[Dedicated to malikah_p for belated birthday wish! IYKWIM! ;) May Allah grant you a life filled with love, happiness and prosperity! ]

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COMMENT.

PROMOTE.

I'm afraid if I listen to my heart once, I'll never figure out how to ignore it again.".

-Confess, Colleen Hoover

Chapter Fourteen

Like A Shattered Glass

(Maahirah)

                                                                                                           22nd January

It was simple, way too simple, when I reach home, I usually just greet Mom and rush to my room and stay there till the next day. This is done easily because Dad since I returned has embarked himself on a business trip which kind of gave me my own space at home. Mom doesn't pester me as she knows I might snap at her anytime and this makes her avoid me.

So, when I park my car today after school, I accept to do the same thing. However, when I unlock the door and get in, I find Dad's Oxford shoes by the entryway closet. I mentally shake my head.

Jeez.

I send out my Salaam and I hear an answer in return from both of them. I pause in my steps. When they go back to the conversation they are having, I exhale a sigh and race to my room, locking the door.

I press my back against the door, and slump down. My eyes pooling with tears. I'm angry, scared, confused and drowning in guilt.

Scared; because my Mum is dead and I'm defenseless. What if the people who were her enemy can now easily reach to me? Even though, I'm not associating myself with Elton or its people, I'm not sure, the enemies will care about my opinion at all.

Guilt; because a part of me believes that she is dead because of me. Even though it was Cancer, but all the rational thoughts in my mind are departed, giving space to all the depressing notions, and this somehow blaming myself has little bit peace to my soul

Confused and angry; because Aayan comes back in my life as my teacher? Like, what even! The day he dropped me at home, I made it clear to him that I don't want to see him at all anymore now. That day he respected my decision and promised me that he'd give me space. But, maybe that day, he knew I wasn't just referring to temporary break, I was talking about....permanent relief from him.

Somewhere during my inner-mind battle, I've gotten up from the floor and have crawled into my bed and lost myself in a slumber.

When I wake up, the room is dark. And, I'm almost certain that I didn't hear any voice waking up so I close my eyes back. Someone shakes me gently. I sit up straight, wide-eyed and turn on my lamp.

"Mom?" Her face glows in the light of incandescent bulb. I clench my fist to my heart, panting.

"You okay?" She grabs my fist and places it on her lap. "Was it a bad dream?"

I shake my head. I thought it was Mum, here for another visit.  Of course, I don't say her this. Instead, I croak. "What time it is?"

"Eight o'clock. Your Dad wants you at the table."

"I'm not hungry," I quickly add.

"Hungry or not, he wants to see you. Be there, Maahirah." Before leaving, she turns on the lights and gives me a final look that urges me to come downstairs.

I sigh, and grab my cellphone. 3 missed calls and 5 text messages.

What?

I tap onto the inbox to find all the 5 texts from Aayan.

'Call me whenever you're free.'

'I'm sorry if you're angry. I didn't mean to hurt you. You've to hear me out.'

'Hello?' Reply me.'

'WHY THE HELL AREN'T YOU ANSWERING YOUR DAMN PHONE?'

I roll my eyes. Yeah, now you can pretend you care, Aayaan. I toss the cellphone under my pillow, and prepare myself to face Dad.

When I'm outside the kitchen, I stop and listen to Vaneeza's laughter as Dad teased her about something. Mom's chuckle as she rebukes Dad in a loving manner probably with a dimpled grin on her face. I find myself smiling too. A forlorn thought enters my mind; Dad, Mom and Vaneeza will live on without me in the picture. They can be each other's shoulder to cry on, can find hope from each other and can be each other's tight rope. With me here in the picture, my depressing aura brings just misfortune for them. I blink back to reality when I feel tears trickling down my cheeks.

I wipe them off and take a deep breath and enter.

"Assalmu Alaiykum, Dad." I walk over to him and drop a kiss on his cheek and then a peck on Vaneeza's head (she giggles.)

