- 8 -

Touring with my best friend and my former best friend was going surprisingly great. We all three got along really well and bonded over obscure meals at late night diners, old Pokemon reruns, and Fleetwood Mac.

We sort of made a routine when it came to shows. Dustin always watched from the crowd unless he wasn't feeling well. Noah would join him on occasion, but normally would sit in the wings or in the green room. I cut a lot of the hard drugs and partying out of our nights and stuck with alcohol, mostly. It didn't really make as much of a difference as I thought and Dustin didn't object, either.

Things were going well. Until they weren't.

"Bad news," Dustin said with a frown.

I glanced over at him from the TV. Noah and I were currently head to head in Smash and I fully intended on beating him. "Tom Rule ignored your DM again?" I said, landing a combo shot on Luigi that made Noah scoff.

"My grandma's in the hospital again," Dustin mumbled quietly, making me abandon the game completely to look at him. "I gotta go home."

Beside me, Noah obliviously cheered at throwing me off of the map. When he realized what Dustin said, he lowered his arms and loosely dangled the controller between his legs.

I loved Dustin's grandma. She was the sweetest woman and always baked us pies when we were kids. There was just something about Nana with her pies, but we couldn't complain. Dustin looked genuinely worried, so I knew it wouldn't be good.

"I'll tell Joey to get you a flight," I said. "Did they say what it was?"

He shook his head. "Just said she probably won't make it this time."

Dustin always had a much better relationship with his family than I ever dreamt of. While Lina and I were tight when we were younger, it was nothing compared to the way Dustin was with his immediate family. His mom was warm and kind and worried. Nothing like mine. I didn't know what that felt like.

The vibe changed in the bus after that. We were on our way to Florida. It was a long, extended drive. Joey responded and said he booked a flight at an airport somewhere between wherever the fuck we were in Texas and Louisiana.

Poor Dustin looked so dejected the whole way there. I tried to cheer him up by cracking stupid jokes. He wasn't really into it though.

Soon enough we were saying goodbye to him at the airport. I hugged him tight and told him to keep me updated. We didn't go in with him because being recognized was more trouble than it was worth, so we all bid our goodbyes on the bus.

He held his bag tightly and saluted Noah and I on his way out. I collapsed on the couch with a sigh after the door shut behind him.

And then there were two.

"I hope his grandma's okay," Noah said softly beside me.

It was the crack of dawn. Joey never picked flights at decent hours, always arranging for us to get on the plane half-asleep and grumpy. If I had to be awake before the sun came up, I wasn't interested.

"I think she's gonna die," I said, making him look at me in surprise. "She's been in and out of the hospital with cancer since we were kids."

He was quiet for a minute. I heard him exhale before he spoke. "Fuck cancer."

"Fuck cancer," I agreed.

It was too early to drink. I knew that, but I still felt the urge to grab a beer. I was about to until I looked over at Noah. He looked tired. His brown eyes were half-closed as he leaned his head back on the couch, slightly dark circles underneath his lower lashes. I never noticed before, but he had the most perfect cupid's bow, creating a heart shape on his bitten lips. He looked spent as he sipped on his orange juice.

I abandoned the beer idea and relaxed back on the couch.

"You still into superhero movies?" I asked.

He cracked a smile. "Duh."

I put on one of the newer universe movies and we settled in. I couldn't really focus on the movie. My mind was occupied with a ton of other things. I was worried about Dustin and hoped he'd be okay back home. I was worried about the tour, since my good luck charm abandoned ship. And I was worried about the boy next to me, and all the demons he'd been fighting since we stopped speaking.

Around halfway through the film, I spoke. "Is it hard?" I asked softly and he turned to me. I continued, "Being sober, I mean?"

Noah pressed his lips together in thought. I hoped I wasn't crossing any lines.

"Yeah, it is," he finally said. "It used to just be me and substances. I could drink, or smoke, or take a pill, and I wouldn't be alone. But now . . ." He paused and I felt my stomach doing flips. "Now I feel isolated, if that makes sense."

It didn't make sense, but I wished it did.

"You're not alone, though," I said.

He smiled. It didn't reach his eyes. "Thanks."

