Reviewer- unwritten2244

PROS

-Extremely extremely good opening, caught my attention and made me excited to read!

-You did well with your tenses, often people struggle with that in third and first person. But your third person tenses were done extremely well which I'm always always always happy to see!

-You have amazing characters built, I'm not confused on who's playing which role. Who's playing the one with a piece of mind, or the moody one or the angry one. Well done.

-Relationships, they're just wonderful! Amelia and Harry's relationship is clear, so is his with the boys and his with the manager. It takes a lot to build clear and established relationships and you understand that quite well!

CONS

-Some of your sentences are a bit blocky and choppy, I suggest using more grammar tools to make it flow better. This use of things like the semi-colon and while you're writing third person- brackets can be an amazing way to show more of the characters thoughts. Do message me if you need more clarification on this!

- You have a few noticeable problems with grammar, just proper English. It's not necessarily improper per se, it's just that in some spots it was off and needed a bit of extra reviewing and/or checking over. I suggest reading it out loud and having someone else read it out loud as well, to make sure it sounds good on-tongue!

- Underwhelming use of descriptors. You need to use descriptors, adjectives, to make the reader understand more. Let's take this line for example.. "He pressed a hand to her wrist, and felt his heart almost stop." I understand what's happening in this, I do. But you need descriptions. Try, "He pressed a shaking hand to her cold, limp wrist; he felt as if his heart could almost stop."

- Your cover is not great. I can suggest some cover shops to you if you'd like, just message me. It's blurry and it's not appealing.

-As well as your blurb- there is no blurb. You need to tell the audience what the story is about but briefly without giving it away.

OVERALL

- While I know the cons look bigger than the pros, they're not and you should be happy with what you are writing. I enjoyed the book, it was one of the better ones I've read in this review shop which I'm glad. You need to clean up your grammar and add descriptors though, it makes the read more enjoyable. And last but not least you MUST put a trigger warning if you are going to mention any potentially harmful topics in the chapter, this is not optional. I tell this to everyone (even my friends on Wattpad so I'm not just calling you out) but it's out of respect for people.