ɢᴏʟᴅ's ғᴀᴋᴇ

ᴀɴᴅ ʀᴇᴀʟ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ʜᴜʀᴛs 

••••Φ••••

" he's been a sweetheart ever since I woke up from my coma " Jimin spoke with a soft voice.

" did you share a romantic relationship with him? " the voice said, and Jimin nodded with his eyes closed. He tipped his head left and smiled softly, as if he was not completely conscious, he felt himself on some clouds when all the thoughts invaded his mind.

" please Mr. Park, focus on what I'm saying " the deep voice spoke again and Jimin shook his head slightly, humming and preparing himself for the next question.

" how far did it go? " the man asked and Jimin chuckled. He leaned closer towards the desk and rested his cheek on his palm.

" details or not? " he said with a smile, and the man shook his head.

" pretty far I'd say, from what I remember, we were very active " Jimin replied and went back to his previous position.  He sighed and looked around the room. Many people would say psychiatrists' offices are blank and boring, but this once will make Jimin disagree. The walls were in white that's true, buy on them were hung big colorful art works, giving them a cheerier look. The furniture was in mahogany wood, and sorts of little decorations in all colors were set here and there.

" how did it end? " the doctor asked, hoping to get as much info as possible.

" I tried to kill myself, yeah pretty tragic. But... Can I ask something? " he asked and the doctor found himself nodding and leaning forward as interest surged in his brain.

" is it bad to... He ruined me in a way, I don't know exactly, but I tried to kill myself so it was enough proof. He destroyed me mentally, maybe even physically, but I'm... I'm ready to forget it all just to be with him again... Is that bad? Is something wrong with me?" Jimin said with tears in his eyes. He didn't know what to do anymore, he didn't even understand how he could think this way. Kookie had pushed him to end his life but it was like nothing went wrong in his mind.

" Mr. Park, what you need to be aware of is that you don't remember everything about this man, okay? You might feel that you're ready to throw everything that happens before away, but you need to understand that you don't feel all the emotions you felt back then "the doctor tried to explain but Jimin wasn't following, so he elaborated.

" you might have felt some strong negative emotions back then, ones that made you take your life, ones that you still couldn't unlock from the deepest curves of your subconscious. Right now, what you're feeling is only the positive emotions you felt for him. Maybe there are some negative ones among the slot, but not the ones that made you do what you did. You have to be careful with your case, because you don't want yourself going back to that person not fully knowing what he put you through " the doctor finished and Jimin rubbed his temples. Why was this so stressful? Couldn't he just remember it all and deal with it? Why did it have to be agonizing and confusing?

" actually doctor... My fellow bandmate told me something... He said something that is making me doubt my cognitive abilities " Jimin started and the man frowned.

" you can tell me anything, if fact, that is what will help you little by little " he reassured and got ready to hear whatever it was.

" he said my boyfriend died a few months ago " Jimin admitted and the man raised his eyebrows, this was new about his patient, and he's glad he told him now.

" but you've been seeing him recently right? Okay... Do you think your boyfriend was indeed with you? " he asked and Jimin paused a little to think.

" yes, yes I do " he said with a firm voice and the other hummed.

" is there any reason to believe what your bandmate said? " he asked once more and Jimin nodded.

" he wouldn't lie, not about something like this. He has no reason to " Jimin admitted with a bitter voice.

" I see... Would you please share with me the nature of your interactions after you woke up? " he initiated with an intrigued yet unwavering voice.

" sure, umm... The first few times, it was after I thought about him. He would appear in different positions, or with different expression... But one time, I think it was two or three days after my coma, I had just woken up and he was there. He had started leaving when I called him. I asked him who he was and he came closer. He started apologizing and bowing to me. I didn't know what was going on, but then I asked for his name, and come to think of it he didn't answer me even then. We talked for a few minutes, then we kissed. It was brief but held so many things, and that's one of the reasons I think he was real. A moment later, the doctor came in and told me that I was paralysed, and I remember the look on kookie's face when he told them he'll pay for any surgery as long as it heals me " Jimin finished and took a deep breath remembering the unfortunate announcement.

" and what happened then? Where did he go? "

" well I passed out from crying I think, and when I opened my eyes, he was no longer there. There was a letter however, it was sweet and reassuring. He wrote it before leaving I guess, and put it under the covers. But something was weird that day doctor " Jimin said with confusion written on his face, and the doctor prompted him to go ahead and let it out.