We watched in silence for a little bit longer. Exhaustion was starting to catch up with the both of us and the plot of the film was lost on me. I was nearly dozed off when I felt a warm weight on my shoulder. With the comfort of knowing Noah had his head on me, the relaxation was too much and I soon fell asleep.

-

When I awoke, I was alone on the couch. The bus was still rumbling on, the vibrations no longer sending jitters to my stomach like it used to. I blinked at the empty spot beside me, the sunlight of the mid-afternoon pouring in through the blinds on the windows.

"You hungry?"

I hadn't noticed he was sitting quietly at the table with a sandwich in front of him. Noah held up his food with an expectant look but I shook my head, opting to grab a beer instead. I sat in front of him when I had the cold drink and looked out the window.

Noah hummed to himself. He was doing something on his laptop with one hand while he ate with the other. I found myself watching his face. I liked the way his eyes looked in the light of the screen, the white LED illuminating the dark irises.

"I think I'm gonna go out after the show when we get to Tampa," I said, making him look at me. He nodded knowingly. "You're welcome to join, but I'll probably be sloshed, so . . ."

"I'll just hang out here," he said.

"And I might bring someone back," I added.

"That's cool," he shrugged.

I wasn't sure what I was expecting. Maybe I wanted him to be bothered by it, for some reason. The bus wasn't very big and privacy was hard to come by. Dustin and I didn't care, of course. The two of us had seen some things that we would likely never bring up again. I guess I'd half expected Noah to be more prudish about it.

We talked for a bit about Texas and all the insane fans that were calling out for us the entire time we were there. He actually sat in the crowd for the show alone and said the girls next to him were trying to talk and dance with him the whole time.

Joey called some hours later and let me know that we would be stopping shortly to grab some dinner. I relayed the message to Noah and he nodded knowingly, getting up to take a quick shower.

I was playing football on my gaming console when he walked out. From my spot on the couch, I had a clear view of the bathroom door and the bunks. My eyes left the TV shamelessly when noticing him donned in just a towel.

He paid me no mind, holding the top of the towel at the bottom of his hips subconsciously. Noah turned his back to me to rifle through his bag on the top bunk. A small collection of water droplets fell at his feet.

I couldn't look away, even though I knew my team needed my attention for defense. His back was sculpted almost perfectly, smooth lines of muscles at the top and a slim waist at his middle, met in between by a pair of enticing dimples at the small of his back. When he turned around, I could almost see his ribs, despite the muscular build of his back and arms. His skin was a pale white, dark hair on his chest and legs.

Just as quickly as he came out, he went back in with his clothes in hand. And then he was walking out, no longer naked.

He sat next to me, but I kept the image of his back in my mind, and a part of me wanted to see it again. Maybe in a more promiscuous position. I tightened my jaw and kept my eyes on the TV.

"Are you out?" I blurted before I even knew the words would tumble on. "Of the closet, I mean, to the public."

If he noticed the mortification as I attempted to play off the question, he didn't say anything. "Uh, no," he said, his voice quiet. "I don't go out of my way to hide it, but I haven't actually told anyone I'm gay."

So he's gay.

"Oh," was all I said, like an idiot.

"Why do you ask?" Noah inquired. I was hoping he wouldn't.

I side-glanced at him in the corner of my eye, but ultimately kept my head facing forward. "I was just curious. It came as kind of a shock when I saw you with Jax, so I was just wondering if I'd missed the big announcement."

Noah hummed in thought, but didn't say anything else. I smacked myself internally for prying. We weren't on those kinds of terms yet. The kind where I could try to get in his head about what I'd missed in the past eight years, or so.

We stopped at a Mexican restaurant. Our whole group, normally around ten or so, usually just sat at one big table, but the restaurant was slightly packed so they could only accommodate us at three separate tables. I didn't mind. It ended up being Noah and I had a table by ourselves.

Our waitress didn't seem to have a clue who we were, which was all the better. She seemed bored and clueless as she took our drink orders.

Noah giggled about it when she walked away. "I don't think I've been out to eat where I didn't get eyed down by the server in years," he said.

"It's nice," I commented honestly.

