RECAP

A wrecking sob escapes my throat. I put my shaky hand over my mouth and cry harder into it. With my back pressed to the pillar, I sling down the floor. My shoulders tremble. Breakdown. This is called a breakdown.

My emotions all that I had been feeling for the past few weeks comings tumbling in these wails. A longing of my home, Mom, Dad, Vaneeza, Ellie, Chace and a hate for the messed up life of Eltonians and Wiltionians. I hate myself for being their anchors. Their firm belief in me being their hope. I 'm just a seventeen year old girl. How can the fate of people weigh in my hands?

A figure drops in front of me.. "Maahirah. Hey. Hey."

Through my tears, I see his face stained with blood. Blob of red patches on his previously pure white  shirt. Seeing him in this state makes me cry harder and I launch myself into his torso. I grab the material of his shirt and bawl my eyes out. He rubs my back, chanting.

"'S okay. Its okay. Its okay."

I cling harder into him, like I'm afraid Tianas will appear out of nowhere and take him away. I can't let that happen. I've lost so much and I'm sure the pain of losing Aayan is something that I can't endure.

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One day, you will ask me, which is more importan? My life or yours? I'll say mine, ans you will walk away not knowing that you're my life.' Khalil Gibran

Chapter Thirty Six

I Surrender

(Maahirah)

Minutes later, when I pull my head back from Aayan's chest, he grabs my face and gently with his finger wipe the lingering tears. His chocolate eyes penetrate into mine, and analyze me like I'm a crossword puzzle that he's so keen to solve. 

His face is expressionless, neutral and that's what I like about him. His ability to remain impasse no matter what the situation is. This time, I know he wouldn't let me off the hook. He deserves to know the reasons of my tears.

"C'mon let's freshen ourselves." He says.

My eyes snap to meet his again because I was sure that when he'd open his mouth he'd ask me what happened and so I had let my gaze waver, but, what I didn't expect him to let this situation go out of his pitch. I'm vulnerable at this minute and maybe if he has pestered me enough I might have had blabbered out the whole incident. However, no, he's giving me time, like he always does.

He must have seen the surprised look on my face because he has started to caress my cheek tenderly with his thumb.

"You need to wash up and just forget what happened whatever happened minutes ago."

He's Aayan. Full of surprises. Full of humanity. Full of goodness. My Aayan.

I nod. 

He clasps my hand and lifts me up. I'm not hurt but the whole ordeal has me weaken and tired. We make our way to his room, passing wounded people and curious looks. I keep my gaze down and let Aayan guide me. I don't meet their eyes simply because seeing them just reminds me what Tianas said to me that all these people are suffering for only trying to protect me. I can end this by surrendering myself. 

We pass Jarred and a crying Destiny. Jarred calls out Aayan's name but he turns around and says, "My hands are full. I'll talk to you later."

I want to know what it is. Although, this thought quickly fades as soon as it sets, Destiny's tears just reminded me of a certain pair of blue eyes. Iva. 

Iva is dead. Iva and Destiny were great friends, but, now Iva is dead. BECAUSE OF ME! 

This brings a lump to my throat and constriction in my breathing. I want to snatch my hand away from Aayan, sit somewhere where no one can find me, wrap my arms around my knees and make myself as small as possible and just cry all day and all night.

I can't bring myself to do it. Because I was tired. I was tired of crying. I was tired of not knowing correct information. I was tired of not being a pure Eltonian. I was tired of myself. I was tired of this new life...

"We're here," Aayan says, dragging me into his room.

And, I was tired of him being nice all the time. I didn't deserve him. I didn't deserve his kindness. I didn't deserve his patience. I didn't deserve his love. I didn't deserve him at any cost.

"Maahirah," He says again shutting his door. 

I observe his room.Walls painted white. A single bed. A small cupboard. A coffee-table. A couch. A rug. A curtained window. That's it. Simple. 

"Maahirah," He calls out again.

I whirl around.

"The washroom is there." He points at the door in the corner of his cramped room.

I nod and make my way to the door. Turning the knob, I push it open and step in. 

I remove my scarf and tie my messed up hair in a messy bun and splash water on my tear-stained face, twice. Without looking at my face in the mirror, I step out with the scarf draped around my neck. When I enter, Aayan is halfway through changing his shirt.

Immediately, flushing, I turn around and count till five before facing him.

"You okay?" He asks, running his hand through his hair. 

STOP!  I want to yell at him. I want to try your luscious hair. 

