...in my opinion, of course.

I've looked up reviews and they agree with me. It's basically a bad fanfiction that became a real thing.

I'll admit it, I've tried to find retellings of the Phantom of the Opera story on here and wound up skimming a fanfiction or two because I thought they'd be closer to a retelling than a fanfic. I think one was, but the other is a reason I haven't looked up that story as a retelling recently.

They were both better written than this.

Spoilers involved, but like, is it really worth it to worry about spoilers for this one?

This takes place after the events of Phantom of the Opera. It's a direct sequel to Andrew Lloyd Webber's musical, and apparently based on a book called "Phantom Takes Manhattan" or something. Now, ALW has bounced back and forth with the whole "sequel" thing. One time he says it is, then he says it's not, then he says it's jsyfa story with the same characters, the  he says itsy a cash grab-- wait no, he's never admitted to the last one.

It's ten years after the events of the first play, where the Phantom has presumably died, but we never see a body (as is with all beginnings to sequels), and Christine and Raoul have gotten married. Apparently Christine has become a huge opera singer during these last ten years and is well known through Europe. She, Raoul, and their son, Gustave (he's ten), go to America for her debut there. When they're there, they run into Meg and Madame Giry, who pretty much run a circus type of thing called "Phantasma."

Y'all should know where this is going.

Turns out, that the Phantom is with them, having graduated from running a well known opera house in France to running a freakshow on Coney Island. The Giry's got him and they all skedaddled away from the angry mob, running all the way to USA.

To which, I have to ask how they smuggled a grown man onto a ship, I guess, when he couldn't even smuggle himself around an opera house with costumes and outfits he technically could've blended in with, but y'know. Sure. Fine.

Play opens with the Phantom pining for Christine. As you do after ten years of having kidnapped a "lover" and tried to murder her fiance.

*Sighs*

You get this song. A lot of people consider it the best song in the play, but I was bored. It's been ten years dude, let it go.

"The day starts, the day ends/ Time crawls by/ Night steals in, pacing the floor/ The moments creep,/Yet I can't bear to sleep/ Till I hear you sing

And weeks pass, and months pass/ Seasons fly/ Still you don't walk through the door/ And in a haze/ I count the silent days/ Till I hear you sing once more.

And sometimes at night time/ I dream that you are there/ But wake holding nothing but the cold night air

That's basically the song. There's more, but you get the jist.

To which, I guess it wouldn't be a bad song with the context removed. It kind of seems like a love song, of someone wanting to see someone who's been away for a little bit.

But ten years ago? And sung by a nutcase who's evidently obsessed?

What makes this even better-- okay. So there are two versions of this play I've found and seen. One is the professionally recorded one from 2012 with the Melbourne cast. In that, the Phantom is somewhere that looks underground, and he's singing to a life size portrait of Christine. I have no clue where that came from, but it's no where near are freaky as the other version.

Because, there's a version with Sierra Boggess and Ramin Karimloo that's out there. Overall, I prefer his version of the Phantom because he's much creepier than the Melbourne cast. The creepy turns up a notch in this one particular, unassuming song though.

I kid you not, he's singing to --not a portrait -- but a life size animatronic DOLL.

*No more red flags, there's a siren, there's, a SWAT team, there's cats screaming and children crying in the background*

Whoever made the decision to scrap that for future productions deserves a round of applause.

And whoever decides to put in a creepy sex doll of Christine needs some serious therapy.

So yeah, that innocent song at the beginning? In context, it's really not so innocent.

Then there's this long circus show that we meet Meg and Madame Giry again. Meg's graduated from ballerina at the Paris Opera to pretty much a stripper in Coney Island. We're told through them ( after the twenty minutes of stupidity that is circus) that they brought the Phantom over and help running this crap. Meg is the one who's obsessed with him now, and constantly wants to impress him with their numbers. He's going by Mister Y to the public.

You know.

Mystery.

ANYWAY

yada yada, and Christine and fam are coming to America fairly near Coney Island. Meg is happy because yay! friend. Madame Giry is very much concerned because she knows that the Phantom will find out and he's kinda crazy still.

