biro_books is the sweetest person for being so incredibly patient. I feel like I keep saying this but I truly have been busy. Just after posting this I sent my brother off to Washington DC to serve a two-year mission for my church. I am going to miss him. (Also am I sorry for how long this is? Nope. Can't make it into two parts, I already have the rest of the book planned. You'll just have to get comfy ;) )

You stood in masked surprise as you watched Carol Marcus get beamed off the Enterprise bridge, singularly by her father to his secretly created ship, The Vengeance. Jim Kirk called out for her but turned his attention to the screen where Admiral Marcus stood staring unsympathetically.

"Captain Kirk without authorization and in league with the fugitive John Harrison, you went rouge in enemy territory leaving me no choice but to hunt you down and destroy you. Lock phasors."

Your body went cold, your pointed ears heated with fear. For a split second, Jim locked eyes with you before he turned around and ran to the screen, fear, worry, and desperation in his voice.

"Wait! Sir, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!"

"I'll make it quick. Target all aft torpedoes on the Enterprise bridge."

Subconsciously you came to stand next to Jim, brushing your hand against his though you made no movement to take it.

"Wait, sir, my crew- my crew was just- was just following orders. I take- I take full responsibility for my actions but they were mine and they were mine alone" That turned the Admiral's head. You held your breath as Jim continued. "If I transmit you Khan's location now, all that I ask is that you spare them." He lifted his chin, stared down the man and took a few steps forward.

"Please, sir. I'll do anything you want. Just let them live."

"That's a hell of an apology. But if it's of any consolation, I was never going to spare your crew. Fire when re-" the Admiral disconnected before finishing his sentence, indifference evident on his face.

Jim didn't move for a moment. You were about to reach out when he turned, taking the time to look each member of the Bridge in the eyes. He stopped at you, defeat and sorrow brimmed his eyes. "I'm sorry."

Ignoring talk of reputation and appearance you stepped forward, taking his hand in yours. He looked down as he squeezed your hand, his shoulders slumped and his body shaking. Being Vulcan, you weren't used to showing emotion, especially when acting on a feeling you have had for the captain for some time (of which you had prided yourself in ignoring), you felt it appropriate to breach Vulcan and proprietorial conduct at the precipice of destruction. You reached up and placed a hand on his cheek, making him look up.

"You are an exemplary captain. It was a pleasure serving with you."

But no sooner did you say that did Sulu speak up. "Their weapons have powered down, sir?"

Jim turned to him with wide eyes, stepping away from you, dropping your hand reluctantly. Then a voice came over the speakers, almost making you smile.

"Enterprise, can you hear me?"

Jim's eyes grew wider and he smiled. "SCOTTY!"

"Guess what I found behind Jupiter."

After hearing from Scotty that he was on the ship Jim was already forming a plan. You watched as his mind worked, his eyes meeting yours for a split second before moving to Spock. You followed as Jim jogged up to his first officer.

"Spock, the ship, how is she?"

"Our options are limited captain," he looked between the two of you, "We can no fire and we cannot flee."

Jim nodded, his mind still working quickly. He turned to you and in a moment, you read his face and knew what he was going to do. You didn't like it. Not one bit. And he knew you knew. He turned back to Spock, his mind set.

"There is one option." He turned to Uhura. "Uhura, when you get Scotty back, patch him through."

"Yes, sir."

He turned back to Spock. "Mr. Spock, you have the con."

Then he turned and rushed off to the turbo lift. Spock took a step to follow him but you held up your hand, giving your brother pause. "I shall speak with him."

He gave you a singular nod. "May you help him see reason."

You jogged after Jim, sliding into the lift before the doors closed. He had his back to you so you spoke before he could.

"Captain, I strongly object."

"To what, I haven't said anything."

"Do not get the idea that I had not seen the implied idea you so openly shared with me just moments ago." You walked around him, looking into his face. "We cannot take the ship from the outside so you think to take it from within." You shook your head. "An unwise choice especially if you plan on letting Khan join you."

Jim looked impressed. "You scare me sometimes with how well you know me."

