It wasn’t hard to feel the connection to Roger. Everything Casey showed me made this a whole lot easier. It felt like I had done it a million times before. At a distance it was easier to rebel against what he wanted me to do, but it was painful.

This bond was different than the one between Grayson and Casey. Her memories made the bond feel clean, healthy, and most of all complete. When I reached through the bond I was connected to, it felt dirty, possessive, painful and one sided.

 I didn’t have any control over this bond. It made me subjected to anything that Roger wanted from me. Worst of all, the feelings that he fed through this bond, made me feel so great that I never wanted it to end. I felt like an addict. I knew it was wrong and I wanted to stop, I wanted to be free of any compulsion, but I couldn’t. I needed this. It felt like I would die if I didn’t have this connection, this bond, and I would do anything to keep it.

I told them all that happened while I was with Roger. Casey did her best to try to make me believe that what Roger had done to me is rare. She said he manipulated the mating bond in a way it was never meant to be used.

It was supposed to bring people together, make them closer…and to satisfy the male need to stake his claim on what he believed was his.

But Roger had forced the bond on me and made me his slave. He wanted me to feel like this was a real bond, and as a result it was more real than anything else. He wanted me to kidnap Willow and bring her back to him. A part of me wanted to do exactly what he told me to. The consequences of kidnapping Willow seemed to pale in comparison to disappointing him. Mostly the werewolf side of me, but the human side knew the whole plan. He’d kill me once he got a hold of Willow.

I couldn’t do that. She’s just a child. Being so far away from him made it easier to believe. I knew I was doing the right thing, even if my wolf didn’t believe it. I was mostly afraid that if he found out what I was doing, he’d punish me by making me feel horrible, that he’d stop sending me whatever it was that had made me feel so great.

The car was absolutely quiet as Grayson drove. I sat in the front seat so I wouldn’t be distracted by Mikko or Mason while Grayson drove. I focused on feeling for Roger. I told him when to turn as the bond started to feel stronger and stronger. The closer we got, the stronger the feeling got and the better I felt. I didn’t feel anxious anymore. I didn’t feel much of anything besides excitement that I was getting closer to Roger, closer to the one who was feeding my high.

“We’re close enough now. There’s only one cabin around here.” Grayson grumbled unhappily.

He pulled off the road and went a bit into the trees to hide the car. When we all got out, they did something to conceal the car a little, before they were content that it wouldn’t be spotted. The last thing they would need is anything leading back to the pack. A dead body with an abandoned car nearby would lead directly to us. An abandoned car nearby would lead some nosey cops directly to us, which would put them in danger. If they were caught witnessing werewolf business, they probably wouldn’t live long enough to share what they’ve heard.

“We’re going to have to fall back a bit. We don’t want Roger to know that we’re here with you.” Mikko kept his attention on Grayson as he spoke to me. I glanced over to see Grayson walking into the trees stripping off his shirt. “Grayson is going to change in case he tries to run. Roger Millender’s very fast.”

“Just keep following the bond.” Mason muttered. “We won’t be very far behind. We just need to stay downwind so Millender doesn’t get suspicious.”

I nodded and looked down at the ground for a moment. I wasn’t comfortable with this. “Won’t he smell you all on me?”

Mason shrugged; maybe he didn’t think that this was a big deal “Yes, but you did come from our house, so it’ll be okay that you smell like us.”

“Won’t it be too strong?”

Mikko shook his head, “You sat in the front seat with the window down. The scent will be faint enough to pass off as a long walk to get back.”

My wolf was now on edge. I was scared of being caught in the middle of all of this. I started walking towards Roger alone. Mikko and Mason disappeared and I never say Grayson come back from his change. Wherever they were, they were good at being silent stalkers. It made me wonder how long it took to become so good at this. It would take years of stalking to become nearly silent.

I knew the plan. I had thought about it the whole way here. I was going to confront Millender alone. When he sees I didn’t bring Willow, he’d most likely attack me. As much as I wanted to say I could protect myself, I knew I was only kidding myself. Millender was strong. Not stronger than the men following me, but definitely strong enough to kill me without much effort. Not to mention that if he wanted me to not fight him, I wouldn’t. He could get me to do anything because he was in complete control of me.

