A/N: This was part of a prompt exchange/challenge thingy. The quote below is the prompt I got. I wrote this entire thing over the course of 48 hours it was exhausting.

Prompt: 

"If I had to lose a mile

If I had to touch feelings

I would lose my soul

the way I do"

Prologue

Living without attachment is often seen as a very lonely way of existing and those assumptions aren't wrong. For most, staying withdrawn and without personal connection for long periods of time is the cruelest fate imaginable, but for some, it is the only means of survival.

For some, it is a way of life.

After all, you can't miss something you never had.

Agent Twilight was accustomed to living in this manner. The vast majority of his existence had been spent being nothing, leaving no trace of his presence. Only a handful of people knew his name and even fewer had any confirmation he was real.

He had spent the vast majority of his existence in this manner, so to him, it wasn't lonely. It was normal.

People only get hurt when they have something to lose and Twilight never had anything that belonged to him, not even a name. Twilight was a code, a label, not a name. His alias had been changed countless times, as well as his appearance and his history. "Twilight" was not real, never had been, and never would be.

This did not bother Twilight because a reason for him to be irked by his life never surfaced. How could he be discontent if he didn't know there was something better out there?

There had been a time when the man of a million faces only had one, and it was of a fearful, little boy. At this time, long before the concept of Agent Twilight was even conjured, this little boy bore his single face openly. He cried when he was sad and laughed when he was happy. His movements weren't perfectly calculated nor were his words carefully chosen. He was just a boy, living an uncertain life in his mother's warm arms.

Twilight's memories of this time were vivid. When the man of a million faces allowed himself to recall his childhood, he could trace the outlines of those memories in his mind, taste the ash in the air, and feel it in his lungs. He had not forgotten these times, he could never truly, but he did not yearn for them.

Those were times of fear and sadness. When the sun burned red from smoke the streets ran quiet with the sound of the dead. He did not envy his childhood nor did he wish to relive it.

So when a few people dared to ask if he missed his previous life, the one of the little boy, Twilight, looked at them and said he didn't. He didn't miss having something to lose and certainly didn't miss the fear that came with it.

He was made for his job, as literally as someone could be. Those few memories of real life were minuscule when compared to the vast sea of memories pertaining to his training and his missions. It is a small percentage of his existence, only growing smaller with time.

There was a point in Twilight's existence when he was real when he had something to lose, but he had lost it, and he did not wish to try again. He had many memories and not all of them were bad, but the emotion connected to each one had vanished.

He knew there were times he had been sad but couldn't remember any ache in his chest or the comfort of a loving hug. He could see his Mother smiling, laughing at a joke he made, but he could not feel his own laughter swelling in his chest. Those feelings had been buried beneath thick layers of scar and tissue. They had been pushed so far down, he was certain he'd never find them again.

When he left his home, he left behind that little boy so full of emotion and feelings. He discarded his first face, the realest one of them all, and never looked back.

This was how he never wavered in his solitude, why he could never feel discontent in his detachment. Maybe his life was missing something, but he didn't know what it was and didn't have any intent to find out.

Spring

Spring came as a relief to every Ostanian citizen. Winter had been three months of overcast skies and cold winds with barely any snow to justify the gloomy weather, so when spring finally broke through the gray clouds to reveal a bright blue sky, the nation breathed a collective sigh of relief.

Anya was ecstatic. She was convinced that, because the sky was a happier color, she didn't need to wear warm clothes anymore. Loid disagreed and after a long conversation that just went in circles, he finally convinced her to put on a sweater and some long pants before they went out.

The first few weeks of spring were spent in parks, watching grass slowly spring back to life and new leaves sprout on trees. Loid and Yor alternated between who took Anya to the park for the day. It was often dependent on their schedules, Yor having the most free time out of the two of them. With the clearer weather came more missions resulting in a pretty demanding schedule.

If Twilight allowed himself to be honest for a moment, he would feel the small pit of guilt in his stomach that formed when he thought about the small moments he was missing, but honesty was dangerous for a man like him, so he never allowed himself a chance to investigate the feeling.

Loid decided that their family needed to do something one random weekend (and it wasn't at all because of this feeling he was ignoring). As their small family sat around their dining room table, Loid quietly reminded Anya to eat her dinner slowly as Yor helped cut her chicken into more manageable pieces and Bond paced beneath the table, searching for any stray bits of food, Twilight decided to propose his plan for the following day. His proposition was met with a resounding yes.

The following morning the group set off on their adventure void of Bond who was spending the day under Franky's care. Anya was upset Bond wasn't going with them, but Loid insisted on where they were going and wouldn't be fond of the large dog's curious nose. As they slowly approached their destination, Twilight remained steadfast in his decision (ignoring the time Loid worried their destination wouldn't be thrilling enough for Anya without Bond's presence).

His nonexistent worries were quickly put to rest when they arrived and Anya's eyes lit up at the sight of the botanical garden now in full bloom. The main garden was contained in a large greenhouse, but with the clear skies and the warming May weather, many of the large windows were open with tall plants bursting out. An elaborate pond curled around the front half of the greenhouse, having become home to what looked like the entirety of Ostania's duck population. Barely visible behind the greenhouse was a distant smattering of brightly colored flowers. The sun sat just behind the greenhouse, light pouring through the glass and casting strange shapes on the pond.

Anya's excitement only seemed to grow as they approached the building, pushing through the dense crowd. She first made her way over to the ducks, squatting down in front of a duo that looked up at her curiously. Holding her hand out, Anya introduced herself to the small birds. Loid watched her with a curious smile, content in her happiness.

"This is a wonderful surprise, Loid," Yor commented from beside him.

He turned to look at her, a bit surprised by her remark, before once again returning to his previous stance.

"Thank you, Yor. I thought we all might enjoy some color, especially after such a morose winter. I—" Twilight stopped suddenly, brows furrowing as he looked away from her and up at the sky momentarily. Yor didn't say anything, just watched him patiently. Eventually, Loid turned his attention back to her.

"I didn't grow up in an area with a lot of greenery, but I had this neighbor named Mr. Zimmer. When I was around Anya's age, he started growing a flower garden in his backyard. Mr. Zimmer would let anyone come in and see it whenever he was around and would always give my mother and me roses. The area wasn't meant for the kinds of flowers he grew, so he didn't have many, but every week, without fail, he'd leave at least one rose on our doorstep."

Yor remained quiet for a few moments, lost in thought, before smiling warmly at Loid.

"He sounds like a good man," she finally replied, looking towards the pond.

"He was," Twilight agreed.

He recalled how the year after Mr. Zimmer started the garden the entire village gathered to help him build a small greenhouse. The thing was barely standing, made of various shards of splintering glass panes, but everyone helped where they could. That garten kept people happy, kept people hoping.

Loid looked at Yor when her soft smile suddenly gave way to a laugh, the back of her hand raising to cover her face.

"It looks like Miss. Anya is a bit of a duck whisperer."

Twilight turned back to see Anya surrounded by every duck in the pond. Most of them still floated in the lake but a fairly substantial amount had hopped up onto the path and were nipping at Anya's pants. She was unfazed, looking seriously at the small army she had accumulated and was currently addressing.

A noticeable crowd of people had formed as well, circling around the horde of ducks, all smiling at the girl who had somehow gained command of them. There was a noticeable gap between the two crowds since anyone who got too close to the ducks was met with angry quacking and a barrage of feathers.

Loid looked on dumbfounded for a moment as Yor giggled beside him. This was the opposite of a low profile and after fully taking in the scene before him, Twilight decided to put an end to whatever it was he was looking at and approached the sea of ducks. To his surprise, the ducks parted for him and he was able to approach Anya with general ease.

The walk was a short one, the only reason it took him longer than a few seconds was because of the ducks slowly ambling out of his way. When he got to Anya's side, she was finishing whatever conversation she was having with her new duck army and rose to her feet. Brushing her palms off on her knees, she looked out at her ducks solemnly.

Loid sighed before saying it was time to go and offering her his hand. She took it without looking and the two emerged from the mass of white and yellow feathers hand in hand.

The crowd applauded the two when they had successfully arrived on the other side of the duck wall. Loid flushed at the attention and Anya's stoic demeanor quickly changed to a jovial one as she took a wide bow for the crowd. Quickly, Loid tugged Anya back over to Yor and the three made their way over to the greenhouse. When they tried to enter, however, they were stopped by one of the employees at the door.

"Sir," the employee began with a confused and bashful look on his face, "I'm sorry but you can't bring any animals in here."

Loid was confused for a minute before he heard Anya giggling beside him. He turned to look down at the girl who quickly sobered up when his gaze fell on her.

"Anya," he chastised, "what did you do?"

Yor tugged on his sleeve before she could answer.

"Uh, Loid? Look."

Turning to look behind them, Twilight saw that the army of ducks had followed them to the doorstep. Their large, beady eyes looked at him, quacking innocently as they stood patiently behind the trio, completely blocking the entrance. Slowly, Loid turned to look down at Anya who was once again smirking to herself.

"Anya, what did you do?"

With attention once again returned to her, the girl in question looked up at Twilight innocently.

"Anya hasn't done anything," she replied through her eyelashes.

Loid could feel irritation brim inside of him mixed with an undercurrent of stress. The fatigue of a long week still clouded his mind, but not enough to completely ruin his judgment. After taking a deep and steadying breath, he knelt down in front of Anya and spoke to her eye to eye.

"Anya, you clearly did something," he said, gesturing to the ducks still waiting patiently, "and whatever it was, please undo it."

