oh y'all thought this was
happily ever after????
heheheh

- 29 -

In Denver we went hiking. In Seattle we went museum hopping. And in Santa Clara . . . we fell apart.

I still didn't quite understand how everything went downhill so fast. One moment, Noah was slipping his fingers through my hair and whispering sweet nothings, and the next, he was slipping through mine. All it took was one stupid mistake and I was at risk of losing him forever. Not that I regretted what I did, not even in the slightest, but if it meant I'd lose my love, then I'd go back and do it differently.

It started when we arrived back in California. We weren't quite home, but it was already familiar. I was refraining from actually going back to my house until the tour was over because if I did, I'd want to just get in bed and not get back out. Noah seemed excited either way, to be home and finish the tour. The best part about being back . . .

"Don't ever leave me again."

I pretended to sob into Dustin's shoulder while he gripped me for dear life, practically throwing his entire weight on me to hold up. Noah giggled beside me, which caught Dustin's attention in the green room, and threw himself at him, too. I watched as Dustin and Noah embraced and smiled to myself. It was before my show and Dustin promised to be there for the last three shows of the tour, so there he was.

"How's Nana?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Old, I guess. She's hanging in, though," he said. "How's Chester?"

"Old . . . and fat," Noah nodded.

We chatted, but not for very long. I had soundcheck and then the show. I figured now that the three of us were reunited and it was the home stretch, it would be a great time to go all out. Dustin and Noah agreed to come out on stage to surprise the audience and fuck around with me. It was a blast, the most fun show yet. Kailey got to do a little drum trick act she'd been working on and Oscar put on a banana costume. I wasn't sure what the hell Chris did and didn't care. But my fans loved all of it.

I brought the entire venue to an eerie silence when I played the song I wrote about Noah. No one knew it, obviously, and Dustin played acoustic guitar alongside me—something he'd been cooking up since I sent him a voice memo of me singing the song. And Noah stood in the sidelines with a sickeningly sweet smile on his face every time I looked over at him.

"That was so sick," Dustin was saying as we jumped around backstage. The crowd was still screaming their heads off. He was dripping sweat down his neck and body, long since abandoned his shirt and thrown it into the mass of fans. The green room was just up ahead. "We gotta get sloshed after that, bro."

I laughed, tossing an arm around Noah and pulling him into my body as we walked in. "Yeah, for su—" I stopped when I saw the most confusing group of people sitting in the green room.

For one, there was Joey, who looked equal parts uncomfortable and panicked. He had his phone in his hand like he was ready to make some calls the second the shit hit the fan. Seated beside him was one beautiful Kelsi Bravener, looking dolled up and glittery, but also very uncomfortable as she waited for Dustin. And then a third person, who didn't seem the slightest bit bothered by the atmosphere as he sipped on a water bottle, his legs crossed over one another.

David fucking MacNeil.

I stopped, tried to shield Noah from the monster ahead, but it was too late. All at once the concert venue shifted. The good vibes came to a screeching halt and I was stuck in the middle of it. Joey was trying to send me signals, but I couldn't look away from the piece of shit.

"There he is," MacNeil exclaimed, standing up like nothing was awry. Noah flinched and detached himself from my body. "The man of the hour. Great performance, Theo! You've come so far. So glad I could see it with my own eyes."

I stared at MacNeil, unsure of what to say without losing my cool and blowing up in front of everyone. He was a tall, slender man with salt-and-pepper hair, but in a deliberately fashionable way. He wore a dress shirt and jeans like it was casual Friday.

Kelsi stood up and threw her arms around Dustin, kissing his cheek like she used to do with me. But it looked more natural with my best friend. He snaked an arm around her waist and held it there while trying to gauge whether or not this was about to turn into World War III. My gaze shifted to Noah, who was fumbling with the hem of his shirt as he looked at MacNeil like a child caught with his hand in a cookie jar. Meanwhile, MacNeil wasn't even looking at him as if he weren't in the room at all. I could hardly comprehend what was happening.

"What, no love for the guy that got you famous?" he laughed, glancing around. He was the only one laughing.

I looked down, surprised to find that my hands were balled up into fists. My heart began to thud in my chest for the sake of Noah. "How'd you get back here?" was all I asked. Anger was bubbling deep within me.

"Called in a favor from Joey," MacNeil said. I wondered if he thought he was wanted here. I wondered if he thought Noah wanted him here.

It was quiet for a moment while I stared at the man who broke my boy. He was still smiling like nothing was wrong. Noah was stiff beside me, scratching his arm anxiously and not saying a word. Dustin was the one who broke the silence, never a fan of tension or long, uninterrupted awkwardness. Sometimes I wasn't sure he even knew how to read a room.

