CHAPTER: SUNKISSED

Due to the way he felt the tingling midnight breeze dance across his shoulders right in the middle of his completely isolated quarters, Ren was convinced the second he would turn around, his eyes would be pulled into her eyes across the galaxy through the unnatural bond they shared. This was not the first time he had seen her since she had shut the door on him on Crait but having her looking back at him intensely ever since was something else.

Even though she was standing beneath the blinding full moon's light, her sunkissed skin was still glowing warmly like a warm welcome. As opposed to the last time he had seen her, her hair wasn't flowing free nor slightly touching her shoulders, instead, her brown locks were put together in one single braid on the back of her neck. The way her locks continuesly spinned around eachother instantly reminded Ren of how Leia spent the first few minutes of her mornings working on her hair but he quickly shook the thought away.

As he picked his eyes up to hers, he was surprisingly overwhelmed because of the negative thoughts radiating off of her. Was she angry? Or scared? No, Rey wouldn't be afraid of him no matter the circumstances, she felt uneased and he found himself trying to figure out her inner struggle against his will. Coming to his aid, her fingers which were softly crawling into her palm gave her emotions away. Rey was nervous, just as nervous as he was. The only difference was, Ren was far more experienced at using his own face as a mask.

After a few seconds -which felt like years- he noticed the new saber tucked into her belt. He knew she had been working on it for a while and that it was missing a piece but she wouldn't know he did in fact knew so he carried on with an act nonetheless. "I see you've constructed a new lightsaber."

// 3 MONTHS AGO //

The sound of heavy yet calm breathing surrounded the room as The Supreme Leader slowly stood up in his bed, still half covered in between the black matress and quilt. He had been rolling under the covers right to left for a while now and how Rey had shut the door to his face months ago on Crait replaying inside his mind wasn't helping either. She had given up on him like anybody else too, what had he even expected?

Ren sighed knowing the few days ahead would be busy, he was aware he had to spend the night sleeping instead of looking at absolutely nothing like a kriffing insane man. Trying so hard not to let the knot in his throat process into a helpless sob, he coughed, convincing himself to go back to trying to sleep and laid down once again. But it was a useless attempt cause as soon as he would close his eyes, they would shut open to look through the giant window covering the entire wall.

Ren took a glance at the stars sleeping peacefully in front of him as he pushed his hair back with a sigh, swiping the last drops of sweat off from his forehead. The balance and the peace of the stars suddenly angered him as he kissed his teeth, his eyebrows unintentionally frowning. It angered him how everything was peaceful and in great order in the galaxy other than his inner self. His tired face dissolved into a furious mess as he looked around the room without sitting up. Coming eye to eye with his mask which stood on a stand next to his bed, he thought deep down, "I'd rather be full of rage than being afraid." He was ashamed of his own weakness.

He shook his head in disapproval and closed his eyes once again in a final attempt to go back to sleep but the truth was, he was eating himself alive. And what was even more terrifying was the fact that it was getting worse every day, every second to be exact. As long as he kept playing the "I am The Supreme Leader" game, he hoped he eventually would get used to it.

It was a stupid nightmare. The alarming sound of the beeps echoed in the cockpit and the red light continued flashing as if the stressful siren of the alarm system wasn't enough for the pilot to understand something was wrong. Kylo held on to the joystick tightly, pulling it to himself in a harsh maneuver, with a final spark of hope to survive from the crash and uplift the ship back up.

"Ben, I love you."

"Ben, I love you."

"Ben, I love you."

The owner of the echoing voice was calm as if he had already accepted the truth that they would come crashing down in seconds and wanted to express his true feelings. Somehow even though they were seconds away from crashing the voice managed to set Ren's mind at an ease due to the tone of belonging and comfort in his voice. "Dad," Ren whispered, letting go of the joystick after realizing he wanted to spend the last moments of his life looking at the proud eyes of his father instead of hopelessly trying to control the Falcon, "I love you."

