Chapter 6

"So you're-"

"Just friends."

"But you kissed!" Connie exclaimed, her arms flailing around her, "and that was one hell of a kiss, Ryan! You can't tell me that you didn't feel anything because I saw it. I was in that circle too and I know damn well that you don't just kiss people like that!"

"You're very observant," Ryan commented as she walked down the hall. She rolled her eyes at Connie's loud groan behind her. The girl was trying to keep up with her, and the Hufflepuff wasn't having it, she was on her way to class and Remus Lupin was the last thing she needed to think about.

She couldn't risk having her thoughts muddled and running away from her to think about that kiss, and the other kiss shared with the boy - it was too much for her heart and her mind to handle, and she needed to focus in order to keep up with her intense study schedule.

But behind her, the Gryffindor was very persistent to keep the conversation going.

"Ryan you have liked this boy for fucking months! You can't just throw away that!" Connie squeaked out, panting ever so slightly. She didn't know how it was possible for Ryan to walk so fast especially when the girl wasn't that much taller than she was, so she couldn't quite blame it on long legs, the girl was just an unnaturally fast walker.

"I'm not throwing anything away!" Ryan sang, holding her books tight to her chest and trying to ignore the tugging of her lips. Thinking about anything other than Remus wasn't working, and as much as it was frustrating to her - it wasn't a bad thought to have in her mind.

The way his sandy brown hair swept messily to one side, unkempt and soft as ever and he tried so hard to style it, but it never quite worked out in his favour. It wasn't as messy as James Potters, of course, but Ryan couldn't say that much when the wind caught it.

Or that smile he had, and those very small dimples that she only clocked when she was close enough to kiss him...and kissing him - no, no! stop it, Ryan! She thought to herself, a harsh voice sent through her mind to calm her racing thoughts because Remus was on her mind far too much.

And Remus couldn't quite deny that Ryan was on his mind too much.

"So, you're still pining after him?!" Connie exclaimed, "does he even know that you like him?!"

"Yes, he knows very well, actually." Ryan laughed, turning down a corner on the second floor of the castle whilst students passed the two. Connie was making quite a scene as she walked almost a meter behind the girl, and Ryan couldn't stop her amusement for the girl's loud voice.

"He does?!" her best friend shrieked, "so why aren't you to fucking in some closet somewhere!"

Ryan's cheeks tinged a bright red, and she quickly halted in her steps. Her eyes focused on Connie so that she couldn't see the laughter from students around them and very quickly did she hurry towards the girl, and whisper, "one, I don't think that's on my agenda anytime soon, Connie. Two, it's complicated, but it's also not complicated.

I like Remus very much. I found out that he likes me too and I'm ecstatic. But I have too many things going on...too many secrets I can't share with him. I have too much baggage to put it lightly, and I don't know why but he said the same about himself.

So, until we can sort out our own shit - we agreed to be just friends." She took a deep breath when she finished, "course I don't want to just be his friend, I want him. But If I can't be completely honest with him, why should I expect him to be honest with me?

Me fancying Remus hasn't gone away, I don't know if it ever will - but right now I'd like to think of something else other than him because he occupies my thoughts most days and I need a clear head to get through charms!"

"Alright...geez grumpy," Connie trailed off, earning a small smile and slumped shoulders from Ryan who linked her arms with the girl, "can I just ask...one more thing?"

Ryan groaned as they walked, and finally did she ask, "what?!"

"Did you kiss him more than once...or?"

"We've kissed twice, Con, and that's it!" Ryan mumbled, "why don't we talk about you not doing your Charms homework?"

"There...there was charms homework?!" Connie shrieked, halting suddenly and pulling Ryan to a stop with her, "are you serious?!"

"Yes, I am serious," Ryan nodded, pulling her arm from Connie's, "but as I'm such a good friend and I could use you being in debt to me, I did it for you. You can thank me later."

"I owe you my life, Ryan Tobias!" Connie gasped as Ryan walked in front of her, "you are my queen!"

"Oh, I know!" Ryan nodded, giggling and turning to stare at the girl as she walked, "and this has put you into debt. You owe me at least five favour-"

She cut herself off as she bumped right into someone, and before she could even turn around she just knew who that someone was. The smell of them, their cologne and the softness of the cardigan they wore had her mind racing with thoughts about none other than...Remus Lupin.

"So, so clumsy," he tutted in her ear, and she spun around in her place to catch sight of his grin, "I forgot we had Charms together."

"Oh...oh yes, me too!" she nodded, cringing internally at the pitch of her voice, "hi, Remus."

"Morning, Ryan," the boy said, "how are you?"

"I'm great - perfect, actually!" she nodded enthusiastically, "I was uh..."

"She was telling me about the oh so magical kiss you two shared!" Connie sang as she passed, "morning Remus!"

Remus laughed, "good morning, Connie. If my memory serves me right, I've already greeted you today."

