this was requested by sondercoyfish and it contains no spoilers whatsoever :-) and this is my very first time writing for mando sooo i'm pretty excited!! i hope y'all like it <3

/ / / 

In all of the months you'd been traveling with Mando aboard the Razor Crest, you'd never once granted yourself the ability to wonder. There was no wondering about the name he had been born with, no wondering about the face that was hidden away. Wondering would lead you straight to a dead end. You could never know either of those things. Everything personal about Mando... it wasn't yours to know.

His creed was the single most important thing to him ever, even more so than the kid and you were. Which was perfectly fine with you. This was his religion. This was everything that he was and you cared about him too much to start to wonder---

Unfortunately for you, caring about him was a danger in itself. You cared about him. You cared about him and therefore you wondered about that face you couldn't see. What did he look like? Were his eyes brown or hazel? Maybe even blue. No, you pictured them as brown. You wondered about his name. Was it short? Was he named after someone? Did he have a middle name? Maybe he didn't even have a last name. And because of your feelings for him, you were left to wonder some more, and then you'd throw yourself back into the loop of reminders that no, you absolutely cannot wonder about any of those things, because you will never have the ability to know these things, so you'd better just stop right where you are and---

"Hey." His sharp voice made you jump out of your thoughts. Your eyes flickered over to the shine of the silver helmet that was staring right at you. "Did you hear a single word I said?" 

"No," you admitted, shifting uncomfortably in the seat you had been in for far too long. "I was thinking." 

He sighed softly and turned back to face the panel of controls. "I said, the kid wants you." 

"Oh," you said. And just like that, your thoughts weren't the most important thing to you anymore. It was the small little cooing green thing that was slipping off of Mando's lap and coming towards you, arms out and hands grabbing. "Hey, little thing." You picked him up under his small arms and brought him up onto your lap. He grabbed your hand right away; his hands could barely close around a single finger of yours. He chewed on your hand, right on your knuckle. "You think this kid is still teething?" 

"I doubt it. It's fifty years old. But then again, who knows," Mando said. "But he's devoured entire frogs in a single bite, so I'd watch it if I were you." 

"You wouldn't bite my hand off, would you, little guy?" you asked the baby, who blinked up at you with large brown eyes. You glanced back up at the back of Mando's helmet. "No, he wouldn't, Mando. He says I'm his favorite." 

"The kid doesn't even talk yet," he replied. 

"It's all in the eyes." You moved your free hand to the top of the baby's head and stroked his ears. "Isn't that right, baby?" He cooed in response. "That's right. I know I'm your favorite."

You could've sworn Mando snorted. "You'd might want to go put the kid to bed and get some rest for yourself," Mando said. "I'll take first watch."

You stared up at him with furrowed eyebrows; you were pretty sure it was your turn to take first watch and pilot the ship. "Are you sure? When was the last time you slept?" 

"I'm sure," was all he said. "Go on, I'll wake you up if anything happens." 

"Okay," you said. You frowned and looked down at the baby. He blinked up at you sleepily and you knew you shouldn't fight Mando on this one. "You can wake me up if you're tired, Mando." You stood up and cradled the baby close to your chest. The door slid open and you left the cockpit quietly.

He didn't say anything to you except for, "Goodnight."

After putting the kid in his hammock and climbing into the cot that you and Mando traded off back and forth, you closed your eyes. In the darkness and the warmth of the bed, underneath the thick covers and away from the sounds of the ship, it was easy to let yourself fall asleep.

*   /   *   /   *

His hand was on your shoulder and he was shaking you. Your eyes snapped open as he said, "Hey. Get up. The kid's awake and we've landed. It'll be good for the two of you to stretch your legs and get some fresh air." 

You felt too groggy to ask where you were. You simply nodded and stretched as he disappeared and left the Razor Crest. Your limbs were stiff; you'd slept so deeply that you hadn't moved once in your sleep. You slipped out of bed, wiped your face until you felt a little less tired, and then followed Mando outside of the ship, where he was paying a human to refuel it.

The baby was standing just outside of the Razor Crest. When he saw you, he grinned and lifted his hands up again. You smiled and stooped down, pulling him into your arms and poking at his side until he giggled. You shut your eyes and let your forehead touch his. He cooed, his hands moving to touch your cheeks, those big brown eyes blinking back up at you.

