2.8k+ words; not requested, just sad and wishing i was married to din

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Every part of him screamed that it was wrong. It was wrong to continue a life within a Mandalorian armor when he broke his own Creed. He had taken his helmet off within a year of knowing you. He had shown his face to a living being. You assured him that it did not matter, that the marriage between the two of you had sealed the clan that you had formed, and he believed you. But still, it was wrong and he knew it.

It was wrong to continue this life of danger with you by his side. Not that you weren't capable of taking care of yourself, because you were. But because you were pregnant with his child, that made you more fragile and it made him more of a mess.

With the baby inside of you and the Child strapped to your back, you moved quickly alongside him, blaster in your hand, against your hip. The two of you moved silently over the crunchy sand, keeping your heads down so enemies couldn't see you. Moving from city to city, from planet to planet, system to system... it wasn't safe. He knew it. You were terrified with every passing week. You were showing now. His baby wasn't safe.

"We'll get more fuel and food," he told you, keeping his hand on your back as he moved you quickly through the market. "Then we'll leave this moon and go straight to Tatooine. Peli will give us a place to stay for a while."

You nodded. "How long will we be here?"

"Not too long," he promised you, but every minute here was dangerous. He glanced around and gently guided you to stand in the shade, under an awning beside an abandoned cart. "You stay here while I buy some supplies. Keep the blaster hidden under your robes, but keep your hand on it."

"I will."

"I'll be right back." Din walked down the dusty, sandy road, taking in the pathetic sights of the sellers. Most were elderly, bent over and sickly, glaring at him with unforgiving orange eyes. He stood out here. The light from the sun shone on his beskar. He was like a shining light, drawing in unwanted insects. His enemies would come in swarms.

He stopped in front of a seller that showcased a plethora of food. All sold in packs tied in string, he offered great prices for a large amount of food. Din handed over the credits and picked out something hard and crunchy for the kid and a couple of healthy meals for you. As he browsed, he did so quickly, continuously glancing over his shoulder to make sure that you were still against the wall of the building where he had left you. His heart was beating so harshly. He needed to be next to you.

"You alright, son?" the seller in front of him asked. He had a permanent scowl on his wrinkled face.

Din looked at him. "Yeah." He tucked the food under his arm and glanced back over to check on you.

"A man of your profession shouldn't have a family," the seller said. "It ain't right."

At first, Din wanted to argue. For whatever reason, an argument threatened to spill right off of his tongue. No, I can protect them. But he stopped himself, because it wasn't really the old man that he wanted to argue about it with, but himself. For weeks now Din had been lying awake at night, wondering if the beskar he wore was any good at all.

It lured people in. Enemies searched for it. Thieves longed for it. He could never blend in, no matter where he went. You could blend in if it wasn't for him. Wrap the child in a blanket, hide his ears... no one would have any idea that you were raising wanted bounty. It was Din's fault you were always on the move, always a target, always getting hunted. It was all on him.

But without his beskar, he couldn't protect you. He relied on it to keep him alive when he got hit. He relied on it to be your shield when someone fired at you or the baby. He relied on it to be his strength and to scare his enemies away. If it wasn't on his body, any shot could be his last one. He couldn't risk going down without a chance to get back up again. So many times he could remember hitting the floor, the shot fired at him a bruise against his skin, hearing your desperate yell, pleading with him to get up. If it wasn't for the beskar, he wouldn't have gotten up again to protect you.

But that wasn't what his armor was for. He was a bounty hunter pretending he could have something he wasn't meant to have --- a family. And he knew that it was wrong.

"I'll just take these," he said to the seller.

"Hmph."

Suddenly, a blaster shot rang out in the market. At once, all of the sellers started to scatter, screaming in fear as their peaceful morning was interrupted. Din whipped around quickly, his blaster already in his hand, feet already moving to where he knew the altercation was. A masked man had his hand locked on your arm and you were kicking him harshly in the gut, sending him doubling over in pain. You would fight, kill, and die for the Child. "Get off of me!"

"___!" Din yelled, "get back now!"

You obeyed, stepping backwards into the shade as Din stepped in between you and the attacker. He hesitated only a moment to see if he recognized them before he fired. It wasn't worth finding out while knowing that they could get up and attack him.

