- 2 -

The first show in Seattle went well.

It was a smaller, more intimate venue, but the building was packed beyond capacity. Hundreds of faces beamed up at me from below and I survived the show, just barely.

I had rehearsed for countless hours and days and months but I wasn't happy with how the show went. The crowd was absolutely mad, the loudest I'd ever heard. I know they enjoyed it and my insecurities were all in my head. But what else was new?

"You crushed it," Joey said as I passed him on my way to the green room. Dustin had watched the show from the audience. I think he just enjoyed the attention he got when people recognized him.

"I sucked," I replied. The mini fridge was pre-stocked with water bottles and liquor. I went for the liquor.

Joey was looking at his phone while speaking. "No, you fucking crushed it," he said. "This is gonna be a good tour, my boy."

I rolled my eyes. The sweet, sweet taste of Jameson was lingering on my tongue and I immediately relaxed, focusing on the burn of the whiskey rather than all of the notes I missed and shitty moves I pulled. Dustin hustled into the room, his cheeks blazing red from the sweaty crowd.

"Dude," he began, "you're a god."

"Mm–" I tried to speak before washing down another gulp of the burning drink. "Drink. Now."

Dustin grabbed the bottle from me and tipped it back, nearly chugging it. He always disgusted me when he did that. I enjoyed whiskey as much as the next guy, but who the fuck can chug it like a Coke? I laid my head back against the makeup chair and closed my eyes, trying to get the screaming crowd out of my head so I could think straight.

Joey interrupted my meditation. "I'm meeting with Noah Russo's manager next week. I gotta good feeling about this," he cheered. He always said that when he thought he was on the brink of a financial breakthrough.

I had another show here tomorrow night, so I was in no rush to get back on the bus so soon. Dustin and I made plans to go clubbing tonight to celebrate the start of the tour. He probably wanted to get laid, which wasn't unusual. I wasn't really in the mood to bring some girl back but the groupies always came in pairs, so I'd take one for the team.

Eventually, after properly pregaming and getting a nice buzz, we left the venue and called for a driver. I could hear Dustin talking beside me as we waited on the bus, but I wasn't paying any attention.

All I could think about was how shit of a performance I put on tonight. The fans didn't deserve me at my worst, I worked too hard for that. I was somewhat of a perfectionist at this point, so I hated not excelling on something as major as my fucking job.

"Think we can find some Molly?" Dustin asked, scrolling on his phone while sipping a beer.

"Probably," I said, though I didn't know. Clubs were usually crawling with tweakers and dealers, it was just harder to pinpoint them when you weren't in LA. "I hope so."

And we did. The driver came along after that and we rode to the club, where we got absolutely shitfaced. I was approached by a girl who looked suspiciously like my little sister who held a baggy in her hand, three little blue pills inside. I pulled her over to Dustin and we all dropped Molly . . .

. . . and that's all I remember.

I woke up on the bus. Thank God for that. I wasn't in my bed, though, I was on the couch with a girl passed out on top of me, completely nude. I was also naked, but that was slightly more normal. Dustin was nowhere to be found.

As gently as I could, I pushed the girl off of me and onto the couch, pulling a throw blanket on top of her. I found my phone and wallet thrown on the countertop of the small kitchen, but it was very dead.

I sighed, looking around for some clue as to what had happened last night. Liquor bottles, all half empty, were scattered around the bus, as well as my clothes. I pulled my underwear on and headed back, checking Dustin's bunk.

He wasn't there.

Panic started to kick in. I checked all the other bunks, finding another almost naked girl dead asleep. My heart began to pound alongside my head as I checked my room.

Dustin was asleep with a honey on his arm. I let out a breath of relief. My eyes moved around my room, frowning at the disarray of all my things. It must have been a wild one. At some point I would have to kick these girls out because we normally started rehearsal around three. It couldn't have been earlier than noon.

My phone still wasn't turning on, even after putting it on the charger. I checked the front to see if my bus driver was here. He wasn't.

I sighed again. Why did I have to be the responsible one?

So I went through the task of waking the girl up and telling her to get ready because I was going to call a cab for them. She looked as confused as I was when she saw me, of all people, nudging her shoulder, big doe eyes squinting through the beating sunlight.

