this is another rewrite! this was originally titled the act of rebellion and was split in 3 parts, but now it is one long imagine that will have a part two up soon :-) so enjoy part 1; 2.3k+ words

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You couldn't deny that there was something wrong with Hux. You could blame the overthinking and the self-doubt you struggled with, but you also knew him pretty well. He wasn't the same as he used to be. The reserved man you claimed to be the love of your life, who never showed anybody else the smile he saved specifically for you, who took his job incredibly seriously and lived for the First Order, somehow simultaneously living for you with the same dedication... suddenly didn't seem quite as focused on you anymore. 

The nagging voice that constantly rotted your brain told you that he was cheating on you. But no, you'd remind yourself, no, he was extremely dedicated to you. The relationship that you had with him went beyond a fling. It was real, it was passionate, and it was unheard of within the First Order. You knew him as he climbed rank in the First Order. You got to know him well and called him your friend, until one day, it was something more. He loved you. 

When you were finally able to shut out that voice, another one started to speak just as loudly. Maybe he was just leaving you. The way you loved him wasn't enough. Everything was suddenly highlighted, every ill thought you had against yourself. Microscopic things to pick at and compare with every woman you knew. But he loved you.

A new voice.  A voice that told you that they were finally suspicious of the true relationship between you and the General. The thoughts in your head suddenly made you sick to your stomach. Oh, they found out. They knew. And of course it would be him that would face the most extreme punishments. He's your General. He's supposed to lead you professionally and not take in any form of personal relationship that could possibly ruin his dedication to the Order. And there was a possibility, although the voice rotting your brain away told you that you were fooling yourself, there was a possibility that just maybe he would throw it all away for you, if only you asked. 

Your brain decided for you that the third voice was right. He was definitely in trouble, and it was all because of you, and now something terrible was going to happen. He would lose his job. He would lose his life. He would lose everything he had. And you would lose him. 

In the silence of the corridor, you clutched the documents against your chest with damp palms. Sickness rocked your stomach, making you feel as if you were traveling through hyperspace for hours and hours on end. The corridor was silent, and you couldn't make out any of the murmurs you head on the other side of the door, which was unfortunate, because you were desperate to know what was happening in the meeting you weren't allowed to attend. 

The doors opened, and your curiosity made your eyes flicker upwards. As soon as they met the pair of forest-green eyes that you loved so much, you looked away. At least he was alive. If he was alive, you could breathe for a few moments longer. 

You straightened your shoulders and turned slightly to the side, stepping out of the way of the men and women leaving the conference. Supreme Leader Kylo Ren walked by you, and you swore you saw his step waver as he walked by you. But maybe you were imagining it. You hoped you were imagining it. 

"Officer ___," spoke a voice that sent a tremor of disgust down your body. Spinning slowly on the heels of your boots, you looked up at General Pryde. The strong, musty scent coming off his uniform hit your nose powerfully, and you resisted the urge to scowl at his cold eyes.

General Pryde was a man that did not respect you or Hux. He made it abundantly clear in everything that he did. He was extremely prideful and saw everyone as someone below him, even the Supreme Leader (although he did a good job at disguising that). 

"Yes, General," you said. Not a question, not a wondering of what he needed, but a statement. Yes, my job is to give you all you want.

"Might I ask what you are currently doing, lingering in the corridors, pointlessly standing here? You're wasting your own time, yes, but also the entirety of the First Order's." 

It was a struggle to keep your composure. Usually you were easily able to withstand pointless criticism from men of the First Order that automatically assumed you didn't know what you were doing. Miraculously, you held your head high and spoke with confidence. "I'm General Hux's assistant, sir, so I am waiting to review the reports I did on yesterday's meeting,  before he gives me his notes from today's. My order was to stand here." 

At the same time, Armitage approached, his hands behind his back in his usual rigidly-straight and perfect posture. His eyes shifted from Pryde's --- his look was full of hate --- to you, and you hoped Pryde didn't see how they seemed to melt when they landed on you. "Ah, Officer, there you are."

"I have the reports for you, General," you said. 

He took the datapad from you. "Ah, yes. All completed?"

"Yes," you said. "Everything is finished. Look over it if you wish, but you'll be satisfied with the information."

Hux nodded once, swept his eyes over your work, and then turned the datapad off. He tucked it under his arm. 

"Don't just take her word for it, General Hux," Pryde said with a sneer. "You cannot be that confident in her work." 

"But I am," he said, handing you the datapad. "Excuse me, General Pryde, but anyone who works for me strives for absolute perfection and nothing less. I have no reason to worry that anyone should do less than what I have asked. Shouldn't you be able to say the same about those you oversee?" 

Pryde said nothing at all. He only glared. 

And Hux, as foolishly confident as he was, held out the datapad. "Have a look for yourself, sir." 

With the quick swipe of a gloved hand, Pryde took the documents from him. He glanced down at it with a frown. "If you truly desire to keep your job and your life, you will refrain from infuriating me further."

"Perhaps you should follow the same advice," Hux warned.

He was becoming far too confident. Although he was right in everything he said, and there was no reason for him to question your work, Pryde was a man full of hate and no respect for Hux whatsoever. He would not take nicely to this comment, and as he smiled, you grew sick again.

"Oh, Armitage, I know more about you than you think. I know you haven't forgotten how close your father and I were, or how your father demanded I take care of you after he passed away. In fact, you could thank me for your position today. We both know you wouldn't be here now if it weren't for your father --- and for me."

