- 6 -

I fucked a guy in LA.

Allow me to back track for contextual purposes. It wasn't premeditated, it just kind of happened.

When Dustin and I landed in LA, we had already made our night plans. I begged Joey to let us crash in a hotel instead of the bus. We always got two rooms, one for each of us, just in case we wanted to bag some girls in private. This time, however, we got three rooms. One for Noah.

Apparently Joey booked his flight back for Sunday morning. We would be gone by then, but Noah would have plenty of time to hang out with Jax, if he so pleased.

I was really high for my show.

Dustin had gotten his hands on some coke and mushrooms. We decided to save the mushrooms for when we got back to the hotel. Coke mixed with Adderall had my heart thumping in my chest for hours. I couldn't see where Noah and Jax were seated from the stage due to the lights, but I sure saw them backstage.

When I'd gotten my mic off and was sweating enough to hydrate a small village, I headed backstage. Dustin was already there, his phone in the air to record me. He was playing loud music through the speakers, so I started dancing stupidly, making the both of us crack up laughing.

"You wanna take the shrooms now?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Why not?"

We sat down with a bottle of whiskey between us as he pulled out the little baggie. I checked my phone to see if Noah needed any help getting backstage, but just as I did, the devil walked through the door.

Noah was smiling when I saw him. Jax was smirking like he said something hilarious. Dustin handed me a decent sized mushroom and we cheers'd. I felt the two guests on the other side of the room's eyes on us, but didn't really give a shit. I was sure the both of them had done worse.

After chasing down the foul taste of earth and dirt with brown liquor, I stood up. "Hey," I said to Noah.

"Hey, great show," he said and I felt he was being genuine. "Best concert I've been to in years." Jax nodded in agreement and they sat down on one of the leather couches.

I held the bottle by the neck and threw back another shot, depositing it into Dustin's hands with disgust all over my face. I noticed Jax was sitting pretty close to Noah, his arm draped behind his shoulders on the couch. It felt so surreal to see Noah like this. Well, it felt surreal to see him at all, after all these years. But to see him comfortably sit with another man the way he was thought to sit with a woman? It was bizarre.

I'd known the guy since we were old enough to talk about boobs. I guess I just had to accept that I didn't know him anymore. Just like he didn't know me.

Joey walked in like clockwork. He eyed the baggie of mushrooms but didn't say anything. "Russo! How are you, kid?" he said, completely ignoring me. Maybe I should keep Noah around after all . . .

"Hey," Noah said politely, "I'm great, thanks. And thank you for bringing me out here."

Joey just waved him off before finally giving me the much deserved attention I needed. "Good show, watch the profanity," was all he said. I scoffed and turned away from all of them. He didn't say another word to me, just kept trying to talk to Noah.

At that point, Noah had gotten pretty cozy with Jax. I hated PDA, even if it was only in front of a small number of people.

"Your fans are absolutely goo-goo over the pictures of you guys together. I had an idea," Joey said and I groaned aloud. He shot me a look and I just sat back on the couch beside Dustin. "What if you came on tour with us for month or two, Russo?" I smacked a hand to my face. "Think about it, you guys make a couple appearances together, right? Russo makes an easy bag, you get to see the country, and you get to party it up with these fuckheads."

I looked between my fingers at Noah and was surprised to see he didn't look immediately disinterested. He looked at the ceiling in thought.

Jax piped in. "Hey, if you don't wanna, you could always come with me for half of my tour?"

What the hell? How long have they even known each other? Call it a gut instinct, or maybe just looking out for an old friend, but I didn't trust Jax. He seemed dodgy with bad intentions. And Noah . . . Noah seemed almost fragile. Being freshly sober after years of addiction, he was vulnerable. Maybe he didn't need me to look after him, but I couldn't fight the urge.

"Actually," I butt in, catching the attention of Noah, his face morphed into surprise, "I think it's a good idea. Dustin and I could use your good influence."

Joey looked like he was about to have a stroke. "Has Hell frozeth over?" he exclaimed, clutching his chest.

I ignored that. Dustin added, "Yeah, man. Theo always keeps the bus stocked with food and we have a massive flat screen." And that, my friends, is why Dustin was my best friend. "BRO! We could watch Road to Serendipity!"

"Pass," Noah and I said simultaneously.

We made eye contact and I chuckled while he smiled, his eyes immediately finding the floor. Joey asked if Noah was working on anything at the moment and he said no, furthering Joey's attempts at convincing him. I watched in amusement as Noah's cheeks got warmer with all of our eyes on him.

