EVERYTHING IS POINTLESS!

🖤🩶🤍❤️

songs!
velvet ring.......... big thief
sparks.... coldplay
closer to you.........jung kook

Margot's photo lingered on her phone screen. A banner passing by under it. College Senior Found Dead! Lola pulled her hair out of her face, turning to her friends who were just as surprised.

"What the fuck...?" Giselle's eyes were wide, glazed with a curtain of tears. "She's actually dead?"

Exactly like the last time, the girls felt a certain weight sit heavy in the pits of their stomach. Hard pill to swallow, let alone tolerate the news. They sat in silence for a while, the news reporter's voice being the only thing filling the void until Destiny grabbed the phone out of the redhead's timid hands. "Okay, enough." She paced back and forth. "Let's try to calm down a lil'."

"Jungkook..." Lola whispered just then. Her hand found her agape mouth, letting a small gasp into her palm. Thoughts ran loose in her crowded mind. Thoughts of him. Worry and something else she couldn't quite explain. "What if he saw it?"

Their footsteps echoed through the halls as they rushed to the boys' dorm. Lola's eyes held things amongst grief, and angst. She couldn't even knock when they reached the door, as it opened to reveal Jungkook standing wide-eyed over the threshold.

As soon as he saw Lola, he fell into her embrace. Face buried in her neck, arms wrapped around her figure to make her disappear, Lola did the same. She wasn't hugging him. She was holding him. Her small fingers down the back of his neck when she heard his muffled sniffles. "It's my fault." Jungkook cried.

In the corridor stood Destiny and Giselle, their eyes fell on Namjoon behind Jungkook. His wet hair had stopped dripping, though seeing Jungkook break down brought tears to his eyes instead.

"No." Lola reassured the taller boy completely encapsulating her whole. "It's not your fault."

"I asked her to stay longer." Tears soaking into the shoulder of Lola's shirt, Jungkook squeezed her tighter. It felt as though he was afraid she'd be gone, just like Margot. Call it fear, if nothing else. "I asked her to stay. It's my fault."

❤️

Lola's fingers were around the steering wheel now. The same one Jungkook would normally don for their adventures. There was nothing adventurous about this, anyways. They were at the lake. Now thinking about it, Lola cringed. She refused to come here the night before, but here she was. Arms wrapped around Jungkook, caressing his hair for comfort. "I'm here. I'm right here."

Jungkook had stopped crying, though he couldn't quite put a finger on the flood within him. The mundane fire was put out by the waves of his grief, hitting his shores with its greed. "She's dead." He whispered.

Not a single word could be uttered against, so Lola squeezed tighter. The moon had pulled itself up over the clouds. Hanging in the night sky, accompanied by stars, as if to be witness to their connection. She caressed the back of his head, kissing his temple every now and then. Closer than before. Lola thought. They were closer than before. She hated the idea of it. That they needed death to stay together... That they needed a loss for the sake of a win. She held him close to her heart and sighed deeply. "Tell me what you feel."

He wrapped his arms around her waist, tighter, and cleared his throat. His face had been buried in her chest area, eyes shut tight, focused on her breathing, the beat of her heart, and her little words peppering the deafening silence. "What?"

"Tell me what you feel." She whispered again. "Just say whatever you want to say to me. Get it off your chest. Don't keep it in."

Lola knew it all too well. To bottle your emotions.

If words were to leave his mouth, Jungkook was afraid his tears would pour. There was a knot in his throat, one that hurt even through an attempt to sound his thoughts. His gulps were heard clearly.

"Let me hear your thoughts." She encouraged one again, a kiss on the top of his head. "Share 'em with me. Come on."

His head lifted to lock his puffy eyes with her glistening ones. Opal, lately one of his favorite colors. If you could even call it one. More like a collection of many, just like the stars above them. She was the speck of light in his darkness, Jungkook realized. Her opals contrasting his browns, her reds his blacks. It wasn't opposites attract, it was opposites connect. In this moment, Jungkook knew he could admit all of his mistakes, and she'd hold them up to the moonlight with pride. The Yin in his Yang.