" after I read the letter, that creepy nurse came in. She talked about kookie, and reminded me of what was in the letter, then put my phone on my nightstand and left. Later the doctor came in and said there was nobody when he announced the paralysis. I tried to convince him otherwise, so I wanted to show them the letter, but it was gone. The hospital didn't have a nurse with a name as the one who came inside, and they said my phone had been there for a while now. They didn't believe me so I tried showing them the chat with kookie's name on my phone, but it was empty and only created on that same day. The doctor said it was normal to have some kinds of deficiencies after a come and that this was one of them. Do you think he was right? " Jimin explained.

The doctor already knew where this all was going, he had many cases like these and he could judge them only a few moments starts talking about themselves, but it was always better to make the patient realize things through their own words and not tell them straight away.

" I can't say anything right now, not only after I'm told the rest of the story " he said and Jimin nodded.

" when I was discharged, the members took me home, I had a few flashbacks, but everything was alright. Later we watched a movie and they all fell asleep. Suddenly a text came from kookie's chat, so I replied and we ended up talking about many things. I asked him if he was real because I was conflicted from the hospital, and he said yes. I asked about his name then too, but there was no definite answer either. However, he blew my mind with philosophical thoughts I could barely register. I could tell he was very smart... I'm proud " Jimin said with a dreamy smile.

" Mr. Park, that is lovely, but please focus " the doctor said with a light chuckle.

" okay, I asked him about how he was, and he said something that took me aback. He said he was starting to lose his sanity. I tried to dig more into it, but he dismissed the idea, he said he didn't want to ruin his image in my mind. I asked to meet him "

" and what did he say? "

" he came. I was waiting for a text but he popped up inside the dorm out of nowhere. I asked him about his age and name, but he only answered for his age. Why did he keep on ignoring it?... He explained what he meant earlier in text, and said his anger issues grew worse than before. He said he almost took a life. I was honestly scared, but he pleaded me not to be. He said the person didn't die but he despised himself because it was someone he loved. I felt really bad after what he told me because I love him and he was facing a rough phase, so I was looking for ways to help him. The next day, I texted him and he replied right away. He said he would come over for cuddles and he did. It was really nice... "

The doctor followed closely, trying to pay attention to every detail.

" A day later, Yoongi found me passed out from forcing my brain to remember too much. He took me to his room and waited for me to wake up, we talked about kookie and he said he was the one who saved me when I cut my wrist. He said kookie did the same thing after saved me because he thought I'd be better off without him, since he was the reason behind it all. He said kookie begged him not to save him when his cuts himself too... And I just can't believe it " Jimin finished with a shaky voice, and the doctor had a pattern in his mind, ready to speak about it now.

" Mr. Park, did you notice something in what you said? some sort of repetitive process? " he asked and Jimin shook his head.

" no, what is it? " he replied, thinking back to the events at the same time.

" this person you were seeing, you said he appeared when you woke up, or out of nowhere. You ask for his name and he dismisses the question. You guys talk and he says something sad, dark, something that ressembles an apology in a way. Then you fall asleep " the doctor said and Jimin frowned.

" in text, it would always be immediate. He would reply fast and talk to you, but if you think about he never answers you as an independent person would... I chose the word 'independent' because in my honest opinion, this man is dependent on your brain "

" are you saying he only answers me depending on what I want him to say? "

" what I'm saying is that, this man only answers depending on the information that's already in it. No additional info is told, no more details are spoken, only the strict minimum.

" what? "

" you don't know his name, and he doesn't tell you. You know he loved you, so he always told you. Everything you've about were things you already experienced before "

" what about him saying that he was going insane and did that horrible thing? I don't remember that happening! " Jimin countered and the doctor nodded.

" you almost died right? "

" yes "

" he loved you "

" yes doctor "

" well try to put those together and you'll get it "

" you mean, he was talking about me?"

" yes Mr. Park, I believe so "

" so it was all me? From the start? "

" I'm almost certain, but this is the human brain and there is only so much we can be sure of... On this note, I can say that the man you are seeing is only an image your brain has fabricated in order to make you feel at ease. You felt better when you thought about him in the hospital, so your brain strived towards that feeling of serenity. It made you think that the man is real so you wouldn't plunge in distress and despair"

After leaving the office, Jimin was taken back home and layed on his bed. He looked at the ceiling and sighed, then took his phone and stared at it.

He placed another text in the chat box, and to his surprise received a reply, finally, after a week.

Hello love :)

---

Kookie isn't real after all?
Confusing...
Does that mean he really died?
How do you think Jimin's gonna cope with this now?

-Aida-