The lift doors opened and he quickly left with you on his heels. "You cannot, in any logical sense, align yourself with the very man we have come here to destroy. His advanced capabilities and vast knowledge of the ship will no other way be but put you in more danger than that which we are already in."

"I'm not aligning with him, I'm using him. 'An enemy of my enemy is my friend'."

"A proverb told about a king decapitated by his own subjects. Captain, please, reconsider your current idea and let us counsel in finding a more probable plan."

"Well, it's one hell of a quote."

You reached out, tugging his arm slightly to grab his attention if not slow him down a bit. He was walking quite fast and you weren't much taller than his shoulders. "Then I will go with you."

"NO!" His voice shook you and you let go but he quieted. "No, I need you here, on the bridge."

You snapped. You reached up and clapped him hard on the shoulder, making him turn around to face you. "I cannot allow you to continue!" He didn't make direct eye contact with you as you spoke. "I am your second officer and may not have as much influence in your decisions as my brother but I cannot, in good conscious, allow you to throw yourself into a dangerous operation when you are evidently not acting on a clear sense of judgment."

"You're right! What I'm about to do isn't going to make any sense. It's not logical. It is a gut feeling."

You followed his eyes as he looked around, frantic and frustrated. Your brows knit and your ears felt warm again. He finally held your eyes and you could feel him almost wilting under your gaze. You lifted your chin wanting him to feel strength from you, not distress.

"I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. I only know what I can do." He sighed and you stepped forward, silently asking for him to continue. "The Enterprise and her crew need someone up there who knows what they are doing. Spock may be sitting in the chair but it is you who knows how to do things the right way. And it's not me." He looked you in the eyes and gave you a sad smile, reaching up to stroke your cheek fondly. "It's you (Y/n)."

"Jim," you whispered, but he had turned and left, leaving you with a hole in your heart, a tingling cheek, and an army ragging fear in your blood.

~~~~

"(Y/n) my display is dead I'm flying blind."

You gripped Ensign Chekov's chair as you internally screamed. Can not one thing go right? You hated this idea, Scotty was taking longer than comfortable to be ready, and all the while Khan was let loose though he was currently unresponsive at the moment. You squeezed your eyes and proceeded with as much decorum as you could muster.

"It will be mathematically impossible. If you perish, Captain, I shall never forgive you."

"If I get back we need to talk about your bedside manner Second Officer."

"When," you whispered as you thought of all the options you could to save your idiot captain. But you were saved the trouble by Khan resurfacing.

Khan aided Jim in staying on course but it was now Scotty that had you on edge. With a near miss too close for your liking you lost Jim to the inside of The Vengeance. Now, all you had to do was busy yourself with aiding Doctor McCoy with the cryo-tube torpedoes if only to save yourself from worrying about Jim.

~~~~

The next time you saw him you stood next to your brother biting the inside of your cheek to keep yourself from calling out to Jim as he laid on the floor of the Vengeance Bridge, Khan standing over him as he monologued to Spock about getting his crew back. You only came to break your silence when Khan questioned the honesty in Spock's deal with Khan's crew.

You stepped forward, your eyes hard and your voice strong. "Vulcan's do not lie."

Khan took the torpedoes, sounding satisfied with the transfer. You took another step closer, your voice presenting an edge. "We have fulfilled our side of the agreement, it is only right that you fulfill yours."

"Captain it seems you will be returning to your crew. After all, no ship should go down without her captain."

Suddenly everything was thrown into chaos but not without reward. As Spock called for the torpedoes to be detonated you announced to the ship of the eminent close proximity explosion. In your mind's eye, you could see Jim smiling at the news. But that news was short lived when the ship started to lose power, auxiliary power also failing. Earth's gravity had caught the ship and now the crew was at the mercy of its relentless pull.

You held onto a console, your mind reeling with any and all ideas passing through your head, logical and illogical alike. Perhaps in times like this, it was wise to think like the captain, as much as it pained you to admit.

