"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost

~*~

Blake got up next morning  and looked at the calendar. Sunday . He hated Sundays ever since Lucy had died. Sundays for him were now like gaping wounds issuing life blood to his ever fresh scars. He didn't have to go to the university on Sundays, there was nothing to keep him occupied, even if it was for a short while.

He would love Sundays when Lucy was living. He used to look forward to them, to spend quality time with her , to laugh with her, to get lost with her , to be in her arms, to see her. But now, it was like his life had lost it's meaning. He was like a hollow man, with a body  but no soul, an empty sky with no clouds or sun, just a shallow, breathing man who had forgotten the meaning of life. Thinking about all the Sundays where Lucy's presence had adorned his life, he proceeded to freshen up so that he could go to her grave and spend some time with her memories. The only thing that showered happiness in his otherwise sad life these days.

~*~

Blake did the same things everyday-

Get up in the morning, pull out the curtains, exhale deeply and look straight into her room, wishing to see her again. Then he would freshen up, pick up the flowers from the table, look at the mirror and remind himself;

It ls going to be okay.

In spite of all his efforts of coping up, Blake would fail miserably, every day, every minute , ever second of his life. His blue eyes screamed from within to see Lucy, his arms craved to have her in them, his ears waited to hear her voice. But his mind kept reminding him, like an alarm clock from time to time that  she wasn't here  and that he had to go on. These days would too pass like the others did. Slowly, painfully, gradually.

Then he would visit her grave, and spend half an hour everyday, looking up in the blue sky and remembering her, talking to her in his head saying that he loved her and always would. And after a long, happy flashback of Lucy, he would be ready to continue his education in his university. The same one where Lucy once went, where Lucy once smiled and where Lucy once said that she would love him no matter where she was.

There he would look at his classmates which reminded him of the unsavoury words of sympathy that formulated in their mouths, the look on their faces which he hated and patiently wait for the lecturer to arrive, in the silent but  rather comforting presence of Chlara.

During lunch, he would exchange a few formal words with Eros and Kristine, otherwise keeping quiet , lost in his thoughts. Sometimes, during free periods, he would be engrossed in his medical books or perhaps looking up at the sky, probably remembering Lucy because his ocean blue eyes would be seen filled with tears, glittering, screaming from within.

In the evening, he would only study his medicals, and for some time succeed to eliminate Lucy from his head. And  at night, he would happily sleep, wishing to see her in his dreams which he invariably did. His mind played games with him. He would hallucinate about Lucy ever now and then, as if she was somewhere here, but he did not know where. But the night was the only time when one could see a calm, content, composed Blake sleeping.

And that was all he did. Even after Lucy's death his life revolved around her, in her memories, always thinking about her. He was now like a bird, who, even after learning to fly decided to stay in it's nest for flying into the world was way too dangerous, way too painful, way too hurting.

~*~

That Sunday Blake parked his car in the garage after visiting Lucy's grave. As he was returning back home, he looked up at her window and something caught his eye. His eyes widened and he clenched his fist. He banged the door open and stormed upstairs to her bedroom.

Heather, Lucy's elder sister was in the room with Mrs. Goodwin accompanying her. They were emptying Lucy's wardrobe  and manoeuvring the clothes in brown cardboard boxes.

"What are you doing?," Blake nearly screamed, furious.

"Oh, Blake," Heather said, looking at him, surprised.

"What are you doing?," he repeated, his voice increasing it's volume. Heather looked at him, tears in her eyes.

"We're clearing her room, Blake. There's no point in -"

"No ! You aren't doing anything like that," Blake now screamed, snatching the dress from Heather's hand. They were shocked. Blake's behaviour was totally contradictory to what it had been. He sat down on the bed. Life changes everyone. It is devastating.

"Blake...," Heather began.

"Why is this happening? why did she have to leave?", Blake said, his voice hardly coming out of his throat as if his voice box had refused to vibrate after that sudden outburst. Heather sat down beside him.

"Now, listen here , Blake," she said softly. " It's been difficult for all of us . For me, specially. I've been blaming myself for her death every single day, asking for forgiveness I can never receive. I love her too, Blake. She was my sister. I miss her too. But these are the ruthless truths of life. You never get what you want.. People just leave you. Some voluntarily , some involuntarily. We need to cope up, Blake. Go on, live life. Lucy wouldn't be wanting us to cry over her all the time, to think about her and do nothing else. She loves us, Blake," Heather said, tears in her eyes.

"She doesn't understand. She doesn't know anything. I can't live without her, I just can't" he said, shaking his head. "I just want death to come to me, embrace me, take me to the place she resides in now."

 Heather  shook her head, "Stop it, Blake. Stop saying such words". She patted his head lightly. Blake liked Heather's presence. She was so soothing, so understanding and she resembled Lucy so much.

"Love is how you're alive even when you're gone, Blake. You're alive in the hearts of the people who you loved and who loved you. It's funny how we crave for that one piece of materialistic thing to remember the person, isn't it? You can't keep Lucy by keeping her things, Blake. Her soul isn't in her things, her soul resides in you. Because you were the one she loved.She wouldn't want you to be collecting her things and thinking she resides in them, would she?

'She really loved you, you know? I know she did. I've known her for a long time, Blake, and she loved you more than she loved anyone else. That happiness that twinkled in her eyes when she was with you, that excessive amount of mirth and joy she felt, all of it made me sure that she loved you. I knew you were the one for her and I'm glad she found you. And now, Blake, I know she wants you to move on. You have your whole life left,  don't spend it on collecting her things and thinking about her all the time, okay? She wouldn't want that, she would hate it"

" What else do I do, Heather? I lived in her more than I have lived my life. I can't . I can't live without her," he said, sadly.

"I know, Blake. It's difficult for all of us".

And that day on, Blake knew, he had a mentor. A person who would guide him all day long.

~*~

That evening  Blake decided to meet Eros and Kristine. They sat down in a café , thinking.

"How long are we going to live in her memories?," Kristine suddenly said. Both the boys looked up at her in surprise. "How long are we going to disrupt our lives just thinking and crying for her?"

"How can you even say that, Kristine? She was just 19, she wasn't meant to-"

"I know, Blake. I know. It's just that, I don't understand. I don't know what to do. It's being so difficult for me..," she said, tears dropping from her eyes.

Blake sighed. " You think it's easy for me?  I've been dreaming about her every single day. My mind has been hallucinating things," Blake said, in a disturbed tone.

"What do you see Blake?," Eros interrogated.

"She keeps telling me to move on, but there is this uncertainty in her voice. It's just as if she's around.. somewhere..," he said .

"To move on?," Krisitine said. "Tell her she's failing miserably. We just can't move on"

"I guess we need to learn it now. Learn to re live and think about.."

"Think about what, Eros?"

"Think about starting over"

~*~ ~*~

Upcoming chapter: Finding happiness.