Jensen

SUTTON: I'm outside.

SUTTON: I'm coming up.

SUTTON: I'm here. Let me in.

I open my door to find my sister, to-go coffee cups in each hand, eyebrows raised.

"Gonna let me in?"

I take the offered coffee, stepping aside for her to walk in. "You know you don't have to announce your every move with texts, right? How'd you even text with full hands anyway?"

"I'm a woman." She says this like it's an actual explanation.

"Well aware of that fact. Still doesn't answer the question, though."

I follow her through the apartment, where she sits on the couch, tucking her legs under her. I fall down next to her, taking a sip of coffee.

"J, do you really want to discuss the well-known fact that women are far superior to men at pretty much all things, or shall we move right along to why I'm here?"

"I kind of want to avoid whatever it is you're about to yell at me for and skip right ahead to the part where you're hugging me goodbye."

She flicks me in the forehead before I can block her. Either she's gotten faster or I'm off my game. I should have seen that one coming. It's been her go-to move since she was a bratty grade schooler.

She laughs when I glare at her. "Always such a ball of sunshine."

"Sutton." I arch an eyebrow to punctuate my impatience.

"This could have been a quick text convo, but you've been ignoring me. So here I am." She sweeps her arm out for emphasis.

When my only response is a grunt, she discards her cup on the coffee table, turning her body to face me. "Spill, brother. What's got your undies in such a wad? And don't say nothing because I'm not stupid. You're moodier than usual. Teddy was shooting tequila last night. You guys are pretty much never together anymore." She pauses to gesture around my empty apartment. "Case in point. It's Sunday. Where's your girl, J? Wasn't she practically living here like a week ago?"

Scout lifts his head from his nap in the pool of sunlight on the floor, notices the newcomer, and instantly springs to life, trotting across the room to greet my sister. Sutton pats her lap, and the dog jumps up, assaulting her face with kisses. Laughing, she pushes him down, settling him more comfortably on her lap, lazily petting his fur.

Sighing, I fall back, my head resting against the back of the couch. "I'm getting my shit together."

When I don't elaborate, she waves her hand in a circular motion, prompting me for more. "What does that mean? Are you guys doing a Ross and Rachel break thing? And what shit? I'm going to need more words, brother. I'm pretty freaking awesome, but not even I can make sense of those few words."

I throw an arm over my face with a groan. "Sutton," I whine. "Why are you like this?"

She peels my arm off, getting in my face. "Because I'm your sister and it's practically my job. So spill. Because I'm not leaving until you do."

"Fine. But only because you're annoying and I want you to leave."

I sit up and run a hand over the scruff of my unshaven face, blowing out a breath. "It's a few things, really. I'm not sure where to start."

"Caroline. Start there."

I shoot my sister a hard look. "How about I do it my way? And you zip it?"

She mimes zipping her lips and I shake my head at her.

"Fine. Caroline. Might as well start there." I hesitate, wondering just how much I should divulge. Teddy's sad voice from last night saying she deserves better propels me forward, and I inhale a huge breath before blowing it out in a whoosh.

"High school. Senior year." I begin my confession with broken sentences, but then spill the rest in a rush. "Caroline got pregnant, decided she didn't want to keep it, had an abortion and then ran away."

Sutton stares at me with wide, unblinking eyes. "Um. I must admit I did not see that one coming. That's a lot, J. You've been holding onto that one for a long time. How'd you feel about the pregnancy back then? If I had to guess, I'd say your first choice was not an abortion. Am I right?"

"You are right, sister."

"And this is the first time seeing her since the whole thing all those years ago?"

"Yep."

"And now it's messing you up because suddenly you're confronting the very shit you've been avoiding all these years?"

"Also, yep."

"And Teddy knows?"

"Yeah, I told her before Caroline even came back to town."

"Ok, so what am I missing then?"

I lean over, resting my elbows on my knees, ducking my head. "There's more. I kind of don't want to tell you, though."

