Jensen

FRIDAY ROLLS INTO SATURDAY IN A FRETFUL, sleepless slumber. The events of the evening replayed on repeat all night, every single detail being thoroughly inspected. The one that haunts me is the way Teddy looked when she saw me at the bar with the blonde. I hated the hurt expression that had crossed her face. Just thinking about it now twists my stomach up in knots. The only reason I agreed to leave with the woman was because I thought I needed to reissue the line between me and Teddy that was quickly becoming blurred. But it felt wrong. Everything about it was completely wrong.

I wanted Teddy. I wanted her so bad that I was hurting both of us. I was heading back to the bar to find Teddy, to apologize, to ask if she wanted to meet up over the weekend to talk, when we didn't have alcohol in our systems and had time to calm down.

But then she was standing in the parking lot, fuming at me and demanding answers for things I didn't want to admit out loud. God, she looked so hot all riled up. I wanted to simultaneously shut her up with my hand over her mouth for the things she was voicing out loud and finally ravish her the way I'd been secretly wanting to do for years.

And then the kiss. Fuck, the kiss.

The way she felt pressed up against the building, her body molded to mine, her hands fisted in my hair, her chest heaving from her ragged breaths. The softness of her skin as I cupped her cheeks and lightly squeezed her neck. The taste of her tongue as it swiped against mine. The sounds of her moans as I rocked my erection into her.

It took all my strength to pull away, to stop the kiss before it escalated past the point of no return. The last time we got tangled up in each other like that, it hadn't ended well. I wanted to do things differently this time, do things right.

After pressing a few soft kisses to her lips, I traced her mouth with my thumb, trying to catch my breath. "Teddy," I whispered, a quiet warning, before planting another quick kiss on her swollen lips.

"Don't say it, J. Don't take it back. Not this time." She loosened her grip on my hair and softly massaged her fingers along my scalp, eliciting a groan from me.

"No, Teddy. I meant that kiss." To make my point, I sunk into her for another sensual kiss, before breaking away to trail my lips along her jawline to her ear, stopping along the way to narrate my point further. "And I meant that one." Kiss. "And that one." Kiss. "And I mean this, too." I sucked her earlobe into my mouth before nibbling my way back to her lips, where I kissed her one last time. "But we need to talk, and I don't want to do it in a dark parking lot when we've been drinking."

I walked her home, holding her hand in mine, our fingers intertwined. I lingered outside her apartment door, brushing my thumb over her chin before tipping her head up. "Can I stop by tomorrow?" I asked.

She nibbled her lip in the cute way she does when she's nervous. When she nodded her response, I kissed her again before wishing her a goodnight.

Abruptly, I'm torn away from my thoughts when Scout jumps onto the bed, covering my face in slobbery kisses. "Yeah, ok, dog. I get it. I'll get up."

He leaps down, trots to the door and waits for me, his tail wagging eagerly. It's a good thing I've never been one to sleep in late, because this damn dog is an early riser. After doing my business in the bathroom, I let Scout out to do his business. Then we retire to the kitchen for food and coffee. Scout crunches loudly on his kibble while I sip on my hot coffee, my thoughts meandering back to my best friend.

My head falls in my hands on the counter, and I groan. We need to talk, and it is twisting my stomach up. How do I broach the subject that I've basically been lusting after her for all these years? Getting a taste of her last night brings all the memories of our brief moments together right back to the forefront in my mind. Front and center are her tits.

Fuck, I've basically created a memoriam of her breasts in my mind, shamefully abusing the memory of them an embarrassing number of times to pleasure myself.

But it's more than that. It's more than being obsessively attracted to her. She's Teddy, my person. And I'm sick of holding her at arm's length, only allowing part of her into my life, when really what I want, always wanted, was all of her.

A quick glance at the clock tells me I have a while to wait before it's an appropriate time to show up at Teddy's doorstep, but I'm feeling far too antsy to wait. I decide to send her a text to see if she's up yet.

ME: You awake? I can stop by Cozy Corner for those muffins you like.