"We won't be here for long," Mando told you. "Just for a quick refuel and then we're moving again."

"Okay," you said. The journey to find the child's family and home planet was a difficult one. Not because there were literally no clues to where to find them, but because you couldn't imagine your life without him. And every time you took off into the vastness of space and continued on, you got a little closer to giving him away forever. "Maybe... maybe we should stop here for a night or two. Just to relax." 

"Relax?" he repeated. "No, relaxing will get you killed. We've got to keep moving." 

"I know it's dangerous to stay in one spot for too long, but it's dangerous doing what we've been doing," you argued. "And I know for a fact that you haven't slept in days." 

He crossed his arms. "It's none of your concern when or whether I sleep."

You widened your eyebrows. "None of my concern? I mean, I guess you're right... but you don't have to be such a jerk about it." The kid squirmed in your arms and you placed him back on the ground. He waddled away, hands grabbing for a strange insect that buzzed by. You sighed as you watched him. 

Mando's hand grabbed your wrist as you passed by him. You paused but didn't grant him the pleasure of you looking at him. You stared straight ahead, your face completely indifferent. "You know I'm not trying to be a jerk. I'm just being reasonable. We have a mission to complete, and that's getting the kid back to his people. We can't be selfish here. I know this is hard and you're worried about him. I know you don't want to say goodbye to him. I don't either. But we can't..." He huffed and your eyes lifted. The child was giggling, grabbing for the insect. His wide-set smile stretched as he chased the thing. "We can't keep him forever. He's not ours to keep." 

"It's not just him I'm worried about," you said. You looked at Mando and, using your other hand, pulled your wrist from his grip. You let his hand go and turned towards him. The wind blew your hair across your face and you shivered, folding your arms over your chest. You sighed and moved as the child tried to scramble and run between your legs. "Mando, I---"

The sound of the blaster didn't even register. It was the pain that did. It hit you like a flash of burning white, exploding right your side, erupting your chest and throat and filling you with fire. Your eyes widened and you fell right over, smacking your shoulder against the side of the Razor Crest. Mando reacted immediately, pulling out his own blaster and firing back at the human he had just given credits to to fix his ship. He hit him right in the chest, killing him instantly. You fell into the dirt with a huff and your hands found the wound with ease.

You knew what had happened. The man must have realized quickly after he saw the three of you who you all were. He had pulled out the blaster to shoot Mando, but you had stepped in his way just as he pulled the trigger. And now you were on the ground with a shot in your side.

And then Mando was there on his knees in front of you, his hands on your arms. "Look at me, look at me!" You weren't even aware that you weren't looking at him. You were staring at your wound, but all you could see was Mando. Just flashes of him in your mind. Mando and the baby. The three of you together. You didn't want to lose them. You didn't want to leave them.

"O-oh," you whispered, moving your hands from your burning skin. The blood made your stomach flip and the sight of your singed shirt didn't help either. "I-I'm gonna die." 

"You're not going to die," he said simply. 

You shook your head. "No, I am." 

"No, you're not," he said, and he ripped your shirt up the seam of the side to expose the wound. He froze when he saw it and that was how you knew it was bad. You saw the clear hesitation before he shook his head. "You'll be fine."

"Are you trying to convince yourself of that or me?"

He paused again, and he must be looking at you now. Your hands were trembling and you let out a whimper of pain. "I'm not going to lose you. I'm getting a medpac." He was standing up now, his hands leaving you.

"Mando---" You didn't want him to leave you now. Not now. "Don't---"

He was back in seconds and at your wide again, breaking open the medpac and shuffling through the items inside. But you were still bleeding too much, and he started to panic. He grabbed a wad of cloth and pressed it tightly to the wound. Your head lolled, the pain so blinding white that you couldn't stand it. "No. No! You look at me. Do you hear me?" His hand was so rough on your shoulder. "I'm not giving you an option. You have to look at me." 

Your eyes opened and you nodded slowly. He moved you slightly so that you sat up and leaned against the Razor Crest. You groaned out in pain. "Mando. Can I ask you something?"

"If it'll keep you awake, sure," he said. And then he added softly, "You can ask me anything." 

"What's your real name?" The air was heavy as the question left your paling, trembling lips. "If I'm gonna die, I want to know." 