If he smelled the gunpowder from the bullets in my .38 revolver that I had packed away in the back of my pants, he’d kill me. None of the three men wanted me to bring the gun. Apparently you don’t bring guns to werewolf fights. But I felt safer with it. If something went wrong, if I was on the wrong side of all this, I had protection. I'd had this gun since the police academy, it was special to me. I could get away and never see any of these guys again.

Mikko convinced the brothers to let me have the gun. He said that the scent of my nervousness would overpower the smell from the gun. They weren’t silver bullets, so the smell wouldn’t have been as potent to Millender. Hopefully all he’d smell were my nerves.

I was nervous. I heard the three men behind me back off as we got closer. Soon I didn’t hear them at all. The only comfort I had was the promise that I always had eyes on me.

Nearly 20 minutes later, and too many wrong turns, I saw the familiar cabin.

I swallowed nervously and wrung my hands. I knocked on the door and looked around while I waited.

He’s going to be so mad. My wolf fretted in my mind. She wasn’t making this any easier on me.

We shouldn’t be betraying him. He’s the one who’s bonded to us.

I would’ve told her where to shove it, but I knew that’s exactly what I was doing. I was betraying the only person I had this bond to. I didn’t want to make him unhappy. I wanted to please him so that he’d keep the bond open and flowing. The only way that would happen is if I had brought Willow.

The door whipped open. He had been smiling, but as soon as he noticed that I didn’t have Willow, that smile vanished. “Where is she?”

I breathed in uneasily. I felt him squeeze the bond closed and it physically hurt. “I couldn’t get her. They’re guarding her from outsiders.”

He sneered then tugged me into the small home. I felt the bruises forming on my arm already. He slapped me hard, making me stumble sideways and land on my ass.

“They won’t let you back in now.” He growled. “You were only supposed to come back once you had the girl. If I knew you’d be as much of a disappointment as the rest of those men I would’ve killed you when I found you.” He huffed. “You’ve failed your mate.” I felt my wolf recede like she was the one who had been hit.

He grabbed a handful of hair and lifted me up only to throw me at the wall. The wood depressed behind me, splitting and creating a hole in the wall.  I rolled out of the depression and landed on the hard wood with a solid thud.

Then I heard a roar. Had I not been looking at Roger’s face I would’ve missed the blood draining all color from it. Whatever had made that noise had scared him.

“What was that?” I asked breathlessly. The sharp pain accompanying breathing meant that I probably had broken ribs.

His eyes narrowed on me. “You led them here didn’t you?” He stomped his way towards me. “You wouldn’t have found me so quickly without some help from the pack.” He wrapped his big hand around my throat and lifted me up. “You’ve betrayed me, haven’t you?”

It felt like he had stabbed my wolf and was now twisting the dagger. Betraying him was the worst thing ever to my wolf. It killed her to know that’s just what we had done.

“Let the girl go.” A deep voice muttered. The grip around my neck tightened but I couldn’t bring myself to look away from Roger. I was so focused on him that I couldn’t recognize the voice who was trying to save me. My wolf compelled me to keep my eyes on Roger. She wouldn’t betray him again by looking at another.

Roger’s eyes held panic. “You’re going to let me leave here, or I’ll kill the girl.” His voice didn’t hold any of the panic I felt through our bond, which was suddenly wide open again. I was relieved when I felt the flow between us again. Roger wouldn’t have opened the bond again because I had failed him. He had to have been too worried about the men that came here to kill him to worry about keeping the bond closed. The downfall was I felt every emotion from him.

“If your fingers so much as twitch on her little neck, there’ll be no stopping Mason.” It was Mikko’s voice I recognized now. “Slowly let her go and step away.” Mikko’s voice was calm.

Roger slowly released my neck. It felt like the bond was tied tighter around my wolf than it was around me.  I didn’t realize just how tight he had been holding my neck. I had been suffocating and I hadn’t even realized it. My knees couldn’t support my weight, so I fell onto them instead. I would’ve fallen back, but the wall caught my weight. My head pounded with every beat of my heart. The realization that the one we were bonded to had been slowly killing us was enough to depress my wolf to the point where she pulled away from me completely.