TEDDY: Been awake for hours. Muffins sound good.

ME: <picture of Scout> Our puppy misses his mommy.

TEDDY: You're cruel. Why would you send that?

ME: He told me to.

TEDDY: He talks to you now, does he?

ME: Won't shut up.

TEDDY: Poor you. Is that why you've been so grumpy?

ME: No. That's because I've been missing you.

TEDDY: Then come over already.

Twenty minutes later, I'm knocking on Teddy's door with a bag of warm muffins. She allows me in and gestures toward the couch. "Coffee?" She doesn't wait for a response before disappearing into the kitchen and then coming back with two steaming mugs. She places them on the coffee table and sinks down on the other side of the couch from me.

The way she plays with the cuffs of her hoodie tells me she's just as nervous as me. Her hair is pulled up in a high ponytail, the curls from last night cascading over one shoulder. Her face is scrubbed clean and shining in the morning light. She tucks her feet under her body and hugs a throw pillow to her chest.

She looks absolutely beautiful, and I'm tempted to tell her, to begin our conversation by letting her know exactly how beautiful I think she is.

Instead, I clear my throat, and watch her take a sip of coffee. "This is weird, right?" she finally breaks the silence with her question.

I slump back against the couch, roughly running a hand over my face. "Fuck, so weird."

She stops my movements and takes my hand into hers, replacing it in her lap where the pillow used to be. "Jensen," she begins, her eyes wide, pleading. "Please don't take it back. Last night happened and it was nice. Really nice. Please don't say it was a mistake."

I sit up, her words gutting me. "Teddy, no." I tug on our enclosed hands, silently asking her to scoot closer. Once she's sitting right next to me on the couch, our thighs touching, I tilt her head up so she's looking at me, at the serious expression on my face. "I'm not taking it back. It wasn't a mistake. And I agree, it was nice. Really fucking nice. I can't stop thinking about it, Teddy."

A slow smile creeps across her lips and I can't stop myself from tracing the upturned line of it with my thumb. "You're so beautiful, Teddy." It slips out before I have a chance to stop it, but the way it makes her blush fuels my confidence. "I've been wanting to tell you that for a while now."

She turns her face away, hiding from me. I allow it, not wanting to overwhelm her.

When the silence gets to be too much, I dig into the bag and offer her a cranberry chocolate chip muffin, her favorite. She accepts it with a quiet thank you and nibbles on a few small pieces before discarding it on the coffee table in front of us.

"Jensen," she finally says, turning back to me. "What is this? What are we doing? Why did you come back to Roxy's last night? Why didn't you go home with the blonde bimbo? She seemed more than willing." She slaps a hand to her mouth, shaking her head. "Nope, never mind, ignore that last part. That came out wrong. Well, not really. Because I kind of wanted to punch her. Or you. But that's beside the point. Ugh. Shut up, Teddy." She hides her face in her hands and groans.

Chuckling, I remove her hands from her face and force her to look at me. "I get it, Teddy. I can't stand you being with other guys either. Never could. I've been trying to ignore it, pretend the only thing I feel for you is friendship because of how things were after New Year's Eve. You're my person, you know? It nearly broke me when we were broken. I'm scared to fuck things up."

"What are you saying, J? Let's not tiptoe around shit. Let's be honest for once."

"I want to be with you, Teddy. Date you or whatever. Fuck, I want to kiss you and be able to look at you all I want because I don't know if you realize this, probably not since you seem to be pretty clueless in this regard, but you are fucking hot, Teddy. It drives me crazy how hot you are. You're beautiful. And I just want to be able to look at you and kiss you and take you out and let all the jackoffs know you're off limits."

"There we go. The real reason." She rolls her eyes, a look of annoyance settling on her face.

"No. Don't do that, Teddy. The only reason I get like this in the first place—the reason I can't stand the thought of someone else looking at you—is because you've always been mine." I grab one of her hands in both of mine and rub my thumb along her palm. "And I don't like sharing you."