I really don't have a problem with her being concerned over this. It makes sense that she doesn't want him to find out, but the reason we are given as to why she doesn't want him to find out is that all of their work will be brushed aside for Christine and they won't get credit anymore.

Comes down to it, her character has changed. She's not concerned about others at this point, she's concerned about her daughter's image and how both of them impress the Phantom.

This'll come up later.

At this point of the play, with the meeting of Meg, each version slightly different presentation of her. It's pretty clear she's a burlesque-type dancer due to her routines, but the London cast actually implies that she is also a prostitute or will do sexual favors in order to get funding of some kind. It's not really focused on much. Meg is really happy that Christine may show up and that they can see each other. She's still considering her a friend after the events of the POTO.

You then are reintroduced to Christine and Co. They arrive in New York, are met with buttloads of paparazzi, and are picked up by a self-driving carriage with three of the circus people in it. These are the three circus people that are kind of the sidekicks to the Phantom, but aren't really focused on enough to have any kind of character to them. Since they pick up the group, the audience knows that the Phantom has known ahead of time that Christine is going to show up. He's like, what the paparazzi wants to be. The three circus people-- the names are so weird btw. Dr. Gangle, Miss Fleck, and Mr. Squelch, who comes up with these?-- take the Christie gang to a house/hotel/mansion/castle in New York/Coney Island and leave.

Pretty sure you can guess where they're going.

This is what starts the next glorious turn of events.

The scene that follows is pretty much a reintroduction to Christine and Raoul. This is where we find out that Raoul is a jackrabbit. He's a jerk. Alcoholic, gambler, and through the paparazzi at the beginning, we learn that he's lost a lot of his fortune to gambling. He gets into an argument with Christine about how much he hates the town and wants to leave. We aren't really told why he hates it so much or what brings this along, just that he really doesn't like it. He winds up snapping at Gustave, who wants him to play with him, and snapping at Christine. Then he leaves, going for a drink, as all shoved-in-your-face jerks do.

Here's my first (of many) problems with this play.

It all boils down to it liking to fiddle and completelt change characters' personalities too much. I'll admit, Raoul's not my favorite character. It's didn't like him much in the book. The musical, which I guess I should be basing it after, since this is a "sequel" to it, portrayed him almost likably. I didn't dislike him in the POTO musical. He wasn't really given enough of a focus for the audience to get a hold, in depth look at him, but overall he wasn't terrible. We were supposed to like him because Christine likes him.

Which really doesn't work for this.

See, while Christine here apparently isn't the best judge of character, she does grow in the POTO musical to the point she flat-out tells the Phantom off at the end of it. She refuses to do what he wants, says she hates him and will always hate him, tells him he tricked her-- she stands up for herself by the end. Because she does this, you'd think that

A) if Raoul had exhibited the jerk tendencies in the six months time of Phantom silence when they were engaged, she would have wound up telling him off too

B) if he is a big jerk all the time, she'd tell him and not cower

And C) if it was meant for him to be the type of character he is in this, it would have been shown or at least mentioned in the first musical.

Since none of those happened, it can be assumed that his character had been changed. The alcohol, gambling things I can believe he picked up in the ten years time. People change in ten years. However, I think that the dynamic between the husband and wife was so Christine would have been able to say something to him before it hits the point it hits in this story. Since she doesn't, and it still goes on, it's not only a major change to his character that we get no explanation for, it rips the character development Christine experienced in the first POTO away and brings her back to the girl who is tricked and manipulated. Neither of these are good for either character.

I'll come back to this in a minute too.

Anyway, with Raoul now gone, Gustave is upset because his father seems to hate him. This prompts a song from Christine that is so full of foreshadowing it's beating a horse to death.

Love's a curious thing/ It often comes disguised/ Look at love the wrong way/ It goes un-recognized

So look with your heart/ And not with your eyes/ A heart understands/ A heart never lies

Believe what it feels/ And trust what it shows/ The heart always knows

Love is not always beautiful/ Not at the start

So open your arms/ And close your eyes tight/ And when it finds love/ Your heart will be right

I guess it's not a bad lesson to teach a kid. However, say she's applying this to Raoul, which is what you'd assume in the moment, she's pretty much saying that that's how he shows his love. One other interpretation is that she thought she loved Raoul but doesn't now, to which that'd be kind of wrong too, she loves him enough to not leave.