When Anya pouted at him and crossed her arms the irritation bubbled in Loid's chest.

"But the duckies are Anya's friends! And they just want to see the pretty flowers."

Before he could stop himself, Twilight snapped.

"Fix it now Anya," he demanded, words dripping with malice and annoyance.

Anya's stubbornness immediately dissipated and she quickly hurried towards the ducks. She bent down and spoke to the brigade of birds in a harsh whisper, hands flailing around her. After a few moments, the ducks all ruffled their feathers and slowly began to wander back to the pond.

The stress inside of Loid melted away as he took yet another grounding breath. He turned back to the employee who had stopped them and offered a sharp smile.

"I'm sorry about that," he apologized before turning to look back at Anya. "Let's go look at the plants, Anya."

He offered a hand for Anya to hold but was denied, the girl barely sparing him a glance as she hurried to Yor's side opposite of him, clutching her Mama's hand instead.

If Twilight were an honest man, he would realize the feeling that twisted in his chest was guilt and hurt, but he was a professional liar. Instead, he offered Yor a smile he had spent years perfecting and the three finally entered the garden.

The inside was breathtaking. Bright and tropical flowers were in full bloom, twisting in beautiful displays of color. Small fountains were surrounded by vines and small flowers, with long hanging plants suspended from the ceiling, framing the scene perfectly. There were even palm trees inside with a small stand beneath offering free samples of coconut water.

The longer they spent inside, the more Anya seemed to emerge from her funk. Pretty soon she was running around, enthusiastically pointing at each plant. She was even attempting to read the placards that displayed fun facts about each plant type on her own, Yor patiently stepping in when she couldn't read a word and translating any language too advanced for her.

When Anya spotted the coconut sampling area, she looked up at Yor whose hand had more or less stayed wrapped around Anya's during their tour.

"Mama I want some of that cocoa water!"

Yor smiled down at her sweetly before replying, "You should go wait in line to get some then. Why don't you and Loid go wait in line?"

Anya's excited expression faded a bit as she glanced at Loid and then back at her Mama.

"Anya is a big girl now," she countered, not looking at Twilight as she spoke. "She can go all on her own."

Twilight was about to insist that he go with her (to maintain appearances, of course) when Yor replied for him.

"Alright, Miss. Anya, you can go by yourself, but make sure to say please and thank you and be polite to everyone else in line."

The wide excited smile grew back as Anya nodded enthusiastically, pulling herself from her Mama's grip as she bounded over to the line. Before Loid could say anything, Yor turned to look at him with a hesitant expression.

"Loid," she started, fiddling with her hands uncertainly, not meeting his eye, "I don't want this to seem like I am coming off as rude or judgemental in any way. You really are a great father and man in general and I know it really isn't my place to say anything and—"

Loid took one of her hands, cutting her off as she looked up at him surprised. Offering her a gentle smile, Loid spoke up.

"Yor, you aren't being disrespectful at all. I value your opinion and you should speak it freely," he reassured her.

Blushing, Yor broke their eye contact before saying, "You need to apologize to Miss. Anya."

Loid blinked at her once and then twice. She noticed his silence and frantically backtracked.

"I mean it's not like you did anything particularly wrong but Miss. Anya still seems pretty upset about what you said earlier and Ijustthinkitwouldbebestifyoutwoaddressedtheissueratherthanavoidedit," she rushed out, sentences increasing in speed the longer she spoke.

When she finished, her eyes were shut tightly, bracing herself as if she were about to be hit. Loid blinked at her again a few more times, slowly articulating a response, before he settled on something he thought would work.

With his free hand, he gently touched Yor's jaw. In response, her eyes snapped open and were trained on his face. Unfazed, Loid gently guided her head so she was facing him once more.

"I'm not mad at all, Yor. I think you are right. I've been so tired from work I snapped at Anya and didn't even realize it had hurt her that much. Thank you for pointing it out to me, Yor."

Loid felt Yor's face heat up before he saw it, her lips parted as if she were about to say something when they were suddenly interrupted.

"Mama and Papa are flerting," Anya remarked, looking up at the two with wide eyes.

It hadn't even occurred to Twilight how their position looked until that moment. Both Yor and he pulled back suddenly, faces the same shade of red as they looked down at Anya. Yor was rushedly explaining to Anya that they hadn't been while Twilight just stood there mortified. (He was never one to forget about how his actions looked. It must've been the fatigue messing with his judgment once again).

It seemed Anya had grown tired of Yor's rambling and made a sound to cut her off. Anya looked down dramatically, before raising her head again with a victorious expression.

"Anya has returned with cocoa water!" She announced triumphantly.

She held three small paper cuts in her hands, one in her right and two in her left, raising them above her head as she posed. Having forgotten about the previous ordeal, Yor enthusiastically applauded Anya.

"I got some for you Mama," Anya explained, handing Yor the cup in her left hand.

Yor took the cup, looking down at it expressionless for a moment before looking back at Anya and thanking her profusely. Anya reassured her it wasn't an issue before turning to face Twilight. Her head remained downcast, looking off to the side, but reached out her other hand.

"Anya also got you a cocoa water, Papa."

Twilight hesitated for a moment, mentally facepalming at his prior blindness. Anya was clearly still upset by their previous exchange, but here she was trying to get it back and make amends. Carefully, Twilight took the cup from her with a kind smile. He must be really tired to not notice something so obvious.

"Thank you, Anya," Loid thanked her, voice suddenly shaky.

She looked up at him for a moment, processing his response, before offering a small smile and a nod. Looking down at her own cup she examined it for a moment, sniffing the edge of it curiously. Suddenly, she tipped the cup, downing the entire drink in a single swig. After a moment, her face scrunched into a scowl as she looked at the now-empty cup.

"That didn't taste like cocoa at all," she decided, voice gravelly.

Yor laughed lightly at her reaction and Anya turned to look at her with a betrayed look.

"Anya cannot believe Mama would laugh at her pain."

Between giggles, Yor tried to explain she wasn't laughing at Anya but couldn't calm down long enough to make a convincing argument. In response, Anya turned to look at Twilight, hoping to find some solidarity. Instead of finding an ally, she found a man who was sipping the drink slowly and contently.

He didn't even say anything before Anya called them both traitors and marched off to continue her walk around the botanical garden, her two parents trailing behind.

It was well into the afternoon when Anya was finally ready to leave the greenhouse. Her enthusiasm for the plants far exceeded Twilight's expectations and it thrilled Loid to see Anya so passionate about something. Perhaps he could capitalize on the interest and encourage her to pursue it more academically. (It didn't leave him with a strange feeling of happiness which he immediately pushed deep down).

The makeshift family had emerged from the backside of the greenhouse to be greeted by a large picnic area. Stone tiles were laid in a pattern on the floor designating a courtyard space that was framed by a few vending machines and two food stalls, both with large lines already formed. Picnic tables were bolted down in a grid, allowing for ample space between each table for foot traffic.

"Miss. Anya, I'm sure you're getting quite hungry," Yor spoke, smiling down at the little girl who was looking around the courtyard wide-eyed, "why don't I get us some food and you find us a place to sit?"

On cue, Anya's stomach grumbled loudly. Looking down at her tummy, she gave it a few good pats. Anya then looked up at her Mama, nodded, and then took off to go find a table. Yor looked on fondly as Twilight let out a small sigh as he went to chase down the little girl.

He found her at one of the park benches that sat facing out over the rose garden, back to the filled picnic tables. Anya was sitting still, eyes glued to the beautiful garden in front of her, not even offering Loid a glance when he sat down beside her. The two sat in silence, enjoying the moment and taking in the view.

Colorful rows of roses were spread out before them, painting patterns across the courtyard below. Long planters of flowers bent and curled in intricate swirls, twisting around each other in a graceful dance. There was just enough of a breeze to rustle the petals, not nearly strong enough to cause any to break off.

Sparing a glance beside him, Loid saw Anya was watching with attentive eyes the same green as the stems that held up each flower. The few strands of hair that framed her face were blowing unruly in the slight breeze, pieces sticking to her cheek. Her normally pastel pink hair looked more red with the backdrop of vibrant flowers and the faint flush of her face from the wind.

In that moment, Anya looked just like the blooming roses she was admiring.

There was no need to remember this moment, it served no significant purpose to Twilight's current mission, nor would it likely offer usefulness in any future ones. There was no strategic reason to preserve this moment like he wanted to, no need to commit every little detail to memory, so he didn't. He cut himself off, looking away from the soft wonder on Anya's face and back to the garden. If anything would be useful, it would be the garden, so he allowed himself to indulge in the details and the serenity for a few more moments, before returning to his task at hand.

Looking back at Anya, he pushed past the sudden urge to memorize the look on her face and recalled what Yor had said to him earlier. With a gentle hand, Twilight pushed the few strands that stuck to her face back behind her ear, successfully drawing her attention.

Those brilliant green eyes were a bit overwhelming when trained on him. (So big and full of this subtle, sophisticated wonder, with their sole focus now on him). He didn't let it phase him for too long, gathering himself quickly.

"Anya," he began slowly, not breaking eye contact, "I am sorry for how I reacted earlier."

At the apology, Anya's eyebrows raised as curiosity morphed into something more surprising. Loid continued.

"It was wrong for me to snap at you. I know you were just trying to have fun and didn't know you were doing something wrong. My aggressive response was not what the situation called for and I am sorry for that."

