Sam walked down the corridor, biting her lip. She had done it again, and this time, her father had seen it. He had seen her walking on her hands and knees like a toddler, whimpering like a pup. He watched with worried eyes as she snuggled up next to him, glancing up at him with glossy eyes. When she finally came to, she had been too embarrassed to speak, but her father was understanding, and simply joked about her actions.

     When she accompanied her father back to the Stargate, she received a few glares, and a few sympathetic glances. However, this wasn't the worst part. The fact that her friends and her father watched her crawl around and shriek couldn't even come close to what she felt when she walked near the Stargate. It was worse than the shiver she received up her spine as a symbiote-carrying person entered the room. She swore that it was the worst feeling she'd ever felt, despite all she had been through.

     The worst part was the pangs that struck her heart when she though about those little creatures. It rivaled any embarrassment or backlash, simply because she longed to go back, even though she remembered the torture she had endured. There were times when all she could think about was the little animals, laying all by themselves, dying alone. She knew she just couldn't live with that, no matter what the mother had done to her.

     It was on a fairly busy day that she finally decided to give in to the urges. Other than the occasional visit from a member of SG-1, Sam was left alone, and it was when she was alone that these thoughts and longings came to her. Now, she was determined to go back through the Stargate, to the place where it all happened, no matter what the consequences may be.

     At first, she thought that she could get away with her lone voyage through the Stargate, but as soon as she dialed, General Hammond and Colonel O'Neill stopped her. She tried to explain to them how important this was, but they just didn't understand. Before long, she found herself crying, being guided away by a worried Colonel O'Neill.

     "You don't understand, I need to go back. They need me!" she insisted, tears rolling down her cheeks.

     Jack was trying to be patient, but he was constantly worn thin by Carter's mental state. "Listen to me, Carter, you're not feeling this. It's an illusion, like the others."

     "It's not an illusion, I know they're real, and I know that if I don't go back, they're going to die," she sobbed, "That's why you have to let me through the Stargate immediately."

     "Sam, even if you do go back, and if you can help those creatures, how will it benefit you?"

     "If I go there, I can be myself again...I'll be able to forget and move on."

     Jack didn't respond. He had walked Carter to her quarters, but it didn't feel right to leave her like this. He waited for her to sit before he invited himself in, and he watched as she crawled in the floor, wiping her face. And, although it made him uncomfortable to do so, he sat down beside her, waiting until she had calmed down.

     "You should go," she said, after she was finally able to speak again.

     The Colonel stood up, brushing off his shirt and waiting for Carter to stand as well. "Goodnight, then?"

     Sam nodded. "Goodnight, Sir."

     The Colonel began to walk away, pulling the door behind him before he walked to his own quarters. He passed Daniel on his way, and he thought that he heard the young man ask him a question. He never answered, but rather continued walking, trying to forget the sad, broken version of Carter that she had never let her team see.

     The next morning, after the first team had left through the Stargate, the team went to get breakfast, walking alongside of each other at a slowed pace. Jack and Sam were both rather silent, despite Daniel's talkative mood, and Teal'c sensed that something was different about his friends.

     When they got to the mess hall, Jack made himself a bowl of cereal, and Daniel grabbed an orange from the fruit bowl. Sam ate some yogurt and a banana, and Teal'c had himself a big, steaming cup of Joe.

     The conversation between them started out brief, but grew as they sat together, ingesting their respective meals. Jack talked about one of the recent events he had read about in the paper, and Sam quickly gave her two cents on the matter. Teal'c added a dose of wisdom to the conversation, and Daniel related the situation to something that had happened earlier in history.

   Every word and gesture of the team was as usual, until Daniel asked Carter about her time with the psychiatrist.

     "I've got some...bad news, actually."

     "Is something wrong?"

     "Dr. Manford has suggested that I take an extended leave from the Stargate program."

     Jack was the first to respond. "How extended?"

     "Well, he said that a few months away might help with mental stability, but if that doesn't work...I'll have to leave the program."