The sellers and shoppers were gone in their homes and all that remained was the thickness of dust in the air. He turned slowly, putting his blaster back in the holster. You were holding the Child now, rocking him to calm his whines.

"He didn't hurt you, right?" he asked tiredly.

"No." You sounded like you were about to cry.

"And the Child?"

Your voice was a whisper. "He's just frightened."

At the softness of your voice, at the brokenness of your tone, his voice became hard. "Come on."

"Din," you started. "Din, I---"

"Move fast. We shouldn't be out here any longer. We need to go." He left the masked attacker to bleed out on the streets. He gathered his purchases before he started back towards the Razor Crest.

The journey to Tatooine was silent. You sat behind him in the cockpit, the kid sleeping in your arms, the stars moving in a blur of blue as you moved through hyperspace. Din drummed his fingers against his knee, and that was the only movement he made in a long time.

You wished he could understand that although you were afraid, you weren't afraid of being with him. Your fear came from the fact that there was life growing inside of you that you weren't sure you could take care of. Having two children so unexpectedly was something you'd never thought you'd see in your life. Knowing that people were after your family wasn't something you were able to be comfortable with. But you trusted Din and knew his strength and courage and the undying love that he had for you and your family, and you relied on that to keep you going.

But Din saw himself as a death sentence. He had doomed you and the Child and your baby. There was a sentence looming over your heads.

"We should talk about what's bothering you," you said. You waited for him to answer, but he didn't. Your voice grew stern. "Din Djarin."

"What's there to talk about?" He was harsh, but it wasn't out of meanness, but out of defeat. "I mean it. What is there to talk about?"

"You're blaming yourself and that isn't fair. We both knew the life we would have if we took in the Child and took on this mission. We knew the risks. We just didn't know we'd be doing it with a baby on the way."

"It isn't right," he whispered. "The danger you're in... that's not the danger a mother should have to raise a child in."

"We're raising two children," you corrected, "and we're doing it just fine."

"Do you remember Omera?"

"Of course I do."

"A life like hers is the life you deserve to have."

"No," you said. "A life with you is the life I deserve to have."

With a voice so light it was hardly audible, he said, "I'm hardly what you deserve."

"Din Djarin." You spoke it lovingly, carefully, as carefully as you moved the Child to lay across your seat. You stepped forward and bent down, wrapping your arms around your husband's shoulders. "A life with you... with the kid and with our new baby... that is all I could ever want. I'm not looking for a life of peace and quiet. Sometimes I long for it, but I long for it for your sake. You're my everything, Din. Don't you know that?"

"Yes."

"Then please be easier on yourself." You laid your head against his, pressing your cheek to the cool beskar of his helmet. He looked straight ahead at the swirl of hyperspace going by.

"When we get to Tatooine, I'll be leaving you with Peli. I'll take the kid, finish the mission. Come back when it's done and safe."

A million questions popped up into your head. He was willing to miss out on the birth of your child? More than that, he was willing to miss out on the first few weeks of his or her life? And he was willing to risk getting killed on the mission without being able to see you or your baby again?

Although all of these thoughts came to the front of your mind, the hurt you felt silenced you. You pulled away from him and stepped back. He turned slowly in his seat, looking at you very cautiously through the visor of his helmet. You decided you didn't want to look at him anymore and picked the Child off the seat to start down the ladder.

"___," Din said. "If you could just hear me out---"

But you didn't want to, and there was no way for him to stop you.

You still hadn't spoken to him when he landed on Tatooine. The suns had set and the night was finally dark. You walked side-by-side as always, moving quickly towards Peli's shop. She greeted the two of you at the doorway with crossed arms. Her eyes fell on your stomach right away and the surprise on her face disappeared.

"Well look at you," she said. "Didn't ever think I'd see somethin' like that. You must be tired."

"A little," you admitted, setting the Child down in the sand.

"Well, go on in and lay down. You know where to sleep. Take the little womp rat with you, but don't let him eat anything! I've got some bones for him somewhere around here. I'm sure he'll sniff 'em out before I can find 'em."

You smiled. "Thank you, Peli."

Without bidding goodnight to your husband, you moved to the inside of the shop. He dropped your luggage onto the sand and Peli looked him up and down.