As my wolf retreated back, my mind felt clear. I didn’t have the massive guilt I had before from betraying Roger He was a sick SOB who wanted me to kidnap a child away from her family. He’d wanted her. In his sick mind he probably loved little Willow. Why else would he have gone through so much to get her? He’d used the mating bond to his advantage. I was nothing more than a pawn in his plan… and deep down, that hurt. How could someone use another person like this? Make me believe that I wanted to do as he said.

Millender was now at least 3 yards from me, which meant that he was in the middle of this small room.

“I just wanted to see her!” Millender cried. He knew he was caught. At that range, none of those men were going to let him escape.

“She’s a child!” Mikko roared with his fury obvious in his voice. “Children need protection from men like you. You don’t deserve to live.” I looked over at Mikko. He was the embodiment of calm. His tone of voice didn’t reflect what his body portrayed.

Mason, however, was the embodiment of rage. His hands were fisted at his sides. The veins in his neck bulged. His face showed the strain it was taking to hold him back from attacking Millender. What stunned me were his eyes, they were golden and glowing. It could’ve been my lack of oxygen for all I knew, but I was afraid. Roger's fear trickled into me. It was enough to make me feel insecure. It made me feel like I was next on their hit list.

I leaned forward and grabbed for the gun that was shoved in my pants. I winced as I pulled it out of my pants. Everything hurt. I knew I’d be in bed all day tomorrow, maybe even a day after that.

I kept my eyes on Roger. I knew it was only seconds before I was a witness to a murder. But I knew he deserved it. He had killed werewolves because they wouldn’t steal a child from her family. They had done the right thing; they just couldn’t defend themselves against Millender.

“Give me a head start!” Millender pleaded. “You won’t see me ever again.”

Mason let out a dark chuckle, “That’s not going to happen.” I almost didn’t recognize his voice. It was much deeper and gravelly than I remembered.

That was when I heard the first real wolf growl of the night. I looked over at the intruders to see Grayson’s wolf growling at Roger. When I looked back at Roger, his eyes were glued on my gun. His eyes told me he thought it was loaded with silver bullets, which made sense since I was a werewolf now, but that wasn’t the case. The lead bullets would slow a wolf down, but the bullets wouldn’t kill the wolf.

In desperation, Millender charged me. Everything happened too quickly. I tried to aim the gun at him quickly enough, but he was so fast. I got one round off in his direction before my hand snapped when Millender took the gun from me. Grayson’s wolf made it to me almost as quickly as Millender had. All I could do was cringe and hope Millender didn’t shoot me in the head. From this range, it’d burst like a melon and I doubt even werewolf healing could fix that.

Two more shots rang out before a neck snapped and everything became quiet. My wolf jerked back to the surface. The bond had ripped away so suddenly that she was panicking to figure out what had happened.

It was over…for them.

I watched the three men as they looked over Millender for a few moments, making sure that he was really dead before they congratulated each other. Their killer was dead. They could go home tonight and sleep knowing their troubles were over. The recruits were safe, but most of all Willow was safe.

All I could do was sit there in shock. The pain started out in my chest and barely recognizable, but the more I stared at the body of Millender, the more intense the pain grew. I didn’t realize the repercussions of a bond like this being suddenly snapped like a twig.

He’s dead. My wolf whimpered as she broke. She was bound to him deeper than I had realized. I felt the pain she felt. The one she had been tied to, that we had been tied to, was staring out with vacant, terrified eyes.

I ignored the congratulations and the men checking each other for wounds. I crawled over to the man who had been alive just seconds ago. In that moment, it didn’t matter that he had tried to steal Willow away. I didn’t matter that he had murdered all those men. All I could feel was the pain of the bond being forcibly ripped away from me.

I laid down in front of him on the ground, resting my head on my arm as I stared into his eyes. I put my hand on his cheek, gently rubbing my thumb over his cheek, trying to make some of this pain go away. He didn't feel cold…at least not yet.

