C H R I S T M A S
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The holidays let their presence be known; between the ankle high snow and the Christmas trees lining the hall. Merriness seemed to radiate through the school and left its touch on Freya in particular, who was still rediscovering herself.

Sirius and Freya's newly found friendship was truly surprising. The boy had not been angered in the slightest at the blonde's sudden flight from their date. In fact, he'd already found another girl to woo — Marlene.

November had passed quickly and rather uneventfully. Pranks were performed before consequences were given in form of detentions, lessons were taught then forgotten altogether, and Remus's small moleskin journal seemed to fill up faster than James's book of reasons why Lily should date him. The journal was messy and leather bound. It wasn't necessarily meant for one certain thing. The pages held small sketches, coffee stains, poems, excerpts from books and newspaper clippings.

One day while James was with Sirius in detention and Peter was who knows where, Freya had walked into the room, easily catching Remus's attention, and sent him a dazzling smile. It was then that he noticed the nails of her fingers were a bright, teal color that she flaunted nearly every day of sixth year before Sirius asked her why and she immediately abandoned the color for a more mature hue.

Needless to say, a corner of his journal now held the bright blue color and forced the corners of his lips to tug up into a small smile each time his eyes sat sight on it. He'd missed her real personality.

Freya, on the other hand, was on the verge of discovering something that could never be written down in a journal. She'd always known that Remus had poor health, which occasionally caused him to miss classes, but he'd always had a believable excuse to make up for it.

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The train passed the snow covered trees with such a quick force that her eyes could not fully focus on much outside the compartment window. Her fingers running through her hair softly as her thoughts drifted off.

Remus Lupin was dreadfully ill.

The thought of how exactly sick he was forced her eyes to fill with water and her heart to ache. Although she wasn't entirely sure, it seemed to be the only logical conclusion. Her best friend was sick and possibly incurable, that explained the tired attitude, occasional nightmares, regular trips to the infirmary. However, it didn't explain why he hadn't told Freya.

"What's gotten into you?" questioned Mary from the seat across her. The brunette was flaunting a rather atrocious looking Christmas sweater, if as a joke or actual outfit she did not know.

Freya's gaze snapped from the window and to the girls in the train compartment. "Is Remus ill?"

"What?" the three asked in unison, Lily's voice coming out more high pitched than normal, something that every once in awhile happened when she was hiding something.

"Oh, never mind," she shrugged it off, "Lily, will you help me find the trolley?"

The redhead reluctantly stood and let the magazine she had been reading fall back onto her now empty seat. Marlene immediately picked it up and could be heard flipping the pages as the other two exited the compartment. Freya allowed herself to walk ten paces before swerving around to face Lily so suddenly that her friend let out a small gasp.

"What aren't you telling me?" Freya whispered.

"About what?" Again, unnaturally squeaky.

"Remus."

"I," Lily wrung her hands together, her teeth thoughtfully biting her bottom lip, "I can't tell you anything, I'm sorry but it's not my place. You'll have to take it up with Remus."

Freya stared at her with narrowed blue eyes, silently begging that her friend would crack under pressure, but Lily didn't. She was probably setting her hopes too high by wishing for anything else, Lily had not once given up her loyalty or gone behind her friends' backs.

"Fine," drawled the blonde as she peeked into the nearby compartments, "I'll find him and I'll ask him myself."

"Freya," Lily caught hold of her wrist softly, "Just don't do anything you'll regret." The blonde tugged against her grasp slightly and Lily obediently let go, watching as she continued to pace further away.

A little ways down the train corridor, four boys sat inside a compartment while discussing their holiday plans, or rather three boys talked while the smallest of them slept. James had just begun speaking of his idiotic plan to sprint down the train in his animagus form when the door slid open to reveal a apprehensive looking Freya. The blonde had spent the last few minutes searching compartments for the four boys.

"Remus, may I speak to you?" she questioned. Only her head stuck through the small crack separating the small room from the rest of the train.

The boy, without so much as a second thought, immediately stood from his seat and used the back of his hand to push the already cracked door open further. He would rather not be around when James and Sirius pulled yet another foolish prank to get them all in trouble.

He was surprised to see that she did not venture far away from the door, but simply stood with her arms crossed and her feet seemingly rooted in place. Her red lips parted but did not curl up from their small frown, "I have some . . . questions."

"Yes?" Remus raised a brow and maneuvered his hand slightly in a motion that signaled her to continue. The hallway of the train was so cramped that, despite the darkness, she could see every small scar on his face.

