Requested by @TheSlashers . Thank you for requesting!

Note: Sorry for taking a while in posting.

Summary: Reader is feeling down again, but this time it will be different for her.

Warnings: Depression, self-hate.

Live long and prosper.

-PurpleTrekkie

Setting in a five year voyage in the Enterprise has had its up and downs for you so far. You had made lots of friends, friends that got to know you more as time went on. Already two years in the Enterprise and you already felt they were your true family. But good things also came with the bad ones. It would hit you like a truck any time at any moment without a warning, and you honestly didn't know what to do about it.

Being depressed wasn't a topic you would want to discuss with everyone. You would rather stay quiet and go through it by yourself. You didn't want to bother anyone after all. They had their own problems to worry about.

This day wasn't any different. You had been emotionally distraught for the past days, and you were thankfu yet sad that no one had noticed how you wouldn't really talk much on your shifts, or how you would hang your head low, avoiding everyone's gaze in fear to break down from just one look.

Your alarm had long been blaring, urging you to get out of bed for another long shift on MedBay. You had been awake for a while now, ignoring the alarm as you stared intently at the wall. You were both physically and emotionally tired, and you wished you didn't have to work that day so you could stay put on your bed.

But you had no other option, or else people would start to wonder why you weren't on your station. You pushed yourself out of bed, taking your time to get to your shower. You took your time on the bathroom, the room staying a tense silent as you scrubbed your body without effort. You didn't really have the motivation to do much.

You got dressed in your blue uniform, brushed your hair with your favourite brush and soon enough you were out of your chambers, carrying your PADD under your arm. You skipped breakfast and headed directly to your station, setting all your files and PADD on the desk and taking a seat as you got to work.

As time went on, the rest of the crew filed in and settled in their stations, bringing the Enterprise back to life. Nurses and doctors walked by your post, no one offering you a smile or a simple 'good morning', never looking towards your direction at any time. Or so you thought.

Certain first officer had been staring at you for a while now, his calculating gaze fixed on your slouched and saddened figure. Spock was waiting for some files from Bones, bothered at first for how long the doctor was taking. But now he was intrigued, and slightly worried.

He watched closely as you stood up, carrying some viles in your arms. Your gaze was still held down, but you wished you saw where you were going as soon as you bumped with a coworker, the viles flying in all directions and landing with a loud crash on the floor. The both of you were sent back, and you were thankful at least most of it got over you.

You had landed on your butt harshly, everyone stopping momentarily as they watched the commotion, not bothering to help you. The red shirt stood up fuming, trying to dust off his shirt from the sticky substances that had been in the tubes just moments ago. You were in front of him in a matter of seconds, stuttering an apology as you tried to clean off the liquid. "S-Sir, I am terribly sorry. I will wash your-"

"Get away from me!" He spat back, pushing you not so gently and making you stumble backwards until your back hit against the wall. "This shirt was new! Watch out where you are walking. You have two eyes for something. Be useful and use them for once!" You closed your mouth, biting your tongue hard as you held the threatening tears back. You wouldn't embarrass yourself by crying over the words of that man.

He walked away, leaving all the mess for you to clean up. Everyone had gone back to work, the commotion long forgotten. You scrambled to your kness, picking up the glass shards and getting cuts from the sharpness in the process. But you didn't notice it as you stayed focused in not crying.

"Pointy ears I am talking to you!" Bones snapped his fingers in front of his face, snapping him out to reality. Spock realized he had stared off into the distance after the commotion that occured just moments ago. He faced Bones with a quirked eyebrow.

"Leonard. Who is that female over there?" He questioned with an unaffected expression. Bones blinked in surprise at the question, craning his neck and catching you in between the workers. You somehow stood out for him.

"That's (Y/N). She is a nurse but also specializes in new discovered species. Why do you ask? Are you interested in her Spock?! Have you finally found love?" Bones teased, nudging him with his shoulder. The half Vulcan rolled his eyes at Leonard's first assumptions.

"I don't see why my romantic interest has to relate with my inquiry Doctor. If you haven't noticed, there is something wrong with her. Am I the only one that sees that?" Again. Bones blinked in surprise at his little outburst. An emotional outburst. He gently set his hand over the first officer's forehead. "Spock are you feeling okay? Are you sick or something? Are you Spock's clone pretending to be him?" He shook his shoulders drastically.

Spock retreated back, smoothing out his blue shirt and shaking his head with a slight nudge. "Not quite Leonard. I'll just return to my post." He took the reports and rushed out of the MedBay, avoiding everyone's gaze.

As he took a seat in front of the usual screen he saw everyday, he couldn't help but wonder what was happening with you. He had never seen something like this before. Perhaps he'd have to investigate about the topic. With his mind set, he swiveled around to face Kirk. "Captain. Point of personal privilege." He called out.

