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The ocean fills me with boundless loneliness

It's cold and dark in here

I'm sinking

I can't breathe

I'm paralysed

I can't move

I'm scared

I'm scared to die

But I want to die...

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"You've got some nerve coming to school after two weeks. Two weeks! Did I get that right, Leyon?"

"My ears," Leyon growled at his teacher. "I can hear just fine. You don't have to shout like that... sir," continued Leyon, the last word begrudgingly coming off his lips.

"Y-You you, look at this disrespectful brat!"

"Did I say anything wrong?" asked Leyon, eyes scanning his teacher up and down. You bald, forty-year-old fat man. He was the same teacher who had yelled at him on the phone to come back to school that day.

"You! Don't make that revolting face at me. And what's up with this hairstyle? You don't even look like a student. Cut your hair," his teacher ordered.

"No."

"How dare you!"

"Oh right. Did I get expelled? You said I would. It's already been two weeks. Judging from the fact that I'm still allowed in the school, it seems I've not been expelled yet," Leyon said boredly to his class teacher.

"Do not cross the line, kid," his teacher warned, taking off his thick eyeglasses to clean them with his handkerchief. He then rubbed the sweat on his forehead with the same handkerchief. Leyon scrunched his nose in disgust.

"I didn't know this school was so good at telling lies. What was all that about me getting expelled then? Were you trying to threaten me? Sorry, but threats don't work on me. I don't want to waste time here. If I'm getting expelled, then hurry up and give me the signed papers so I can go about my way," said Leyon, stifling a yawn.

"Did you just yawn at me? You just wait. Let me go get my cane."

"Calm down, sir Dustin," a voice interrupted them.

Entering the faculty room was another teacher, holding a few textbooks in his hand. He arrived just in time, stopping Dustin from beating up Leyon with his cane. Leyon pretended not to have noticed the new teacher's presence in the room. Currently, there were just three of them in the room. The other teachers were busy with their classes.

"Sir Nolan," Dustin greeted the man who just entered. "You tell me how I should control this boy. He's insane," Dustin stated, putting back his cane beside his desk.

"He's just a boy, sir Dustin. Let's not use violence to solve problems, shall we?"

"Boy? You say? Boy? He should be attending college by now. Does it not bother you that he flunked a grade? He brings down the name of our school. In our fifty years long history, he's the only student who flunked his grade. He's made a record!" Dustin exclaimed.

"He just needs to work hard and try again," Nolan spoke up for Leyon. Dustin scowled in annoyance but didn't say anything.

Leyon eyed Nolan, carefully studying his movements. Nolan was a tall, young teacher in his early thirties. He taught Physics, the subject Leyon found the most boring and tiresome. He either slept through or bunked the whole lecture altogether whenever he attended school.

Nolan and Dustin had been teaching in the school for as long as Leyon could remember. According to Leyon's perception, Dustin was a bit temperamental and would always beat up his students if he thought they were disobedient. He was disciplining them — was what he always used to say. He was an extremely unlikable teacher. On the other hand, Nolan was reserved and quiet. He never beat his students. He was a well-trained, proficient teacher whom all the students admired. Every student said he was the best teacher, but to Leyon, he wasn't. He was the same, same with the rest.

"If you're going to expel me, then do it fast. I want to leave," said Leyon, catching the attention of the two teachers who had been engaging in a silent staring contest with each other.

Dustin opened his mouth, ready to speak, but Nolan beat him to it. "I'm afraid we cannot do that," said Nolan.

"And why is that?" asked Leyon, furrowing his eyebrows in annoyance.

"If you want to get expelled that badly, then pay your fees," Nolan replied. "You haven't paid any for this semester."

"I don't have money."

"Well then, you have to find a way to pay or else you can't leave," Nolan said.

"I really don't have any money."

"Isn't that your fault?" Dustin intervened. "You used up the scholarship money that was given to you last year. If you hadn't flunked a grade, then maybe you could have renewed or applied for a new one to continue your higher studies. But you failed your exams and now you're sitting in the same class as your juniors. Don't you feel any shame?" Dustin shouted at Leyon.

"No. And I don't understand why this is my fault. Haven't you heard of the saying? When a student fails in his studies, it's because the teacher failed in his teaching. Such common sense shouldn't be too hard to grasp," Leyon taunted Dustin.

