"I can't believe this tour is almost over," I mumbled, leaning my forehead against the edge of the door. "I mean... I know the time went by but it feel's like we skipped so much of it. I feel like Christmas and my birthday didn't really happen."

"Well, you know what they say; time flies when you're having fun," Mick said dryly, trying to tease the top of his hair.

"Yeah... you sound like you're stoked," I replied with a chuckle.

"Eh. It's been fun. I'm just tired," he said softly, resting his arms on the table. "Ready to sleep in my own bed."

"Oh, god... me, too. No more having to hear Tommy snoring and farting all night," I mumbled with a chuckle. "Quiet bedtime."

"Hey, don't forget the difference."

"What difference?"

"I am going home to my own bed, but you are going back to Nikki's bed."

"Does it matter?" I asked, suddenly annoyed with his tone.

"I'd say it does; being independent is the strongest feeling once you're used to it. You can't live off of others forever."

"What are you trying to say? Don't fucking play with me, tell me what's on your mind, old man."

"It doesn't mean anything other than what I said. Now, will you please fuck off? I'd like to drink enough vodka to kill me before the show and I'd like to do it alone," he snapped. "Some day you'll learn how to do that- y'know, the being alone part."

"God, you act like a shitty old man sometimes. Fuck you."

With a scoff, I kicked the wedge out from under the edge of the heavy door, allowing it to slam shut before storming off.

"Who the fuck does that little old fuck think he is?" I thought to myself, furious and hurt over him implying that I was leeching off of Nikki.

I wasn't leeching off of him, but from an outside point of view I could see how it looked like that.  I mean, technically speaking, Nikki and I weren't talking right now... One day, we're celebrating my birthday, the next Vince's, and then about a week later... Valentine's day.

I had woken up alone that morning, but I wasn't concerned. Nikki was probably doing something he shouldn't be, but I figured that I would at least have the shower to myself.

°°°°°°

A knock sounded on the hotel door, distracting me from the old Lover Boy video playing on MTV.

"Baby, it's me. I lost my key," Nikki called.

I opened the door to see  Nikki's smiling eyes peek over a bunch of flowers.

"What's this?" I asked, taking the flowers as he handed them to me.

"They're for you... I couldn't remember if you liked roses or sunflowers more so I got you both," he said. "Happy Valentine's day," he purred, planting a kiss on my lips.

"Happy Valentine's day to you, too, Sixx," I said, kissing his cheek and looking at my flowers. "They're beautiful... thank you!"

"I figured you might like to see something that's as beautiful are you."

"Aww, honey."

"I'm taking you out later," he promised. "It'll be just you and me for dinner... and a whole box of magnums if I'm lucky," he added with a small laugh.

"Hmm, keep playing your cards like this and you will be," I teased.

"I shall take that advice... I'm going to visit some guy about equipment stuff, so I'll be back later, okay? I'll come get you for dinner tonight."

"Okay." I smiled up at him. "Happy Valentine's Day, Mr. Sixx."

"Happy Valentine's Day, Miss Parker."

°°°°°°

"Well, where could he be?!" I asked, feeling panic kick in.

"Sadie, calm down, I'm sure he's fine, babe," Vince said.

"No, Vince, I will not calm down. Something's wrong," I insisted.

"Honey, just because he isn't here doesn't mean something is wrong."

"Vince, you don't understand. It's Valentine's Day. He promised me he would be here  and that we'd go to dinner, and he's nowhere to be seen. He hardly ever breaks a promise, especially one like this," I said, on the verge of tears.

I could feel it deep in my soul; something was happening, and it wasn't good. My heart  and my mind were both screaming at me to find him before it was too late.

"Sweetie, don't cry," Vince cooed, hugging me. "Maybe he's just making last minute plans for you guys."

"He was gone when I woke up. He came back but said something about talking to a guy about equipment- it was weird. I know I should be worried; I'm not blind, Vince," I said, gently pushing him away. "I know he's on smack."

Vince took a step back, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.

"I'm not stupid; I've been around, I hear your conversations. Just because you don't see me, doesn't mean I don't see or hear you. You're all getting out of hand and you're all going to end up dying, is that what you want?!" I screamed, feeling the emotional flood gates open. "That defeats the whole purpose of what you're doing; if you die, there is no more glamour, there is no more partying, no more anything.

"I'm the one who is there when Nikki can barely stand, I'm there when he's dope sick, I'm there at night when he sits in a corner and thinks he hears people talking to him. So do not tell me that I shouldn't be worried!" I said, brushing past him.