"I need a drink," he mumbled, leading Kelsi to the mini fridge near the vanity. I tried to grab Noah's arm, but he shrugged me off and followed Dustin. My heart sank in fear that he'd turn to the bottle at a time like this, but while my best friend started opening mini bottles of Fireball, Noah opted for a can of soda.

I still hadn't moved. It felt like I was in a horror movie and I was facing a life-or-death decision. MacNeil stepped towards me. "I knew I'd have regrets about letting you go so many years ago," he said. The dark and twisted secrets behind his words made me feel sick to my stomach. "You're a star through and through."

"Can I help you?" I asked bluntly.

He looked surprised. "I just wanted to catch up. I'm sorry if I misinterpreted where we stand, Theo."

Noah looked like he'd sunken into the couch beside Joey. The look on his face was one that I'd never seen before. He was almost green, his eyes glazed over and his teeth worrying his bottom lip until I was sure I'd taste blood in our next kiss. He was watching the back of MacNeil's head stoically, like if he made any sudden moves, the older man would jump and sink his claws into him. I would never let that happen. Not again.

"Well, I'm man enough to acknowledge when I'm unwelcomed," MacNeil sighed. He turned and looked over his shoulder. "Noah, could we have a word?"

I took a step forward without thinking. "No," I answered for him.

MacNeil turned to me, but his face gave nothing away. I could tell that he knew that I knew. Surely, this would fall back on Noah in some form. But it didn't matter. I was here to save him this time. I could keep him from anymore torture this man planned on inflicting upon my boy.

"Noah?" he asked, his voice steady and calm.

I looked at Noah. He was avoiding my eyes, looking at MacNeil like he was trying to telepathically send him on his way. Like he was begging for him to stop. After all, this was all one of MacNeil's power plays, was it not?  To show up, knowing he was defenseless, asserting his prominence in Noah's life whether he liked it or not. It was hard to watch.

There was no way Noah was going anywhere with him. I knew he didn't feel safe with him and whatever MacNeil had to say, it was surely just some form of ammunition against his resolve.

"Fine," Noah muttered, standing up.

My mouth opened in protest, but what could I say? He was a grown man. He could make these decisions himself. If anything, my hovering and attempts at protecting him would come off as overbearing and scare him off. I wanted to trust him, but it wasn't him I didn't trust. MacNeil was going to say the things he said on the phone call that I wasn't supposed to hear and Noah was going to break just a little more. And I was supposed to just let it happen?

"I'll come with," I suggested.

"No," Noah said, making my mouth go dry. "It's fine."

He still wouldn't look at me. MacNeil didn't shy away from smirking at me, however, and stepped aside to let Noah lead the way. I stood in the middle of the green room and watched the two of them walk out.

Joey snapped me out of whatever deep, detrimental thought process was beginning to take place in my head by placing a hand on my arm. "What's going on?" he asked.

"That dude's fucked up," Dustin said from the other side of the room. "What do they have to talk about?"

I pulled at my roots and dropped onto the couch. "I don't know, but it's not okay."

Dustin briefly explained the situation to Joey and Kelsi while I stared at the doorway, waiting for him to come back. This started off as such a good night. Now he was probably spitting bullshit to Noah and belittling him and holding whatever the fuck he had over his head. I needed to intervene, but the last thing I wanted was to make him think he needed saving. Which he did, but if he thought he was fine, then he deserved that much.

Ten minutes went by and Noah still wasn't back. I felt nauseous. "I'm going to check on him," I said, having had enough waiting around. I didn't wait for anyone to try to stop me, which they didn't. We all knew MacNeil was bad news.

I had no idea where they went. I asked a few of the stage hands if they saw the pair go anywhere. One girl pointed me in the direction of a back door to an outside smoking area, so I figured it was worth a shot. I could hear my own breathing and the blood rushing through my head and that was about it. The sticky summer heat hit me as soon as I pushed the door open and poked my head out. I didn't see them right away, so I was going to go back inside, until I heard Noah's voice.

"He doesn't know anything."

I stood still, trying to track what direction it was coming from. After I took a few steps out, I could see them around the corner of a part of the building that stuck out. I took one step towards them before I heard my name being called from behind a chain link fence across the way. A few fans and some desperate paparazzi were on the other side, cameras out and hoping to catch my attention. I waved curtly, having much bigger fish to fry at the moment.

"You know what will happen if you tell anyone," MacNeil was saying and he grabbed Noah's arm. "You want everyone to see that video I sent you, or what?"

"No," Noah shook his head. "I promise, I didn't tell him."

I took a step closer, clearing my throat. "Everything okay here, Noah?" I asked. They both turned to me and I swear it looked like Noah was furious. As he should be, of course. I'd be pissed, too, if I had to listen to my abuser spout bullshit over and over again.

