really in any shape for physical activity, but the idea of seeing Teddy is too tempting. I try to tell myself it isn't because of her date last night, but the attempt feels flat even to me.

I dress in gym shorts, a hoodie and my running shoes. I sip some steaming coffee before abandoning the fresh pot and jogging down the stairs. The movement hurts my head, but I tell myself to suck it up. I know better than to self soothe with alcohol.

Teddy is walking up just as I exit the building. Her hair is pulled on top of her head in a messy bun instead of her usual braid, and it makes me pause, my eyes stuck on her exposed neck. She's smiling, and it makes me wonder if her cheery mood is in direct correlation to her date last night. I ban myself from asking her about it, though. It's not like she even told me she had a date in the first place. I had to hear about it from my sister. Plus, the last time we talked about the jackoff it got weird between us. Let's try avoiding the awkwardness today, ok, Jensen?

"Hey." Her smile widens when she stops in front of me.

I break into a stretch, grunting my greeting. The burn in my legs feels good. "The usual route?"

She studies me for a moment. "You're hungover."

It isn't stated as a question. She knows it's a fact. I grunt again.

"Oh, Jensen, Jensen, Jensen. You sure you want to run, old man? Hangovers aren't what they used to be in our 20s."

When I glare at her, she huffs out a laugh and rolls her eyes. "Whatever. It's your pain, not mine. But don't think I'm going to slow my pace just because you're hurting." With that, she takes off in a sprint toward the path that weaves through the farm and around the outskirts of it before it circles right back to this spot.

I try not to notice her butt in those tight leggings as I run behind her, but my eyes seem to have a mind of their own. I avert them quickly when she glances behind her to track my progress. I wave her off, so she picks up her pace.

The chilled late morning fades to warm early afternoon by the time we round back to our starting spot. Once we stop, I bend over, bracing my hands on my knees. "That was brutal," I begrudgingly admit, my breaths coming out in wheezy pants.

She pats my sweaty back, laughing loudly. "That'll teach ya. Why were you drinking anyway? And where?" Her line of sight makes its way up the building to my apartment, like she knows I was drinking in there alone last night.

I stand from my crouched position and wipe my sleeve across the moisture on my forehead. I shrug in response. "Just one of those nights, I guess."

When she doesn't ask me to elaborate, I decide to push my luck. "What about you? How was your night?"

Shit, didn't I tell myself not to ask about her date?

She stares at me with narrowed eyes for a moment, like she isn't sure what I'm really asking. She likely knows I know about her date. It is Lake Hope, after all, and she does work with my nosey family.

"J, let's not do this, ok?" When I raise a brow, she plants her hands on her hips, as if readying for a battle. "You obviously know I went out with Jackson."

I blow out a breath. "Hard not to know. My phone was blowing up with the news."

This elicits a reaction from her. "What do you mean? Who and what?"

"My siblings. You know how they can't stop talking in that stupid group chat thing. All fucking day long." I scrub a hand over my face, scrambling for a way to backtrack this conversation out of the danger zone. I don't want to argue with Teddy. And I sure as shit don't want to get into it with her about her dating life.

Yet...I would like to know if the date sucked, and she's decided she's never seeing him again. That news would cheer me right up.

She must sense the direction of my thoughts because she kicks pebbles at me. "I'm not telling you the details of my date, Jensen."

"I never asked."

"You didn't have to. It's written all over your stupid face. You're hoping I tell you it sucked. That Jackson is terrible company and that I'm never seeing him again. And maybe to confirm that he does, in fact, have genital warts."

I choke on the spit I was in the process of swallowing. "What the fuck, Teddy? No, I do not, in fact, want you to confirm or deny that! Because that would mean...that...that...Ahhhh, no. Nope. Nope. Don't tell me anymore. That's fine. We're good. I'll talk to you later. Gotta go."

Her laugh trails me as I head toward the door that leads to the stairs to my apartment building. Before I disappear inside, she calls, "I can't confirm or deny, Jensen! Because I don't put out on the first date! But maybe I can update you next time."

I glare at her before stomping up the stairs in a huff. Oh, there's going to be a next time, is there?

-

LATER THAT AFTERNOON, WHEN MY MIND FEELS like it's stuck on a never-ending spin cycle, I decide to distract myself with busy work. After I finish sweeping off the patio behind the office building that also houses my apartment, I root around in the shed and dig out the worn patio furniture. When that's done, I position it on the cement slab, fiddling with the spacing of the chairs around the glass table.

Since it's late April in Minnesota, I know I'm gambling with the weather. It's not uncommon for winter to rear its ugly head again and dump feet of snow on us. The busy work out in the fresh air feels good, though, so I'm going to take my chances.

"It's a little early for that, don't you think?"

I turn toward the direction of the voice and see Kelly walking toward me, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans. I grunt my response.

"That bad, huh?" He's wearing a smug smirk as he sinks into the chair I was fiddling with.

"What are you doing here, Kelly? Did we have plans I forgot about?" I busy myself with wiping down the table with a bowl of warm, soapy water I brought outside.

He props his feet up on the chair opposite him, apparently not concerned with the grime they collected over the winter. "Nah, but I figured you were moping around here after Teddy's date last night. By the way, how'd that go? I'm assuming you've talked to her and that's why you're rage-cleaning patio furniture. In April. In Minnesota."

"Fuck off, Kelly." I chuck the rag into the bucket, sudsy water sloshing over the sides onto the table. I sink into a chair next to him, giving up all pretense that I care about the cleanliness of the outdoor furniture.