There was no doubt that he was dead. There was no life in his eyes. All that fury from my betrayal was gone.  I felt my wolf surface as I stared at Roger's dead body. I didn't want to feel this pain. It shouldn't hurt me that this murderer and child abductor was killed. I should be congratulating those guys. But all I could feel was this pain in my chest.

I heard the celebration behind me cease as their eyes rested on me. Their boots clomped so loud in the new silence as they came closer to me. My wolf was instantly on alert, ready to beat back anyone who got too close to Roger, she wanted there to be some way to reconnect that bond. If the broken bond had affected me like this, I could only imagine what it was doing to my wolf, but I kept her in check. I'm the one who's supposed to be in control.

That didn't stop her from peering out of my eyes and watching every move Finn's son made as he crouched down on the far side of Roger. His eyes met mine. It wasn't immediate, but my wolf backed down a bit. Mikko reached over the body and closed Roger's eyes.

"We should get you back home." He said gently. He probably knew that my wolf was ready to jump out and snap at him. Mikko was Roger's enemy, which made him feel like my enemy.

I growled when Mikko tried to move Roger's body. He took his hands off the body. I wasn't ready yet. He'd just have to wait. He stayed beside the body, he could take away the corpse whenever he pleased, there would be little I could do to stop it, but he showed courtesy by waiting for the shock to pass.

Mikko looked up and shook his head at someone behind me. I knew who it was. I would've heard Grayson's claw scratching the floor if he made his way towards me. The nearly silent one was Mason.

I heard Mason's pants rub on his skin as he laid down next to me. When he tried to spoon in behind me I growled at him. All I was comfortable with, was him holding my hand. Mason didn't move very far away, I could still feel the heat of his body. I felt Mikko watchng me closely as I watched over Roger's body.

I kept feeling my wolf trying to connect, trying to find something to latch onto. She was alone. She was in pain. She needed someone to curl up in a ball with.

After a while, Mason's patience wore out. He reached over and put his hand over the one that I still had on Roger's face.

"We should go home." He whispered gently in my ear.

"What home?" My voice cracked.

He took my hand off of Roger's face gently and brought it back to my stomach, pulling me closer to him. I felt overwhelming anger.

This is the one who killed him! My wolf roared.

"Mason…" Mikko warned. He was seeing it.

Before I could defend against the hostile takeover of my wolf, she was in control.

She grabbed the gun, which was still in Roger’s hand and flipped over on Mason, straddling him.

Shock covered his features while Mikko and Grayson stilled. Mason had snapped Roger’s neck and then tried to comfort me. He was the one who started all this pain that I was feeling. The barrel of the pistol was under his jaw, in the soft spot, ready to splatter his brains all over the floor.

“You killed him.” She growled.

Mason’s gaze hardened. “Millender deserved to die.”

When I pressed the gun further into his jaw, Grayson growled at me.

I ignored him. I didn’t care about Grayson. All that mattered was that I got revenge. “He was mine.”

Mason shook his head, “He wasn’t yours. You were his little slave. You’re just feeling the lingering effects. You’re not acting like yourself.”

“You don’t know me!” I shouted. “You don’t care! You didn’t even come looking for me!”

Mason slowly put his hand over the one holding the gun. “I know you enough.” He slowly took the gun out of my hand, not wanting to make too sudden of a movement and end up shooting himself in the face. "You're just confused." He tossed the gun at Mikko and winced. “Let’s get you home and we can talk about this.”

Mason's shirt had a growing void on his shoulder that was shiny and dark red. He'd been shot. Millender had shot him with my gun and I felt guilt wash over me completely. Mikko’s heavy boots and Grayson’s claw tapped the floor as they made their way out of the cabin. I didn’t have a gun so Mason had the situation under control now.

My wolf relinquished control completely. She didn’t feel the danger once the two were out of sight. We knew this was over. As soon as she did, I slumped over and rested my head on his clean shoulder.

I felt the tears collecting in my eyes. “I am so confused.”

Mason wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. The comfort was what I needed. My wolf didn’t want it…not from him.

He was the one who killed him. He brought this pain on us. No one will be able to take it away!

“Let me take you home. We’ll work all of this out there.”