When he finished, Anya continued to look at him, examining his face like she could read some other message on it, but Loid's face remained carefully constructed, not showing anything but what Twilight needed it to. Still, she studied intently.

After a few quiet moments, Anya looked Twilight in the eyes again and smiled.

"I know Papa. Anya was just very excited to see the pretty plants and you getting upset made Anya afraid that..."

Her voice trailed off and she turned to look back over the garden. Twilight watched her, waiting to see if she would continue. He wondered if he should urge her to continue, and figure out what she was going to say, but it seemed that their little spat had been resolved and there was no need to continue the conversation. Something thrummed in his chest, but he ignored it in favor of turning his attention to the garden.

If Loid were being honest, which he rarely was, he would have confessed that he wanted to figure out what Anya was going to say, but something else lingered just beneath the surface that caught the words on his lips and dragged them back to his chest. In actuality, Loid was a little hurt that Anya didn't trust him enough to confide in him, but changing reality was a skill Twilight had mastered long ago, and didn't let any of that take any real form.

Instead, the two sat on the bench, watching the rose garden in front of them, waiting in silence for Yor to return with their lunch.

Summer

Summer break arrived at the Folger household suddenly and loudly. The sun shone particularly bright on Anya's last day of school, bursting through the apartment windows in long and warm rectangles.

The days had gone from warm to hot, the cool crispness of spring nowhere to be found. Windows remained open throughout the day in an attempt to get some cool air flowing into their third-story apartment, but it was of little help when the air outside was barely cooler than that inside.

Anya's summer break was 4 weeks, one of the longer breaks in her school year. The difficulty with this particular vacation was the fact that Eden's summer break began before the public school's, only the last week overlapping. This meant finding childcare programs designed for children Anya's age was impossible, and bringing Anya with him to work every day was out of the question, which left Twilight with only one choice.

Finding a full-time nanny wasn't ideal. Getting a stranger to be intimately involved with the loudest member of the Forger home was worrying, to say the least. Allowing someone to have direct access to his personal life, able to snoop around when he wasn't there, was one of the worst things Twilight could imagine happening, but he was left with no choice, not with Franky adamantly refusing to babysit Anya again.

His search had begun weeks prior when he got Franky to dig up records of every babysitter and nanny in Berlint as a compromise for not watching Anya. After making all the easy eliminations he had enlisted Franky's help again to gather more details, including arrest records, and financial and educational records just to name a few. He needed someone who would be able to assist in Anya's summer schoolwork and keep her mind fresh for when school picked up again.

The search had proved more difficult than Twilight initially thought, which is how he found himself, cross-legged on his living room floor with carefully organized stacks of paper around him as he surveyed his options. It was clear that, even if he did find a suitable candidate for Anya in time, they weren't going to be able to watch her on such short notice.

Yor came home from work with an air of satisfied fatigue about her and a thin layer of sweat across her brow when she froze in the doorway at the sight of Twilight's careful storm. She approached tentatively after shedding her boots, peering at the carefully placed stacks of paper.

"Still can't decide on a nanny for Miss. Anya," she spoke as more of a statement than a question.

Loid grumbled an incoherent sound of confirmation before replying, "I have the final candidates narrowed down and should be able to decide soon, but there is no way they will be able to start work on such short notice."

Yor wiped her hand across her forehead as she pondered the issue before her.

"If Yuri wasn't so busy with work I'm sure he wouldn't mind watching Miss. Anya for a few days," Yor remarked with a sigh. "I can call in sick for a few days if we can't figure something out."

Loid looked up and immediately started shaking his head in disagreement.

"No, no, you don't need to. Worst case scenario I'll take work off, I am the one who was so indecisive, after all."

This got a light chuckle out of Yor. Twilight looked at her quizzically.

"You are a very meticulous man, Loid, especially when it comes to your daughter. I have always admired that about you. I know at times like these it seems like a hindrance, but I will always see it as a strength of yours."

Something stirred in Loid's gut after Yor's little speech and he had to look back to the papers in front of him to still the sensation. Finding the perfect babysitter was no longer a priority. At that moment, Twilight needed someone who would drop everything to help him watch Anya and care for the girl diligently.

With a sigh, Twilight rose from his blizzard of papers and made his way to the house phone to make arrangements for the next day.

To say Anya was unhappy with her temporary nanny was an understatement. The moment Fiona knocked on the apartment door at precisely 8 am the following morning, Anya was a miserable mess, attempting to barricade herself in her room in an attempt to hide from the woman. It took many long minutes of coercing before Yor and Loid were able to pull Anya from her room. Yor ended up rushing out the minute Anya was retrieved, speaking quickly about being late for work. Loid had a few minutes before he needed to leave so he decided to try and acclimate Anya to Fiona more.

The girl practically clung to Loid's leg as they returned to the living room. To maintain appearances with his family, Twilight had set the happy-married items out the prior night. He found Nightfall standing in front of a heart-shaped frame that housed a photo of Loid and Yor smiling happily at the camera.

Twilight cleared his throat once before turning around and kneeling in front of Anya.

"Anya, I think you remember Fiona, a colleague of mine from work."

Anya nodded grimly.

"Angry tennis lady," she confirmed.

"Uh, yes. I know she can be a little intimidating but she will take good care of you until we can get you another nanny, so be nice okay? I don't want you giving her any trouble, especially when she's spending her time off to take care of you."

Anya looked past Twilight and peered at the woman who stood in the living room. It was barely 8:30 and the room was already warming up. Twilight never needed a fan in the past so he never thought to buy one for the apartment (but maybe he should get one since Anya would be home a lot).

"Anya will perspervere," she decided with a nod before looking back at Twilight, "for world peace."

Loid nodded, a little confused by her reasoning but happy she was willing to cooperate. He looked at Nightfall who returned his gaze with her ever-present glare. They exchanged a nod before he left for work.

The walk to work was leagues cooler than the one back.

When he returned he found Anya a puddle on the ground. Nightfall was standing over the edge of the dining table, hair frazzled and sweat soaking her clothes, brandishing a ruler like a knife. The chair at the end of the table was pushed off at an awkward angle, and at its feet resided Anya, a melty puddle of misery. Papers covered the table along with countless broken pencils.

For a moment Loid pictured himself rushing to Anya's side, checking her temperature with the backside of his hand. A throb of emotion stopped him before Twilight restrained himself and stopped his irrational thoughts.

Unsure of what he should say, Twilight made his way slowly into the apartment when Nightfall's eyes snapped to him. She immediately began patting down her hair with one hand, the other still clutching tightly to her ruler.

"We made good progress today, Dr. Forger," Nightfall reported.

"It... looks like it."

"Anya seems to be severely lacking in many areas of her curriculum," she continued on, unfazed by the clear tone of skepticism in his voice, "but I have devised a plan to get back on schedule. If she follows it, she will be top of her class by the time school starts again."

"That's..." Twilight paused as he tried to find an appropriate response, "a good start."

Nightfall approached him quickly, holding her ruler in both hands tightly. When she stopped they were a few inches apart and she looked intently into his eyes.

"Anya will be perfect for you when I am done with her."

Twilight looked down at the girl collapsed a foot away from him. He wanted to hold her but his chest throbbed again. The start of a headache formed around his temple.

"I appreciate you taking time to watch Anya, but I don't think you need to come back again anytime soon." Nightfall took a step back and glanced down at Anya, gaze somehow narrowing even more. Twilight continued. "I have decided on a nanny who will take over Anya's care—"

"NO!"

Twilight looked over, surprised to see Anya slowly pulling herself up from where she was stuck to the floor. It looked almost like she had melted into the floorboards, her hair seeping between the grout and clothes flowing into the floor.

"Anya—" Loid started when he was cut off again.

"Miss. Fiona's work was hard but Anya can handle it. Anya will do good!"

Somehow Anya managed to get to her feet. Her clothes looked heavy as if they were made of lead. She swayed under her own weight. (If she wanted, Loid would let her watch cartoons for the rest of the night until she fell asleep, and let her eat dinner on the sofa too).

Twilight opened his mouth when Anya spoke again, this time less frantic. Her words were so soft, that Loid might've missed them.

"Anya will do good for world peace and for her papa."

Peeling his eyes off the melted girl, Twilight looked at Nightfall.

"Thank you for coming, Fiona. I need to prepare dinner now."

"Then I will get out of your way." She made her way to the door, slipped on her shoes, and just before she left down the hall, said, "I'll be back at the same time tomorrow."

When Nightfall was gone, Loid turned back to see Anya was still standing. Exhaustion was etched into her entire body. Reaching a handout, Twilight went to take the girl's arm, ready to do anything he could to comfort her, but a sudden surge of fear struck him so strongly, that he froze in place.

Snapping his head around, he went to look outside the front door, convinced someone must be hiding behind it. When he found no one there, he checked the door itself. Maybe someone bugged it? But that search came up fruitless too.

His heart was still pounding in his chest when Twilight returned back to the apartment. Anya was in the same state she was before; swaying lightly on her feet drenched in sweat and fatigue.

Twilight swallowed hard, feeling the spit in his mouth go down thick and slow.

"Come on," Loid spoke, moving towards the bathroom, "let's get you a bath."

When he got to Anya's side, he found himself frozen once more, but this time not because he feared someone was lurking just out of sight. He glanced down at the little girl, barely standing on her two legs.

Slowly, Twilight reached his hand out. Maybe some part of him did it because he wanted to comfort the little girl he had spent nearly a year with, but he allowed himself to offer her assistance because it was clear she needed it and it was unlikely she could even take a few steps on her own.

