G U I L T Y
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Something had happened while Freya was asleep the previous night between the marauders, and she noticed almost immediately at breakfast. Remus and Peter had situated themselves as far from their normal seats as possible; Sirius was miserably poking his eggs with a the fork, paying no attention to the group of fourth years practically swooning over him; and James was pacing back and forth between the two, whispering a few words before speeding back to the other end of the table. It somewhat surprised Freya to see he had given up his normal morning routine of boasting his accomplishments in Quidditch to Lily to complete this task.

It was when James turned back for the fifteenth time that Mary nudged Freya's arm enough to convince the blonde to speak up. "James? Might I have a word?"

The dark haired boy looked back and forth between Freya and his destination — Remus and Peter — before sighing and quickly maneuvering back towards her. "Yes?"

"What's the problem?"

"It's —" He looked relieved to be able to share the weight of whatever he was hiding with someone else, but an abnormally loud cough echoed from across the hall. Remus sat with his head frantically shaking back and forth. "Nothing."

"Oh is it now?" Lily questioned demandingly, chin resting against the back of her hand that was propped on the table.

By now Remus was mouthing the word, 'nothing' while Peter attempted to use his arms to spell out the word. Even Sirius's attention was caught as he sat with his head tilted slightly in confusion, watching the pair's antics with an unreadable expression on his face.

"Yes, nothing," James said in an almost robotic and definitely recited voice, his gaze never straying from Remus. The redhead's eyes narrowed suspiciously, but she did not question him any further.

Marlene snorted from a few seats down, "Why don't you bribe him with a Hogsmeade trip, Lily?"

Although she tried desperately to hide it with both the Daily Prophet and a firm scowl, the slight pinkish tint of Lily's cheeks made James's grin widen. It soon faded as he cleared his throat, "Sorry ladies, I value my friendships."

"I guess I'll find out for myself," Freya announced, stepping out from her seat and straightening her skirt that had crinkled up slightly in the back from carelessly sitting beforehand.

Her hands wrung nervously together as she walked towards her friend, debating wether or not she should tell him of her discovery. Although it didn't seem to be the best time, if she could get him alone it would be a miracle. All the boys had avoided her and everyone around her for the past few days with no slight explanation.

She soon found herself rooted in front of Remus much earlier than planned and with an awkward smile, she spoke, "Remus."

"Yes," he replied in more of a repeating tone than a questioning one.

"Can I talk to you?" She asked, biting her lip. Why did she suddenly feel so nervous around him?

He rose partially from his seat before lowering himself back down and sharing a look with Peter — who gave a simple shrug before practically shoving the boy from the bench.

Freya turned without a word, but could tell Remus was following by Sirius's reaction as she walked by. "Remus, I —" He called, but an elbow to the side by James cut him off. The Entrance Hall was slightly crowded by students arriving slightly late for breakfast before classes, so the blonde led Remus around a corner and into a deserted hallway before abruptly turning.

"Look, I'm not dragging you into whatever is going on between —"

"I know about your . . . condition," she blurted, unable to retain the sentence.

Remus's heart sunk. He stayed silent for quite a long time, mind racing as he attempted to take in the new information that hit him like a blow to the stomach. It felt like he had received a blow to the stomach.

Seconds turned into minutes as she shifted uncomfortably, palm rubbing across her fabric covered arm. The time soon doubled in length. Part of her longer to reach out to Remus and comfort him, but at the moment she didn't know what he needed. It made her feel useless to be unable to help her friend, so there she stood — pitifully staring at the scarred, beautiful boy who leaned against the wall with his eyes screwed tightly closed, convincing himself with no prevail that this was all a very sickening dream.

After ten dreadfully long seconds, his eyelids flickered open to reveal two, once warm but now vulnerably cold, brown eyes. "How?"

"I guess you could say I finally looked," she mumbled. "I feel selfish, Remus. I feel like I haven't been there for you in every capacity I could have."

"And now you know," he whispered, gaze not meeting her's, "How much of a danger I am."

Her heart seemed to tug in her chest and her throat knotted, "You are not a danger, Remus."

"You know nothing," his voice grew heavier, almost growling, "Nothing about the things I've almost done. I could hurt someone.. I almost have, I-If I ever hurt anyone —"

She couldn't bare listening to the horrible thoughts echoing from his mind and out of his lips. He couldn't possibly think of himself like that, and the only way she knew to solve him was to cut him off mid sentence.

However, she didn't interrupt him with words. Her lips sloppily collided with his, only meeting for a few seconds before breaking off once more. Remus would later recall their first of many kisses with a frown, innerly scolding himself for not taking advantage of the few seconds to make the moment last longer, but shock overcame him. He stood still, lips barely moving against hers. Five years of dreaming of this moment achieved in only five seconds, five blissful seconds.

She backed away, the drafty air of the corridor replacing the warmth of her red lips on his. Her fingers forcibly pushed the small hairs, that had once again escaped from the tie that unsuccessfully attempted to hold them, behind her ear before she whispered, "You won't."

Part of him doubted her, but the determined look that crossed her face told him not to contradict her. He nodded ever so slowly, inhaling a gulp of air for the first time since the kiss. His tongue grazing across his own chapped lip that still held the taste of hers — of mint chewing gum and cigarette smoke. The barely noticeable cherry colored stain from her lipstick tinted his as well.

"Now, are you going to tell me what happened?"

The same secretive wall seemed to build back up around him, far quicker than she was able to knock it down. He sighed, "We've got lessons to get to."

He couldn't help but feel a small bit of insecurity. Doubts filled his mind. Had she kissed him just to help him with whatever happened? She always wanted to help him, but was that the only reason for the kiss? Irregardless, Remus had to push away his desire to back her into the wall and kiss her more.

Scuffs sounded as she shuffled her boot bound feet against the stone floor before repeating his words in agreement, "Right. Lessons. Also, detention for me since I'm apparently not allowed to double the size of someone's teeth without suffering consequences."

As Freya followed him from the corridor and back towards the more crowded routes to Potions, her lips formed a pout at her previous actions. Snogging Remus had seemed to be the only possible solution at the time, but it wasn't wise at all. She didn't know how she felt about him yet, and using his feelings against him in a vulnerable time was wrong in her eyes.

Throughout her classes that day, Freya was unable to focus at all. In fact, Marlene whispered the answers under her breath on several occasions in an attempt to come to Freya's aid when she was called upon by her professors. Sirius's jokes did not make her laugh as they normally would, nor any of the Marauders who continued to ignore his presence.

Guilt clouded over everything. Guilt that she had kissed Remus, and guilt that she toyed with his emotions — when she was still unsure of her own.

However, with the guilt brought remembrance of the event that made her feel such regret. The way his lips filled her with temporary warmth, hope, and the faint taste of coffee stuck into her thoughts as she flipped her pillow over for the fifth time in annoyance, unable to fall asleep.

➤

a/n: thanks so much for 2k reads !!!!!

IT TOOK FREYA SO LONG TO REALIZE BECAUSE SHE LOVES REMUS. HE IS HER BEST FRIEND AND SHE LOOKS UP TO HIM. SHE SEES HIM AS AN ANGEL AND SHE WOULD NEVER THINK ANYTHING NEGATIVE UPON HIM

also, if you know any fanfictions (by other people or yourself) about the marauders you should nominate them on MarauderCommunity 's fanfic of the week book. Or if you have read any about diverse characters that don't have many stories written about them (ginny, neville, seamus, etc) you should nominate them on DiverseHP 's fanfic of the week story.

qotd: fav type of cookies?

aotd: soft chocolate chip yUM