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chapter fifty-three: one last time
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    WHEN SHE WAS A CHILD Indira Beren was prone to wandering. Back then, she had been curious by nature; always searching for answers to a thousand different questions about the world around her. Even at a young age, exploring was a favored pastime of hers — much to the utter exasperation of her mother, Jana. On the days that Jana Beren brought her daughter to the senate with her, Indira could often be found roaming the walls of the building with her nanny droid — a bot that the senator had given the very creative nickname Nan — trailing after her.

      With Nan at her side, Indira was free to wander anywhere within the confines of the senatorial complex that she liked. But under no circumstances was she ever allowed to leave the doors of the senate without her mother. This was a rule that she reluctantly obeyed — mostly because Nan never let Indira out of her sight. The nanny droid was a strict enforcer of the laws laid down by her mistress; no matter how much young Indira tried to persuade the bot to bend the rules.

      In hindsight, it was easy for Indira to see that her mother only wanted to keep her safe, but at the time she had thought it was the worst thing in the whole galaxy. She resented Nan, despite the droid's doting dedication to her and her mother. Nan was Indira's longest-lasting caretaker even though the droid always had its hands full with such a precocious child. But there were never any accidents with Nan; no mishaps or calamities. For all intents and purposes, she should have been the perfect caretaker. Nan exceeded expectations when it came to her programming and — for any ordinary child — she would have been enough.

     Then again, Indira Beren was not a particularly ordinary child.

      It was the autumn of Indira's sixth year of life when she finally managed to outsmart her nanny droid and slip right out from under its watchful eyes. Back then, she was far less cautious and paid no mind to rules. The world had yet to teach her just how cruel it could be. Indira Beren was full of childlike wonder and an abundance of curiosity for the world around her — something that often wound up getting the best of her.

As a young girl, Indira never wasted time thinking about the hidden dangers lurking around every corner. She dreamed only of adventure. And when she saw a chance to escape from Nan's supervision, she took it. Indira seized her freedom with both hands and ran, bursting through the doors of the senatorial complex and immersing herself in the real world all on her own.

Yet her victory had been very short-lived. Young Indira quickly discovered that she didn't like the outside world as much when she was all on her own. Without her mother to hold her hand — or even Nan to keep her company — the streets of Hosnian Prime were a very scary place.

Only a few short minutes of wandering the city streets alone made her want to turn around and go back to where she'd come from. Yet that proved to be easier said than done. Indira hadn't kept track of her steps and after a few wrong turns, she found herself lost in the heart of the city; frightened and alone in a world that was often unkind to little girls.

Nearly twenty years after that fateful day, Indira found it hard to recall the specifics of exactly what happened. The memory felt hazy to her, like something from a long-lost dream. She could remember some things vividly — the fear she had felt, the panic that had overtaken her, the tears she had shed in the middle of a crowded street — but the thing she found most difficult to remember was how she had found her way back to her mother.

     Even so, Indira could still picture one thing clearly. There had been a man there that day — one she hadn't recognized at the time — but he had been the one to find her on the busy city streets.  The stranger had appeared almost out of nowhere, dressed in all black from head to toe, and he had walked towards her with purpose, dropping down on one knee to to wipe her tears away.

      "Seems like you've gotten yourself into a bit of trouble," the man had told her, not unkindly, before smiling at her.

       Indira had liked his eyes. They were a soft shade of blue and his smile made them crinkle at the corners. It made her want to smile back at him.

      "How about you let me help you," he had suggested, offering a hand for Indira to take, "and together we'll get you back to your mother? I'm sure she's worried sick."

     She had been hesitant about accepting his offer; especially when she remembered all of her mother's warnings about the dangers of trusting strangers. But something instinctive had told Indira that she could trust this man. She took his hand, clutching his fingers tightly, and he squeezed back before hoisting her into his arms and settling her over his hip.

      As he carried Indira back to the senatorial complex, the man had spoken to her in a soothing voice, spinning all sorts of stories from the sights they passed by on the crowded city streets. Indira laid her head in the crook of his shoulder, allowing his voice to soothe her to sleep. She'd never felt safer than she had in that moment — save for when she was at her mother's side. Something about that man had been just as comforting to her as the presence of her mother. Something about him had felt like home.

      That memory was the last thing that Indira could recall from that day. The next thing she remembered was waking up back home, in her own bed, with her mother sleeping beside her; one arm slung over Indira's waist to keep her tucked safely beside her without any chance of escape.

     When Jana Beren woke up the next morning, she gave Indira the sternest scolding that she had ever received, threatening all sorts of consequences for her disappearing act. However, she refused to answer any of Indira's questions about the man who had somehow known who and where to return her to. Eventually, Indira gave up on getting answers from her mother's tightly sealed lips. As the years passed, the memory of that day faded into inconsequential nothingness. Indira never saw the man again ...