"You're not going to die," he said firmly. 

"You can't know that," you whispered. "And if this isn't going to take me out, then the next one will. I just don't want to die not knowing what your name is or w-what your face looks like." 

He was quiet for a long moment. "You know that I cannot say or show you either of those things." 

"I know." You closed your eyes and swallowed hard. "I-I know. I'm sorry, I blurt out whatever I'm thinking when I'm bleeding out." 

He laughed softly and shook his head at you. 

"You know I honor your creed, don't you?" you mumbled. You struggled to open your eyes again. "I respect everything that you are. It's stupid to wonder these things that I know I will never get to know. And these things don't even matter, 'cause I don't care what your name is or what you look like. I know who you are and --- and e-even if I wonder, just know that I don't ever expect..."

"You're doing it again," he said. 

"Doing what?" 

"Blurting out whatever you're thinking."

"Oh." You scowled. "Right." 

"Open your eyes," he pleaded, moving his hand from the cloth to the sides of your face. You felt his fingers stroke up your cheekbones and your eyes fluttered open. You squirmed slightly, trying to sit up a little further. His hand moved to the back of your neck and he moved you as gently as he could. "You don't know how badly I wish I could show you and tell you everything that you deserve to know."

You swallowed hard. "Yeah?" 

"Yeah," he said. "If I could give you everything that you wanted, I would."

"Well, that's a little more romantic than I was expecting from you," you mumbled, and he laughed quietly again. You grimaced in more pain and he moved his hand from the back of your neck, going to shuffle back through the medpac.

 You closed your eyes tightly as Mando grabbed disinfectant of some kind, swiped it on a piece of white cloth, and cleaned the area. You groaned in pain and clenched your teeth together. "I'm sorry. After it is clean, I'll put the Bacta patch on you and you'll be fine." 

"I'm not dying this time?" you mumbled. 

"No," he said, his voice hard. 

You turned your head as you saw the baby slowly waddle up towards you with a low whine. He grabbed for you and you weakly lifted your hand, your finger pointed. He held on tight with both of his tiny hands. "It's okay, little guy." 

"She'll be alright," Mando said, looking at him. The baby kept walking until he was right up against your side. As clever as he was, he was mindful of where you were hurt. He nuzzled his little face in the dip of your shoulder, his hands moving to your hair. "You don't have to worry about her anymore." 

"Were you worried?" you asked Mando. 

He didn't look at you. "You know I was." 

"I know. I just wanted to hear it." Your lips twitched into a smile again.

After Mando applied the Bacta patch, he put his arm around your shoulders and very slowly pulled you upright in a sitting position. You let out a string of whimpers and pressed your shaking fist against your lips tightly. You started to stand with his help, rocking back on your heels as the movement of your body caused a tremendous amount of blinding pain. Mando managed to get you to almost stand halfway before it was too much for even him to handle. "Here, just let me---" He moved his other arm behind your knees and gently lifted you off of the ground. You collapsed, exhausted against the breastplate of his armor.

"Do I still have to keep my eyes open and look at you, or can I finally sleep?"

"You can sleep," he said. 

"Good." He moved you into the ship and eased you onto the cot. "Will you sleep?" 

"Soon," he said. He moved his arms away from you and stepped back. He went to push something on the panel so that the door would shut and you could sleep---

"I know you've been staying up to make sure that the baby and I are taken care of." Your eyes weren't shut now. You were looking at him. "And I think that's sweet of you and all, but I care about you and I want you to be taken care of, Mando." You smiled. "That's what I was trying to say before I was shot in the side and so rudely interrupted."

Mando didn't know what to say. He just stared at you for a long minute. It wasn't surprising that you were telling him that you cared about him. Obviously you did care about him. This was a clan of three right now, and even the two of you alone had been through so much that there wasn't a doubt in his mind that you cared for one another. But he also was very aware that you meant care in a different kind of way, too. In a way that he couldn't even fathom currently, but he was very sure that the feeling was mutual. 

"Sleep well," he whispered, and you smiled. "I promise I will sleep soon."

"Thank you," you said.

He let the doors close and looked down at the child, who was blinking up at him with those big brown eyes. Mando sighed and picked him up. "Come on, little one," he said, and the two of them made their way up the ladder. "I think it's time we both got some rest."