"I've never been yours, J. That's the problem. You push me away until someone comes around. Then suddenly you're all possessive caveman scaring them away. You can't have it both ways. You can't push me away and still have a say in who I date."

She tries to yank her hand away, but I refuse to let go. Instead, I bring it up to my lips and press a soft kiss on her palm.

"Shit or get off the pot. That's what Kelly said."

She snorts a laugh. "Well, isn't he eloquent?"

"He's right, though. You're both right. Fuck, Teddy. I'm sorry." I settle her hand in my lap, gently massaging my fingers over her knuckles. "I wasn't trying to jerk you around. Make you feel any certain way. I was just scared. I'm still scared. If it were anyone else, this would be so much easier. But it's you. And that complicates the shit out of it. I don't want to hurt you. I'm so afraid I'll hurt you. And ruin our friendship. Lose you. I can't lose you, Teddy. But I also can't keep living like this. Pretending like you're not this beautiful girl that lights me up inside. I don't want to keep pretending you're just my friend because you've always been so much more, Teddy. I want you. I want to be with you."

"You do?" She bites her lip to hide the smile that threatens to light up her face. I tug her teeth away, setting the smile free.

"Yeah, Teddy. I do." I run my thumb along her bottom lip as I look into her eyes. "What do you say? Maybe start with a date? Like to the movies or some shit?"

She throws her head back and laughs. The sound does something to me, and I grin at her. "You laughing at me?"

"Yeah, Jensen. I am. What you going to do about it?"

I tackle her onto the couch, hovering above her, and she squirms beneath me as I tickle her relentlessly. "You're a little shit sometimes, you know this, right?"

"You love it," she pants between bursts of laughter.

I halt my assaulting fingers and stare down at her. "I just might."

The smile freezes on her face, her labored breaths stalling, before she reaches up and winds her hands around my neck. She licks her lips.

"Can I kiss you, Teddy? I really want to kiss you."

In response, she tugs my head down and meets me halfway. The kiss starts slow, gentle caresses of our lips, before we open and swipe our tongues together. Before long the kiss turns heated and she's moaning into my mouth, arching her body into me. My roaming hands find her breasts over her hoodie, squeezing gently, and I groan. Her hands run under my shirt, up my back, and back down, repeating the pattern up the front of my shirt before settling on my waist.

"Teddy," I breathe into her mouth, trying to slow things down. "We should stop."

"Or we could keep going." She pulls up on the hem of my shirt, nearly ripping it over my head, before I pull back, sitting on the couch between her legs.

Righting my shirt, I shake my head. "Not yet. Not like this, Teddy." I help her sit up and then brush the flyaway hairs off her face. "I want to do this right. Ok?" I place another soft kiss on her lips, unable to help myself.

"Fine," she groans, slapping me across the face with a throw pillow. "Be all annoying and gentlemanly."

"Woman!" I yell, ripping the pillow out of her hands. "Do you have a death wish?" I push her back against the couch again, pinning her hands above her head with one hand. With my other hand, I lightly smack her in the face with the pillow. "Stop being a brat." I smack her again. "And let me take you out." Smack. "On a real date." Smack. "Then we can make out like fucking teenagers." I smack her one last time before tossing the pillow aside. "Yeah?"

When she can't wiggle her hands free, she wraps her legs around my waist and hauls me into her. The movement takes me by surprise, and I lose my balance, landing on her with my full weight. She takes the opportunity to kiss along my jawline, nipping every few kisses, until she comes to my ear. "Fine. Have it your way," she whispers before sucking my earlobe into her mouth, making me shudder.

Before she can manage anymore of her witchy seduction, I scramble to my feet and back away. "How about tomorrow? That work for you?"

She rights herself on the couch, wearing a smug smirk. "Sure, Jensen. But bring my dog. I miss the little guy. Maybe more than I missed you."

"You're a cruel, cruel woman, Theodora Margaret Pierson." I duck when a pillow is launched at my head and bark out a laugh. Risking further assault, I stalk back to her, lean down, and steal a quick kiss. "See you tomorrow, Chipmunk."