The first few days were like walking on eggshells. Loki and Tony could hardly stand to be in the same room as each other, let alone talk to each other. After acknowledging each other's existence they had moved on, separately, with their own lives. Loki still did his part for the company, mainly postponing events for months to come and filling out copious amounts of paperwork, and Tony did what he always had done: inventing. But, even if Loki could hold a grudge for ever, especially given his quite considerable lifespan, Tony could not. Not when it was his best friend and business partner.

"Alden?"

"Hmm?"

"I made cookies."

A statement like that was enough to make anyone, especially Loki, look up. While Loki wasn't necessarily a fan of sweets, Tony baking signalled a mammoth effort to apologise. Although, of course, Loki was meant to be the one apologising.

"Please don't burn the house down with any crazy cooking ideas," Loki pleaded. "Inventing in the kitchen is a lot more dangerous than inventing in the workshop for all involved."

"I'll try not to," Tony replied with a weak smile.

There was a pause and then Loki stood.

"I've been a terrible friend," he muttered and then hugged Tony.

"The feeling is mutual," Tony laughed but it was a harsh, post-kidnapping laugh.

They broke apart. Loki tried, somehow, to channel his emotions through his words. Oh - how he regretted his actions!

"No, I've been the terrible friend. I was weak. I couldn't face it. I couldn't face you, even though you had done nothing wrong. I don't even understand why I did it."

Loki covered his face with his hands, breathing heavily, although he didn't cry. With surprising wisdom, Tony replied.

"You associated me with pain," Tony whispered.

Loki winced and tried to block out Tony's words but it was no use.

"Every time you wanted to forget, seeing me brought it all back."

"I could never forget," Loki murmured, screwing his eyes shut.

He breathed in and out more heavily, more frantically. How could someone forget how to breathe?

"Come on, Alden," he heard Tony say. "Come on, you've got this."

Eventually his hyperventilating subsided.

"I'm a mess," Loki confessed.

Tony smiled ruefully.

"And I'm part-machine. But what else is new?"

Loki laughed through tears, tears brought on by his failure to breathe.

"Come on, Alden, we've got this," Tony said, holding him by the arms. "Together, we've got this."

"I'm the one meant to be doing the reassuring, remember," Loki pointed out, hanging his head.

"That isn't working too well, is it?" Tony asked, and his tone conveyed warmth.

Warmth Loki had missed for far too long.

"I just_ I didn't know what to do," he confessed. "Having my best friend kidnapped_"

He paused as both he and Tony sucked in juddering breaths.

"I'm now this panicky, wretched mess. When you were gone, I couldn't breathe. And, now that you've returned, I still can't."

"It's okay, Alden, it really is," Tony said, holding him close again and rubbing his back gently as one would a frightened child.

"But I don't feel okay," Loki said, his voice cracking. 

Tony guided Loki's head up, to look at him.

"Then we'll make you feel okay. This isn't the end and I sure as hell aren't giving up on you."

"I don't deserve you," came Loki's defeated voice again.

"The feeling is mutual."

"It shouldn't be."

"But it is. Deal with it."

*

Once Loki had talked to Tony, it felt like a great weight had been lifted off his chest. The shakiness and difficulty breathing hadn't gone away completely, per se, but it felt like it had subsided. And, now that he and Tony were speaking again, Loki saw things he hadn't seen when he first came back. Before, they'd been hiding from each other but now... Loki saw the hesitance with which Tony walked around, his reluctance to receive things from him. Loki saw Tony's tears when he thought he was looking, the way his shoulders heaved as he gulped, tears flowing.

And, now that Loki had seen these things? He didn't leave him alone, even when Tony insisted he needed the time to himself. He made sure he was around Tony when the man cried so that Tony had somebody there, to burrow his head into Loki's chest and just weep. One day Tony admitted that he couldn't sleep and so Loki stayed in Tony's room from there on in. He sat beside the bed and he made sure that Tony was aware of his presence and calmed him down when he was plagued by night terrors. He even walked the branches of Yggdrasil into Tony's dreams and held them back. It took tenacity that Loki hadn't known he possessed and stripped him of strength that he no longer owned but it was the least he could do and he felt better as a friend for doing it.

*

One day Tony was brutally honest.

"You need to see a therapist," he said. "You are a walking, talking mess of anxiety right now, Alden, and as a walking, talking mess of post-traumatic stress, I can say that."

Despite the surge of panic Loki felt at those words, he also appreciated where they came from.

"I will if you will," he replied, sounding calmer than he felt.

"Agreed."

A few days later, Tony mentioned it again.

"I went," he admitted. "It was hard, it was bloody hard, but I still went."

"Will you go again?" Loki asked.

"As long as you go. Go at least once, Alden, just once. It works, I promise."

And so Loki went.

"Tell me about yourself," the therapist said.

No judgment, no mention of his shaking hands.

Loki fidgeted. But no good could come of fidgeting. He steeled himself.

"I, er, I suffer with anxiety," he stuttered. 

Then he thought - to hell with that.

"I'm plagued by anxiety. It grips me in my waking moments and I'm not safe from it at night."

"Do you sleep?" She asked.

"No," he answered honestly.

How could he when he needed to stay up and take care of Tony?

"My friend - he's also affected. I stay awake to help him sleep."

"That's very selfless of you."

"It's the least I can do."

She fixed him with an all-seeing stare.

"I feel responsible," he confessed. "It feels like everything's my fault even though I can attest, as a reasonable, logical person that everything, least of all that, is my fault. I'm a mess."

He took a deep breath and waited for her verdict.

"That's a start, Al."

He hadn't given her his full name although of course she might recognise him from the television or the papers.

"I can clean up messes," she told him. "I can't help a blank slate."

She gave him a kindly smile and then spoke again.

"Thank you for telling me this. We've made progress."

And, in some dark, twisted way, Loki felt like he had.

*****

A.N. Another dark chapter - I'm sorry but I am quite renowned for writing sad things oops... Despite that, I hope you enjoyed it!

Thank you for reading!