Anya blinked at his hand, eyes glassy as she slowly registered what was happening, when she took it. Her palm was so slick with sweat that it nearly slipped out of Twilight's own. Slowly and steadily, Twilight guided Anya to the bathroom, where he prepared a bath just slightly below room temperature. He helped her take off her clothes and eased her into the tub, hoping a fever wouldn't form from the high temperature her body had been at for an unknown amount of time.

Once Anya was settled, he got up to put her dirty clothes in the laundry and retrieve some breathable, clean ones. When Loid made it to Anya's bedroom and opened the door, Bond came bounding out, nearly taking out Loid's legs in the process.

He zoomed around the apartment a few times, bumping into some walls and chairs as he did so, before diving into the bathroom whose door had remained open. (When he thought about it, Twilight recalled that Bond's food bowl looked the same as it had in the morning).

Loid raced into the bathroom, hoping Bond didn't dive into the water head first, but he found the dog sitting at the foot of the bathtub, watching Anya. The subject of the dog's gaze had fallen asleep, head barely above the water. Bubbles clung to the edges of the water and a few sat delicately in Anya's hair. A distinct line ran around the little girl's head, the top half of her hair shiny with oil and nothing else while the rest sprawled out in dark pink tendrils. It reminded Twilight of kelp swaying under ocean currents.

The sensation from before started clawing at Loid's heart so violently and suddenly that he found himself staggering back a bit. He braced himself on the door frame, eyes scanning over the bathroom frantically, and when his search was once again futile, he left before he could realize how irrational he was being. (He saw that Bond was looking at him curiously, but opted to ignore the nosy dog).

Instead, he went back to Anya's room, gathering up the coolest pair of pajamas she owned. Once again in the bathroom with the clean clothes set off to the side, Loid slowly and carefully began washing Anya's hair, the girl barely stirring in her sleep. Occasionally she would mutter something unintelligible, but for the most part, she was quiet.

As he sat in the silent bathroom, Bond sitting quietly at his feet, Twilight determined the heat was getting to all of them and decided he would be buying a fan the next morning.

Fall

Cool wind and yellowing leaves marked the beginning of fall. Autumn weather usually first took shape in Ostania during the tail end of September, but with Berlint so far East, the air and leaves started to redden in the second week, every tree a warm blend of oranges and reds, street gutters cluttered with fallen leaves they had gotten caught between the wind and concrete.

Anya's attitude changed after summer but she started to get especially fidgety when the season was in full swing. She was twitchier than Loid had ever seen her and it only seemed to be getting worse with time. It was as if she was constantly waiting for something to happen. The only idea Loid had was that Anya was stressed about finals at the end of the month, but she had never been particularly worried about her classes in the past.

Loid fought himself on whether he should do anything about it. The change in behavior didn't seem to have a large impact on her schoolwork. If anything, she was more diligent with her homework and more polite to her peers, but as someone who lived a life constantly shrouded in paranoia, Twilight knew the seemingly endless stress would start to wear on her in an unhealthy way.

(It didn't help that this increase in jumpiness seemed to occur after her time with Nightfall. The thought left a bad taste in Twilight's mouth when he let himself think about it.)

Agent Twilight was created to help people, to make sure no child ever had to hurt the way he did. This was all for them, so why shouldn't he help one on a more personal level? It was his duty, after all, as Anya's father to keep her healthy and happy, even if the role was nothing more than a farce. Just because the behavior wasn't negatively affecting her academic performance currently, didn't mean it wouldn't in the future.

But some small part of Twilight was still unsure, not yet convinced getting so involved with the child was a good thing. Truth be told there was a small vein of fear that had crept around his heart, curled tight around it, and sent out pulses of adrenaline every time Twilight caught himself staring at something a bit longer than he needed to, but fear got people killed, so before he could even acknowledge the presence of such an emotion, he buried it beneath layers of muscle and tissue, hiding it deep in his chest.

Maintaining the role of a family-man father was still an essential part of Twilight's job though, so Loid continued to make plans like he normally would, even if his heart thrummed nervously as he did so. The three of them had fallen into a pattern of doing a family activity every few weeks when everyone was free. Sometimes it was something small, like going to the library together when they were all available, but other times it was a day trip to a nearby city.

With October around the corner, the entirety of Berlint was preparing for Oktoberfest. While not home to the biggest Oktoberfest in the country, Ostania's capital still held a sizable festival that sprawled out of the downtown and throughout the entire city. Vendors from not just Berlint, but all its neighboring towns set up stalls in any open space they could find, and in the larger lots, carnival rides and games were constructed.

It was the night before the festival began and Twilight could feel exhaustion in his bones. He had decided that his family would make an appearance each day of the festival weeks ago, which meant spending more time completing any stray missions or paperwork to optimize his chances of doing so. Long days at work only felt longer with the late sunrises and early sunsets. Each evening he returned to his apartment, he all but collapsed onto the nearest surface.

With so much extra work he had assigned himself, Loid was always the last one to return. Every time he opened the apartment door he spotted Yor in a different location, either cleaning or reading or off in her room, but Anya was always in the same spot. She sat at the end of the dining room table, back turned to the door, and hunched over a piece of paper. (Loid hadn't seen Anya sit at her normal spot behind the coffee shop since before summer break.)

Sometimes it was a worksheet, filled with carefully written, long-deliberated incorrect answers. Other times, it was a blank piece of paper she was carefully filling in with shapes and colors, but there were a few instances when Loid returned to see her with a piece of lined paper, slowly writing with an intensity he hadn't seen since the botanical garden.

Loid only ever saw her writing when Yor wasn't in the room and would quickly hide the paper under a drawing or some homework when she heard him arrive. One time, he had entered the apartment more quietly and could almost make out the first line of words on the paper before Anya was quickly hiding it, talking quickly and erratically in an attempt to hide what she had been doing.

Again, Twilight decided it was best to let her be. She clearly didn't want to discuss whatever she was doing and something deep within him stopped any questions from formulating.

So this pattern persisted until October 1st when at dinner, the three discussed how they would spend the beginning of Oktoberfest the following day.

"The office gave me tomorrow off," Yor announced with a smile and clasped hands over her stew, "so I am free all day."

"I have to stop by the hospital in the morning to finish up some work with patients, but I should be done by noon," Loid concluded before eating another spoonful of his own dinner.

"Anya wants to spend the whole day with Mama and Papa going on rides!" Anya declared, raising her spoon in the air and splattering some stew in the process.

"You have school tomorrow."

And with that, Anya's entire demeanor deflated. Her hands fell to the table with a thud and her head was hung so low the tip of her hair lightly brushed the surface of the soup.

"But remember," Loid continued after seeing the overwhelmingly negative response to his reminder, "you have half days the rest of the week because of the festival."

Anya perked up at this, not quite as enthusiastic as she was before but still a clear improvement in her attitude. She got back to eating her soup, attitude semi-restored.

The dinner conversation resumed, bouncing between various topics until they settled on Anya's schoolwork. Twilight knew that, despite the week's festivities, Eden had a round of quizzes the following days that served as mock exams for the fast-approaching finals. When the topic was mentioned, Anya seemed tired, but the ominous aura that usually hung over her head when the discussion of her schoolwork surfaced was nowhere to be found.

"You seem to be more confident this time around," Loid pointed out, finishing off the last of his stew.

Anya perked up a little bit, the fatigue still clear on her face, but offered a smile, a nod, and a "mhm" regardless.

"Must be all that extra studying you've been doing lately. I've noticed you're always busy at the table when I get back from work."

Anya immediately clamped up, her body going rigid and turning her attention to her empty bowl. Both parents noticed her attitude change and sat in an uncomfortable silence. Loid opened his mouth, ready to inquire further, when he felt a throb from his chest, the jolt coursing through his veins effectively immobilizing him. Instead, he sat staring, mouth half-open in a question that he never asked.

Eventually, Yor spoke up, changing the topic and recounting something a coworker of hers had said. Some of the tension left the room and Anya's body language relaxed. They fell back into a routine not too long after that, Loid standing up to clear the plates as Yor listened intently to a story Anya was animatedly telling.

He rinsed off the bowls and left them in the sink for Yor to finish once Anya went off to watch her cartoon. Instead of doing the dishes, he began cleaning up the countertop and putting spices and extra ingredients away. Not long after he had put everything away he heard the TV buzz to life and felt Yor appear at his side. The two fell into their typical pattern, Loid wiping down the counters while Yor scrubbed their few dishes all while they listened to Anya's cartoon playing loudly behind them.

They finished at the same time as they normally did (it was comforting, having someone who worked with the same leisurely diligence Twilight was accustomed to), both finding their normal seats in the living room. What wasn't normal was instead of pulling up his newspaper, Twilight found himself watching Anya.

Her shoulders were slumped forward, hands in her lap as she watched the show intently. Bond was sitting dutifully at her side, also watching the screen, although Twilight doubted the dog had any clue what it was he was looking at. The sun had set long ago despite it only being 6:30. The light coming off the TV screen framed Anya in a harsh blue light, cutting off in a sharp line around her shoulders and the back of her hair.

Twilight found his eyes tracing the brightly illuminated flyaway strands of hair, watching the strange way the light pulsed around her as the show changed camera angles. He didn't stop himself immediately, instead continuing to observe the details until he felt that pang from earlier creep out of his heart, making his arms numb.

