i wonder

i wonder if you gravitate towards her
because of the familiarity;
how she loves the same songs i do
or how we indulge in your hobbies—
interests i've long listened to you
drawl over and over again,
ones that you now share to her
more frequently than you have to me.

we are two sides of the same coin,
a dupe of one another
both that you compromise
and find time for. but i wonder,
if she fulfills what i lack
some kind of reminder
for the things i can't give you
so you seek it with her?

funny how your silence
is something she's familiar with
bathes in your vulnerability
one i can never fully know
with how you've restrained to
open your doors with me,
a rejection, a shake of head,
a firm, stomach-dropping no.

oh i wonder if you wish
she was a lass instead...
long locks of raven hair
and breasts soft like mine,
so you can hold her hand
under the city lights,
without the notion
that you might
love your best friend
who is unfortunately
a

guy.

ps: this is a silly little poem made by a silly little girl who calls every anxious thought in her head, "poetry." do not take this srsly. thanks.