"I feel scared." He admitted in a whisper, and knew she'd coddle his words. Like a bandage, Lola cupped his face, her thumbs wiping away the tears that had started glistening on his waterline.

She pulled him close. "What else?"

The tips of their noses inching together, "Can't believe it." Jungkook whispered again. His warm breath wafted against Lola's face, he could read the pity plastered across. Though what he couldn't read was the fact that it wasn't pity. Just empathy. "Can't believe she's gone. If I didn't ask her to stay she woulda been-"

"Don't." Lola stopped him, hands behind his neck. "I know what you think, but it's wrong. It isn't your fault, do you understand?"

He shook his head, looking down. A tear drop fell on the leather arm rest between them. He wiped it away with his sleeve, before sniffling. "She woulda been back in Queens right now."

"You don't know that." She insisted. Her fingers were now tangled in his black hair. "There's no chance of knowing. All you need to know is that it wasn't your fault. It isn't anyone's fault, apart from whoever killed her. Jungkook, I need you to really listen to me."

He was, though needed convincing. Lola had never seen him so... vulnerable, before. In the time she had to get to know him, one of the first things she learned was him and his masculinity. Jungkook looked down on men who cried, and his opinions on it seemed to be strong. But hearing him sob into her shoulder, Lola came to realize that there was just a little boy somewhere inside his heart. That little boy grew up singing in his dad's car, eating his mom's kimchi -which he talked about often-, and laughed watching SpongeBob on a Saturday. She intertwined her fingers between his slender and tattooed ones.

"Are you listening?"

He nodded.

"It isn't your fault." She insisted. Encouraging him through it all. "Say it with me."

"It isn't-"

"My fault." Jungkook completed softly. "It isn't my fault."

"That's right." Lola cracked a gentle smile, one that made him stretch one himself. "Margot wouldn't have blamed you, either." She reminded him, and felt bad as the words left her mouth. It was the entire reason for their break-up. She was upset over the kiss, and now Margot was dead. Everything's pointless. Lola thought. Everything except Jungkook. She embraced him in another tight hug, "I'm sorry." and cried with him.

He wasn't sure why she apologized, all he knew was that she didn't need to.

"I'm sorry for not showing up." She whispered.

"I'm sorry." He whispered back. "For everything."

❤️

"Never seen him like this before." Namjoon pulled the covers over Jungkook's sleeping body, sighing. He turned to Lola by the door, leaned against the frame, and switched the lights on as he left the room. "Thanks for that, by the way. Y'know, talkin' to him."

She nodded, taking a seat beside him on the couch. "Of course."

They were alone at the boys' dorm. Jin had been busy with Spirit Week, and Taehyung wasn't around most of the time. The other three were at their own dorm.

"You a real one." He admitted, not looking at her. His head was thrown over the back of the couch. "Thought you would never talk to him again."

Lola turned to him, brows snapped together. "I was heartbroken, but I'm not a monster.... And I never stopped lo- liking him."

Namjoon did catch that, but he let it slide. No surprises here, he was already aware. His heart ached at something, but he didn't know what. Who was he kidding? He did. Girls like Lola love boys like Jungkook. He cleared his throat. "I know."

They sat in silence longer than they thought they could tolerate each other. It was funny, the exact moment you realize someone has grown on you. Lola felt it in her bones. The tension had eased. Not vigorous now, just a gentle simmer. "Okay."

"I know that prolly don't mean y'all 're back together-"

"We're not." Lola pointed.

"but that don't mean we should continue with this bullshit that we got goin' on."

She frowned. "What does that mean?"

Namjoon still hadn't looked at her. His arms crossed in front of his chest, "This fighting." he jutted his chin in her direction. "I know we ain't really liked each other at first, but you's cool. So, let's just forget that I called you a bitch, and that you slapped me-" he had turned to look at her at last. Hesitant eyes lingering between her sparkling ones behind her large frames. "and just be friends... Or strangers, 'f that's whatchu want."

