Chapter XVII
"Is it ever possible to truly know someone? To understand their experiences, their feelings, their vices, their virtues, their pleasure, their pain? The Force binds us all together, but not even the Force will allow us to see through the eyes of someone else." - Varik Montari, from Collected Wisdom of the Jedi Masters
Two days passed, and as Pete was shuffled back and forth between the operating table and the bacta tank, Frank, Gerard, Ray, Mikey, and Patrick got to know each other better. They spent hours chatting about where they'd been over the past few weeks, along with everything from music to food to which Jedi was the coolest. Soon, they discovered that even in this strange, mixed-up galaxy, where anyone could turn against you at any moment, they could trust each other.
Of course, they kept their secrets too. Frank never mentioned that he was Fun Ghoul, although he suspected that Patrick had figured it out on his own. The Way brothers never said why they had fled Coruscant so suddenly, and Ray never told Patrick that they'd fought together in the Clone Wars. Patrick, for his part, kept quiet about what Pete had said to him before the Black Mariah had arrived. They didn't need to know about Pete's feelings for him, and they definitely didn't need to know that he wasn't the perfect Jedi they thought he was.
As Patrick was telling the others about how he and Pete had fought Brendon Urie, who Gerard was sure had to be an Inquisitor, a doctor entered the room. "Pete's awake," she said, peering down at the five boys.
"How is he?" Patrick asked worriedly.
"He's recovering nicely," she said. "Would you like to see him?"
"That would be great," Patrick said. His heart beat faster at the thought of seeing Pete again. He wasn't sure what he would say when he saw him. What was there to say after Pete had confessed his love for him?
"Can I come too?" Gerard asked.
"What about me?" Frank asked.
"I'd like to make sure Pete's okay," Mikey said.
"Me too," Ray said.
"We can't take all five of you right now," the doctor said.
Gerard sighed. "Maybe we should let Patrick go by himself," he said. "After all, he's friends with Pete, and we barely know him."
Patrick wasn't quite sure how he felt about being alone together with Pete, but he nodded and followed the doctor into his room. When the doctor opened the door, he stepped inside, not quite sure what to expect.
"Hey Lunchbox," Pete said weakly from the hospital bed. The doctors had told Patrick that Pete had broken nearly every bone in his body when he'd fallen into the sinkhole, but already, he was looking a lot better. There were a couple of fading bruises and a few faint scars left - nothing that couldn't be fixed with another night in the bacta tank. Soon, he'd be ready to leave Utapau. They just had to figure out where they would go from here.
"Hi Pete," Patrick said.
"There's something I want to talk to you about," Pete said.
"Good, because there's a lot I want to talk to you about."
"How did you get me here exactly?"
"It's kind of complicated," Patrick said. "This group of outlaws found us and rescued us. Gerard's a fan of True Clone Wars Adventures, and he wanted to warn me about the Inquisitorius. That's the organization Brendon's in, by the way."
"I thought he was a Sith."
"Apparently not, but according to Gerard, it's all a big conspiracy. The Sith and the Inquisitorius are working with the Empire to get rid of all of the surviving Jedi."
"So it's just as we suspected," Pete said. "The entire galaxy's out to get us." Patrick nodded, and Pete said, "So those guys who were walking by my bacta tank..."
"They were the ones who rescued us," Patrick said. "The blond one...he's one of us. I can feel it."
"One of us?" Pete said. "What do you mean?"
"He's Force-sensitive," Patrick explained. He hadn't known Mikey for long, but he felt the Force burning bright within him. There was power there, waiting to be unleashed. "I don't think he's ever been trained, but he has a strong connection to the Force."
"Uhh...yeah. I felt that too," Pete said. "Also, the redhead and the short one are madly in love with each other and refuse to admit it."
"Holy smokes, you can feel something like that through the Force?" Patrick said. "If you can, you're more powerful than I thought."
Pete laughed. "No," he said. "It's in the way they look at each other. You know what I'm talking about, right?"
"No, I really don't."
"Maybe it's because you've never been in love."
"We need to talk about that, by the way," Patrick said, blushing out of sheer embarrassment. "You know. What happened the other day."
"I meant every word I said," Pete said.
Patrick didn't know what to say. He never thought it would end up like this. He never believed that Pete loved him. Most of the time, he wasn't even sure that Pete liked him, but when Patrick looked into his eyes, he knew it was all true. Pete looked at him just like Frank and Gerard looked at each other, with affection and passion and love.