Kelly chuckles in response. "Oh, J." He doesn't elaborate, just lets me stew in silence.

After a few beats pass with neither of us talking, I clear my throat. "Remember that time sophomore year we played spin the bottle and Teddy's spin landed on you?"

A sudden burst of laughter erupts from his mouth. "Hard to forget how I narrowly missed getting my face punched. Besides," he says, clutching his heart like a jackass, "the kiss forever haunts my dreams, thinking about Teddy's soft lips pressed to mine. Best few seconds of my life."

"Seems like you really want to get your face punched." I glare at him and kick his feet off the chair in front of him, which causes him to laugh harder.

"Sorry. You're too easy. Everyone knows you have a huge boner for Teddy. Well, everyone but you and Teddy, that is. When are you ever going to get your head out of your ass and admit it? You practically shit your pants any time a guy so much as sniffs around her. It's not fair to her. You either need to shit or get off the pot. And just in case you're too stupid to get my point, I mean finally admit that you're into your friend and do something about it or get the fuck out of her way."

"That's just it, Kelly. I don't know what to do. Maybe I should just get out of her way." I turn my chair away from the table and lean forward on my seat, resting my forearms over my legs. My head falls forward, shoulders slumping. "I don't want to fuck it up. What if I fuck it up?" I look up at my oldest friend, eyes wide in question. "What if I fuck it up, Kelly? She's my best friend. I can't just risk it, right? Risk losing everything. Risk losing her. Right?"

"First off, I'm your best friend. She's just a good friend, or like a second-place best friend. More of an honorary mention, really, when it comes to friends." When I grumble my annoyance, he chuckles, as if this whole situation amuses him.

"I'm being serious here, Kelly. Can't you just be serious for one second? You fucking goad me into this stupid conversation, to admit what I've always denied, and now you're cracking jokes. What the fuck?"

"But have you actually admitted anything, J?" He scratches a hand over the five o'clock shadow blooming on his face, looking at me like he's finally taking things seriously. "Because it sounds to me like you're doing everything to convince yourself, and me, that there's nothing there worth figuring out. Like you want me to make it ok for you to continue lying to yourself so you don't have to put yourself out there and risk anything. It sounds to me like you're scared, and you just want someone to tell you it's ok to give up before you even try under the pretense of some stupid excuse of losing your friend."

"Fuck yeah, I'm scared! It's Teddy!" I fly to my feet, my arms outstretched. "It's fucking Teddy!"

"Yeah, and it's always been Teddy. Why do you think I made such a spectacle of kissing Teddy that night we played Spin the Bottle? Why did you suddenly declare freshman year of high school that Teddy was off limits? Because it's always been Teddy and it'll always be Teddy. Get over it, J. It's not that big of a deal. Own up to it and finally do something about it."

I sigh, soaking up his words, and sink back into my chair. Daytime surrendered to night as we were sitting here and the setting sun bathes everything in a warm glow to the west. "It's not that simple, Kelly. Remember how weird it was after New Years Eve that year? When we, you know, almost..."

My voice trails off, not wanting to elaborate what happened between me and Teddy on New Years Eve. It took me months to admit to Kelly what happened that night years ago and I swore him to secrecy. We've never discussed it since. "That almost ruined us. We barely spoke for months afterwards."

"Jensen." He stretches his arms out in front of him on the table, palms up. "It's you and Teddy. You'll figure it out. Now just get out of your own fucking way."

"But there's more," I admit sheepishly, running a hand through my hair, tugging on the long strands. "You know there's more."

His eyes meet mine and he nods. "Caroline."

"Yeah. Caroline."

He knocks his knuckles against the glass tabletop before he speaks, considering his words. "J, I know what happened was bad. And it fucked you up. And rightly so. But it was years ago. I think it's time to let it go. To move on already. It's time, J. It's time."

Before I can respond, my phone vibrates in my pocket. I think about ignoring it, thinking it's yet more ribbing from my siblings, but I pull it out to see a local number calling me. Curious who it could be, I swipe the screen to answer it. "Yeah?"

"Jensen? This is Jensen, right?" I can barely hear the female caller above the loud noise streaming in from the background. It sounds like she's calling from a bar.

"Yeah, this is Jensen." I sit straighter in my chair, suddenly on high alert.

"I'm sorry to call, but I wasn't sure what to do. This is Shirley at The Drinking Hole. Teddy is here trying to get her dad to leave, but it isn't going so good. Larry looks about 10 seconds away from losing his shit, and you know how he gets when he gets good and drunk like this. Any way you could come and help your girlfriend?"

Ignoring the way she calls Teddy my girlfriend, I get to my feet and start walking to the front of the building, already mentally preparing myself for the state of my friend's father. "Yeah. I'll be there in a few minutes. Thanks for calling, Shirley."

Kelly is right on my heels, stomping up the steps to my apartment behind me. "What's going on, J? I only made out about half of that. It's Larry, isn't it? He drunk off his ass again?"

Inside my apartment, I grab my keys from the hook by the door and then immediately fly back down the stairs, Kelly still trailing me.

"Yep," I grunt in response. When Kelly goes to climb into the passenger side of my truck, I stop him. "I got it, Kelly. You know Teddy doesn't like an audience when her dad gets like this. She won't even want me there."

He takes a few steps away from my truck and nods. "Ok. But call me if you need me."

"Yep. Thanks." I slam the door closed after I slip inside, start the truck, and peel out down the dirt road.