Luca barely had any grip on the concept of time. Days and nights were something he had to be conditioned to, a concept that didn't come to him naturally.

He was looking for something to blame. Transcendents, Stars, weren't supposed to feel tired. And yet more often than not, he'd find himself on the verge of collapsing. His one night a month had already been pushing it, and now he found himself almost dozing off more and more frequently.

He wished to blame it on the daylight cycle, people went to sleep during the night as well, he felt the most tired during it. But that wasn't supposed to be the case for him, he wasn't supposed to feel tired at night, but it was something about how the stars seemed so dim to him that drains him.

He didn't know if it was his own doing, or he was constantly looking, for something to shift the blame. Light pollution never bothered him, he used to be able to see every star that dawned upon him. Now he could barely make out the closest ones to him.

It was a personal issue. Sage still spent his time stargazing, Afa'q just said it was dimmer and left it at that. Rather concerning regarding Afa'q, something had to be up for him to be short. Luca regretted asking him, he hated making people worry. Sage, in Luca's own words, was a complete idiot with the perceptive abilities of a fish. As much as he adored him, it was the truth, and Luca loved him for it, he didn't have to worry about worrying Sage.

Afa'q was his worst enemy, as knowledgeable as the mother of a teenager. They spent a lot of time around each other, so Luca couldn't hide much in the first place. And if something was wrong in the slightest, the red head had sickeningly decent investigative skills, most likely to make up for the stars unwillingness to voice his worries. He didn't have to talk, Afa'q would always know.

And by extension, Afa'q would tell Stallion of any of his discoveries. He didn't spend much time with the Transcendent of Planets, but that doesn't mean they cared about each other any less. If anything, Stallion tries his best to lift Luca's burden, stars and planets weren't selfsame, but they did have the slightest bit of authority. And unlike Afa'q, Stallion would drag Luca to his office and force him to speak, and was most likely the only reason Luca wasn't a pressurized bottle of emotions.

He knew they cared, but he cared about them as well. He didn't want them to dwell on his issues constantly, a bit hypocritical considering he'd do the same. But he felt like a burden, he hated feeling like one.

So here he was, lying down in Sage's bed. He didn't have his own, despite him and Afa'q spending most their time in it, it was Jane's and Sage's. Afa'q didn't really sleep and Sage was more than willing to share his with Luca. He didn't like inconveniencing him, but he always kept him company, it reassured him, even if for a short while.

There wasn't much for him to do most days. Even when it came to his responsibilities, Afa'q would threaten to chain him down, say that most of them didn't require my interference. Arguments between Stars were often, they resolved quickly, but it felt like it was his duty to oversee their contentment. Anything else, Stallion insisted on covering it. Sometimes he felt like he didn't deserve them.

Sage was a different story, it seemed like all of Luca's trains of thought arrived at that station. He found the boy fascinating, he was no different than them, but he was more human and humane. Luca didn't like to dwell on what Sage was, how he fit all the puzzle pieces, but he's never left his mind.

He wasn't as helicoptering as Afa'q and Stallion. If anything, it was Luca who spent his time around him. He wasn't proud of it, he still tried to keep his distance, he wanted Sage to be able to do his own thing, but keep out of harm's way. And he wouldn't admit it out loud, but he felt dependent on Sage. It didn't feel right not being with him, bad, it was bad, sometimes he'd feel like he was suffocating. But he didn't force himself onto Sage, he tried to keep his interactions minimal, he didn't want Sage to see how hopeless he was.

He was unfair at times, Sage would seek him out, and Luca would push him away. He didn't mean to, he wouldn't ever dream of hurting Sage, but it was another thing he was conditioned to. Staying away from Sage, it hurt him, but it became a habit. And he knew what would hurt more would be Sage not wanting his company, so might as well completely avoid the thought. Afa'q told him that he was just being stubborn, and Afa'q was mostly right.

Stars didn't have much aside from contemplating. The same could be said for most other Transcendents.

There were exceptions of course, Little Ari was such a sweet soul who'd find joy in the smallest of things. Plants were her favorite, she owned the largest across her galaxy. She wasn't a major transcendent, her kind naturally blessed with longitivtiy. It made sense, her love for plants, for she was of one.

But for most others, eternities were merciless. Minor ones usually bound to no duties aside from their well-being, had it the worst. Some weren't strong enough to enjoy the perks of being a transcendent, Luca almost remembered a transcendent of an endangered rock species from a distant planet. It did go extinct, but during it's days the transcendent did sulk in boredom.

But of all, it was the most prominent in Stars. They were far apart, it was their nature to be distant, thoughtful. As surrounded as they looked, they were truly alone. Luca didn't cope well with desolation. And in the end, he was a star. It was his nature.

And yet another attempt to shift the blame. He couldn't blame his aloofness on being a star. Not when he's experienced sentiment. Not when Sage has taught him to love. Not when he conditioned his attachment.

A lot of conditions, a lot of excuses.

But there wasn't anything else, but to contemplate.

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14/7/2021