I take a seat across Dad just as Mom brings in the dish of fried rice. I swallow the bile that rushes to my throat with just the aroma of the food. I take a little portion of the rice in my plate.

With my eyes closed, I concentrate on eating. My appetite is long gone, but the scrutinizing gaze of my father is enough for me to gulp down few bites of food. I'm the first one to done.

Just as I place my plate in the sink, a loud knock comes on the door. I frown.

"I'll get it." I say just as Dad starts to get up.

I walk to the hallway and unbolt the chain lock and draw it open. And, there dressed casually in white tee and jeans is Aayan Aslam. He locks his eyes with mine and smiles ever-so-lightly.

He opes his mouth to say something but I cut him off by slamming the door shut on his face with a loud bang.

Mom gasps. I had no idea she was standing right behind me. She pushes me at side, and opens the door, apologizing frantically to him. Aayan looks at me, again. His eyes flashing with sadness and unsaid hurt. I fold my arms on my chest, refusing to meet his eyes.

"Assalmu Alaiykum, Mr. and Mrs. Furqaan." He addresses to my parents who are standing by the kitchen door.

"Walaikom As'salaam," Dad says. "Thank you for coming on such a short notice."

I gasp. They all look at me, and Mom begins but she becomes quiet when I wrap my shawl tightly around my shoulder and saunter over to the kitchen.

I walk over to the sink; and start washing the dishes. I rub the plates with the sponge so furiously slamming the washed plates on the rack. I can hear them talking right outside the kitchen. This further makes me angry. Wow, is it like I'm already dead?

"Yeah, pretend I'm already gone, killed myself with a knife or a gun, or drowned myself in out of date prescription pills. That will make everyone happy." I spin around and ransack the cupboard above me. My hands shaking violently. My heart racing. Everything around me moved in circles. The rag cloth peeks from the top shelf. I pull it out and begin drying the wet plates.

"......I want you to take care of her now that you're here." Dad's voice carries in.

"What do you mean?" Mom asks.

"It means that Maahirah is ought to return to Aayan's house. Since he can provide the better security, then we can." I can hear the sadness in his words. "What do you say, son?"

"No, uh," Aayan hesitates. "If that is what you wish. We really need to work on something."

The plate slips from my hand before I can even blink. The entire house rings with its deafening silent screams as it meet the tiled floor, shattering into million of thousand pieces. A  piece, pinches my foot, and I can already feel it piercing into my skin, but I'm far behind to feel the pain.

Footsteps rush into the kitchen and I hear just someone say this...."Are you okay?"

And, I snap. Just like a twig that breaks when someone heavy stamps on. All the past rage, pain and fear spews out like a lava.

"Who cares? If I'm okay? Dying? In pain? I might as well as be dead, for all you care. Keeping planning behind my back, like I'm incapable of making my own choices. But, guess what, Dad I lost a mother, really, lost her this time. I watch her breathe her lost. She loved you, Dad. And, look what that got her. You married off while she clung to your name." Before I can continue farther with this madness, Aayan rushes to me, shushes me up with this words 'Don't say what, you'll regret', and wraps his arms around me and pulls me into his torso.

I've lost the energy to fight him off, or to fight anyone off. So I grab onto his shirt and cry. Cry the hardest I've cried. All those woes, and sadness rushes out of me likes all my guard and walls are suddenly down. The grey cloud of depression is finally tired of all the pain, and has let my dreams and hope flow down.

Aayan doesn't say anything, just wordlessly hugs me. If I would have noticed, he is blinking back his own tears, trying to stay strong.

******************

I promise this is the last edition of sad chapter of this part. :p  (Just this part, okay?)

In the next part, you guys will see something else. Pay attention to what her dad and Aayan were saying!! ;)

How was the chapter?

Lots of you thought that Aseer's death was sudden but it needed to happen so that we can progress with the story. I'm planning to end this book by the 30th something chapter! ;)

Also, i'm gonna stick to weekend updates. It's easier this way! <3

COMMENT QUESTION: Is her father right in sending Maahirah to live with Aayan?

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Yours,

Waardaaah! <3