the relentless feeling of being numb, and feeling out of place. it feels like you're floating through space, darkness where the light & stars cease to exist, a hole of confusion & sadness, eyes closed

the feeling where your pen stops while writing & you're swallowed up in your thoughts, you're going for a walk in the forest though it's snowing outside but the flakes against your skin feels warm. moments where you stay a little longer in bed than usual in the morning staring at the ceiling with no particular thought. holding your cup tightly while drinking coffee and looking out the window, feeling blank. 'a playlist of slowed songs to listen to at 1 a.m' a youtube video reads, you listen to john wayne, you want to watch the sunset with someone. 'for when you live in the french countryside; a playlist' another youtube video reads, you're on the balcony of your home, earbuds singing melancholy, you scroll to the comments, you want to live a life like this. when was the world not ever kind? the thought lingers. you want to move, but you can't budge from the spot you've been in since hours ago. it feels like you're waiting for something to happen.

these days your thoughts seems to zoom past you in a millisecond, it feels like you cannot hold onto them anymore and decipher them into writings or paintings. black nail polish chips from your fingernails and long hair chopped shorter in search of answers, leaving behind the past to start anew, but the emptiness remains no matter what remedies you use, everytime you stare at the mirror you see a transparent being, a ghost lingering about with unfinished business.