"What? Did you do something you think I'll be mad at you for? Wait, were you a huge dick to your girlfriend, J? What'd you do? Is it more than just being a grumpy asshole?"

I twist my head to look at her. "Yeah, I have been an asshole to her. That's the reason she isn't here. But that's not what I'm talking about."

"What then? Just spit it out already. You're freaking me out."

I straighten, sitting up tall, and face her. "Sutton, I found out something about Dad that changes every fucking thing. Maybe I don't want you to know. Maybe we just go on like this without you knowing. I don't think you need to know. God knows I wish I didn't know."

She throws her hands in the air. "Jensen! Just say it already! Jesus!"

"When I was visiting Grandpa the other day, he thought I was Dad and spilled a secret." I pause, already regretting my decision to tell her. "God, Sutton, are you sure? I really don't want to tell you."

She grips my forearm with her small hand. I stare at it for a few moments before finally locking my eyes with hers. "Dad cheated on mom. He's a cheater, Sutton. Our dad is a filthy cheater."

Her hand flies to her mouth, covering the gasp that slipped out. Her eyes are wide and pleading as she shakes her head slowly at me. I nod at her.

Scout flies off her lap when she abruptly stands. She paces in front of the coffee table, her hand still stamped over her mouth. Suddenly, she comes to a stop in front of me, removing her hand. "And Dad admitted it?"

I nod again, which reignites her pacing.

"Do you see why I didn't want to tell you, Sutton? It's an ugly truth we never needed to know."

"What exactly did Dad say?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes! Of course, it matters!"

I slump back against the couch. "I don't think it does, Sutton."

She returns to her seat next to me, her hand falling on my arm again. "Jensen, you didn't give him a chance to explain, did you?"

I shake my head.

"And you've been stewing over it?"

I nod.

"And now you're in emotional overload?"

I blink.

"And you pushed Teddy away?"

I close my eyes.

"And now you're spinning out trying to do damage control?"

I throw an arm over my face.

She sinks back against the couch next to me. "Shit, J. You're a mess."

I grunt.

We sit like that for a while, both of us lost in our thoughts.

Suddenly, she bolts upright. "Shit! Do you think his affair has anything to do with Uncle Don's mystery safe deposit box items?"

I turn my head to look at her, arching an eyebrow in question. "Explain."

"There was a birth certificate, J. What if Dad had a kid with the other woman and covered it up?"

"And what? Uncle Don knew about it and decided to create some fun goose chase for us to discover the truth? Here's your long-lost sibling!"

She shrugs, blowing out a breath. "I don't know. Maybe?"

"I thought we were dropping that whole mystery thing anyway. Who cares?"

"You're telling me you don't care if we have a brother or sister out there somewhere that we never knew about?"

I get to my feet, collecting the coffee cups, and walk to the kitchen. "Sutton, I already have too much on my plate. I honestly don't give a shit about any of that."

I glance at her where she's still sitting on the couch completely lost in thought. I groan, knowing there's no way she is going to drop this.

"Sutton." She lifts her head to look at me. "I'll talk to Dad. It's part of working through my shit anyway. And if there's some illegitimate child out there, then we can deal with it, ok?"

She joins me in the kitchen, leaning against the counter. "Are you going to talk to him with that huge chip on your shoulder? Or with an open mind?"

I shrug. I honestly can't answer that question. "TBD," I say. "TBD."

-

ONCE MY SISTER LEAVES, I STARE AT the random piece of paper on my table where I jotted down the telephone number my stepmom gave me just this morning. Part of me was hoping she wouldn't come through on the favor so quickly so I could prolong the overdue conversation with my ex.

Sutton is right, though: I'm a mess.

And damage control is imminent.

Teddy's tearful admission last night wasn't fun to hear. Knowing my behavior had been hurting her for weeks is a truth I'd rather not confront. But my avoidance is the reason we're here in the first place, and I'm done with that tactic. Time to put on my big boy pants and finally deal with everything.

That begins with this phone number.

I start a new text thread, enter the phone number, and type out a message.