      ... until eighteen years later, in the heart of an abandoned salt mine, on Crait.

    "LUKE," LEIA BREATHES incredulously. The sound of her aunt's voice is enough to draw Indira out from the haze of her muddled childhood reveries. Part of her still thinks she might be dreaming — hell, she might even be dead, for all she knows. But her father is here, standing only a few feet away from her. He's so close that Indira could reach out and touch him if she wanted to, yet she feels frozen to the spot.

Luke's eyes leave Indira's to look at his twin. Instantly, his expression softens and he opens his mouth to speak, but Leia beats him to it.

"I know what you're going to say," her aunt cuts him off, pointing towards her elaborate twisted updo, "I changed my hair."

Her father's chin quivers, but he smiles. "It's nice that way." The smile fades and is quickly replaced by an expression of heavy sorrow. "Leia ... I'm sorry."

She holds a hand up to quiet him. "I know you are. I'm just glad you're here, at the end."

Luke nods. "I came to face him Leia," he says. Indira's breath catches in her throat. "And I can't save him."

Leia's face crumples. "I held out hope for so long," she admits, voice wavering. "I know my son is gone."

Her father shakes his head. "No one's ever really gone," he replies gently, holding out a closed palm to her.

Leia opens her hands to receive the gift, eyes widening when she sees a pair of golden dice tied to a chain — the same dice that used to hang above the pilot's seat in her husband's ship, the Millenium Falcon. She inhales sharply, looking at Luke with a wondrous expression. He nods silently before he takes his sister's head in his hands, pressing a tender kiss to the crown of her head before stepping away.

When his eyes settle on Indira again, she feels like a little girl again — one lost on the streets of Hosnian Prime, with no mother or nanny or anyone else to look after her. Immediately, her chin quivers and she feels tears well up in her eyes that roll down her cheeks, burning hot against her skin. Luke smiles — a sad, soft smile — before he reaches out to brush the tears away, wiping them from her face the same way he did so many years ago.

"It was you," Indira says, her voice shaky as she tries to offer him a watery smile. Around her neck, the crystal glows brightly on its chain, burning with a warmth that settles over her. "That day ... when I was lost, it was you."

Her father nods, brushing a thumb over her cheek. "Even when I wasn't there, I was always looking after you," he confirms, reaching up to press a hand to his heart. "Here. It's how I knew to find you."

Her bottom lip trembles. "Why did you stay away?" Indira whispers. "I needed you." Her breathing hitches on a sob. "And you weren't there."

"I know," her father replies, his own eyes shining with unshed tears as his voice falters. "I thought that I was bad for you and I was ashamed. By staying away, I believed that I could somehow keep you and your mother safe." He shakes his head. "I was wrong. And now I'm here to make it right."

Indira shakes her head quickly. "You don't have to do that," she says, feeling dread build in her stomach. "I forgive you. There's nothing you have to make right."

Her father smiles sadly, reaching down to take her hand in his. "I wish we had more time," he tells her softly. "I have so many things that I regret."

"Then don't go," she pleads, clutching his fingers tightly in hers.

Luke shakes his head with difficulty. "When you see her again," he requests, voice shaking slightly, "tell your mother how sorry I am. Tell her how grateful I am that she raised such a wonderful girl," he reaches up with his free hand to smooth her hair back from her face, "all on her own. I can't ever thank her enough for everything that she did for me."

"Tell her yourself," Indira begs. "Don't go. It doesn't have to end this way."

He nods his head. "Yes, it does."

The logical part of Indira's brain knows that her father is right. There is no other alternative to their current predicament — no miraculous rescue, no deus ex machina to interfere on their behalf — but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

      "I just got you back," she chokes out, the words sticking in her throat. "I don't want to lose you again."

     Her father smiles. "You won't," he replies, reaching up to place his hand over her heart. "You can always find me here. Just reach out. I promise that I'll be there."

       Indira nods, trying to force a brave smile onto her face. She takes in everything about her father's appearance: the crinkles at the corners of his eyes, the streaks of gray running through his hair. If this is the last time that she will see him, she doesn't want to forget a single second of it. Even so, her lip quivers and her eyes prickle with the familiar sting of tears. There's nothing she can do to prepare herself for this goodbye.

     "Come here, my brave girl," Luke says, opening his arms to her. "Let me hold you one last time."

     Her face crumples and Indira throws herself into her father's arms, allowing him to hold her tight. He presses his lips to the top of her head, closing his eyes as tears spill down his own cheeks and run into her hair. Indira stifles a sob in the fabric of his robe, clenching her eyes shut.