Quickly, he grabbed the newspaper from the coffee table and opened it, reading the first article he saw but not retaining any of its contents. He distracted himself with the paper, eventually focused enough to actually comprehend what he was reading. This continued until Anya's cartoon gave way to a gameshow and her attention was lost.

"Alright, Miss. Anya," Yor announced, standing up from her spot on the couch. Anya turned to look at her, wide-eyed. "It's time to take your bath."

"Anya doesn't want to sleep!" Anya declared loudly, standing and fuming at her Mama.

This kind of outburst was uncharacteristic for Anya. She had been reluctant to take her bath or go to bed plenty of times before, but she was never this angry about it. Her entire face was red, hands clenched tightly at her sides. When the camera angle changed on the TV behind her, more of her face was illuminated in the TV glow (as was the faint outline of tears brimming in her eyes).

"You don't need to sleep yet," Yor proceeded cautiously, "you just need to take your bath."

Anya was not convinced.

"NO! Anya cannot take her bath because then Anya will need to sleep! Anya can't sleep yet!"

And with that, Anya turned sharply on her heels and was off, sprinting down the hallway.

The sound of her door slamming shut echoed throughout the apartment, Bond looking between a standing Yor and a sitting Loid before making his way to Anya's room. The soft sounds of scratching and whimpering eventually gave way to the slow creaking open of a door, the soft padding of Bond's paws as he entered the room, and then the closing of the door again.

Yor and Loid sat in the living room for a moment, both staring at the doorway Anya had so dramatically disappeared down.

"That was... more dramatic than usual," Twilight commented after a minute of silence.

He saw Yor nod slowly in his peripheral, before saying slowly, "I'll go check and see if I can figure out what that was about."

It was then Loid's turn to nod as Yor got up and softly knocked on Anya's door. After a beat of silence, she was allowed entry and Twilight could hear the door open and then close, followed by a muffled conversation he couldn't decipher. He sat quietly, listening to the nearly inaudible conversation with a strange feeling inside him.

It wasn't hurt, but something adjacent to it. Tentatively, Loid allowed himself to slowly prod at the feeling, examining it from what he thought was a safe distance, when suddenly, the feeling went rushing through him like a bomb being set off. In his sudden panic, Twilight stood up, his newspaper falling from his lap, and stepped forward, desperate to get to somewhere, anywhere but where he had been sitting.

There was still enough reason underneath his fear that kept him from bursting from the apartment in a fashion similar to Anya, so instead he paced around the living room and kitchen, checking and double-checking the location of all his belongings. When he confirmed everything was where it should be, he checked the security of the apartment, making sure all the locks worked and the hinges were intact.

Eventually, he found himself in front of the big windows beside the TV. Without thinking, he pushed his hands and face against the surface, feeling the cool chill of glass on his suddenly hot skin. It was jarring, but gave him something to focus on. He watched the city street, adorned with half-set up stalls and parked cars, dark par for the few streetlamps that flickered idly. His racing heart slowed, and eventually, he was fully restored to his previous state of calmness.

It was just in time for him to hear Anya's bedroom door open and a barrage of footsteps disrupted the silence of the apartment. The footsteps receded, except for one, which stopped abruptly and started bounding down the hallway toward him.

Anya emerged from the hallway, hair unkempt and hands clutching the corner of the wall as she peered around the edge. She looked straight at Twilight, eyes piercing into his. Anya didn't say anything, only stared at him curiously, when she seemed to realize what she was doing. Taking a staggering step backward, she looked around frantically and then back at him.

"Sorry about earlier Papa, that was not right and Anya will go take her bath right now."

With that, she disappeared back down the hallway, where Loid heard her and Yor close the bathroom door. Bond padded over to his spot at the window before he laid down, head resting on Twilight's feet.

A bit surprised, Twilight eventually sat down on the ground, allowing Bond to rest his head on his lap and rhythmically stroke the dog's head. They remained like that for a while, Twilight petting Bond and the dog breathing steadily on his legs, when the bathroom door opened. Loid was to his feet in an instant, Bond following suit, and met Yor and Anya in the hallway. Anya was in her sleepwear and was rubbing a hand to her bleary eyes.

Twilight smiled at Anya as she crossed the hallway, and when she was at the door to her bedroom he wished her a goodnight. Anya turned to look at Twilight and gave him a weak smile before disappearing into her room, Yor following close behind. She shot him a quick look before she closed the door behind him, a look that Twilight recognized and made his heart quicken in his chest.

Instead of staying up like he knew Yor wanted him to, he readied himself for bed. He did not sleep that night.

In the morning, Anya emerged from her room with deep bags under her eyes but a smile on her face. She ate breakfast in the same groggy manner she normally did; half-asleep and constantly on the verge of face-planting in her cereal. Loid walked Anya out to the bus stop before heading to work himself.

For once he was ahead of the curve and the only task before him was to complete mission reports. He managed to get them done in record time, no particular reason for his efficiency he assured himself. Twilight managed to finish just after noon and gathered his belongings when he bumped into Nightfall.

They came face to face in front of the reception desk on the ground floor. Loid was fully prepared to continue walking past, offering a polite nod and smile as he did so, but Nightfall intercepted his plan.

"Dr. Forger you are done early," she observed, face as apathetic as normal.

"Ah yes, I got most of my work done last week."

Something in Nightfall's eyes changed as they flicked across his face. The training Twilight went through wasn't just useful for enemies, but allies too. His face remained unchanging under her scrutiny.

"You are always so efficient," Nightfall remarked after a second of examining.

"It's nothing," Twilight assured her, "I am simply doing my work to the best of my ability."

Nightfall's eyes changed again but this time Twilight went to leave, resuming his previous walking pace. He was just about to wish Nightfall goodbye when a nurse appeared around the corner.

"Oh, Dr. Forger, leaving so soon?" she asked, a polite smile on her face. "Do you have plans for Oktoberfest?"

Loid stopped where he stood halfway through the first set of doors that led out of the hospital. Without fully turning, he glanced over his shoulder at the nurse and flashed a courteous smile.

"Yes, I am actually spending the afternoon with my family. My wife got the day off work so we are all going to enjoy the festivities together."

"I see! Well, I won't keep you from your family any longer, Dr. Forger. Have a nice afternoon!"

The nurse waved at him with a warm smile and he returned the gesture, finally getting out of the doorway. Despite not being outside yet, he still felt a cool chill against his back, as if something cold and angry had appeared behind him.

By the time Twilight got back to his apartment, he only had a few minutes before Anya returned from school. Making his way to Loid's room, Twilight made a mental list of what needed to be done before Anya's arrival. Before he could even get the first task metaphorically jotted down, he heard a commotion in the hallway. Peeking out of his room, Twilight saw Yor rushing around the apartment, gathering things in a hurry.

"Is everything alright, Yor?" he asked, emerging from his room.

Yor jumped a little, spinning to face him. She wore a long overcoat that brushed her ankles and had a handbag draped over her arm.

"Oh, yes! Well, no," she corrected, demeanor deflating a bit. "I got called into work last minute."

This wasn't ideal, but Yor would always be able to make an appearance the following night. That meant the night would just be Anya and Twilight. The vein on his heart pulsed under the scars and tissue.

"Don't stress about it, I'm sure Anya will understand."

Yor paused her frantic gathering momentarily to look at Loid. Her gaze was steady and strong.

"I do need to speak with you about something, Miss. Anya told me last night," Yor spoke, unwavering. "I don't have time now but—"

"When you get back we can talk," Loid finished for her with a perfectly polite smile.

He was reassuring her with a carefully selected look. She examined it skeptically for a moment but then accepted it with her own smile.

"I'm not sure when I'll be back," Yor said as she patted herself down, checking to make sure she had everything. In the time it took Twilight to blink she was out the door, but before it closed, he heard her shout, "You two have fun!"

When Yor left, Twilight busied himself with preparations for the festival, gathering some clothes for Anya to change into and leaving the outfit on her bed. He got his own change of clothes ready afterward but before he could change into it, the sound of the front door opening stopped him. By Bond's excited footfall, Twilight knew Anya had returned from school and met her in the living room.

She looked completely exhausted. She smiled a bit at Bond's excited licking and nudging but her eyes remained dark and tired. As Anya bent to slip her shoes off her feet, Twilight could see the side of her hand was black with pencil lead.

"Welcome back, Anya," Loid greeted.

His presence startled Anya and she nearly toppled over from where she was untying her shoes. After steadying herself, she frantically took her shoes off and then turned to face Twilight. Fatigue was still etched into her features, tracing the curves of her face like a pumpkin's ridges, but her eyes were hard with determination.

With fists clenched at her sides, Anya said, "Anya did so good on her quizzes today."

Twilight was surprised by her willingness to discuss her grades. Usually, Anya literally ran from any mention of tests, opting to hide under her bed or behind some stuffed animals.

"That's very good," Loid remarked, "I'm very happy you think you did so well."

This didn't seem to reassure Anya of anything. She still stared at Twilight with terrifying focus, studying his face. Somehow the intensity of the glare made Twilight question the perfection of his carefully designed facade.

"Anya will do even better on her next tests too!"

"I'm glad you think so, but now we should do something relaxing. You need to be well-rested and relaxed for tomorrow."

Anya nodded and marched past Twilight and into her room. She disappeared behind the door and Twilight could hear her rustling around inside. While she was occupied, Twilight stepped into his own room to get ready, changing out of his hospital clothes and into clean ones. When he emerged, Anya's door was still shut but he couldn't hear any noise coming from inside.

"Anya?" He asked carefully from the other side of the door, knocking lightly on the door.