And it was. We ordered and Noah even splurged on a Mojito Mocktail to match the vibe I'd created when I ordered the most extravagant margarita on the menu. It tasted disgusting and I almost wanted the Mocktail more. I ate way too many chips and queso before my enormous meal even came out, but it seemed Noah was just picking.

I couldn't help but notice how hallowed his cheeks were compared to when we were sixteen. Sure, puberty had laid it's tracks and made the once baby-faced boy much more mature and lean. But he looked sickly.

"Is there anything you want to do in Florida?" I asked. A few pieces of tortilla and beef fell onto his plate when he took a bite of his taco.

"Dolphin tour," he said when he'd swallowed. "I want to see the dolphins."

I raised an eyebrow. Out of all the things I'd expect a twenty-something celebrity to want to do while touring the country, seeing dolphins wasn't one. He didn't notice my inquisition, or at least pretended not to. I was about to ask him why when his phone rang and he picked it up off the table.

Noah's whole mood changed instantly. He glanced up at me before bringing the phone to his ear, greeting half-heartedly. I tried not to look too interested, just eating my food quietly.

"No," he said softly, looking away from the table completely. "Not now."

I tried to occupy myself with my meal while eavesdropping subtly. I wondered who could darken his mood so abruptly, like a flipped switch. He ended the phone call without another word.

He didn't say who called and I didn't ask. But I really wanted to know.

"Boys," Joey said as he approached our table. "We'll get to Arlington by morning. You'll be put in the hotel immediately and you'll have the afternoon free before you've got to start practice, Theo. Russo–" Noah looked at him expectantly, "–keep doing what you're doing, kid. Twitter is absolutely feral over you two."

He walked away with his fingers tapping aggressively on his phone screen. "I swear he's like a cartoon character," I said, shaking my head.

"He really is," Noah laughed. "He's right though. Let's give the people what they want, I guess."

I wiped my hands with my napkin as he turned his back to me and held his phone up, the camera facing both of us. We did a few different poses and faces until he got another phone call. This time, I saw the name on the screen before he declined.

MacNeil.

The name struck me as soon as I saw it. I couldn't stop the words from tumbling past my lips. "MacNeil? As in David MacNeil?" I asked, but closed my mouth when Noah's entire demeanor switched again. Seconds before he was crossing his eyes and blowing his cheeks up for the camera.

Now he looked like a shadow passed over him. His eyes darkened, lips pressing into a frown as he avoided my stare by looking down at his plate. "Yup," he said quietly, nearly drowned out by the employees singing Feliz Cumpleaños somewhere in the restaurant.

At least a thousand questions flooded my mind and I wanted to know why he still talked to the creep that was David MacNeil.

The creep being my former manager.

MacNeil took me on after my first or second audition when my mom realized we couldn't do it alone. It only took me ten years or so to realize that slimy, perverted old men weren't the company I wanted to bring along with my successes. I dropped him as soon as our contract was up when I was fourteen or so. Found Joey not too long after that and learned what a manager was actually supposed to be like.

As far as I knew, Noah was also under MacNeil's management around the time we did Road to Serendipity. We never talked about that kind of thing, though.

We were twelve, after all. The deepest conversations we had were about school or whatever girl we were crushing on. But maybe that was the problem. Maybe I should have asked if he was okay with being famous. Maybe I should have pried into his mental health in the following years. Maybe I should have asked why he'd lost so much weight in the period we hadn't seen each other for a year when we were fourteen.

MacNeil had a reputation. I hadn't met a whole lot of child celebrities under his management other than Noah, but the few I had met normally said the same things I would. David MacNeil had wandering hands and lingering eyes. He breathed too loud. He would ask our mothers for privacy (just me and him) during meetings.

There was never anything severe enough to report, but it was always the way he made me feel unsafe at a ripe age that just struck a wrong chord with me.

Once I'd left his company, I'd never spoken with him again. Even when we were at the same events and he'd try to beckon me over.

That's why I was so surprised to see that Noah kept in touch with him. It sort of made sense. Sticking around with David MacNeil for as long as he did would certainly have the life-draining effects it seemed to have on Noah.

I didn't finish my food, my appetite vanished. Instead I just watched Noah closely as he avoided my gaze and picked at the chips and dip. It felt like the playful atmosphere we were starting to build was crumbling at our feet.

And that really bothered me.