"Are you . . ." she started to ask. I just nodded.

Dustin woke up from the sound of my voice eventually, groaning loudly from the room. I chuckled to myself while starting a pot of coffee. He definitely had it worse than me. He walked out into the living space, stark naked, with only his socks on.

"Do you remember anything?"

"Nope," I said, leaning back on the counter while watching the girl from the bedroom stumbled out after him. He gave me a proud look. "There's a girl in the bunks, too. Can you make sure she's breathing?"

He grimaced, not looking too hot. I was secure enough to say Dustin was a good looking dude. Since he saw a picture of the two of us in an online article three years ago and didn't like how he looked 'pudgy', he had taken good care of himself and was definitely more ripped than I was. I only went on the gym grind when I had a role that required it.

When my phone finally turned on, I wanted to turn it right back off. Joey had blown it up with calls and texts, none of which were in my favor. I called the driver for the girls and dared to call Joey back.

"Good morning, sunshine," he grumbled into the phone. "I have some words for you."

I rolled my eyes, turning back to the pot of coffee when it was finished. "Are they, 'Thank you for making me rich, Theo. You are so talented and handsome'?" I tried to joke, but it seemed Joey wasn't in the mood.

"No. Someone got a picture of you and Dustin leaving the club with a million girls looking like you're tripping balls and now I'm doing damage control."

"Oh, that's it?" I asked, grabbing the cream from the fridge. "That happens, like, every other day."

"Yes, Theodore, and that's the problem."

I didn't see what the big deal was. I had been slowly spiraling for years now and it's never gone too far. Joey always had to act like I'd murdered somebody when I was caught having a good time. I was a grown ass adult.

"Alright, Joey," I sighed and took a sip of my coffee, "if that's all you've got to say, I'ma let you go. I've gotta get rid of this hangover before rehearsal–"

Joey was getting angry. I could feel it. "Stop. This tour is not going to be like the last one. You can't just get fucked up every night and jeopardize your career like this," he said, his voice sharp. "It's my job to make sure you don't drown. So you are officially grounded."

I made a face. The girls, including the one from the bunks who looked like she was about to throw up everywhere, were getting their clothes together. "Yeah, okay, Joey," I scoffed. "You and I both know that's not happening."

"It is," he said matter-of-factly. "And if I catch you two going out again, Dustin's getting a one-way flight back home."

I shot a glance towards Dustin, who managed to somehow get his girl to make out with him again. Tour would be unbearable without him here. As much as I wanted to say I could fight it and do what I wanted, Joey would definitely send him home without hesitating.

Dustin caught my eye while he was still swapping DNA with the groupie and shot me a thumbs up behind her back, making me snort. "Whatever. I'm still getting drunk in the hotels," I said and hung up.

I plopped down on the couch and drank my coffee while just observing. Dustin was definitely giving the girl false hope, with the way he took her number and told her he'd see her before we left. The other girls were not looking too good, standing in front of the air conditioner while waiting for their friend.

Eventually, they left. Dustin sat beside me with a content sigh, his junk still hanging out. "Pants are fundamental," I said.

"Dusty Jr. needs to breathe," he said without looking at me.

"Joey grounded us," I said, standing up to make him a cup of coffee. "We aren't allowed to go out anymore or he's gonna send you home."

Dustin furrowed his eyebrows, finding some pants and slipping them on. "What are we, twelve?"

I rolled my eyes, bending down to pull the creamer back out of the fridge. I flinched when a sharp pain in my side crippled me for a second, my body inching back upright. "Apparently."

He didn't falter though, only sent me a shit-eating grin and gestures around us before taking the mug from my outstretched hand. "Then it looks like we'll bring the party to us. Remember the hotel room in New Jersey?" he said.

Of course I did. We threw a rager and invited all the girls from backstage, who all invited more people and we got thrown out of the hotel. News got out fast, labeling me a 'party animal'. Joey didn't speak to me for two days.

"Yup," I said. "Maybe getting kicked out again will make him change his mind since we can't be trusted anywhere." We both laughed at that.