<>

'Night' time had come around, everyone had already left with the exception of you. Since you had broken the viles, you had to get the materials once again, mix them into those solutions and leave them ready for the next day. You would've finished a while ago, but you couldn't keep concentrated on the task and had to repeat it several times.

When you yet again made a mistake, you set the vile down with a loud clink, putting your head on your hands as a sigh escaped your lips. With your lips pressed in a thin line and with a blurry eyesight, you couldn't help but think about how miserable you felt about everything.

Stupid girl, why are you so clumsy?

You repeated over and over again in your mind, your world closing in and creating a dense atmosphere, similar to a bottomless pit. Fear. Frustration. Sadness.

Why can't you do anything right?

A small sob broke through your lips, breaking the calm silence around you in a cry of sadness.

Why do you have to be such a disappointment (Y/N)?

You managed to shake your head several times, trying to stop those thoughts. Trying to shake away that feeling of dread that would always settle at the bottom of your stomach.

Why do you have to be so useless for God's sake!

You slammed your hands against the table in a sharp movement, your posture hunching over as you let your guard down, let that wall that kept your emotions at bay shatter. Tears cascaded down your cheeks freely, sliding down your face and neck until it soaked drip by drip your shirt. But you didn't care. You didn't matter anyways.

"Why can't I do anything right?" You whimpered lowly, shutting your eyes in a desperate attempt of being pulled away from that reality and off to a better one where you would finally be able to be happy. You wished with all your heart, to have one. Just one person be there for you, listen to you and comfort you without words. You wanted to have someone by your side who wouldn't make you feel as though they were just putting up with you to be polite or because they didn't want to bother with you.

You finally fell back into a sitting position in your chair, your arms wrapping around yourself in a hopeless attempt of feeling that everything would be alright. Nothing seemed to be all the time, and you were beyond tired and sick of it. You longed to not be alone anymore. Even though you were surrounded by people who would most of the times be polite and kind, you felt as though they didn't know what was going on in reality. You wanted to scream for help, yet at the same time you didn't want to bother anyone at all.

Your loud sobs slowly decreased into small, hurt hiccups. Your eyes started closing in emotional exhaustion, too tired of the real world to stay open. You let yourself slip away into a dreamless sleep. But as your eyes started to droop, you couldn't help but see, or so you thought, a figure on the doorway, making its way towards you slowly. You were too tired to do or say anything.

As they neared you, through your blurred sight you managed to see the blue shirt it was wearing, covering its body in an oddly suiting way. It was a bit... familiar to you, which made you suddenly wonder where have you seen them before...

The figure stopped right in front of you, their arms moving towards you and gently, a bit akwardly scooting you into their stiff arms. Warmth immediately enveloped your cold and broken figure, its calm presence lulling you to sleep once again. But this time a peaceful one at that. Your eyes closed and your mind drifted off, even though you were still aware that you were being carried out of your station and through the hallways of the Enterprise, heading somewhere. Wherever they were going.

They walked and walked, time seeming to drag off when only a couple of minutes had gone by. Your eyes almost opened the second the warmth left your body as you were layed down on a soft surface, something as equally soft being draped over you. The bed dipped down next to you, the figure hesitant as they yet once again wrapped their strong arms around you.

Your eyes opened a small glimpse, trying to see who had been kind enough to take you to a bed where you wouldn't sleep stiffly, or alone at that. Unconsciously moving closer, you felt the figure tensing around you, clearly not used to that sort of affection at all.

"Forgive me" They spoke for the first time before they slowly relaxed around that type of affection. Your own hand moved upwards and with your thumb, you wiped away the almost dried tears on your cheeks, blinking away the tiredness. As your vision cleared out, you couldn't help but gasp softly, almost quietly.

"S-Spock?" You inquired softly, slowly pulling away from him knowing that he wasn't that fond of close touch. He seemed to break that law of his as he pulled you in once again, shaking his head slightly. "Do not fret about whether I am comfortable or not (Y/N)..."

Your mind tried to keep up with what was going on. You almost thought he could see the gears turning inside your mind. "Wh-Why did you do it? You barely know me and honestly I don't deserve all this kindness of yours." You muttered in shame, hanging your head low so you wouldn't have to face him.

A slim finger tipped your head up once again, disbelief crossing over his eyes for a fragment of time. "Earlier this morning I noticed your unusual behavior. I made some research in the matters..." He made a brief pause, his wide orbs staring into yours with understanding. "Don't... Don't ever think you are all alone in this vast multiverse. You shall never, ever suffer. And even though I am half Vulcan... I am still human. And I have seen that expression of yours before..." He trailed off, letting go of your face.

"Please do allow me to assist you anytime." He mumbled, a green tint brushing his cheeks. He had never done anything emotional like that so it would be a first for him. Showing too much emotion took a toll on him after all. The both of you didn't speak after that, holding each other right there.

A gentle smile spread across your lips as you slowly and hesitantly layed your head over his chest. "Thank you Spock..." You whispered, closing your eyes as sleep started to take you once again.

"Always (Y/N)"