Gustave then goes off to his room and goes to sleep. Christine hangs out, and is attracted to the toy he's playing with. In the 2012 version, it's very reminiscent of the cymbal monkey from POTO.

Then, in the worst possible and anti-climactic entrance of all, the Phantom appears. Christine does what any good girl would do after seeing someone who is assumed dead after ten years randomly show up in another country at a place she didn't even know about until getting there.

She faints.

Freaks the Phantom out (wouldn't it be hilarious if she was dead then and there and that's how the play ended? It'd be a big middle finger to anyone who thought it'd go another way. Shoot, I'd probably watch it again, after what this makes me suffer through). He picks her up, sticks her in a chair, she wakes up, for some reason doesn't punt him to timbucktoo, and then we get what you might think is her telling him off. I think in the 2011 London version she basically attacks him, which is cooler, but whatever her actions are are killed by her next act.

But no, she sings instead.

You'd think "ok, she's singing a song about why she's mad he's there." It looks like it, at first. Total logical sense here in terms of the character and the story. This is fine.

I should have known that you'd be here/ I should have known it all along/ This whole arrangement bears your stamp/ You're in each measure of that song/ How dare you try and claim me now?/ How dare you come invade my life?

Then the Phantom sings back, because singing conversation's gotta happen:

Oh, Christine, my Christine/ In that time when the world thought me dead/ My Christine, on that night just before you were wed/ Ah, Christine, you came and found where I hid/ Don't you deny that you did/ That long ago night

EXCUSE ME??

In case you missed it, here it is again.

My Christine, on that night just before you were wed/ Ah, Christine, you came and found where I hid/ Don't you deny that you did/ That long ago night

At this point, I'm praying I'm interpreting this wrong, someone gave them the wrong script, the words got fumbled up-- anything. Maybe my mind's being nasty--

Once there was a night beneath a moonless sky/ Too dark to see a thing, too dark to even try/ I stole to your side to tell you I must go/ I couldn't see your face but sensed you even so

And I touched you/ And I felt you/ And I heard those ravishing refrains/ The music of the pulse/ The singing in your veins

what

the

f--

.

.

.

THIS IS THE LAST CONVERSATION HELD IN PHANTOM OF THE OPERA, CHRISTINE'S LINES:

CHRISTINE
Have you gorged yourself at last
In your lust for blood?
Am I now to be prey
to your lust for flesh?
...

This haunted face
Holds no horror for me now.
It's in your soul
That the true distortion lies

...

The tears I might have shed
For your dark fate,
Grow cold and turn to tears of hate!
...

Farewell, my fallen idol and false friend
We had such hopes, and now those hopes are shattered!
...

Why do you curse mercy?

...

You deceived me!
I gave my mind, blindly!

...

Realizes how to get out of situation:

Pitiful creature of darkness,
What kind of life have you known?
God give me courage to show you,
You are not alone

*Insert kiss that she gives as a last ditch effort*

*The Phantom sets them free*

Followed by the biggest BIRD she and Raoul could give him, which is singing their love song together within earshot.

Yep. Totally screams that she wants to bone him in that scene there. Take notes everyone. That's how to show attraction and interest.

"Moonless Sky" goes on for entirely too long. The uses of music and references to try and make the sex the crazy guy and evidently STUPID girl had "desirable" is ridiculous and so off with the metaphors. The usage of "moonless sky" makes me think that it would've happened in the lair beneath the opera house, but if he's supposed to have been hiding there while the angry mob searched for him, there must've been an underground to the underground to the underground.

I do kinda want to know how she tracked him down. Was this like, ninja stuff here? It had to be. The Giry's at this point would have had him and would be considering a way to get to the USA, so they'd know where he was. They don't know about this night either, as another plot element resulting from the music sex is a surprise to them. So, Christine's got some serious detective and ninja skills here. Like, Batman but opera.

Also, that whole song she sang to Gustave before about looking with your heart? She was talking about the Phantom, not her husband.

This is the point where you may as well scrap the characters as you know them and as they were built up in the original.