Twilight waited a moment, but no reply came, so he tentatively opened the door in case Anya hadn't heard him. He was greeted by the sight of a little pink-haired girl face-first in her bed, a pair of pants put on inside out and her eden dress bunched up around her waist where it was pinned between her body and the bed. Upon further inspection, it looked like she was out cold.

"Anya," Loid called out softly, making his way to her bedside. When he arrived he nudged her lightly, rousing her from sleep.

"Anya, if you are so sleepy we can just skip the festival today," Anya rubbed her eyes clearly as she slowly woke back up. "I can draw you a bath and you can go to bed ea—"

"NO!" Anya shouted when she processed what Twilight was saying, bolting up so she was standing in her bed. "Anya will go to the festival with Papa and have a great time! They will see lots of fun things and be very happy together!"

Twilight blinked slowly at her sudden burst of energy. It was clear she needed sleep but that meant skipping out on plans he had already voiced to countless other people. Making an appearance was ideal, but so was maintaining Anya's well-being. At the thought of caring for Anya, Twilight's heart twitched unsteadily.

"Alright, we will go to the festival," he agreed and Anya beamed up at him.

Standing up, he walked to her bedroom door and then turned around to look at Anya. She was already off her bed, grabbing her sweater off the floor where it had fallen when she passed out. Twilight felt his face soften when something debilitating rushed through his chest. He turned around to leave.

"Your pants are on inside out," he commented before shutting the door.

Bond was at his feet in a matter of seconds, looking up at Twilight with big and curious eyes. He rubbed his head along Twilight's leg. Normally, Twilight would've shooed the dog away, favoring the cleanliness of his clothes over the company of a dog, but this time he let it happen, feeling the warmth of Bond through his pant leg.

He was still standing at Anya's door with Bond around his legs when her door swung open. Anya emerged, dressed in her outfit properly except for the small bit of her sweater that was caught in the waistband of her pants. Gently, Twilight pulled it out as Anya fussed over Bond.

"Can Bond come with us too?" She begged, eyes glistening through her fatigue.

Smiling as he smoothed her sweater, Twilight agreed and the squeal Anya let out made his chest tighten. She rushed over to the front door where they kept Bond's leash, but the dog didn't race to her side like he normally did. Rather, he lingered back, watching Twilight as he hesitated at the end of the hallway.

Clearing his throat, Twilight made his way towards the front door, patting Bond's head in reassurance when he passed by the dog. After doing so, Bond went running off to Anya who had just managed to untangle the leash.

The three of them were out the door not long after. When they arrived on the sidewalk, the air was crisp but the sun still shone, balancing out and combining to leave Berlint in a nice, moderate temperature. The few stalls Twilight had noticed last night were still setting up when he passed them on the way back from work, but when he, Anya, and Bond emerged they were finally completed.

Excitedly, Anya rushed across the street towards the first stall, pausing before she crossed the street to check for traffic. (It was nice to see she finally listened to him and would check before crossing, even when she was excited). Something throbbed in Twilight's chest and Bond boofed softly beside him.

Arriving at Anya's side, he saw her ogling at the wooden toys on display at the stall. Various hand-carved animals lined the front of the stall, large birdhouses hung on the back wall. The polite couple that were running the stand smiled at Anya's excitement and at Loid when he approached her side.

"Look! Look!" Anya exclaimed, bouncing on her feet as she pointed at a figurine, "It looks just like Agent Penguinman!"

"It does," Loid agreed, placing a hand on her head in an attempt to calm her down a bit.

"Those small figurines are 15 dalc each," one of the women explained. "The larger ones behind are 25."

The price was steep, but that was to be expected with festival vendors. Twilight was sure they wouldn't have any problem selling their carvings, especially when they were set up next to a school bus stop and children's park.

"Your animals are so cool!" Anya told the ladies with a big smile.

They smiled down at her warmly.

"Thank you," the same lady from before said.

"Come along now Anya," Loid said, offering the little girl her hand, "can't go spending all of our money already. We haven't even made it to the rides yet."

"RIDES! RIDES!" Anya cheered, grabbing Twilight's hand enthusiastically.

The couple chuckled at her excitement and wished them a good festival. It was a bit of a walk from their apartment to the downtown where most of the vendors were located, but Twilight had memorized the event layout and knew there were a few smaller rides and games located along the river, so he guided Anya and Bond westward.

They passed a few more stalls as they went, one selling candy apples and another pretzels. Anya was excited at his side, pointing at all the decorations that were hung around streetlamps and the few apartments that had decorated their balconies.

It had been a while since Anya was so enthusiastic about something. In the past months, a weight seemed to rest on the little girl's shoulders that only looked to be getting heavier. (It hurt Twilight to see her this way. It made Loid question his work. He was doing this for children just like her, but if he had to hurt her in the process how could that be right?). It reminded Twilight of how Anya was when she had just started school: so painfully serious about silly little things and light-hearted.

When they arrived at the riverbank, Anya squealed again, squirming in his hand. A small ten-person carousel was in one corner with a spinning seesaw beside it. In the rest of the area were various carnival games as well as lawn games (he remembered enjoying Kubb the last time he played it but didn't think Anya would be strong enough to throw the sticks precisely).

Anya was still wriggling in his hand, bouncing around jovially. Twilight kept his grip and helped guide her down the stairs, pulling her up a couple of times when her excitement caused her to lose her footing. When they got to the bottom of the staircase she was off, running excitedly around the square and looking at the different activities it had to offer. While she was distracted, Twilight tied Bond's leash to a bike rack.

She was determined to make sure they did everything at least once. Twilight bought enough tickets to make sure they could do everything four times.

They started on the carousel. Some carousels had a wide variety animals designed in different sizes for parents and kids, but this one only had horses which were so small, Twilight had no hopes of fitting on them. Instead, he followed Anya as she inspected each stallion, eventually settling on the gray one with green hair and eyes, and helped her mount it. He stood at her side, one hand on her back and the other on the pole that protruded from the base of the horse's neck. The paint was faded and chipping, the white plaster base of the horse visible in large chunks, but Anya was unbothered, squealing enthusiastically when the horse started moving around in circles.

Anya wanted to ride it three more times before she was ready to move on.

Her hair was fuzzy and awry at the end of it and her face flushed with excitement despite the ride spinning at a walking pace. Any tension that had still lingered in her body was gone, replaced with unadulterated joy. She was buzzing with excitement as they waited in line for the next ride

The spinning seesaw was a death trap. Everything about it was motorized, and at first, it started off just tipping back and forth like normal, but then it started spinning as well. Twilight understood then why a parent was required to sit behind their child.

The seat uncomfortably dug into his side and did little to keep him on the ride. The only reason Anya didn't go sliding off was because Twilight's hands were on either side of her, holding her in place as she giggled excitedly.

When Anya wanted to go a second time, Loid convinced her to try some of the games instead.

Unsurprisingly, she wasn't good at any of them. Her hand-eye coordination left much to be desired and the carnival games were designed to be difficult for even those with above average fine-motor skills. Still, Twilight indulged her desire to try each of the games, even when her rings bounced horribly off the milk bottles and she didn't manage to even lift the hammer for the strength test.

One particular game had Anya frustrated though, since it had the best prizes in the entire plaza. If someone managed to crawl across the entire rope ladder without touching the inflatable cushion beneath and ring the bell at the end, they got a stuffed animal of their choice twice the size of Anya. The girl in question had already tried the game four times and only got more frustrated with each failed attempt.

When Loid told her it was time to move on she frowned deeply and huffed. Her good mood had been vanquished with one particularly hard loss (and Twilight worried her prior exhaustion would set in soon if the mood persisted). Twilight reasoned that it wasn't fair for a game to exploit a child like that, at least, that's what he told himself as he handed the vendor one more ticket and pulled his shoes off.

He was across the ladder and ringing the bell in under a minute, much to the astonishment of everyone watching. Apparently, he was the first person to win in months, the last winner being a tight-rope walker for a circus the vendor had been following around earlier that year. When his shoes were back on his feet and Anya had selected the big tiger stuffed animal, his legs were tackled in a tight hug.

Anya was wrapped around his legs holding him so tightly he wasn't able to walk (or maybe he was and he just didn't want to move). Her hair was a reddish orange under the setting sun and her head was pressed firmly to his knees. Twilight's heart thumped in his chest and up his throat, the sound in his ears. She looked like a flower, her petals curled tight around the bulb but still beautiful.

In full and complete honesty, he was unaware of his surroundings for the first time in any of his memories. At that moment, there was nothing but himself and the little girl wrapped around his legs, her stems curled around his legs so warm and real and happy. She was there, radiating with joy and passion, and Twilight—

"Hello, Dr. Forger."

Twilight was yanked from the moment so quickly that he was short of breath (or maybe it was because of his racing heart and he just hadn't noticed it). Anya pulled herself from his legs at that moment too. The temperature must've dropped significantly with the sun nearly gone because his legs were achingly cold.

"Hello Fiona," Twilight greeted, instincts taking hold of him so quickly. His heart immediately calmed to its normal rate at the presence of Nightfall (as if he were in a life or death situation and couldn't afford to be nervous). Anya made an unhappy sound beside him.

"It is a strange coincidence seeing you here," Nightfall commented. Her tone indicated that it was anything but a coincidence.

"That it is, what brings you to this area of the festival?"

Nightfall's demeanor shifted in an unidentifiable manner as Twilight waited for an answer. He could feel Anya at his side, her hands grasped around the tiger plushy he'd just won for her.