He crossed his arms over his chest and MacNeil removed his hand. "I'm fine," Noah snapped. Wait. Was he angry with me?

All I could do was assume that he was just overwhelmed and taking it out on me because I was the loudest. It made sense. The best thing I could do was get MacNeil away from him so we could move on and finish the tour without anymore incidents and then figure out our next move. As far as I was concerned, their conversation was over. Noah's eyes bored into my forehead as I approached them.

"I think you should leave now," I said, trying to keep my composure in front of the fans yelling from the fence and Noah.

MacNeil scoffed. "What's this about, Noah?" He looked between the two of us. I was glaring at him while Noah was glaring at me. MacNeil sputtered out a laugh, holding his chest like he was in disbelief. "Are you fucking?"

I grimaced. It was more than just fucking, not that he'd ever understand that.

"Good luck with that," MacNeil continued to laugh. "I don't know what he's told you, but he's not all there, if you know what I mean. Noah's got some . . . complex issues, has since he was a kid. I'd be real careful with him or he might start saying crazy things about you, too."

And just like that, my blood was running hot and I could feel myself starting to shake. He had the nerve to look me in the eye and speak about him when he was standing right there. My eyes fell on Noah. While my anger amplified, it seemed like his was overshadowed by anguish, his eyes watery and cheeks pink and chin wavering. It broke me and I stood straighter in an attempt to keep it together for the both of us.

"There's absolutely nothing wrong with you," I said to Noah, not wanting to speak about him in third person, but also validate him however little I could. I turned back to MacNeil, my lips curling in disgust. "You, on the other hand, are a scummy bottom feeder. I don't give a fuck what you think you have on Noah, but trying to lie to my face when I heard you on the other end of Noah's phone makes you the crazy one, not him. You need to stay the fuck away."

Noah stiffened. "What—"

MacNeil didn't let him finish because he was stepping toe to toe with me, his face turning red. "If you think I'll let you talk to me about this fucking cheap whore, you've got another thing coming, Thorne—"

And that was all it took. From the corners of my eyes to my periphery, I saw red.

These last few months of pining and breaking and fighting and fixing and mending all came crashing down on my shoulders. I saw Noah's tears, and his bloodied face, and his false smiles. I saw MacNeil's hand on his arm, his name on Noah's phone, and that wickedly confident smile. I felt Noah's arms around me, and his voice telling me all about what this vile man had done. I remembered the way MacNeil would look at me when I was just a boy, the times he'd ask my mother to go fetch us lunch so we could discuss business alone, the way he favored Noah over all of the kids at the cast party for Road to Serendipity.

Everything from the moment I lost Noah to the day I got him back swung back around . . . and I swung my fist.

I couldn't even remember throwing the first punch. I did not know how many followed. Dustin said Noah was screaming and the fans at the fence were, too. And I didn't notice the moment that MacNeil went still underneath me.

The next thing I was conscious of was Joey pulling me off and dragging me to the bus. I was shaking like a leaf and when I looked down, my knuckles were covered in blood. I couldn't feel anything, like my body was on auto-pilot. Noah got on the bus with Dustin, but paid me no mind and went to the bedroom.

Without a second thought, I pushed Joey away from me and followed him. He was sitting on the bed with his head in his hands. "Noah? I—"

"Why the fuck would you do that?"

I froze in the middle of the doorway. He looked up, his cheeks red and splotchy, tears in the corners of his eyes. If my hands weren't bloodied and disgusting, I'd rush over to wipe his cheeks. But I stayed where I was because the look of betrayal on his face was enough to root me to the ground.

My words came out jumbled like my thoughts. "He was saying all of those terrible things about you and I just . . . I just lost it. I didn't mean to hurt him. I don't know what came over me—"

"When did you hear him on my phone?" His voice was stronger than before. Demanding.

"Listen, I didn't tell you about it because I didn't want you to feel like you needed to tell me anything before you were ready, okay?"

Noah flinched. "When?"

I looked down at my hands again. "New Jersey."

This was a disaster. It was finally good for me and Noah. I could see our future on the horizon, no matter how distant and foggy it was. I felt like we had a chance. I didn't regret putting my hands on MacNeil, not even a tiny bit. But the way Noah was looking at me when I finally raised my head made me feel sicker than ever, so much so that I thought about making a break for the toilet to save myself for whatever he was about to say.

"I can acknowledge that I'm pretty fucked up, but I don't think you can say the same," Noah sighed, swiping a hand over his face desperately. He stood up and grabbed his things. "I need some air before I have to talk to the cops about this. And I'm going to get a ride home so you can finish the tour without me. This is too . . . you're too much."

Then I did book it to the bathroom. I heard Noah leave the bus in between my retching and when I flushed down my guilt, I wished I was right there alongside it.