Fiery heat of the burning metal; coldness of the muddy water. Darkness of the cruel, stormy night; light coming from a few buttons in the cockpit. Fire scattered all over the debris; water drops in his eyes. Pain taking over his body; shock inside his soul after realizing he survived. Hope after managing to open his eyes but lastly remorse, seeing the bloody face of Han Solo still resting on his seat due to the strong seatbelt, his chin fallen over to his chest, his eyes shot closed. But between it all, a vicious balance.

And all Ben Solo could do was to keep his eyes open, he was unable to control his legs which initially failed him as he came falling onto the muddy, wet surface of the planet. With the contact of the shivering ice cold water escaping through his clothes to prickle his skin, Ren woke up once again while breathing out, finding himself in his room. It was a stupid nightmare, nothing more, nothing less.

He scoffed, partly effected by the vision and brought his hand to the back of his neck in order to find a comfortable position to go back to sleeping. He was used to nightmares and their effect didn't seem to last as long as they did compared to the times he had started having them as a padawan. As soon as he placed his arm under his head, his lips parted away slightly, a little stunned because of the coldness on his skin. Was his hair wet? With a slight shock, he quickly got up from the bed and walked up to the floor lenghty mirror, turning his back to it to observe, he was clearly confused by the reflection he saw.

His entire back, the back of his arms and hair was covered in mud, the same muddy water on the planet they had crashed.

Unable to wrap his head around the trick the force was playing with him, Kylo fully faced the mirror, in the blink of an eye, the surroundings on the reflection darkened, the bright lights of the luxurious Supremacy wasn't there to accompany him anymore. He took a single second to look back at himself in the mirror after acknowledging the change around himself as his eyes quickly shifted to left. Ren had sensed a movement in the force, somewhere near himself.

He frowned as he turned around and took a step forward to observe. It seemed like he was in a hut of some sort, lightened by a dimmed, yellow source, a few candles. The hut carried an incredible resemblance to a one he had stayed while training with Luke or the one Rey reached out to him, where both understood how solitude and loss could eat you away until there was nothing left.

A single thought of Rey left him eager to find more about his location and more importantly why he was here. After he examined the inside of the hut, he was convinced there was no clue inside, he walked to the tiny door right when the sky lightened a few times followed by an angry growl of the thunderstorm, rain had gotten even faster, it was pouring down with buckets as Han would say.

The sky was angry however there was something angrier in the force, someone. Rey? Was this another force bond? Was this where the resistance had been hiding all this time- where Rey had been hiding away? He licked his lips and swallowed before his feet carried him outside as fast as they could without running. If him and his clothing wasn't all wet before after the muddy nightmare, they were most definietly soaked now. But he didn't seem to care. It was a small price he was willing to pay to find Rey.

He looked around almost impatiently, continuesly cursing underneath his breath to the sky for limiting his vision. He stood in the middle of maybe ten, twelve huts which all looked the same, like the one he had gotten out of. They all had a tiny ray of light coming out of their small windows and the edges of the not so well constructed doors, all the same except one. That one was completely obliterated, the stone bricks which formed the building were scattered all over the place, hell it didn't even have a ceiling. Just like the one Luke had blown up. Luke.

Luke was alive, which meant this wasn't another force bond, it was a reminder of the past, a part of the past he had not seen.

"Leave this island," Luke said through gritted teeth, at first Kylo thought his uncle was talking to him but he soon realized he was wrong as a response came to Luke's order shortly after. "No," Rey refused. "You answer me, tell me the truth!"

Luke kept walking-and so Rey snatched up her staff before following him, took three long strides and swung it flat and hard, cracking him across the back of the head and knocking him to the ground. Both men stared up into the rain, surprised because of the young woman's outburst, standing over Skywalker with absolute furiousty.

Seeing Luke laying before Rey wasn't as amusing as Ren thought it would be, he was clever enough to predict if Luke wanted to, Rey would be down lifelessly on the ground in a second. The thought made him feel a strange kind of anger at his uncle, why was he letting a scavenger girl stand over him while he wouldn't even hesitate to slice his nephew in half in his sleep?

