ɪ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ғᴇᴇʟs ᴛʀᴜᴇ,

ʙᴜᴛ ᴛʜɪs ғᴇᴇʟs ʀɪɢʜᴛ sᴏ sᴛᴀʏ ᴀ sᴇᴄ,

ʏᴇᴀʜ ʏᴏᴜ ғᴇᴇʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛ sᴏ sᴛᴀʏ ᴀ sᴇᴄ.

••••Φ••••

He was on a wheelchair while they drove him around the street to finally take him to the dorm building, because Jimin had insisted he wanted to see more of the city first.

When they got in, the first thing jimin saw was an image of him standing in the kitchen with kookie backhugging him. He smiled and looked around.

" kookie was here one day " he said and the others looked at him then at each other.

" the hell- " Yoongi started but tae cut him off. Jin rolled his eyes and looked at him as a sign to let him say what he wants without questioning.

" and what were you two doing, huh? " Taehyung said suggestively while nudging his side and Jimin only blushed and hit him playfully.

" nothing, he was backhugging me in the kitchen, I even felt him kissing my neck " he said the last part as a whisper " but that's it! " Taehyung smiled and hugged him tightly.

" I'm so glad you're back jimin I missed you more than you can imagine " he whispered and jimin nodded hugging him back.

" so Jimin what do you want to do now? " Namjoon asked putting a hand on his shoulder.

" I would've said dance but... " jimin said looking at his hands folded on his lap, making the members look at him appologeticaly.

" we could watch a movie " Hoseok said and they all agreed.

They layed him on an improvised bed on the floor to face the TV then went behind him on the sofa, Taehyung stayed beside him and Yoongi went to the armchair instead.

At the end of the movie the boys were either asleep or gone to their rooms, leaving jimin watching with Taehyung's head on his lap. Suddenly his phone buzzed and he unlocked it to check and a smile bloomed on his features.

Kookie +hey love :)

Jimin =kookie!

+ it's me sweetie, how are you feeling?

= I'm feeling alright...

+ did you remember anything so far?

= about that, I saw us at a park... What were we doing there?

+ oh the park, yes I remember, we went there for a walk and it was one of our first dates, to get to know each other :)

= cute... But then I saw something not nice

+ what is it?

= you had slapped me and pulled my hair... And you were so angry... I was scared

+ I'm sorry love, that was in our sad phase, you remember when I told you about it, it was at the beginning of our relationship.

= oh, I understand, so when you did me roughly on the beach was then too right?

Jimin was starting to get angry, he didn't know why exactly but his eyebrows were knit and he felt himself clench his jaws.

+ I'm terribly sorry about that as well, but then a good thing happenned later on.

= what?

+ that's when my favorite memory of you happened...

= oh really? What you said I did was so adorable I'm proud of myself tbh

Ever so suddenly again Jimin started looking down, he felt a smile creep on his lips and he was more at ease now.

+ be proud of yourself baby, you made me change and made me a better person :)

= glad to hear that, you know when I came to the dorm the first thing I saw was you backhugging me in the kitchen... What were we doing?

+ oh that! I was just up for a visit, what do you think we were doing, huh?

= nothing.

+ weren't you thinking of something dirty jimini...?

= of course not! Why would I? It was an innocent backhug! I just thought maybe we were cooking...or something

+ uhum... I don't believe you but no we weren't cooking you were drinking water.

= yeah alright then.

+ jimini what's on your mind?

= how do you know something is on my mind?

+ I can see it on your face

= you can't see my face

+ I have my ways. remember? I'm always looking out for you :)

= okay... Well there is something

+ what is it love? you can tell me anything

= are you real?

Jimin stared at his screen and waited for the reply to that text, it was the thing that was gonna decide of how this all was setting.

If kookie said no, then he would talk to him some more then forget about him since all their memories would be a dream, a long eventful one. He will try to get better and stop hallucinating.

If kookie said yes, then he won't let him go, and will hold onto him for a long time, or a least until the time he remembers all the details of their relationship. He will get hurt, but he doesn't know that.

+ I am.

Jimin was rejoiced but what he should've been aware of, is that as long as kookie's there, he'll only continue hurting him no matter how much good he means. The devil can change, but it can never become an angel. Once something turns black, it's impossible for it to become pure white again.

= thank god! I swear back at the hospital they thought I had a mild disorder because I'm talking about a boyfriend that doesn't exist! I even believed them because the evidence was all against me I couldn't prove anything!

+ oh I'm sorry sweetheart, I'm real and alive, you boyfriend who loves you so much, I love you Jimin.