"I think we could be friends." She smiled softly.

"Okay."

"Okay."

She made sure to be quiet with her giggles, looking towards the closed door every now and then to ensure Jungkook was still asleep. "So, should we shake it out?" Hand reached out, waiting for his.

"Fuck outta my face with that white shit!" He chuckled in a whisper, swatting her hand away with the back of his. "I ain't shake nobody's hand."

She laughed in whispers, too. "Well, what do you do?"

"We gotta dap it up." He sat straight, holding out his hand, arm bent in a sloppy ninety degrees. Closing his fingers around her hand, which he only now learned were soft and supple, speckled with a little bit of the same freckles that were peppering her face. Warmth. That's all he felt. He gulped, and brought his shoulders to touch hers. Namjoon was a lot more gentle than if he were to dap up Jungkook, or anyone else, really. Lola seemed fragile. Like she'd break at the mention of a breeze. He wondered why he hated her at first. She was so easy to like, so easy to fall for. It was the only thing he hated about her now. The fact that she had something that pulled him. He didn't want to be pulled in, and yet... Namjoon couldn't resist himself.

He threw his free arm around her shoulder, and pulled her into a hug. Lola didn't know dap-ups ended in a loving embrace, but she wasn't against it. Thinking about it, he must've been desperate for one. She hugged him bag like a friend. Tapping his back, her chin on his shoulder, Lola noticed a plethora of Vinyls decorated on a -poorly hung- floating shelf. She pulled away, her feet bringing her to the wall instead. "Is it yours?"

"Yeah." Namjoon nodded, sulking over the sudden lack of contact between the two. He felt like a fucking monster for what felt like falling for the redhead in front oh him. Ignoring the feeling, he rose to his feet and neared her. "Been collecting since I was twelve."

Her smile grew when she noticed some of her favorite names printed on the cover arts. Tupac, Kendrick Lamar, Lauren Hill, among many others. "So cool. My dad collects them too."

"That where you get yo' taste from, I guess." He laughed, nails scratching the back of his neck. Lola appreciated the dimples showing on his cheeks. They added something completely new to his face.

"I guess." She smiled. "Ice Cube's his favorite."

"Damn, really?" His brows raised in amusement, eyes growing in size. "Man, I almost got a signed vinyl of 'AmeriKKKa's Most Wanted', but I was broke." He giggled, mostly to himself, sighing over the fond memories. "And now I can't find it nowhere no more."

She had heard her father talk about it before, though wasn't sure if he owned a signed copy. Pressing her lips into a thin line, "Oh, bummer." she kissed her teeth. "Maybe you'll find it some day."

"Maybe." He shrugged.

Lola looked at the time on her phone, groaning at the late hour. "It's so late..." She blew raspberries. "I need to get back to the dorm before an RA comes to check, but it was nice talking to you."

"Yeah." Namjoon walked her to the door, hand leaned against the frame. "You too."

"Oh and-" Lola said before he could close the door. "Take care of him."

She knew he would. Namjoon and Jungkook basically grew up together. They were brothers for life. But she wanted to make sure, and thus, Namjoon nodded reassuringly. "I will."

❤️

"How is he?" Destiny asked as soon as Lola walked in.

She sighed deeply. "Not good." And plopped on her bed. Giselle, who had been studying at the desk, pulled her headphones off, pressing her lips together in pity. "He cried so much, Des. I felt so bad."

"I can imagine. Losin' a friend is not easy." The pieced girl clicked her tongue knowingly, putting her hair in a bonnet, and letting out a soft gasp. "By the way, Lo-" she grabbed an envelope from the desk and handed it to the redhead, who was breathing heavier now. "this is for you, again."

Nodding, Lola took the envelope and wasted no time ripping it open. A letter inside. She knew who it was from. Her nostrils flaring, she read the only four words written across the blank paper.

'I'm Closer To You.'

🖤🩶🤍❤️