We killed time while waiting for the painkillers to kick in by just lounging around the bus. I scrolled through Twitter, as per usual, and came across an interesting post about the one and only Noah Russo. Apparently, he yelled at somebody at the grocery store for taking a picture of him so the Internet was canceling him. Shocker. It wasn't the first time and it wouldn't be the last.

I thought about if Joey was really going to have Noah and I get together. From what I've heard, he's had it rough since Road to Serendipity. The usual: drugs, rehab more than once, alienation, blacklisting. I felt for him, I really did.

On the other hand, I couldn't really understand what could have caused him or the number of child stars to take such a dark path. After everything, I was still loaded, got any girl I wanted in bed, received special treatment almost anywhere I went. And it was all because of my mom auditioning me for a Huggies commercial as a baby. Sure, we were worked like slaves at a young age, but I wouldn't change a thing.

It was life.

I sighed and glanced at the time. We had about a half hour before we had to head inside for rehearsal. I abandoned my phone on the charger and went into the bathroom, splashing water on my face.

In the mirror, I stood up straighter. I could use a shower, my blonde hair was greasy and clumping together in a way that just looked dirty. I was a bit behind on shaving, but the girls liked it. Faking a smile, I opened the medicine cabinet to get rid of my reflection altogether and grabbed the bottle of Adderall, popping one past my lips.

I didn't have ADHD. Dustin did and he liked to share.

If I had to guess, there was probably a line of people outside of the venue already. The line went past the car park where the bus was parked, hardly hidden by a tall fence. I could poke my head out and wave, but I wouldn't.

After a shower and a nice cold shot of vodka, I was ready to go. Dustin followed me inside, pulling a hood over his head to drown out the screams when the fans saw us leave the bus.

I had to catch my breath in the green room, feeling a bit winded. The hangover wasn't quite gone yet.

"So nice of you to join us," Joey said, making me automatically feel nauseous. "You're late."

Good grief. It was ten after four. I was ten whole minutes late for fucking rehearsal. Joey was this close to sucking my whole dick. I decided not to respond because I was told a ripe age, if you don't have anything nice to say–

"You look like shit," he added on, making me stand up straight and look him in the eye.

"Must be like looking in a mirror," I snapped.

Okay, well, that wasn't my finest work. Joey just smiled patronizingly. I swallowed down the vomit that was threatening to come up. Dustin curled up on the leather couch and turned away from us. Goodnight, sweet prince.

"You better not throw up on stage," Joey said before storming out of the green room, answering some phone call or another.

For the closest thing to a father figure I'd ever had, he was a pain in my ass. Joey knew how to push my buttons just as well as I knew how to push his. I was just a little better at it. Unfortunately, we needed each other, so the give was worth the take when it came to listening to his bullshit orders.

Some girl in a headset came and told me they were ready for me to start soundcheck. On my way out, I jabbed Dustin in the side just to piss him off, receiving a shriek in response, before scurrying out backstage before he could retaliate.

After getting mic'd up, I headed out to the stage and stared at the empty seats in front of me. My band was on stage, all incredibly cool people that couldn't stand me. I turned my neck and smirked at Kailey, my female drummer (we'd fucked last year) and she rolled her eyes.

I was sort of used to messing with anybody who came around me's head. Poor Kailey, a drummer with a dream, thought she was special because I'd picked her for one night.

God, when did I become such a dick?

Before I knew it, I was ushered backstage again and the sound of loud chatter and squeals of joy started filling the hall. I peered behind the curtain where they couldn't see me, watching the seats fill up and the pit get crowded. All hopeful faces anticipating my arrival.

I was gonna puke.

Kailey glared at me from behind her water bottle. I strolled over, leaning against a pillar. "Hi, hot stuff," I said with a small smile. She looked away with a huff.

"Fuck off, Thorne."

"Ouch," I hissed, rubbing my arm. "I'm sensitive."

"I hope you choke up there," she said with a sneer. I did think she was very attractive. She had crazy black hair and at least three piercings on her face, tattoos up her arms that she always displayed by wearing tight tank tops.

I only grinned. "I just might."