"You useless, ungrateful child!" Dustin fumed, slamming his hands on his desk. "Try to show some respect. I am your teacher."

"Yeah, a teacher who keeps looking up at the female students' skirts from behind whenever he sees them climbing up the stairs. I don't want to respect such teacher," Leyon replied, shooting Dustin a very disgusted look.

Dustin's face paled all of a sudden. He didn't know what to say or how to even react to Leyon's words.

Nolan tried hard to hold in his laughter. That kid. Saying that with such a straight face, he's one hell of a troublemaker, he thought. Seeing that Dustin had gone rigid like a statue, his lips twitching and unable to retort to Leyon's wicked comments, Nolan decided it was time for him to intervene. "Leyon, we understand that your situation is a bit special," he started, "but please, try to cooperate with the rules of the school and the teachers. Don't make things hard for us."

"I'll try to pay my fees as soon as possible and leave this school," Leyon replied.

"You misunderstood me." Nolan sighed. "What I meant was-"

"Enough, enough," Dustin cut him off. "Let him go. My blood pressure is rising. We'll discuss this later." Dustin retreated to his desk but before he could sit down on his revolving chair, Leyon kicked the chair's legs, causing it to slide away to the side. As a result, Dustin unceremoniously fell on his butt on the ground. He lay there helplessly. "You," Dustin roared, "You dare try to hurt me? Call his parents! Wait, he doesn't have any parents. Call the police. Call the police right now. Take this brat to jail!"

"You may go." Nolan quickly ushered Leyon out the door.

"Then I shall be taking my leave, sir Dustbin. Bye." Leyon bowed his head and quickly vanished from the room.

Dustin's extremely loud, earth-shattering howls echoed throughout the walls of the school even after Leyon was long gone.

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Leyon stood in silence at the roof terrace of his school. This was the only spot that calmed his senses: the cool afternoon breeze, the mildly hot sun above, and not a soul around to disturb his peace as he was the only one bunking class at that time of day. He could take a nap, sing, or do whatever he wanted without a care in the world because he knew the teachers were too busy minding their classes and teaching the most talented, promising students in the school to notice someone like him. He had no parents, money, or background. Why would anyone be interested in him? He was merely a loser about to be expelled soon, an unwanted weed growing in amongst the crops that would soon be eliminated.

"You dare try to hurt me?! Call his parents! Wait, he doesn't have any parents." Leyon recalled the words Dustin had said to him. He clenched his fists, biting his lips in anger.

I don't have any parents. So what? Is it that surprising? Am I not allowed to be treated the same as everybody else just because I don't have any parents? It's not like I wanted this to happen. I, more than anyone else, want my family back. Am I always wrong because I was brought up without one? That's not fair at all...

"Damn it," Leyon fumed, hitting the wall next to him.

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"I'm sorry, but you're not qualified for this job. Please leave."

"We need a person who can communicate well with our customers. You're not fit for the job. Please leave."

"How can we hire someone who can't even speak?!"

"Please don't ever come looking for us again. Take your notebook and go. You can't even talk to customers and you're expecting us to hire you? Stop wasting our time."

Hikari never thought coming to the city would make her life so difficult. She had never expected people to be so mean and so different. She had only been there for two days at most, trying to find a decent job to support herself, but finding a job, especially for a person like her proved harder than finding a needle in a haystack.

The places that were offering jobs said they didn't want to hire a person with disabilities. Hikari could not count the number of times she had been discourteously thrown out of those places. She had looked for all kinds of jobs, ranging from being a waitress to a cashier in a grocery store to a dishwasher, yet there was not a single place that wanted to hire her.

Hikari was starting to see the world from a new perspective. She learnt a lot after coming here. People in this world only cared about those who they perceived as normal. In a society where rules were made up by the people themselves, one should fit a certain criterion to be recognised as normal. Any form of differences found to break or disrupt those norms was scowled upon. Society was quick to judge those who were different from the rest: those people with disabilities who do not fit into those rules they so painstakingly invented.

People like her weren't considered human here.

How Hikari wished she could go back to her village where people were actually good and helpful and treated her kindly, unlike this city where people were all vile and selfish and didn't care about anybody but themselves. How she wished she could go back home, let her body sink comfortably into the soft mattress of her bed and lie cooped up under the warm confines of her blanket. But she couldn't do that. She was homeless.