"I was just exploring the area. It's my first Oktoberfest in Berlint so I thought I'd see everything it has to offer."

"Ah, well, most of the activities are in the downtown area."

Twilight was trying to figure out what she was doing there. Had some emergency surfaced and he hadn't noticed the calling card placed for him?

"I was just down there. I thought I'd explore the outskirts of the festival as well."

The two fell into a tense silence, both trying to read the other.

"I see your wife isn't here," Fiona eventually commented, breaking the silence.

"Oh, yes, she got called into work just before we left."

"She's just a civil servant, right?"

Nightfall's tone was anything but friendly. The statement sounded cruel and judgemental. Twilight felt something stir inside him and Anya bristled at his side. (If she were a flower, Loid was certain she'd be a rose; beautiful and enchanting but covered in thorns to fend off predators).

"Well, she does work at city hall. Yor is a very diligent worker, you see, and is always working hard, so even if her work isn't very demanding, she puts her all into it regardless."

"It's such a shame, though, that she couldn't spend the day with her family," Fiona pressed, tone sharp.

"Mama wanted to," Anya spoke suddenly, voice quiet and uneasy, "but she got busy. Mama's work is more important than..."

Her words trailed off. Nightfall's face morphed into something that could only be described as a grin, but it was unnoticeable by anyone who didn't know her.

"Work is important," Fiona agreed. "It should always come first, especially when you are working to help your country."

Twilight looked down at Anya. The exhaustion from before was back. It looked like she was about to implode, every part of her curled into herself. Her eyes were dark and looking at nothing but Nightfall.

"Yes, well, it's a good thing we aren't working now," Twilight intercepted. "It's nice to spend time with family."

He could feel his heart beating in his chest, the steady pace quickening with the final word. Twilight could see it in Nightfall's eyes, a question and a challenge, "family or country?"

"It is a shame when you have to be away from them," Fiona agreed. "It'd be nice if you and your wife worked together. You wouldn't have to spend as much time apart."

That... was not what Twilight was expecting her to say.

"If you two had the same profession, you could work more efficiently, both at your jobs and at home," Fiona continued.

That wasn't what Twilight was expecting at all.

"Well, it's—" his voice caught in his throat for a moment. He cleared his throat, before continuing. "It's nice to have some work-life separation."

Bond had started barking in the distance. Twilight's heart hurt.

"But imagine how efficient you would be if you knew each other, properly I mean."

For some reason, Twilight thought about his and Yor's after-dinner routine. His head throbbed in tandem with his chest.

"Different people have different lives," Loid countered. "You can't expect for two people to work perfectly in sync."

"If a person is strong enough they will adapt to their partner's needs. They become one and the same."

His throat was dry. Bond's barking was louder now. Anya was too close to his side.

"Well, I wouldn't want to keep you from enjoying the festival any longer," (Loid? Twilight?) somehow managed to say through a closed throat. "I hope you enjoy the rest of your night."

He was gone before she had a chance to reply, walking to the bike rack he left Bond tied to. The dog was still there, and his barking stopped when he approached. Anya was trailing behind him, dragging her prize behind her. Silently, he untied the leash and started walking back to the apartment.

His head hurt, his chest hurt. His arms were numb and sore simultaneously. He could barely feel the breath in his throat or the cold wind on his arms. The world was burning around him, the sun a bright gold on the warm leaves. Anya's hair was red in the sun.

It felt as though they appeared at the door to their apartment, but he knew they had to have walked there. He would've been worried if he didn't have the most painful headache he had ever experienced. Anya disappeared into her room. (Had he told her to go there or did she just go on her own?)

He didn't even take his shoes off. The man who was always so diligent and careful forgot to close the front door.

Whenever he was in this apartment, he wore one face, he was one person, he was Loid Forger, but at some point, Loid had morphed into someone else. Someone who had a neighbor with a flower garden. Someone who bought a fan to fend off the summer heat. Someone who won carnival games to keep his family happy. Someone who defended the people he wasn't supposed to be close with but had grown fond of regardless. Someone who wanted to be real and not just some other face ready to be discarded and forgotten.

The window was cold on his back. His entire body hurt with frustration and anger, anger directed towards himself for being so careless, so stupid. He had made attachments, not as Loid Forger but as Twilight. He had something to lose, and he was going to lose it, if not because of the inherent dangers of his job, but because of its reclusive nature.

Eventually, there wouldn't be a need for Loid Forger and that face would disappear just like its predecessors. This was inevitable, which was why it was imperative he didn't get attached. Twilight needed to remain separate from Loid, but he hadn't, and now he was paying the price.

(He finally knew what the painful throb was that tore through his body when he looked at the people he was never meant to get attached to. It was fear, and fear would be the end of Twilight).

"P-Papa?"

Anya had emerged from her bedroom at some point. The man on the living room floor hadn't even noticed, he still didn't notice the open apartment door or the shoes still tied on his feet.

"Yes, Anya?"

He was surprised when he spoke. He had never intended to say anything, didn't even think to. He was just looking at Anya, the little girl with eyes and hair the color of spring and a face with the same terrified look that haunted the man's own memory.

He didn't see the piece of paper in her hand. Didn't see the dog nudge the front door closed and jump up to lock it.

"Any— I wanted to..."

She was petrified. Even he could see that in his delirious state. He wanted to reach out to her, to hug her and tell her he was fine and that everything would be okay, but he couldn't. His entire body was on fire with anger, (his muscles sore with fear), and he was stuck in place.

Tears burst from her eyes. The man wanted to hug her but also wanted nothing more than to run and never return.

"I love you, Papa," she choked out, looking down at her paper. Fat teardrops rolled down her face and stained the paper. The ink melted down the page. "I love you and— and I wanted to tell you that I've been studying so well. Any— I've been doing better at school and all my teachers have been so impressed. An— I'm still not good at sports but Mama said she would help me get stronger. My drawings are better too and I want to learn an instrument."

She was sobbing as she spoke, cutting herself off and stumbling over her words, eyes glued to the page. It was clear Anya was terrified but she was speaking regardless. The man wanted to be impressed but couldn't let himself. He couldn't let himself be angry that a four year old was braver than he was.

"I know I'm not very good at not-school things," Anya continued, moving down the paper, "but I will get better. Any— I will wake up on my own from now on eat my food slowly and cut up the food all by myself. I will do whatever you want me to just please don't—"

An audible sob cut her off before she could finish, crushing the paper in her hands and head dropping to her chest as she choked on her tears.

She was warm in the man's arms. She was shaky and unsteady and wet with tears and snot but she was warm and real. He enveloped her, wrapping his arms around her. Burying her face into his shoulder, she sobbed openly and loudly, fists curling into the fabric of his jacket. Bond was pressing against their sides.

"Please don't leave Anya," she gasped out in a choked whisper between sobs.

"You are perfect," the man said and then repeated until his voice was gone. "You are perfect just the way you are."

Winter

The first snowfall of the season came on November 1st. It was as if the weather was apologizing for the miserable winter the previous year and gave Berlint the softest snow the city has ever seen. There was barely any ice hidden on the streets or outdoor stairs and a crystal blue sky peaked out behind the thick and puffy clouds depositing snow. It was just cold enough to stick and if you pressed the snow tightly enough, you could form soft snowballs that disintegrated in small flurries upon impact.

Somehow, Loid and Anya were the only ones enjoying the beautiful winter weather. No other footsteps but their own had disrupted the four inches of snow that covered blanketed the town in the middle of the night. Sidewalks had been salted but the snow had yet to fully melt, so Loid made sure Anya held tightly onto his hand as they walked to the park.

They were bundled up a bit excessively for the moderate winter weather, but Anya had been excited that winter had arrived so Loid let them pretend it was colder than it was, wrapping Anya in thick, puffy layers and rolling on a couple of pairs of socks. Loid hadn't been so generous with his own clothes, opting only for a pair of thermals, some clothes to go on top, and a waterproof jacket, but Anya insisted they both match with gloves, scarves, and beanies so he found himself guiding the little girl across crunching snow with purple and pink patterned accessories.

The first thing they did was make snow angels. More appropriately, they made an army of them. Loid was on his fifth one, the backs of his legs wet with snow while Anya blasted through her tenth and onto her eleventh. So much snow was in her hair it looked like it was white was natural color and the pink was just a faded dye job.

Just as Loid had finished his fifth angel, Anya was on her feet, jumping excitedly beside where he was still sprawled on the ground. She insisted it was time for them to make snow people, so they did.

It started off slow. Loid really had to press to get the snow to form balls sturdy enough to roll around and he eventually relented and took off his gloves to make the process easier. His hands were frozen by the time he handed the little ball off to Anya who enthusiastically started rolling it in the snow, making sure to give each of their snow angels a wide berth as she went.

Loid let his hands warm for a moment before starting on the next balls. Snow people needed three layers, but Loid seriously considered making one with just two parts. Hearing the emphatic giggles bounce across the snowy park, piercing the cold silence with warm joy, convinced him that was a cop-out and he made the third ball with no complaints.

He started rolling one of the balls in a patch of undisturbed snow and when he turned around, he found Anya rolling a ball that was up to her knees. She spotted her Papa and picked up her speed, rolling the snowball in front of her as she raced towards him. The two worked on their respective balls diligently, careful to not break them when they got stuck in hidden holes or hit rocks.