      "I love you, so much," Luke mutters into his daughter's hair. He pulls away to cup her face in both of his hands. "More than you'll ever know. And I'm so, so proud of you."

      She opens her eyes and smiles at him in spite of the tears still running down her cheeks. "I love you, too," Indira says, pressing her lips to his palm.

      She feels a hand settle over her shoulder and it squeezes gently. Indira already knows that it's Leia before she turns around. The general's eyes are full of sorrow and regret as she regards her brother and her niece, but Luke knows her thoughts without her needing to voice them out loud.

      "It's time," he says with finality about the inevitable confrontation that he knows is about to happen.

      Leia nods. "It's time."

      The Jedi Master squares his shoulders and exhales deeply. He looks at his daughter and sister one last time, forcing himself to say goodbye. Luke reaches out to take both of their hands, squeezing gently before letting go. Leia slides an arm around Indira's shoulders, drawing her in, and it gives him a sense of peace to know that in his absence his sister will continue to watch over his little girl — even after he failed to watch over her son. Luke turns to leave the control room, pausing briefly when he spots another familiar face.

"Master Luke," C-3PO greets him humbly.

Luke offers the droid a wink and a smile before continuing on his way, leaving the people that he loves most in the world behind. He knows that Ben is waiting for him just outside of the mine. He can't avoid his nephew any longer.

      A newfound sense of calm settles over Luke Skywalker as he strolls through the abandoned salt mine. He sees Leia's soldiers as he makes his way towards the gaping hole in the blast door. The young men and women rise to their feet as he passes them by, staring at him with widened eyes. They seem so young — practically children, in his eyes — yet Luke knows that he was even younger when he first joined the fight.

     His gaze locks with a young man with dark hair and dark eyes that remind Luke of old friends that he used to know. Shara Bey and Kes Dameron's son looks at him reverently. The boy lets out a sharp breath of air as Luke nods at him. Then, he nods back; a mutual sense of wordless understanding passing between them. Luke knows then that the galaxy is in good hands. The young would rise up and take the places of the old — places where he, Leia, and Han had once stood — and they would continue the fight until the galaxy was free.

      Without saying a single word, Luke continues his steady pace towards the flaming hole in the door. Outside, he can see the looming figures of the AT-AT walkers approaching, but he doesn't feel any fear. His footsteps leave no prints on the ground where he steps upon the salted earth, leaving it untouched and undisturbed.

      The walkers come to an abrupt halt and the old man stares them down, eyes held high. Then, the first gun fires without warning. Luke Skywalker smiles. And the world around him is engulfed in a crimson colored haze.

     WHEN THE FIRST shot is fired, Poe runs. He charges away from the door into the heart of the mine, with the other Resistance fighters hot on his heels. He tries not to flinch with each subsequent blast, but finds it impossible not to. As he reaches the control room, he nearly crashes into a familiar, dark-haired figure sprinting in the opposite direction. Poe sets his hands on Indira's shoulders to keep them both from toppling over, but she shoves him away just as quickly.

"Whoa, easy," Poe says, alarmed. "Indira, it's me —"

"That's my dad out there," she shouts. Understanding dawns on him as he takes in the sight of her wet cheeks and red-rimmed eyes. "I can't just let him — I can't! I just got him back!"

She tries to push around him, shoving Poe to the side, but he grabs her by the wrist before she can get past. "Indira, you can't go out there," he says. "There's nothing you can do for him now." He swallows hard. "Skywalker is gone."

"No!" She protests, yanking her arm from his grasp. "He's not gone. I would feel it — I would know! He needs my help."

He grabs her other wrist before she can try to run again, tugging her into his arms and holding tightly. "I'm sorry, sweetheart," Poe mutters. "I'm so, so sorry."

"No," Indira cries, beating against his chest to try and shove him away. Poe holds her tighter. "Let me go! Damn you, Poe Dameron! I swear to all the gods that exist — let me go!"

"I can't," he tells her, feeling his heart break as she breaks in his arms. "I can't let you go, Indira. You can't help him — you'll die if you try. I can't let that happen."

     "He's my dad," she sobs, the words hardly more than a pitiful whimper. "I just got him back. It isn't fair."

     "I know." He presses his lips to the top of her head. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

All of the fight evaporates from her body instantly. Indira sags against him and horrible, heart-wrenching sobs wrack her shoulders. Outside, the sound of the gunfire has stopped, leaving the mine quiet save for the sound of her weeping. Poe holds Indira as tightly as he can, keeping her head tucked beneath his chin.

      "I'm sorry," he repeats; the words like a mantra that he can't stop repeating. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry."

a/n: Y'ALL ... THAT SHIT HURTED

EDITED ON:
11.14.19