Friday, April 6th, 2018

(It's a beautiful Good Friday. Risky and Antasma were getting ready for the wedding on their respective sides.)

(Bride's Side)

Risky: I feel ready. (Faces Drawcia) So, Drawcia, where's the flower girl?

???????: That would be me!

https://youtu.be/deFvfYzrieg

...I'm late, aren't I? Sorry about that!

Drawcia: Paintra! About time you showed your pretty mug, Sis! (Hugs Paintra)

Risky: Wait, hold up! You never told me you had a sister, Drawcia!

Paintra: (Notices Risky) You must be the bride! I take it your name's Risky? Drawcia told me all about you and your husband-to-be, Antasma!

Rouge: So, who should I pick for my husband? Knuckles?

Paintra: Go for Sonic. He has no girlfriend yet, last time I checked. Yeah, I saw the groomsmen, best man, and ring bearer. That ring bearer's kinda cute! Anyways, where was I? Plus, Antasma's already waiting for you. Oh, and Anakin volunteered to be the bouncer.

(Meanwhile... A car saying "C3L4D0N" on the license plate pulled up, and played this sfx.)

https://youtu.be/PRc2vx4xTVM

????: Well, Erika, my dear. Here's the location, but why did Antasma pick this-- (Sees me at the wedding altar) I hope he's marrying someone nice-looking...

Erika: Koga, sweetie, he's marrying someone beautiful, according to my last contact with him.

Koga: I hope he's telling the truth...

Anakin: (Sees my parents) Names?

Koga: Koga and Erika. We're Antasma's parents.

Anakin: (Checks list, spots Koga and Erika) You may pass. Boomstick will direct you to your seat.

Boomstick: (Appears wearing a top hat, monocle and tuxedo) This way, you two. Friends/family of the groom are on your left, and friends/family of the bride are on your right.

(However... A few people were getting ready to crash the wedding. You probably already know who...)

Manfred: We will make sure Antasma's a BFL!

Franziska: He'll PAY for not marrying me!

Theodore Tonate: OH, SHIT! IT'S THE CHOSEN ONE! HIDE!

Anakin: Hmmm? (Ignites lightsaber) Is anyone there? Hmmm.......

https://youtu.be/5fjm_gzZEq4

(Retracts blade)

Tonate: (Exhales) Talk about cutting it close! Now, as you were saying, Boss?

FM:

https://youtu.be/D5-EYTqV064

Manfred: You'll never take us alive, FighterMario! (Pulls out blaster pistol)

Anakin: THAT can be arranged, if you wish. (Pulls out lightsaber)

Manfred: (Gulps) Well, shit.

Lapis: Want some help, "Christensen"? (Drops in with his lightsaber lit, eager to help FM with arresting Team Karma)

Anakin: (Notices 17's lightsaber shape is EXACTLY the same as Count Dooku's) Where'd you get that lightsaber?

Lapis: Scavenged this out of the wreckage of Grievous' flagship after I heard he died. But I decided to go with a green crystal.

Anakin: ...And your name?

Lapis: Lapis, aka: Android 17.

Anakin: (Sees Lapis' alias on the list) You may pass. Boomstick will assign you on where to sit.

Boomstick: This way, my good sir.

Lapis: So, I sit on my left?

Boomstick: Yup. Groom's side is on the left, bride's side is on the right. Very perceptive.

Lapis: Heh, thanks.

Anakin: So, that's almost everyone on the list. FM. Please. Throw these wedding crashers in the slammer.

FM: What do you mean by "almost everyone"?

Anakin: You're also on the list.

Manfred: You haven't heard the last of us, you Multiversal Zeroes!

Me: (Hears everything that went on) Yeah, yeah! Fuck you, too, asshole! (Gives Manfred "the bird") Let's just get back to the wedding. Wiz. You're ready, correct?

Wiz: Correct. Cue the music!

Paintra: (Tosses flowers on the carpet as "The Bridal March" plays)

Risky: (Comes in looking simply stunning)

Me: She's more beautiful than the day I met her...

Wiz: Please be seated, everyone.

Everyone in the audience: (Sits down)

Wiz: Thank you. Welcome, friends, family, and loved ones! We are here today to celebrate as we watch Antasma and Risky join hands in marriage. We're here to laugh with them, some of you are here to cry. Some of you may have already started...

32% of the audience: (laughs quietly)

Wiz: *ahem* But most of all, we're here to wish them well as they begin their new life together. I'd like to say, on behalf of Antasma and Risky, thank you all so very much for being here. I know it means a lot to them.