Her firm voice softened slightly, the idea of her best friend being ill upsetting her, "Are you sick?"

"Sick? What?"

"As in ill," she replied.

"No, what makes you think that?" Remus questioned and then his face relaxed, "Oh, Frey. Are you sick? I told you to drink more tea this time of year."

"I don't know Remus," she rolled her eyes, "You're always in the bloody infirmary, you look like death sometimes and you're always having nightmares! It's the only logical conclusion I can come up with!"

When Remus said nothing in return, the memory of the parchment telling her the boy's true thoughts about Sirius fell into her mind and her lips formed a thin line, "I don't know why I thought you'd tell me anything anyways."

"So we're back to this? The arguing. I must say it's becoming a tradition."

"Guess so. Keeping secrets also seems to be a big tradition around here. Maybe I should just go look a your charmed piece of paper because it seems to be the only thing that can actually give me the damn truth anymore!" she hissed, the door behind her opened by itself, Remus cast it a nervous glance before slamming it shut.

"The map? How do you know about the map?" He questioned as if it were the upmost importance.

Her lip curled as she recited the words, "'Mr Moony absolutely loathes Freya's impossible crush on Mr Padfoot' . . . bla bla bla . . . 'and the unlikely fantasy she has of him!'"

"Well," Remus scowled, "It turned out to be true didn't it?"

"Not sure seeing as everything you say has some sort of hidden meaning, Remus! Or is Remus even your name?"

Dramatic as it may be, his last comment brought tears to her eyes. She knew she was being unreasonable. She knew she was being dramatic. What started as conversation between friends had turned into a blaming war. It hurt when your biggest insecurities, such as her failed crush on Sirius, were shoved in her face.

"Oh now you're just being dramatic!" He raised his voice slightly and without realizing it. Something hit the wall behind them but neither student paid it any attention.

"Yes, I'm very dramatic for wanting to know if someone I care dearly about is ill," she whispered.

"Maybe if you hadn't been so focused on Sirius you could've figured it out for yourself. Lily did! Merlin, Severus isn't too far behind either!" he exclaimed, his free hand swiping through his hair with frustration.

"I swear, you say the most hurtful things sometimes!" If her voice was one decimal louder, she'd probably attract the attention of the whole train.

"You do things that hurt me all the time without even realizing it, Freya," he growled.

It was as if Remus's mind was going twenty directions at once. On one hand, he was angry. Angry at her accusing tone, angry at her for almost stumbling on a secret he in no way wanted her to know, angry at himself for still being jealous about her crush on Sirius, and angry it was even being brought up again.

On another hand, as he craned his neck slightly down to harshly whisper throughout this conversation to her, Remus found himself wanting to be closer. He found himself staring at her lips. He found himself staring into her eyes, which were a murkier blue due to the dim train corridor lighting. Remus never desired to jump into murky waters until he glanced into Freya's eyes.

Freya's eyebrows furrowed as she peered up at him. Her frame was against the fading wallpaper covered walls of the corridor. One of his hands propped to her right, and he leaned against the wall and glared angrily down at her. She could smell the morning coffee radiating from his mouth.

"Oh, please enlighten me," she let out a fabricated laugh that annoyed him even more.

"I wouldn't have to if you weren't so damn blind all the time!"

"Wow, I'm blind am I? I suppose that's because I can't keep up with your taciturn ways? Or is it because of my pitiful crush on Sirius? Or maybe —"

"You're blind because after five years you still can't see how much you hurt me every single time you talk about Sirius or any guy you fancy for that matter! I'm so helplessly infatuated with you, no matter how goddamn hard I try not to be!" Remus burst out.

It felt like a huge boulder sized weight had lifted from his shoulders and fell abandoned on the floor of the cramped train hallway. He had no explanation at all for his sudden, unpredictable declaration. In fact, if you had told Remus Lupin that he would confess to fancying Freya before that very second, he would have been absolutely mortified, but as he stood there in front of the ethereally shocked girl, he felt nothing but relieved.

Others, however, seemed to take on his revelation with slightly different emotions. Freya, for once, was absolutely speechless. James's shock had led him to accidentally drop the invisibility cloak that hid the other three marauders from view.

Then Freya turned without another word and bounded down to anywhere other than the small hallway and the boy that had somehow managed to take her breath, words and thoughts away all at once.

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a/n: snowflake divider bc christmas
*jinglebell sound*

merry christmas everyone!

qotd: what are you doing for christmas?

aotd: going to church, PRESENTS, and eating food with my whole family ayy