"Sadie, I-"

"Save it Vince, I don't want to hear it. Just find him."

°°°°°°

"It's been almost two days, man," Tommy said into the phone. "No, we need to find him... Obviously if I knew where he would be, I would have found him... No... Yes, but-... I don't have a clue, dude... Yeah, sure," he said, rolling his eyes. he took a drag of his cigarette and ashed it out of the window beside him. "On hold," he mumbled to me.

I nodded. I sat in a corner of the room with my knees curled up into my chest, trying not to cry. Nikki was dead, I just knew it. There was no way we wouldn't have found him already if he was alive. Something was terribly wrong, and there was no going back.

"Yeah, I'm still here. We're just trying to find somebo- yeah, I know a lot of people are being looked for... Look, officer, he's a real big star, man. He's Nikki fucking Sixx," he dropped his head back against the wall he was leaning against, flicking his cigarette butt out of the window. "Fuck," he said, before hanging up the phone in frustration.

He looked over to me sadly.

"Sadie, we're trying, babe."

"I know," I whispered as I focused on a patch of carpet.

"Mick and Vince are combing the streets right now. We're gonna find him," he said, sitting beside me and putting an arm around my shoulders. "It's not every day you lose someone to the streets of London."

"I think he's dead, Tommy," I said, still not looking up from the patch of carpet I had been staring at.

"Why would he be dead?" he asked, surprised.

"Don't play dumb, please. Vince tried to do it, too, but I know that you guys are on some bad shit," I said, finally looking up and making eye contact.

He sighed and rubbed his face. "Sadie, I... It's just for tour. It helps us a little. I know that sounds off, but it's true. It makes it a little less repetitive. Breaks up the cycle a bit."

"Tommy, these 'distractions' are going to kill you guys. I like to drink and party, too. I live for fun, but heroin? Cocaine? Jesus Christ, Tom, pull your head out of your ass! It's so bad for you."

"After the tour's over we're probably just gonna drop it. We're in control."

I felt a hollow laugh leave my body. There was no control when it came to drugs.

"You need some sleep, Sadie."

"I can't. I need to know that he's okay."

As if on cue, the door burst open to reveal Nikki, pale, bloody, and bruised. His hair was a mess and his eyes were wide as he looked around the room.

"Nikki!" I screamed, jumping up.

I walked over to him, gently touching the bruises on his face. He merely looked at me like he didn't know me, and I felt my heart sink once again.

"Nikki, it's me. It's Sadie."

"My Sadie," he croaked.

I hugged him and heard him take a sharp breath. As an automatic reflex, I tried to release him, but he held me tighter.

"You look like death warmed over, dude," Tommy said from behind us.

"Yeah... I think I woke up in a dumpster," he mumbled, scratching his head.

"You're getting off heroin," I ordered.

"Sadie, I'm not-"

"Don't even say you're not using," I said curtly. "I know that you are."

"When tours over," he said.

"Nikki, I-"

"Please, Sadie, just trust me. When we get home, I'm quitting."

°°°°°°

Once the relief over the whole ordeal had subsided, the anger kicked in. I couldn't believe he put himself in that situation. I screamed and yelled at him, and he did the same right back, but now we had both fallen silent. There wasn't anything left to say until we went home. We needed time to be more than 12 feet from each other... and miles away from anyone holding heroin.

Now I was pissed at both Mick and Nikki. Tommy had Heather fly out for Valentine's day, so there was no doubt that they were busy. That left Vince, and I doubted he was going to be the one I wanted to talk to.

I knocked on his dressing room door, but a naked red-headed woman answered the door.

"Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt anything," I mumbled before turning and walking away.

I guess it was my turn to hold it in... then again, there was a guy backstage that tried to sell me pot earlier, and that was exactly what I needed.

I wandered to the green room, where the man stood outside, leaning against the wall. He wasn't bad looking by any means. He was probably about my age, with thick, dark brown hair. He had his nose pierced on one side and wore dark aviator shades that added some of that old fashioned rock and roll to him- as if his ripped up jeans and cut up shirt didn't do it already.

"Hey, you're the guy with the pot, right?"

"Depends on who's askin'," he replied, his bracelets rattling as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Sadie Parker," I said, holding my hand out, "interested buyer."

He shook my hand and pushed himself off of the wall.

"Nice to meet you. Name's Rachel... now, I don't know how security is around here, but do you wanna do this here and now?"