Embarrassed by my thoughts, I say instead. "Um, your room is quiet unlike you." 

"Unlike me?" He narrows his eyes at me, confused.

"Yeah, you're a popstar and room doesn't depict that," I plop on the couch.

He relaxes visibly, taking a seat next to me. "Well, that is your opinion but I like my room this way. I never decorated my room. Yes, I might be missing a plasma TV, laptop, computer but who needs them here...right?"

"Right." Here, we are too busy saving our butt than enjoying our favorite TV show, or listening to a song.

Aayan pops his legs on the table and leans back in the couch and puts his arms behind his head and close his eyes. I can see his bulging muscles in his half-sleeved white shirt.

I'm surprised by his chilled behaviour.

"Is white your favourite colour?" 

"No. Why do you ask?" His eyes are still shut.

"Because you always seem to be wearing white."

He laughs, and tilts to face me. "So, you notice me, huh?"

My cheeks flame up. "It's not like I can't see what you wear. I mean that's the first thing you see about someone, their clothes."

He smirks. "Sure, Cupcake. To your question, I generally like white shirts for no apparent reasons."

"Then, what is your favourite colour?"

"Turquoise."

"Turquoise, is your favourite colour?Why?" I ask, surprised. I pinned him to like dark colours. There are some many things that I don't know about him...

"Yes, it's because it's your eyes colour and whenever I look at them, I feel at ease, I feel at home.You complete me. You make me who I'm right now or wherever I'm. And," He says so nonchalantly that he has no idea his words have started having effect on me already. My heartbeats loud as he nears me.

"And, love, I hate when I see tears in them. You don't deserve to cry. Your beautiful existence shouldn't see this much sadness that it breaks you down. When I see you like this, it tears me apart, rib by rib." He has grabbed my face again. There are tears again. He is messing up with the strings of my heart and he knows it. He knows it that I'm starting to fall for him. He knows it. He knows everything.

"So, just tell me, what happened, Maahirah? You fessing up to me, will not only save my life but others too!" He whispers it out.

I swallow as drops of water squeeze out of my eyes and slip down my cheeks. He won, again. I lost, again. I'm the pathetic girl in this relationship. And, he is the superman in this relationship. I do not know how to hide my words. He knows how to choose his words. In short, I needed him more than he needed me.

"Tianas," I whisper back. 

His fists clenches and his jaws become set, taut. "What?"

I sniff. "He told me that it....was because of me...he was killing everyone....!" I cry. He puts his hand on my shoulder, urging me to continue.

"He...said I had to meet him, and then he'd stop killing everyone. Is it true, Aayan? Is he killing because of me?"

Aayan drops a kiss on my forehead. "No, love. He was lying. That bastard lied to you. They kill people and than he talks to some innocent and gets them. It's his shitty way. You're not going to meet him, okay?" When I don't say anything, he puts his hands on my shoulder and shake me. "Maahirah, you're getting me, aren't you? Okay, no meeting him. We'll work on a solution together."

I nod. "Okay,"

 He pulls me into his chest, "I'm there. You needn't to worry about him."

  And, I believed him. Want to know why......

See, a weak and lethargic girl like me needed him. Needed his support because I was a flower and he was the stalk. A flower without a stalk was dead, and me without him was a dead person, too.

The headstrong, short-tempered Maahirah is long gone, and instead it is replaced by a ,fragile dependent Maahirah and I hate her....

Just as Aayan pulls away, there is a knock on the door and I put my scarf loosely on my head as a teary-eyed, flabbergasted, Hope enters. 

She looks at the two of us. I share a worried glance with Aayan. 

"Hope.." Aayan addresses her. 

Her red eyes fall on me and peer directly into mine. "Fadiya. It's Fadiya."

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Fadiya is Maahirah's best friend. In case you forgot it? :p Is she in danger? Is she...dead? How was the chapter?And, do you agree with Maahirah's thoughts? Please let me know in the comment section...............

So, I'm back. And Finally I UPDATED!! SO PAT ME ON THE BACK AND CLAP FOR ME. Thank you Thank You...

I'm not happy with the chapter but, hey, you got something to read....this chapter was a bit hard to write...it was hard for me to get back in writing after four months gap o_O  God, has it been this long?

My university has started....! So i was busy and finally we have the internet at our place and yes, InShaaAllah, I will update next week now. Only about four chapters left! :( Yesssssss........!

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Love,

Wardah