"I recall!" Connie nodded, "but that may have been the last morning I ever got because Miss Tobias looks like she's going to kill me!"

"My look matches my thoughts, it seems!" Ryan smiled sweetly at Connie, though her narrowed eyes told Connie to hurry into the classroom, and that - she did.

"Don't worry," Remus trailed off, stuffing his hands into his pockets and slightly swaying on the balls of his feet, "I kind off...told the boys about the kiss too."

"You did?" Ryan didn't seem so embarrassed to have told Connie at Remus' words. It wasn't that she was scared in case he pegged her as a gossip, or an excited teenage girl who finally got with her crush - because those things never seemed bad to her, she was just worried in case he didn't want anyone to know about it and Connie didn't exactly keep her voice down when she announced it just outside their class.

He chuckled, nodding, "I did, yes. I don't think I could've stopped myself if I tried," he murmured, "I know we're...just friends, but that doesn't stop the fact that I like you. I hope that doesn't stop you from liking me."

"It doesn't!" she blurted out, visibly cringing this time but Remus only laughed, "I don't think I could just get over you so quickly Remus...and I don't think I want to get over you anyway."

"You don't?"

"Of course not," she whispered, "we can do the friend thing, though. Who's to say we can't? just because we...have feelings for each other doesn't mean that it will get in the way of anything, right?"

"Right!" Remus nodded furiously. He gestured to the class quickly after, soon asking, "do you...want to go in now?"

"Sounds good," Ryan laughed, "or we'd be late."

She hurried inside, shaking her head at how awkward she was. It was Remus! She was friends with him, and they had known each other for years, it wasn't like they were strangers and yet the way they were talking to each other was so odd.

She hurried to her seat beside Connie that the girl had saved for her and her eyes clocked Remus sitting beside Peter Pettigrew just two tables in front of her, and when there was no possible way he could see her - her head fell onto the desk.

"Something wrong?" Connie asked, trying to keep her voice down with Flitwick starting the lesson for their class.

"I'm just...so awkward," Ryan groaned, turning her head to see a sympathetic looking Connie who stroked her hair for her, "why can't I talk to people, Con?!"

"You're a teenage girl, Ryan," Connie laughed quietly, "you can talk to people, but when you combine you and Remus - two awkward people and add feelings into the mix, it's bound to be a little awkward.

Things will pass, and it'll be normal. Who knows, maybe you two growing a friendship before anything else Is a better idea than diving into something without knowing a lot about each other!"

"I was fine with pining after him," Ryan grumbled, "now I know how it feels to kiss him and have him close to me...I just-"

"Want him?" Connie asked, squeezing her hand with a quiet laugh.

"Exactly."

"Miss Tobias!" her face scrunched when Flitwick's voice rang through the classroom, "is there something you wish to share with the class?"

"Uh- no...no Professor. I'm sorry!" she squeaked, lifting her head and hiding her red cheeks. She didn't realise she was loud enough for him to hear, she could only hope that she wasn't loud enough for Remus to hear considering he was much closer than Flitwick was.

"Now!" Flitwick's voice boomed around the class with the help of his wand, a cheery smile on the man's face, "who can tell me what the stunning spell is."

Ryan's hand lifted into the air. She didn't know much about charms but she and Connie thought it wise to revise a bit before class just the day previous in order to keep up with the fifth-year curriculum, and in order to get out of Flitwick's bad books, she wanted to redeem herself for her previous interruption.

"Miss Tobias?"

"The stunning spell is used to render a target dazed and unconscious, Sir. It can also halt moving objects. It's used in battle a lot in order to render an opponent useless and to shield oneself from incoming spells. It essentially guaranteed a victory in a duel because it renders the opponent unconscious and therefore cannot perform any more spells." She finished with a deep breath.

She hated answering out in class. She already had a lot of the student's attention on her from her mother's genes that had been handed down to her, she didn't want any more lingering eyes on her but she didn't like the thought of a Professor being mad at her, especially when all she was doing was whining about teenage drama.

"Very well done, Miss Tobias!" Flitwick nodded, clapping his hands together enthusiastically, "ten points to Hufflepuff!"

"Thank you, Professor!" Ryan squeaked, falling into a snickering Connie beside her. Her eyes caught Remus' as he turned around, giving her a thumbs up and a grin which she mimicked herself.

She didn't think it was possible for her heart to race any more than it had been, so in order to stop her mind from racing, she quickly looked away from him and instead busied herself talking to Connie. He had turned around when her eyes unintentionally wavered to his direction, and she knew that she would really have to write a letter to Vinnie soon in order to fill him in on how eventful her new year had been already.

It seemed as though her student life had been nothing but average - of course with the lingering stares because of something as stupid as her appearance - but ever since Remus Lupin and his friends managed to weave their way into her life.

Everything had changed.