All of a sudden, Patrick looked away. "I can't, Pete," he said.
"What are you talking about?" Pete asked.
"I can't be with you," Patrick said. "Jedi can't form attachments."
"You were the one who kissed me!"
"It was a mistake."
"It didn't feel like a mistake to me."
Patrick paused for a moment, remembering how Pete's lips had felt on his, and then he said, "You know just as well as I do that falling in love is against the Jedi Code."
"Who cares?" Pete said. "The Jedi Order is gone. We should be able to do whatever we want."
"That's not true," Patrick said. "Attachments lead to the dark side."
"The dark side's not all bad."
Patrick sighed. "Listen Pete, I like you a lot. You're talented and funny and clever, and I think you're my best friend..."
"Really?" Pete interrupted. "Nobody's ever said anything like that to me before."
"...but one of us should uphold the Code," Patrick said. "If you're not going to do it, then I will."
Pete looked heartbroken, like he wanted to reinvent the wheel to run himself over. "I should have never told you how I felt," he muttered to himself. "I've ruined everything."
For a moment, Patrick wished he could take it back, but as much as he liked Pete, he knew he had to distance himself. It was what was best for both of them. He couldn't let his feelings cloud his better judgment.
While Pete and Patrick talked, Frank, Gerard, Ray, and Mikey sat outside, chatting amongst themselves as they waited for Patrick to come back. "Frank, why can't I get the chip out of my head here?" Ray asked.
"The Empire could find us," Frank said. "It's better to wait until we get to Kriselist."
"So where do we go from here?" Gerard asked.
"Well, I need to go to Truwel to drop off some cargo," Frank said.
"Again?" Mikey said.
"Uhh...yeah," Frank said. "We can go to Kriselist after that, and then I'll take you two to Ilum."
"That sounds like a good plan," Gerard said.
"Yeah," Frank said, his heart pounding in his chest. "I should probably go back to the ship and plot out our exact trajectory though. We don't want to get lost on the way there."
Frank got up and headed to the ship, wondering how he would steal the data pod without Gerard noticing, but the guilt was slowly eating away at him. Gerard was one of the few people who genuinely cared about him, who saw him as more than just a dangerous criminal. Frank didn't want to betray him, but Andy Hurley's reward for inside information on the Empire was too good to pass up. He had to do this.
When Frank climbed aboard the Black Mariah, he saw that Gerard had left his data pod in the ship. It was sitting on top of his backpack, as if Gerard was waiting for him to take it. He reached toward the pod, but he hesitated. He thought about Gerard, every memory they'd shared over the last few weeks, everything they could be, if only Frank would stop treating him like just another mark. He didn't want to take the data pod. He wanted to be stronger than that, but in the end, he wasn't.
He reached out, grabbed the data pod, and put it in his pocket.
Frank nervously walked back into the hospital, certain that Gerard would notice he'd stolen the data pod. All of the worst-case scenarios raced through his mind as he opened the door and approached the others.
By the time Frank came back, Patrick had returned. "How's Pete doing?" Gerard asked him.
"He's fine," Patrick said, but something seemed wrong.
All of a sudden, Gerard turned to Frank. "Is everything okay?" he asked.
"Yeah," Frank said. "I set up all of the trajectories. We should have no problem getting to Ilum." He was surprised by how easily the lie slipped out, but Gerard didn't seem to notice anything.
"I've been to Ilum before," Patrick said.
"Really?" Gerard said.
"Yeah. I found the kyber crystal for my lightsaber there."
"That's really neat."
As Patrick and Gerard kept on talking about lightsabers, Frank wondered if it was too late to put the data pod back. Already, he felt like he'd made a mistake, but he was sure it was too late to turn back now. He'd stolen the data pod. All he had to do was sell it to the Truwel Rebellion without Gerard finding out. It couldn't be that hard, right?
The next morning, Pete was released from the hospital, and with nowhere else to go, Pete and Patrick both decided to go to Truwel with Frank and his crew. As Frank steered the ship toward Truwel, he felt like he'd let Gerard down. He wasn't who Gerard thought he was. He was a crook, a thief, a sinner, someone who couldn't resist the thought of a hundred thousand credits in his hands. He worried that he'd never change, no matter how hard he tried. After all, if his feelings for Gerard couldn't stop him from stealing the data pod, then what could?
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