I've already brought up Christine. She's really the only non-villain character in the POTO to get character development. She grows from being easily manipulated to being tired of the Phantom's crap. I put it up there. That's full on calling him out. Yes she kisses him in that play, but it's as an effort to show him what actual love is and that MAYBE he shouldn't go around killing and kidnapping people. So, her going from that, to going through the trouble of finding the Phantom the night before her marriage is a COMPLETE retcon. Her loving him like that is never focused on, and is certainly not shown by the end of the play. But no, let's erase this by having she go to him for SEX and cheat on Raoul the NIGHT BEFORE THEIR WEDDING.

There just so much wrong with this. Looking at the manipulation pulled on her from the first play, to her apparently falling in love with him strikes me a bit like Stockholm Syndrome, although I don't quite think it's there yet. People can develop feelings for tormentors though, and not be imprisoned by them. No matter what, it's psychologically wrong.

Which begins the next problem.

A lot of fanfictions have a tendency to take the pairing made by the story and, if that's not the desired pairing, split it up by making one half as bad as possible. This is generally done by making the character that is not either half of desired pairing an alcoholic, abusive, and a jerkward. This is done so the half that was not paired looks as good as he or she can look by comparison. For POTO fanfics, it generally takes Raoul and makes him abusive in order for the Phantom to be looked at as good by comparison, making the reader ignore the whole murder/crazy aspect of the character, since many of them take place in the time frame after POTO.

While some fanfictions kind of make this work by giving the Phantom somewhat of a redemption arc, in the way of writing for a professionally done play, it's lazy. It shows that under no conditions presented by the original source material would or could this happen without a drastic change to the characters or storyline.

It's a bad fanfiction.

You find out more throughout the song that Christine was going to stay with the Phantom after waking up that morning, but he got a sudden moral conflict and left before she ever woke up. Because of that, she believed he didn't love her (despite the crap pulled in POTO) and leaves, marrying Raoul.

They go outside, another song, then go back in. Inside, Gustave come running to his mother after waking up because of a nightmare where someone who was "mad" grabbed him and drowned him. He then meets the Phantom, who Christine introduces as her friend, Mr. Y. The Phantom tells Gustave that he can show him anything around Coney Island and Gustave asks to see "all the island's mysteries/ all that's strange and wild and dark/ in the shadows of the park."

Yeah... that won't go poorly. Or sound... alarming.

Anyway, Gustave goes back to sleep and you find out that the Phantom is only there to get Christine to sing a song for him. He says if she sings what he has written he'll leave her alone. She begins to refuse and he threatens to kidnap Gustave, which makes her agree to learn and sing his song for him. You find out that she wants to sing his song because she claims she is done with all the crap and need to do it.

Makes sense, I guess. She's gonna sing it. He's even decided to outpay the man who brought her and her family to America, so there's more money in it for her.

Next day, she and the Giry's meet again. Meg is happy to see Christine, and vice versa. Raoul is still the jerk he has to be. Madame Giry isn't thrilled about them being there. Raoul knows about the Phantom asking Christine to sing and doesn't quite know his motivations behind asking, because as much of a jerk Raoul is in this, he at least is asking important questions.

After the song and ten minutes of not keeping track of her son who was threatened with kidnapping at the very arena she's supposed to sing at, run by the man who threatened to kidnap said son, Christine realizes that Gustave is missing. Meg knows exactly where he has gone and they go to get him.

Gustave, meanwhile, is taken below the circus by the three stooges and meets the Phantom again, who is known to Gustave as Mr.Y. the Phantom is showing the kid around, letting him see the weird crap he's got, and then starts to play the random piano down there. What he plays makes the Phantom pretty surprised, because it's apparently supposed to be really good and different. He then realizes the kid is ten years old and the how long ago the music sex with Christine was. So, he puts the pieces together and through the oh-so-reliable paternity test of the piano, decides Gustave is his kid. This is later confirmed by Christine.

Two things.

First of all, the music sex was on the night before she married Raoul. Now, I'm not married or anything, nor am I going to be in a relationship any time soon from the looks of it, but generally people finalize the marriage on their wedding night. As in, one on one time.