"Great going, tin-can," she said.

"She needs to stay here with you," he said. "When we planned a life together I never thought..."

"Never thought what? It'd be a little dangerous and strange for a bounty hunter to raise a kid in a situation like this one? I got news for you, Mando, the bad is all around. She isn't any safer here. And I'm not talkin' about you two having a kid. I'm talkin' about you throwin' her out on the streets."

He sighed. "I'm not throwing her out on the streets---"

"Looked that way to me," she said, keeping her chin up. "I could see it all in her eyes."

"You don't know the whole story."

"I don't need to."

"You do."

"Mando, I don't. Because I can see that you're leaving her here to raise this kid all on her own because you somehow think that's better than keeping her with you. I get that you're scared, pal, I do. But this isn't the way to go about it."

"Then what do you expect me to do?" he asked, annoyed.

She shrugged. "I don't know. Trust the Force, or somethin' like that."

"The Force and I haven't had much luck together," he said, "and I'm not so sure that's something I should rely on to keep the two of them safe."

"And why not? You've made it this far. Look, all I am sayin' is that you'll regret it for the rest of your life if you miss out on a moment with her or that baby. I can remember first meeting you when you were all alone in this galaxy. The Mando I knew saw that girl and wanted something with her that he had always wanted with someone." She stared up at him knowingly, her eyebrows raised.

He sighed. "I don't want to put her in danger."

"I'm afraid she's always going to be, whether you're around or not. And I'm afraid that you're always going to be, whether she's around or not. But she knows the two of you work better together. Do you know that?"

He did. Life wasn't perfect, but it seemed pretty close now that he was with you. You were everything he had ever wanted and you had given him a family.

"A man of my profession was never meant to have something like this," he mumbled.

"Maybe not. But why should that stop you? Like I said, you've come this far, haven't you?"

It was true that it had taken months to get to this point, and by now, the two of you had something neither one of you could live without. While he wasn't sure he could protect you until you were finally safe, he imagined that you felt the same way about him. You both had sworn to protect each other.

"Fine," he huffed. He moved towards the shop. "I'll talk to her."

Peli smiled smugly. "So stubborn. You Mandalorians are stubborn!"

Inside of the shop, the kid was gnawing on one of the bones Peli had tossed in the corner. You were curled up on the cot in the far corner, arm tucked under your cheek, eyes closed. He couldn't tell if you were asleep as he lowered himself down on the side of the bed. Staring at you, he brushed his fingers across your forehead, pushing away the messy hair.

You didn't open your eyes, but you mumbled, "Leaving us already?"

"No," he said.

"If you're waiting until I fall asleep, just know I can't sleep," you said. You sounded sad, and he wondered if you had been crying. "So it's better if you just go now. I already said goodbye to the kid."

He looked at the Child, who whined as he stared up at him. The big brown eyes of the kid seemed sad and hurt and Din felt himself fill up with guilt. He had hurt every single person he cared about by trying to protect them. But he could fix it.

He looked back down at you and brushed your forehead with his fingers again. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying with you."

Your eyes opened slowly. "You mean that?"

He nodded and you took his hand, pulling it away from your face. You kissed his knuckles and stroked your thumb across them.

"Truly?" Tears of joy were in your eyes.

"Truly. I'm so sorry for hurting you."

"I know. I forgive you."

"You can sleep," he whispered. He bent down to touch his forehead to yours as he cupped his hand over your stomach. "I'll be here when you wake up."

"Will you sleep next to me?"

"Of course," he whispered.

After putting out the lantern hanging in the doorway, he slid into the cot next to you. The kid dropped the bones he was gnawing on and waddled over to the bed. Din wrapped his arms around you and you turned around to face him, lifting the helmet off his head slowly and placing it on the floor beside the bed. In the pitch black darkness, no one could see his face and the kid was obviously curling up, pressed against your back, burying his face in your hair and pulling the blanket up to his chin.

It was the first time in a long time that Din felt like he had done something right. You were in his arms, falling asleep easily now, protected by him. You felt safe enough to sleep. The kid felt safe enough to sleep. And the four of you would remain close together forever.

A man of his profession was never meant to have something like this, but why should that stop him from trying to keep it?