Finding a hotel to stay in for a few days after she reached the city wasn't difficult. The little amount of money she had left from selling her house would suffice for the time being, but she couldn't rely on that forever. She needed to find a job to support herself if she were to look for her mother.

Hikari wandered into the park, admiring everything from the patches of the darkening blue sky visible through the large tree leaves to the spring flowers adorning the lush green open space. She was in the city's central park. The air was crisp and fresh, soothing her senses. Perhaps all she needed was a little fresh air to clear the cobwebs in her mind.

Seeing the children playing here and there made her smile. How carefree and joyful they looked, and the smile on those faces, so innocent and pure. She could see couples walking in the park hand in hand, and groups of families coming out for an evening stroll. The atmosphere felt so lively and cheerful with all those people around. So why? Why then was she feeling so lonely?

Then suddenly, everyone was gone. The trees, the flowers, everything was there, but the people had gone. Why was she standing there all alone? The whole place became so quiet and colourless. Hikari seemed to have realised what was wrong. No matter how lively or crowded the outside world was, she was lonely inside. Deep within her heart, there was a void that couldn't be filled. She was all alone in this world.

Her footsteps became heavy as she strolled aimlessly down the path, eyes cast downward, absentmindedly observing the brown-coloured brick stone tiles that layered the pathway she was taking. Somehow, it led her to a huge tree in the middle of the park. It was the first time Hikari was seeing such a tree in real life. She had only seen pictures of it in books.

Like a dream, it stood a few meters ahead — the magnificent wisteria tree. Hikari, suitably awestruck, could only stare at the breathtakingly beautiful sight. Clusters of lilac-coloured flowers hung from the arching branches of the tree; it was thriving so effortlessly under its pale blue and violet-tinged world. The enticing fragrance seemed to be calling for her to come and bask in its luxury. So, she ran towards it, dying to take shade under the magical-looking tree.

Her joy was short-lived, however, when night-time approached. The atmosphere suddenly became very chill. A gust of cold night air touched her skin, and all the pain and loneliness she'd suffered the past few days hit her like a raging tempest, shaking her to the very core. Her heart swelled with a sea of tears threatening to spill at any moment.

When did the world become so dark and torturous? As Hikari sat in gloom, leaning against the bark of the tree, she gazed at the people around her, at the strangers who did not know or cared about her existence.

Father is gone. Mother is not here. Am I really alone now? What is this overwhelming feeling of pain in my chest? Why did everybody leave me?

All I wanted was to be loved...

The tears came without warning. Her lower lip trembled as she finally let the warm liquid spill down her cheeks. She did not care if anybody saw her crying because she knew strangers would never come up to her and ask her what was wrong. It was not like she was begging to be heard or understood, but her mind was desperate. If only there was one person who could give her a hug that very moment, then she would be eternally grateful to that person. Maybe then she would gain the strength to carry on for one more day.

"Hey?" came a voice from behind.

The deep male voice made Hikari stop crying immediately. She thought the tree was talking to her but later scolded herself for her stupidity.

"Do you know? This is my favourite resting spot," the person said to her. "But you suddenly came and disturbed the peace here by sniffing so loud and crying like a child," he added.

Hikari felt extremely embarrassed at his words. Various thoughts ran through her head. Who was he? Since when had he been there? Before she came or after? How much did he see? She couldn't see the appearance of this unexpected intruder since he was sitting on the other side of the tree. Also, she was too timid to turn around and steal a glance.

Hikari could hear the soft murmur of grasses under the man's feet as she visualised him getting up from the ground. "I don't want to pry into your personal life..." And this person was still talking to her! Hikari screamed inside her head.

What should I do? Should I run away?

"... but," the man continued, "if you think crying can fix everything, then just do it. Go ahead and cry all you want. But if you're crying for reasons that are out of your control, then you're just being stupid. Crying will never solve anything. Just get that."

Hikari felt the blood rush to her heart with a thud. She swallowed hard. She couldn't have mistaken it. Those words, it couldn't be. The breath hitched in her throat as she swiftly spun around to catch the person on the other side of the tree. But to her utter disappointment, there was no one there, not even a shadow.