= I love you|

Jimin was typing when he remembered something, it was a thought.

It was about kookie not being there for him, and not treating him better, about kookie letting him down.

+ are you still here love?

= why did I never say I love you?

+ how would I know, darling? You didn't think it was the right time to tell me...

= I wanted to tell you

+ then why didn't you?

= I couldn't, my mouth wouldn't move and my breathing was weak, my consciousness was leaving me... Maybe was I about to sleep?

Jimin took a shaky breath at the memory, he wasn't about to sleep, it was something else, but he couldn't put a finger on it, no matter how obvious it was.

+ maybe, I wouldn't know sweetheart

= I want to see you, you're beautiful

+ I would say the same for you gorgeous

= will you come visit me?

+ not now love, but soon, maybe tomorrow if you're a good boy

= what are you, Santa?

+ no I'm daddy

Jimin blushed profusely feeling his neck get hotter. He was about to post a shy reply when he thought kookie wasn't the only one to play that game.

= but jimini doesn't have a daddy kink

+ and what is it my baby gets turned on over?

= you guess it Master...

There was pause and Jimin smirked.

= master? Did you leave jimini alone?

+ oh my god love you're so hot I might cum in my pants

= I know I'm good, I remember

+ you do huh? Where?

= many places, the sofa, the kitchen, the floor, the wall, the shower, damn the shower was good, but a bit sad... What happened?

+ what do you mean?
Oh I remember you had tears in your eyes..

= define tears, kookie

+ you naughty boy, I meant actual sad tears.

= well I felt conflicted in that memory, it was about you but I don't know exactly why...

+ anyway forget that love, from now one I'll never let you get conflicted at all or confused about anything.

= kookie?

+ yes love?

= what's your name?

+ a name is only an etiquette, a word that connects it's bearer to his own identity. It's only a futile reminder of who you are and how different you are from someone who is not you...
People might have the same name and that's why it's futile, it's only a word to be used by other people when addressing you.
Why do people feel proud about their names? Maybe because it's the only thing that connects them to their early childhood? Come to think of it, early childhood is a phase for physical improvements only, a child does not grow their thinking nor does he mature in any way, and most early childhood memories are lost at some point. Yet when someone insults or makes fun of one's name, they find themself protecting it as if they would change into another person if their name was changed in some way as well.
It's probably true, for if one's name was to be misspelled on a important document, a document that would have an impact on their whole life, they might not feel right in their own skin, unrecognizable even.

Jimin stared at his screen for a good 5 minutes, just trying to process what philosophical thoughts kookie poured into the conversation.

+ I'm sorry for all that, sometimes I feel the need to express my deep reflections and I just don't have anybody to share them with...

= it's alright, I'm just still trying to understand... Wow

+ haha yeah happens

= I think I fell in love once again

+ them I'm glad, sweetheart

= you must have been meditating a lot, or maybe just staying in quiet places wandering in your mind?

+ these past months have been disastrous for me

= how so?

+ I'm trying to stay sane jimin

The said boy was taken aback by the response and found himself worrying.

+ I'm trying with all my might not to fall down the abyss, I'm trying hard not to stumble in the darkness

= kookie is something wrong? What's been going on in your life while I was out?

+ you don't want to know baby, let's keep me beautiful and kind in your eyes

= I don't want that! I want you kookie, and if that isn't you then I don't want to keep it in my mind

+ I want to be good to you Jimin, I want to be your boyfriend, I don't want you to see me the way you saw me once

= I want to see you the way you really are

+ love, I appreciate it, but I can't, I'm trying to change for you, it's really hard but I'm trying to make it out without losing my sanity

= is it that intense? I loved you before when I knew you, so why can't I still do it?

+ our love was painful and broken Jimin, it was so toxic we couldn't stop until it tore us apart, viciously.

= please kookie

+ baby don't cry

= how do you know?

+ don't cry for me anymore okay? Don't cry about this, don't cry about your disability, don't cry because of hard times, don't cry for anything. Leave those tears for happy moments, for when you and I find each other in peace

= what do you mean kookie?

+ I want you to love someone worthy of you, i want you to love me, but not the way I am, not like this...

= let me see you

+ I can't

= I want to see you kookie, just once, if you don't feel comfortable then I'll let you have your space.

+ fine

= when will you visit

+ now

= I love you

---

Is kookie real? What an interesting question...
Maybe Jimin's just imagining this like the doctor said, no?
Why didn't kookie say his name yet?
-Aida-