When Pryde was hired and you first met him, Hux explained to you his dark, disturbing past. He was physically, mentally, and verbally abused by his controlling father, mistreated and ignored by his work-obsessed mother. When his father died and he was finally free, Pryde stepped into the frame, making himself a perfect portrait of the man he had just lost. He was the second father Hux never wanted; another man to hurt him and control him.

Although you couldn't prove it, you knew that was why Kylo Ren eagerly relocated him where he would remain close-by always. He haunted Hux. 

"You are pathetic. You call what you and my father did taking care of me?" Hux shook his head in disgust. His voice was a venomous whisper."Everything I am, I am because I took care of myself, General."

Pryde laughed lowly. "Oh, General. You're a coward and a fool. Get back to work before you regret talking back to me. I think you seem to forget your place." 

Finally, he was humiliated enough to remain silent. You risked a glance of sympathy in his direction as he grimaced with rosy pink cheeks. "Come, Officer ___. I'll need you to take notes on today's meeting---"

"No, no," Pryde said smugly. "I think she will come with me today. I could use her assistance."

"No," Hux said simply, protectively, sensing the tenseness that settled over you, seeing the dread reflecting in your eyes. There were some emotions you could not contain, and fear was one of them. 

"Yes," he said patiently. "I have recently wondered why you keep her so close to your chest, you see. I now picture her to be particularly obedient in the presence of authority, as well as hard-working and dedicated. So dedicated and hard-working, in fact, that you don't even need to go over her work to be sure it is satisfactory. She would save me too much time to let you keep her around all of the time. So please, Officer, let's see if you're half the woman that your General brags that you are."

"Yes, General," you said, swallowing your disgust that tasted sour in your mouth. If you had a guarantee of safety for you and Hux, you would've said no. You would've slapped Pryde. He called you obedient. As if you were a dog, waiting for his order. You hated him. 

"Get to work, Hux," Pryde said. "You've wasted enough of mine and the First Order's time today, don't you think?"

"Certainly, sir," he said. His voice was as sharp as a blade; unforgiving and dangerous.

You and Pryde turned towards the bridge. You fell slightly behind his perfect stride to turn your head halfway down the hallway. Hux was standing where he had been, a look of disgust and worry on his face. You belonged beside him, and he knew that even better than you did. 

So you mouthed, "I'm sorry," and you hoped that you would see him before the day was over. 

It wasn't until the middle of the night that you were released of your duties and granted permission to retire to your personal quarters. You walked your sore and tired feet from Pryde's office back to your assigned room, longing for nothing more than the short, six-minute steamy shower each officer was allowed and a night of deep sleep, even if your alarm would wake you up for your next shift in only five and a half hours.

You unlocked your quarters, stepped inside. Much to your surprise, the lights did not flicker on. They were already shining bright from the ceiling and walls, lighting up the room for Hux, who, with disheveled hair, was pacing in front of your bed. 

Surprise froze you in your spot as the doors shut behind you. His eyes landed on you and grateful relief reflected on his face as he crossed the room and grabbed you by your upper arms. 

"Hux, you cannot be serious," you hissed, surprise melting away to disbelief. "What are you doing here? If you're caught, we could be killed!"

"I have been worried sick! Are you alright? Did he touch you?"

"I'm okay," you said, noting just how crazed he looked and sounded. You pulled his hands off your arms and gave his hands a reassuring squeeze. "I am just tired. And he didn't touch me anymore than a touch on my shoulder. I may obey my superiors, but I wouldn't allow anyone to lay their hands on me."

He exhaled in relief and drew you close to him, putting your ear on his chest, right where his heart beat. Finally, you were able to relax, too. The sound of his heart and the warmth of his chest was so sweet; there was no better place to recover from the day you had.

"He knows something," you whispered. "He must."

"He doesn't. All he suspects is that I am in love with you. But it is only his suspicion. He wants to humiliate me in front of you."

"I am sorry for giving him that opportunity today," you said.

"No, do not be sorry." His eyebrows furrowed in gentle honesty as he said, "It isn't your doing that he suspects my feelings. I suppose not even I can hide the truth."

"It is a miracle that I am hiding it," you said. You reached up and stroked his cheek, then placed your palm there. "I'm tired of hiding it. I don't even want everyone to know, I just want to be able to love you without fearing that I am killing you. I never want to put you in danger, Armitage, and I... I just love you." 

You stared at his long, red eyelashes as his eyes closed. He breathed in slowly and you reached up, brushing your lips against his. As you kissed him, he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you in closer, until he broke away with a quiet groan. He touched his forehead to yours.

Your eyebrows pulled together. "What is it? Is something wrong?"

His eyes were squeezed shut tightly and his voice was a pained whisper. "I have not been honest with you."

"What are you talking about?" A beat of silence followed. "Armitage."

"It could kill us both," he said. There was a great amount of shame and fear in his voice. "But I am in too deep to back out now."

You clenched your jaw and hands. "Tell me."

His head lifted slowly. He held your gaze. "I rebelled against the First Order. I sent out a transmission to the Resistance and gave away our most precious information. I didn't just decide to do it on a whim, either. I wanted to do it. I planned on doing it. I betrayed the First Order, and it is only a matter of time before they learn the truth of what I have become and kill us both."