Me: It sure does, Wiz.

Wiz: To start our ceremony off today, I've asked Antasma and Risky to choose a poem to be read here at the beginning that symbolizes their relationship. ...Where is it? Aha. Here it is, in Zer0's voice! 

Zer0 (voice box): "You've stolen my heart./I will never take it back.../For that would break yours."

Every haiku fan in the audience:

https://youtu.be/ltjT25GyXTM

Wiz: And now for a poem from Louis de Bernieres, and I quote: "Love is a temporary madness,  it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together, that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of eternal passion. That is just being 'in love' which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Those that truly love, have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two."

Ladies and gentlemen, that's what we're here to witness, the entangled roots of these two individuals that are about to join together as one united tree, reaching for the stars together, sharing the same nutrients, weathering the same storms, growing together year after year - some rings thick and healthy, some rings thinner – reminders of the years where things didn't go as planned, or the years that fires hit the reset button all around them.

Because real love is sharing a life together. Like Louis de Bernieres said, any fool can fall in love. Real love is what comes next. After the fall is over. What happens when you've landed and all around you is normalcy once again and it's time to do the dishes, or pay the bills, or pick up the kids from school.

There's a great line from another poem by Adrienne Rich that says "No dust on the furniture of love." In that poem, the speaker is being tongue in cheek about the difference between falling in love, and the crash landing that happens for so many of us.

Antasma, Risky, we all stand here with you today and hold you up in happiness, but in a couple of weeks, maybe a couple of months, maybe even in a couple of years, real life is going to have to creep back in. You will need each other to face those challenges. You will need each other as partners. As equals, fiercely honest with one another and fiercely committed to one another. You have to be both. Honest and committed, because real love demands both, and a successful marriage demands a foundation of real love.

Antasma and Risky, I want to urge you to hold to that vision of your love for one another, because even though all of us here are behind you and we're rooting for you. We are all here to wish you the best that life has to offer you both as you move forward as one united tree together!

Knowing this, it's time to declare yourselves to one another.

Me/Risky: (Look each other in the eyes)

Wiz: Antasma, will you take Risky to be your lawfully wedded wife from this day forward - through whatever challenges and triumphs life brings you; will you love her, honor her, and cherish her and no other - for the rest of your life?

Me: I will.

Wiz: Risky, will you take Antasma to be your lawfully wedded husband from this day forward - through whatever challenges and triumphs life brings you; will you love him, honor him, and cherish him and no other - for the rest of your life?

Risky: I will.

Silver: (Walks forward with the rings)

Wiz: All right, Antasma, please repeat after me: Risky, I give you this ring as a symbol of my promise to love you forever. With it, I promise that I will honor you, cherish you, and love you the rest of my days, regardless of what challenges or triumphs we face together.

Me: Risky, I give you this ring as a symbol of my promise to love you forever. With it, I promise that I will honor you, cherish you, and love you the rest of my days, regardless of what challenges or triumphs we face together. (Smiles, puts ring on Risky's finger)

Wiz: All right, Risky, please repeat after me: Antasma, I give you this ring as a symbol of my promise to love you forever. With it, I promise that I will honor you, cherish you, and love you the rest of my days, regardless of what challenges or triumphs we face together.

Risky: Antasma, I give you this ring as a symbol of my promise to love you forever. With it, I promise that I will honor you, cherish you, and love you the rest of my days, regardless of what challenges or triumphs we face together. (Smiles, puts ring on my finger)

Wiz: Antasma, Risky, having proclaimed love and commitment to one another in the sight of these witnesses and myself, I am so happy to pronounce you, by the power vested in me by the Multiversal Heroes and the state of California, husband and wife! Antasma, you may kiss your bride!

Me: (Kisses Risky)

Wiz: Following the processional, Antasma and Risky will greet their guests. Antasma and Risky ask that you meet them for the reception party at 1:00 PM. Thank you so much again for joining us today. This concludes our ceremony.

Boomstick: (Gives the nod to Lapis to play this as Risky and I walk down the aisle)

https://youtu.be/sznizRAoz-Q

Wiz: (Hears "The Throne Room on Church Organ") That was unexpected!

Koga: (sniff) That's my boy!

Erika: I'm so happy...!

Me: Thanks, you two. And thank you all, for helping make this happen and witnessing it, as well! Now onto the reception party! Whaddya say?!

Everyone else:

https://youtu.be/Xm_TXfiCGqo