"You don't have to answer tonight," I said when Joey finally shut up. "We're leaving for Vegas tomorrow morning and you're welcome to come with, or you can just join us later. Or, uh, if you don't want to at all, of course."

Jax nudged Noah's shoulder. "You should go. Think about the bucket list."

It made my skin crawl that they had inside jokes. I took another swig from the bottle. My thoughts were plaguing me.

Dustin smacked his hands down on his knees and stood up, looking around at all of us. "Shall we go to the hotel?" he asked and the three of us, Joey not included, agreed. He just narrowed his eyes at us suspiciously, a silent warning not to disappoint him. Like we'd ever.

We rounded up some groupies that lingered in the hallway. It was three girls and a guy. They were all over Noah, I noticed, and he had kept some distance between him and Jax. We all loaded onto the tour bus outside and I started passing out beers and pouring shots. The girls all cheered when Dustin and I raced and shotgunned the cans.

I glanced at Noah, who was quietly talking to Jax on the couch. He didn't seem as uncomfortable as I expected.

We got to the hotel and the groupies stood by as we checked in. One of the girls was already making out with Dustin, which had to be a record for him. The shrooms were starting to kick in and I needed to get upstairs as soon as possible.

I had brought my speakers from the bus and started playing loud music as soon as we got to Dustin's room. I was starting to see the walls breathing, my vision distorted, and I found the small bar immediately. There was tons of mini bottles to go around and everyone, except for Noah and Jax, dug in.

"Man--" Dustin smacked my arm. "I think time has frozen. I am in slow motion, brah."

We started giggling uncontrollably, knocking each other onto the floor as we stared at one another. The groupies were entertaining themselves by taking a group trip to the bathroom, probably to fan girl (and boy) about being here with us.

I wasn't sure how long Dustin and I laid there. It might have been minutes or it could have been an hour. All I knew was the trip was nowhere near ending. I bumped up the music and stood up, grabbing one of the girls and having her dance with me. I think Dustin had shared the shrooms with the groupies? It was all a bit fuzzy. It just felt like almost everybody in the room was on the same wavelength and everything was beautiful.

The trip was so incredible that I didn't notice Noah and Jax sneak out.

We must have been going at it for three hours. I was worn out and felt like the comedown was coming. The hotel room didn't have a balcony, so I decided I was going to venture downstairs for some air and a smoke.

I let Dustin know I'd be right back and walked out into the hallway. Prior to entering Dustin's room, I hadn't actually paid attention to where mine or Noah's rooms were. So I was overwhelmingly surprised to find him already out in the hallway, directly across from Dustin's room.

He wasn't alone, however. Jax had him pinned to the wall, his face buried in Noah's neck. Noah's face was screwed up delicately, looking absolutely pleased, when I first walked out. But when he saw me, he pushed Jax away roughly and straightened up.

"Uh, carry on?" I said dumbly, turning to walk towards the elevators.

Behind me I heard a door open and shut. I assumed the two went into Noah's room to finish the deed, but was surprised when Jax stood beside me to wait for the lift.

I cleared my throat awkwardly, still seeing blotches of color where they didn't belong. "So, you and Noah, huh?" I muttered.

Jax chuckled, "Just hanging out."

"Does he know that?" I asked, turning to face him. Jax furrowed his eyebrows and the elevator finally decided to show up.

"It was his idea," he shrugged. I stared at him blankly from one side of the cramped elevator, waiting for him to elaborate. "I asked him out but he said he wanted to keep it casual, so."

Huh. Noah, you dirty dog, you.

We rode down silently. I probably checked my pockets to make sure I had my cigarettes twenty times. The two of us walked out of the hotel lobby and Jax said a goodbye before he ducked into a Lyft.

It was freezing. Not really, since it was summertime in LA. But my body was shivering, regardless of the cold sweat on the back of my neck. My hands shook as I lit my cigarette, leaning against the wall as I smoked. It was pretty late. The city was alive as ever and the foot traffic in and out of the hotel was disturbing.

My mind kept roaming back to what I saw in the hallway. I was never opposed to the idea of being with a man, but I also had never really thought about it. Sure, the opportunity showed itself on occasion, but I had always just been into women. I lost my virginity when I was thirteen to a sixteen year old girl.

I'd never seen sex as all that special, though. I loved it, it felt great, it relieved some of the pressure that I was constantly under. But I'd never felt the life-changing attachment to someone after fucking them.

