God, I hate my step brother so much.

Ever since he heard my mom remind me to take my medication he's been treating me like I'm some kind of freak. He doesn't even know what's wrong with me, yet he still acts like I'm different just because he knows that I have to take a few pills twice a day.

I'm not a freak. I'm not.

He had a friend come over today and I did not like it at all. My step brother probably told his friend that there's something wrong with me, because he looked at me like I was insane. I'm not insane.

I only spoke to them once, and that's when I had to go into the kitchen to make myself a sandwich. My mom is at work right now and I don't know where my step dad is, but my stupid step brother and his stupid friend are both here.

So I walked in the kitchen and they both stopped talking immediately and just stared at me while I walked around the kitchen and made myself something to eat. I was just minding my own business, they could have gone right on with their own conversation, but instead they both just sat and stared.

I finally asked if they were ever going to stop staring at me like I'm a fucking animal in a zoo and my step brother flinched, like my words had actually hurt him. That's stupid, because I'm the one that should have felt hurt by the way he was looking at me.

My stupid step brother apologized and then asked if I needed any help with making my sandwich and I laughed because it's a sandwich, I can manage making a sandwich on my own. His friend just sat there and continued to stare.

I got out of the kitchen as soon as I could because I didn't want to hang around and have those two idiots stare at me any longer. I went back up to my room and ate my lunch on my bed, which made me feel kind of sad and lonely and mostly sad. I wish I didn't have a stupid step brother.

My first step dad didn't have any kids. He was a real dick too, and that's why my mom didn't stay with him for long. She married him only a year after my biological dad died, so I'm pretty sure she only did it to try and distract herself from the fact that he was gone, dead, and he was never coming back.

That's why she waited 12 years to marry another guy, who's my step dad now. He's really nice, don't get me wrong, he bought me an IPhone for Christmas last year and he pays for my online college classes. I just hate his stupid adopted son.

I'm supposed to meet up with Maya tomorrow, even though at the moment I really don't feel like going anywhere at all.

She texted me again last night and asked if I was still available and I said yes, and then she said "cool :)". She's much more fun to talk to in person.

I'm torn between wear a plain white t-shirt and a plain black t-shirt tomorrow, because I feel like they both say different things about a person. I'll probably wear a hoodie with whatever shirt I go with, anyway, so I don't know why this matters.

Also, I don't even like coffee, it makes me feel sick, which is kind of obvious because everything makes me feel sick, but I still don't know what I'm going to order. Maybe I can get a muffin or something? I'm pretty sure they have those at coffee shops, right?

Stupid Step Brother just walked in my room and asked if I needed anything. I'm just sitting here on my bed writing in my dumb journal. DOES IT LOOK LIKE I NEED ANYTHING? He really pisses me off.

I'm not helpless, I'm not a freak, I'm not crazy. I wish people would stop treating me like I am.

I'm not having a very good day again, Carol, and it's really bumming me out. I want to be happy. I really want to be happy, but for some reason I just can't.

You have kids, right? Did they force you to take them to see that new Pixar movie Inside Out? I watched an illegal version of it online and I actually enjoyed it, I guess. Sometimes I feel like my Joy never existed, or maybe it's just lost and no one has ever tried to find it. That's kind of sad.

I guess I've always been sad. I think that's why my best friend and I get along so well, because I'm so shy and quiet and generally sad and he's outgoing and loud and he's always so happy. He likes that I'm quiet, though, he has since we met in first grade.

I just wish I was different sometimes, or at least I was good at pretending that I'm different. I can't even fake being happy anymore, that's how bad it's gotten. I know you're trying to help me make that happen but it's been about a year of therapy and I don't feel any different, so thanks Carol.

I think I'm going to take a nap and see if I feel better later tonight, sorry I couldn't write any more.