"Did you do it? Did you create Kylo Ren?" Rey asked as the disgusted look on Kylo's look faded away. Rey seemed to be almost trembling with anger for Luke just because of himself, she did care for him. She did care about who truly was laying beneath Kylo Ren, that was why he despised Ren so much he realized. Ren was hiding, covering, slowly destroying everything Ben was. As the realization hit him, his breathing got faster, looking back and forth between the Master and the Apprentice.

Luke got to his feet and Rey saw immediatly that nothing had changed, her master was still trying to walk away from her, from all of the shit mistakes he did, retreating to brood in silence. Furious, she swung her staff at him again but Luke reached out, the motion a blur and a length of lightning rod flew off the roof of one of the huts as Ren followed the sharp piece of metal flying over to the hands of his uncle with his eyes. Before Rey could blink Luke had intercepted the strike off her staff, the impact sending a jolt up her arms and knocked her backwards.

Quicker than she could recover The Master flipped her stuff out of her hands and threw it to clatter on the stones, leaving her defenseless. As soon as her staff left her hand, she reached out in the force and soon enough the weight of the ignited blue blade was in her hands, forcing Luke to give ground, looking up at her as she held the blade high, rain hissing and sparkling off its lenght.

Just as Ren guessed, Rey turned the lightsaber off after a moment, looking at her master with almost pleading eyes. "You failed him by thinking his choice was made," She spoke as she looked at the ground, backing her statement up with a tiny shook of head of disappointment. "It wasn't." Rey turned her eyes to Luke's as he turned his to hers, his gaze was bleak and for the first time in Ren's memory he struck him as old- a broken man dragged back into a storm he'd thought he'd escaped.

Before Luke could reply, Rey let out a shaky breath, licking her lips as if she was trying to ready her own self for whatever she was going to say. "It still isn't."

Her words almost pushed Ren a couple of steps back and the wind voluntarily helped her as he stumbled, shaken by the three words. He closed his eyes tightly like a kid who was afraid, trying to calm the storm inside of himself as the one outside also started to slow its pace down. Soon enough the growling thunderstorm was completely silent as Kylo opened his eyes. There was no sight of the huts, the storm, the sea, Luke. Rey. Nothing.

There stood a desk in front of him and on it were the Jedi texts that Luke had proudly showed to him in one of the blurry days of the past. They had never managed to gain young Ben Solo's attention and they still weren't doing the trick now. He scoffed as a tiny smirk appeared on his lips, Luke's broken saber and the kyber crystal in it were placed on a few piece of papers. Without touching anything he looked at the paper, struggling to read in the low light. It was a lightsaber design, and a double edged one.

As the realization hit him, Ren looked at the ground as he brought his hand to his hair quickly, it was dry. This wasn't a dream nor a vision nor a piece of the past. This was the force bond itself, after months of months, all this time, for the first time right now. Who else would have Luke's saber? Who else would be planning on constructing a new lightsaber? No one other than The Last Jedi. If this was Rey's place, where was Rey? With confusion he turned around to give a better look around, there she was.

She was completely under the covers, her back facing him while she faced the wall. The only thing that gave off her identity, was the incredible light coming from her, a beacon-far more powerful than a beacon, as bright as the stars, as warm as a ray of sunlight, as delicate as moondust. Ren preferred to stay still rather than taking a step closer, he didn't want to wake her up because he knew the second she saw him, her peacefulness would vanish. He couldn't afford her light getting even the tiny bit dimmer because the minute it would do so, he felt like he would lose himself completely.

Just for an instant, a part of him wished she would be sleeping while facing towards him, he had no clue why but he didn't mind not knowing or he was just to tired to even think anymore. He felt ridiculous, of course she hadn't given up on him, he was stupid to even consider it.

-10TH OF APRIL,2020