Just as Spock was telling the crew to abandon ship you rushed to the turbo lift, an idea in your mind superseding the calls of your brother to seek safety. You left the lift just in time to walk around the hallways as the ship rolled. With each passing moment, you felt increasingly confident in your plan, sure that Jim would think the same. And that scared you.

IT took your longer than you liked but you found yourself in the engine room but something wasn't right. The ship was righting herself. Things were starting to come back on line. you were too late. Running as fast as you could you came to the warp core, seeing Scotty already there, a nice bruise forming on his face.

"Open the door at once Mr. Scott. "You jogged over, but Scotty stopped you before you got to the door.

"No lass, it's too late. The radiation hasn't been filtered yet. It will flood the whole compartment."

You came up to the small door, kneeling down as Scotty called for the others quietly in the background. Jim came over to the door, his face in clear pain despite his attempts to hide it with a smile.

"There she is."

You touched the glass. "You were not supposed to be the one to do this."

"Better me than you (Y/n)."

You shook your head, holding back tears with difficulty. "You have done enough heroics to last you a life time. You are an invaluable captain, but an idiot all the same."

He chuckled, then groaned with pain. "But you are invaluable to me." His eyes started to lower.

You shook your head. "Jim..."

Jim gave you a small smile as he brought his hand up to touch yours on the door glass. "I like the sound of you saying my name." He coughed, his movements becoming slower. "I always liked you more than your brother. More than a captain should like their second officer."

You moved your fingers to create the Vulcan sigh of respect. "And I you, Jim."

He tried to mile but he failed. His eyes met yours, his hand slipping, his eyes unfocusing. "(Y/n)..." he whispered then he stilled.

He was gone.

There was silence. But not for long.

You screamed. You cried. You banged your fists on the glass. But Jim Kirk didn't move. His unseeing eyes stared up at you, his last smirk still on his lips. Your chest pinched and your heart throbbed with pain as you stood, looking around for something to punch. Something to destroy. Then you got an idea.

Khan.

What a perfect punching bag.

Ignoring everyone calling after you and the tears falling down you face, you ran as fast as you could to the transporter room, strapping on a phasor. You told the transporter technician were to leave you, your eyes daring him to object.

Soon you found yourself running after Khan, Jim's dead face fueling your fire and flame to catch this man and kill him. It didn't take long for you to catch up, the two of you now standing face to face on a waste recycling transport. Fists flew and tears fell. Both of you screamed as you fought, anger taking over. You weren't sure how long the two of you fought but you were certain you were going to win.

But the sound of your brother's voice stopped you and a set of words that came out of his mouth.

"We need him to save Jim."

You paused, your hands about to squeeze the life out of this monster. But instead, you punched him with all you had, effectively knocking him out.

~

You were nervous thought you had no reason to be. Spock came out of Jim's hospital room just a few moments after Dr. McCoy left. That meant Jim was alone and you still had to see him. Spock sent you a small bow of the head and turned to leave, a silent 'go ahead' to see the man you almost killed another for.

You couldn't help but smile, just slightly at seeing Jim awake and alive. You wished to banish all thoughts and images of his death from your mind. Jim sat up as he saw you, his face breaking into a breathtaking smile.

"There she is."

"Captain," you bowed your head slightly, "I hope you are well."

Jim smirked. "What so no more 'Jim."

Your face warmed. "You are my Captain, as it were."

"Yes, but what I said before wasn't just my dead brain talking."

You took the opportunity and ran with it. "Then you must remember I am Vulcan and Vulcans do not lie." You stepped closer to him, your hand on his bed.

Jim took it, rubbing your knuckles gently. "I'm sorry."

"Not completely you are not." You gave him a knowing smile as you stood right over him. "Just as I am not sorry for this."

And you kissed him. A kiss that was most welcomed by the foolish young captain, a man you never wished to see dead again. Jim held you not letting you go until the good doctor came to pry you off him, and even then, Jim kept his eyes on you. The both of you knew how hard this blow was to the both of you. Life was too short. It was time to live in the now. And if that meant loving your captain or your second officer, then so be it.