I nodded, “Give me a minute.”

He put his head down on the ground but continued to hold me. “Take all the time you need.”

Every minute I felt the pain lessen, but it never quite went away. The pain just lessened enough to take the edge off.

“Is it normal that I want to kill you, but I don’t?”

He shrugged, “Probably. Before this all happened we had a pretty good relationship. Now, after he took control of your emotions, and I’m the one who snapped his neck--” I winced at that memory. Mason shut up. “I’m sorry that his death hurt you and I wish it didn’t.” He brought his hands up to my face and cupped it, making me look at him. “I wish I could’ve been there to save you from him. I should have been.”

I sighed, “Will this all go away? I don’t want to be confused like this forever.”

He shrugged, “I don’t know.” Well, at least he’s honest. “Casey can block out all of what he did to you.”

“But that’s not dealing with what happened.”

He nodded, “We’ll figure this out.”

“Alright, let’s go home then.” I got off of him and waited for him to get up. When we got to the door and I laid eyes on Mikko and Grayson, I reached for Mason’s hand. I needed reassurance. Mason was usually a dick, but I knew he wouldn’t be one right now. Not when I needed him.

---

Days later, all I could do was lay in bed, alone, and feel the pain of the separation. Maybe if I knew ahead of time I could have prepared for it. But I was totally unprepared for this.

Every day, sometimes three or four times a day, Casey would offer to block out everything. She said it would help me think clearly, but I couldn’t bring myself to allow it. I wanted to fix myself. I didn’t want to be so weak that I needed the help of mental blocks to cope with what happened.

I hadn’t been bonded to Roger for very long, but when he died, it left a huge hole like we had been bonded for 50 years. I just didn’t know how to cope. Was I supposed to cope? Was I supposed to live through the death of the person I had that kind of bond with?

There was a light knock on the door, but I didn’t bother acknowledging it. I wanted whoever it was to just go away. I didn’t want visitors. I wanted to wallow in my sadness. I was allowed to do that…right?

The door was gently opened and closed. I didn’t care who it was. I didn’t bother looking over.

The bed gave in a bit as someone sat down on it, but still, I didn’t look over. I didn’t care who it was. Why would I? When all I could feel was the progressive pain, I knew it didn’t matter. No one cared.

“Lexi?” I recognized Casey’s voice immediately. “I know this is very hard. The mate bond isn’t meant to be broken as suddenly as it had.” She sounded sorry for me. I didn’t need her pity. She was the one who encouraged me to go on that date, all alone and unprotected. “I want to block all the pain and emotion you’re feeling so that you can think about what happened with a clear head.”

A clear head, my wolf growled, we should knock her head off her shoulders.

I couldn’t help but agree. I was angry and felt like lashing out at someone, anyone. I took a deep breath before looking at her.

“I don’t really want to follow your advice anymore. Last time, it got me in a little trouble.” I snapped a bit too rough, but it was better than what I had been thinking about doing to her.

She nodded and looked down at the ground. “I didn’t want any of this to happen.” She pressed her fingers against her tear ducts, probably trying to stop the tears before they began.

What right did she have to cry?

“Everything was supposed to be so different.” She sucked in a huge breath. “No one expected that he’d—“

“Shut up.” I barked out. “I don’t want to hear how nothing went the way you planned.” I stood up and took a few steps away from her. “I don’t care for your pity or your excuses. Nothing happened to you.”

She nodded, “I know. I’m just so sorry that this happened to you.” She stood from the bed. “You know you didn’t even like him. He manipulated the bond so he could control you. He made you feel things so that you wouldn’t disobey him. He was trying to kidnap Willow so he could take her away from her family. After he got her, he would have killed you.”

I could hear the truth in it and I deep down I knew it was true. “If you let me block the bond out, it won’t hurt. You can cope easier with everything.”

I nodded once, still very unhappy and angry. “Fine.”

A few minutes later, I didn’t feel as angry anymore. I felt sad more than anything else. I had never been manipulated beyond compare and it made me sad to know that there was nothing I could have done about it. Maybe this could happen all over again, but the pack wouldn’t be around to stop it.