Also correct me if I'm wrong, but there's not anything that gives the exact date of conception. To which, if we don't have that now, there would be no way of knowing that in the 1910s (I think I the year this takes place). So, Christine confirming it's HIS kid is really unreliable unless she's had a DNA test done on him to determine parentage. We are never told this, and assume it hasn't happened.

There would be no way if her knowing for certain otherwise.

Second thing-- music theory. Now, I could go for ages on this, to the point I'm considering making it into another chapter since I've carried this on for far too long. Basically, Gustave here likes his dissonances with his music. Phantom does too. That's what makes him certain the kid his his. However, the fact that the child is musical can be attributed to his mother who is a famous opera singer. The argument that it's the weird music that related the Phantom and Gustave can be pushed aside when you find out that by the 1910s, Rachmaninoff and Stravinsky were known. Both use dissonaces in their works. So, the reasoning of Gustave being the Phantom's kid is pushed out the window for this.

That was very simplified and it's annoying me.

Anyway, there's a song. Ghost boy songs it to and with the kid when he's trying to convince him that underground's cool and all. This is actually my favorite song from the whole play until I sat down to figure it out, looked the melody line, and found out the left hand is pretty much one chord the entire time.

P: Have you ever yearned to go/ Past the world you think you know?/ Been enthralled to the call/ Of the beauty underneath?

Have you let it draw you in/ Past the place where dreams begin?/ Felt the full breathless pull/ Of the beauty underneath?

When the dark unfolds its wings/ Fo you sense the strangest things?/ Things no one would ever guess/ Things mere words cannot express?

....

G: Yes/ It seems so beautiful/ So strange yet beautiful/ Everything's just as you say

P:  And he's so beautiful/ Perhaps too beautiful/ What I suspect cannot be/ And yet somehow, we both see/ The very same way

Plus more until the Phantom decides it's a grand idea to take off his mask and show the kids his face, because that'll go over well.

So, before I go further, this song. Again, it's one that context doesn't favor. I mean, yes in context it makes a lot of sense. If it was between two grown people, it'd make sense. If it was between a villain and someone he meant to turn over to his side, it'd make sense. It's supposed to be LND's version of the title song from POTO, with the guitar and all.

It's to a ten year old.

And I dunno y'all, it seems really creepy to me from that standpoint. He's asking a kid who is fascinated by weird things if he's ever wanted to go deeper into that weirdness. The phrases used feel really... adult in some points. It's not supposed to, but it really makes the Phantom creepier on a whole different level.

The fact that the sing is about not only the weirdness if the circus show, but also as a way to see if Gustave will be cool with the stranger's destroyed face is weird too. Going deeper into the lyrics and meaning, he's talking about himself. Just look. Parenthesis are Gustave singing.

You can face it
(Yes)
You can take it
(Yes)
You see through to the beauty underneath

To the splendor
(Splendor)
And the glory
(And the glory)
To the truth of the beauty underneath
(The beauty underneath)

You'll accept it
(Yes)
You'll embrace it
(Yes)
Let me show you the beauty underneath

Meanwhile singing this, he gets the kid to come closer to him, then unmasks himself.

I honestly don't think the song was intended to come across as I'm feeling it, but it's really disturbing to be singing to a child, and then talking about yourself at the end. It's-- *shivers*

To which, from a character standpoint, I guess it makes sense for the Phantom to be singing this. Take the kid out if the equation and replace him with just about anyone else, and it's fine.

Also, ghosty boy is pretty stupid to be thinking that showing his face to child will go any better that showing his face to a full adult woman. Both of them freak the heck out.

After Gustave sees him, Christine and Meg show up right on time. There's a confrontation between him and Christine and they kick Meg out with Gustave. Christine admits to Gustave being his, again, I have no clue how she magically knows this. Then the Phantom does something that process he so has an inkling of common sense left, and is probably the smartest thing anyone in this stupid play does, which is tell Christine that no one can know about this except him and her. He says keep the kid away and he can't ever know. She agrees. She also says she will sing his song.

That's almost the end of act one of Love Never Dies But My Patience Does, but it's the end of this chapter because this is 4500 words of nonsense and my phone is freaking out because LETTERS.

The rest is already posted after this.