Eventually, Anya decided the bottom layer was big enough, which Loid was immensely grateful for since her snowball was nearly taller than her. His ball had grown to a fairly substantial size too, but it would take some time before it was big enough to appropriately stack on top of her without looking strange.

Anya was bored with rolling snowballs by the time he did finish, her ball barely any bigger than it had started. Loid suggested she go look for some stones and sticks to decorate the snowperson.

He finished the final layer when she returned with a sizable collection of rocks and sticks. They deliberated over her haul for a while before making their selections for the face and arms. When all the features were added, Anya declared the snow person's name was Melina and that she needed a friend.

It was nice to be back to how things were when Loid first adopted Anya. Ever since their conversation (it was really more of a meltdown than a conversation) on the first day of Oktoberfest, Anya had been less worried and more like her typical self.

When Loid returned from his trip, he made sure to constantly remind Anya that he was proud of her, even if her accomplishments didn't seem all that special when compared to her peers. Her quiz grades had been exceptional, just like she said they would, but then her grades dipped again, although that was to be expected. They never fell as low as they had been before the summer, but there was still a noticeable drop.

Loid made sure she knew he wasn't worried about that in the slightest.

That didn't mean Anya wasn't constantly worried about appeasing him though. Even as they worked on constructing their second snowperson he noticed Anya's shoulders tense and her gaze constantly flick over to him. He reassured her that Melina's friend didn't need to be as big or symmetrical as her and that any snowperson would be perfect.

When Yor had returned from work on October 2nd, she found Anya asleep in her Papa's arms on the floor, Bond curled protectively beside them. The dog wasn't sleeping and watched Yor as she slowly entered the house. Something in his eyes kept her from waking either of them, instead taking her own shower and then going to bed.

The following morning was just as chaotic as normal. Instead of being half-asleep in her breakfast, Anya was scarfing it down since she woke up late. She barely had time to get on her uniform or grab her book bag before she was off to the bus stop.

Yor had mentioned that what she wanted to discuss the previous night was how worried Anya was over her schoolwork. She said Anya was staying up late to study and couldn't sleep well afterward.

The man smiled at her and said they had already discussed it with her. This pleased Yor and the two got ready for work, leaving together and parting when the man got to his bus stop.

He didn't go to the hospital. Instead, he had a meeting with Handler which was intended to brief him on any major developments he missed while undercover. Instead, he told her he'd be taking some time off. Unexpectedly, Handler agreed. While neither of them said anything, they both knew why he was taking time off and where he would be going. In her own strange way, Handler supported the decision and even encouraged it by offering to cover transportation costs.

He was the first to return to the apartment and when Anya and Yor got back he told them he'd be taking a trip to a hospital in the countryside for some volunteer work. He'd be back in a few days.

Yor told him to stay safe. Anya gave him a hug and told him she would be good while he was gone. He told her she was always good.

"This one's name is Belina," Anya declared once all the appropriate features had been added.

"That is a wonderful name," Loid agreed.

He sat down in the snow hard and Anya giggled at the crunching sound it made. She sat down beside him, a bit displeased that the snow hadn't crunched as loud, but then huddled into his side. Loid wrapped an arm around her small shoulder and pulled her in close. They sat in silence as they looked at Melina and Belina.

They'd been outside for a few hours at that point, but despite it being nearly noon the air was cold. In fact, it was colder than it had been that morning, and more overcast too. The sky was visible in the distance, but overhead was a thick blanket of clouds. Anya followed Loid's gaze up and then it started to snow again, as if it had been waiting for those brilliant green gems to land on them.

Anya shrieked and jumped to her feet, slapping at the few snowflakes that had started to fall. It was a good thing he let her bundle up, she surely would've gotten a cold if he hadn't.

Within a few minutes, a couple of snowflakes had turned into a steady stream. Visibility was limited but not so much that it was dangerous. Instead of seeing all the way down the street, Loid could only see a few buildings before the rest was obscured with a barrage of white.

Anya was prancing around excitedly, her tongue stuck out as she caught little snowflakes on her tongue. The top of her beanie was covered with a layer of snow. Loid stood up off the ground and made his way over to her side. She was ecstatic at his arrival, but before she could drag him off to go do whatever she had planned, he placed a hand on her shoulder.

She stilled at the contact, looking up at him confused. After a moment, Loid grinned at her and then shook his head and all the snow that had accumulated on top went fluttering down. Anya screamed again and the yelp turned into giggles and she jumped around in the additional snowfall. When all the snow had been shaken off Loid's head, Anya did it herself and the whole process started up again.

After all the snow had been successfully shaken from both of their bodies, the two of them were panting and smiling. It was only a matter of minutes before enough snow had accumulated on the tops of their heads for them to shake around like wet dogs again, but neither of them seemed to be too anxious to go at it again.

Both of them fell into a comfortable silence again. They looked out over the field of snow, most of the evidence of their presence fading with the new snowfall. The snow angles weren't as deep as they were when they were freshly made and were quickly fading away, but Melina and Belina still stood tall.

Loid looked down at Anya who was admiring the scene in front of her. Her eyes were trained on the trees that outlined the park, thick layers of snow built on their branches, eyes the same bright green as the trees she was admiring. Small snowflakes had accumulated on her eyelashes, resting for a few seconds before fluttering off and melting on her face. Her mouth was in a wide smile, lips pressed tight as her eyes soaked in the landscape around her.

She was blossoming a rose, fighting off the winter frost.

It was then that Loid bent down beside her. She glanced over at him, her grin somehow widening when she saw her Papa's face.

Pressing two of her gloved hands to his cheeks, she asked, "What is it, Papa?"

The cold gloves didn't bother him, but he did pull her hand off his face and hold them on his own. She was perfect, she really was, and it hurt Loid to think about all the time he had missed. Not just when his trip that was intended to be only a few days turned into a few weeks, but all the time he missed being confused and hurt and afraid before that.

All the time he spent pretending to not care for her.

Going back to the town he grew up in was hard. Really, really hard. When he landed back in Westalias and took the trek back to his hometown, everything came surging out.

His entire life had been spent suppressing and hiding his true self. In order to survive what he was trained for, he had to forget it all, but stepping back into that small town, many of the buildings still lying in ruins from government neglect and general poverty, it all came back.

That first face he thought was gone forever broke through all the others and he cried.

At that moment he wasn't Loid or Robert or Dan or Twilight, he was just a little boy in a man's body, face covered in ash, tears turning black as they carved lines down his face, ears still ringing from the thunder of explosions, and that little boy cried.

He cried for the fear he felt all those years ago when bombs rattled the walls of his rotting home. He cried with the anger that lingered from so much trauma he was never given a chance to process. He cried with the sadness that he was someone, who became no one, and he cried with the grief that he would never be able to be someone again.

When that little boy cried his last tears, he wandered through the town, picking his way across the rubble like he had never left. He found the small caves formed out of concrete and warped steel he would hide in when his mother told him to run. He uncovered the broken bricks he used to hide food in when merchants were chasing him down for theft. Eventually, he found himself on the street he grew up on.

His apartment building was completely gone, this was not at all surprising. The little boy had watched the building collapse, had heard the deafening crash, and choked on the tsunami of dust. He had already riffled through the remains, only able to find his stuffed rabbit whose head had been torn off from a piece of rebar.

The surprise was the fact that the rubble was completely covered in flowers. Unlike most of the other destroyed buildings which remained gray and untouched, the remains of his old apartment complex were covered in beautiful plants.

Westalias was by no means conducive for plant growth, even if, on average, it was warmer and got more sunlight than Ostania. The soil was fertile enough to grow a couple of potatoes and carrots in good areas, but in most cases, the only things that survived in uncultivated soil were stubborn trees and small clusters of grass.

It had been a miracle Mr. Zimmer managed to grow the few flowers he did, that's why so many people in town would spend their time in his garden. Amongst the dust that settled over the sea of gray shards, Mr. Zimmer's garden was a reminder that things could be beautiful. People loved that garden.

When the little boy's building collapsed, it crushed the garden. Part of Mr. Zimmer's house remained partially intact, but the entire garden was covered with the same haze as the rest of the village. What was once hope became the same despair the villagers had come to live in. The one splash of color, of hope, in their gray hellscape was gone, and not long after, so was the little boy.

But somehow, the garden persisted. By some miracle, the flowers and plants survived and had grown through the rubble and decay to create something beautiful.

The little boy was surprised he still had tears left to cry.

When he was certain all the moisture had been expelled from his body, he made his way into the new garden. Even though it was late fall with winter right around the corner, the garden was still beautiful. Many of the flowers had shed their petals and were reduced to thorny stems, but some were still persisting in the cold.

The little boy bent down in front of one. It was a rose.

"Papa?" Anya asked again, bringing Loid out of his thoughts.

He was reminded that he was in Ostania, holding his daughter's hands as snow fell around them. She was looking at him with a curious smile pushing her eyes into a squint.

"I love you, Anya," he confessed, looking into her eyes. "I love you so much and I am sorry it has taken me so long to say it."

Tears formed in Anya's eyes and Loid felt some in his own as well.

"Anya knows, Papa."

There was still a faint trace of that little boy in this world. He could be found in a torn up bunny trapped under a collapsed apartment building that was decorated with roses and color. In fact, traces of every other face Loid had worn still left ghosts of their presence, even if it was only an irregularity in the distribution of dust. Each face was distinct from one another, but they were all still the same.

They were all Loid. And they were all Robert and Dan. The name placed on the man was pointless because they were all the same.

"I love you so much Anya, and I will never leave."

And the man of one face meant it.