i seem to be back :-) i'll probably be writing some spider-man imagines to get ready for no way home, so if you have requests for that, let me know <3

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You had begged him to come back to you, to come back to the light, for years. Years of endless pleas that seemed to have no effect on him whatsoever. The Jedi boy that you had fallen in love with as a young adult, that had changed so much so quickly and had thrown away everything his family had ever given him. All for a lie. All for the dark side that his own grandfather had foolishly trusted in, too.

Trying to bring Ben Solo back from the dark side nearly killed you. He had spared you on the night he destroyed Luke Skywalker's temple and killed half of his students. But when you snuck onto his ship and begged him to come back to you, he offered no mercy. His face was hidden behind a helmet that completely erased the boy you once loved. You managed to escape with a searing cut up your right arm. He had been aiming for your throat. It was only because you turned away that he missed. Now the scar was a permanent memory of how you approached him without a weapon, without threat, and he went for the kill without hesitation.

Nothing you could do could bring him back.

And yet here he was, standing in front of you, a blue lightsaber in hand. You had nearly died at the hands of the Knights of Ren and he had stepped in and saved you. His face was no longer hidden by a mask. He was staring down at you and you wondered what he was thinking. What could he be thinking, seeing you here, ready to face off against Palpatine and give your life to save Rey?

His lips parted and his brown eyes softened. "There's so much I want to say to you."

"There's no time," you said quickly, wincing at the sound of his voice. You had gone so long accepting that his gentle voice and his soft eyes would be lost forever. That he really did kill Ben Solo when he betrayed his uncle. "Rey needs us."

You turned away from him and started walking further into the darkness. Somewhere in the distance, sparks of blue light lit your way. You knew Rey was there.

He followed you, only having to take a few big steps to catch up with you. "I know what you think of me. You have every right. I was a monster, I was---"

"Yes," you agreed. "You were a monster."

There wasn't time for any other conversation. You and Ben met Rey in front of Palpatine's throne. She was breathless, with tears of thankfulness in her eyes. She and Ben nodded at one another in an unspoken understanding. Shifting your eyes between the two, you knew that whatever you and Ben had in the past was severed completely. Of course, nearly a decade of betrayal and him living his life as Kylo Ren could have told you that, but it was confirmed with the way he looked at her.

The way he looked at her was how he used to look at you. Like what was in front of him was his only hope, his only source of light.

Together, the three of you faced Palpatine. Knowing that survival was unlikely, you made your final peace. Electricity emerging from the Emperor's fingers rippled through your body. A gutted scream left your lips and your body was twisted upward into the air. You saw Ben soar upward with you, and the two of you were tossed directly into a pit. Your shoulder slammed against the wall of rock and your hand shot up. Although your bones ignited in pain, you dug your fingers into the crevice of the stone to catch yourself.

As your chest hit the wall, you peered down. Ben hit a ledge and slipped off the edge, falling deeper into the darkness. "Ben!" you screamed, watching him disappear far below you.

With a grunt of pain and exhaustion, you looked back up at the lightning filled sky. Hopelessness filled you only for a moment. Rey was still alive. Ben was still alive. Hope was not lost.

You let go of the ledge. The lightsaber in your hand ignited as you kicked off of the wall. The blue lit up the darkness. You dropped down to the bottom of the pit, landing flat on your feet. You turned and saw Ben's body. He was on his side, his arms tossed over his side. His leg was bent almost unnaturally.

"Ben," you whispered, and you rushed over to kneel next to him. You cupped the back of his head and turned him over gently. Letting one hand brush across his cheek, you whispered his name one more time. His skin was warm under your hand and his eyes fluttered open.

"___," he said. He sounded surprised.

"Can you stand?" you asked him. You helped him sit up, keeping one arm around him. "Rey is still up there."

He nearly fell as he stood, and you caught him. His eyes met yours and you could tell an apology was about to fall directly off his lips. You tore your eyes away quickly and started to climb the rock wall. When you were three feet off the bottom, you turned and offered a hand to Ben.

"Come on," you said. "She needs us."

He followed you. But his injuries were severe and his body was weak, and he encouraged you to go without him. You could climb far faster, and although the sounds of static and cackles of triumph coming from the emperor were gone, you knew there was nothing from Rey. Reaching for her, you felt nothing. Not even a weak whisper of life force.

You crawled out of the pit and scanned the area in search of her. Her body was near the throne, on its side, just as Ben's was. You got up and sprinted towards her, flipping her over on her back and looking down at the frozen eyes that were locked on the stars above.

"Rey," you said. You shook her gently, moving your fingers to search for a pulse that you already knew wasn't there. The tears were already coming, and you choked on your words as you started to plead with her. "Rey, please. Don't do this. Rey---"

First Leia, now this. Now Rey. What would Finn and Poe do? They'd be broken.

"Rey!" you tried again, knowing it was useless.

A shadow above you made you tear your eyes away from her face. You looked up at Ben and sniffled. Finally, as the emotions overcame you, as you cradled the lifeless body of your friend and faced the impossible future without you, you found yourself able to talk to Ben Solo again.

"I begged you to turn, and you wouldn't. What changed?" Your eyes shifted to Rey again. "Was it her?"

His eyes, full of sorrow, were teary as he knelt in front of you. He wordlessly took her from your arms, falling back and cradling her against him. It was her. The answer was in the way he looked down at her. The other half of his dyad, the soul that was so connected to his. You weren't enough for him, but she was. You couldn't hate Rey for it. You couldn't even hate Ben.

She had saved him, and that was enough.

He pulled her against him for only a moment before he closed his eyes and placed a hand on her stomach. His back straightened.

"Ben, what are you doing?" you asked, wiping your eyes. You stood up.

Rey stirred in his arms. Suddenly there was life around her and in her again. She sat up in his arms, shocked and frightened. He looked at her and she smiled.

"Ben!" she exclaimed.

"Rey," you said. You knelt beside her and she grinned, putting one of her arms around your shoulders. She pulled you close and you laughed in relief. As the three of you leaned together, relieved and thankful and alive, you embraced them both and enjoyed the feeling of knowing that the Sith were defeated and that good had won once again.

But then Ben's body went limp in yours and Rey's arms, and you both looked up in concern to see his glossy eyes.

"No, no, no!" you pleaded. The warmth inside of you melted away. Laying him gently against the stone floor, you and Rey both looked at him, clutching his hands. "Ben, please don't do this."

He was fading quickly. His eyes seemed to focus on you, but only for a moment, and then they were looking for her. Even though it was you pleading for him to stay. Even though it was you refusing to accept that he was slipping away in your arms. Even though it was you, he was looking at her. And you couldn't even hate him for it, even though his last moment was spent with Rey, and not really you at all. And you couldn't even hate her for how she was the last one to hold him before he disappeared into the Force.

And there wasn't even an ounce of hate when he whispered, I will always be with you, but he didn't mean it for you.

You couldn't hate them. You couldn't hate Ben Solo, despite how much you wanted to.

He had saved her, and that was enough.