Noah had to like men for some reason. I could confidently recognize an attractive man, but I couldn't see any guy being my type. How did gay sex even work, aside from the obvious (dick in ass)? Were all men just dominant in bed, or were half of them submissive like girls?

I'd smoked three cigs when a young girl approached me shyly. She had to be at least fifteen, if not older. I stubbed out my cigarette quickly, tossing it in the bushes beside me.

"Theo?" she asked timidly.

I smiled, hoping I didn't reek of cigarette smoke. "Hey, what's up?" I asked. She was wearing some of my tour merch, a T-shirt and lanyard. "Were you at the show?!"

The girl smiled widely. "Yes!"

Off to the side appeared to be her family, all looking ecstatic that their daughter was meeting me. "Would you like to take a picture?" I suggested, sensing that she was too shy to ask. She nodded enthusiastically, looking to her dad. "What's your name?"

"Riley," she said happily. "I've been a fan since you were on Meet the Donaldsons."

That made me cringe a little, but put on a surprised face for her sake. Meet the Donaldsons was one of many awfully scripted sitcoms that aired on one of the popular cartoon channels. I was on it when I was seventeen and hated every second of it.

We took a few photos and I spoke with Riley and her family for a little while before I excused myself back to my room. That definitely sobered me up.

Dustin was dancing with the two girls, one behind him and one in front. He didn't even notice me come in. I preoccupied myself with grabbing a few mini bottles, plopping down onto the bed with my phone.

"You look tired," a voice said beside me.

I glanced over to find the one male groupie that somehow weaseled his way into coming back with us. "Only a little," I said, pinching my fingers together to inaccurately demonstrate how tired I was.

He was gay. It was kind of obvious. His voice, the cropped mesh shirt, how tight his pants were. Maybe I was stereotyping? But I could see it a mile away. My mind went back to Noah.

"I have some weed, if you wanna smoke," he said.

I glanced at Dustin, who kind of looked like he was in some sort of blissful trance. The girls did, too, so I looked at the guy and shrugged. Why not? When in Rome, right?

"Let's go to my room," I said.

So maybe my curiosity was getting the best of me. I wasn't not attracted to this . . . what was his name? It didn't matter. This was an opportunity, I supposed. The chances were as such: I might try to sleep with him, I probably wouldn't even be able to get hard, and I'd never try it again.

The two of us left Dustin's room to leave him to whatever the hell he was about to get into. I made sure I had my phone, wallet, and cigarettes before closing Dustin's door.

My room was directly next to Noah's. Upon entering, I sighed in relief at the sight of the beautiful balcony doors. I was grateful I wouldn't have to walk back down again to smoke.

I put the TV on as whatever-his-name started to roll one. He did introduce himself as Manny and said he was in LA to try to get a start in modeling. I could see it. He was tall and lean, with smooth tan skin. If I had to guess, which I tried not to, I'd say he was Hispanic. His hair was dark and styled neatly and he had deep, dark brown eyes with thick eyelashes around them.

"I've never been with a guy," I said out of nowhere, catching Manny's attention.

He smiled knowingly. "Really?"

I shrugged one shoulder. "Yep."

Manny twisted the end of the joint between his fingers and hummed thoughtfully, but he seemed to know exactly what he was going to say. "There's a first time for everything."

"True," I said, staring at him.

He held up the joint and gestures towards the balcony. I followed him out and we sat in the patio chairs, relaxing in the warm California air. It was humid, no breeze in sight, and I was no longer cold. We smoked together quietly, small talk falling easily between us. I couldn't help but feel that if this was a girl I was with, she'd be on my lap and we'd be Frenching already.

It alarmed me how nervous I felt. I didn't know how to make a first move on a guy.

When we'd finished smoking, we went back inside. I decided to throw caution to the wind and make a move, Manny falling into the rhythm quickly. One moment we were kissing and the next he was naked on his knees.

So yeah, we fucked.

It wasn't all that different than hooking up with a girl. I obviously had to adjust to the difference of the . . . mechanics. I didn't shy away from pleasuring Manny too, touching him where I'd never dreamt of touching another man. And it was fine.

Don't get me wrong, I finished all the same. It just wasn't anything to write home about. Manny was quieter than the girls I bedded, he just let out small grunts every so often. He kissed well, knew what he was doing, and made me feel good. That was all.

So I guess I was into guys, too.

When in Rome.