Okay, last part, and here's where their emotions are all messed up and switched. And also there is still one more part for this preview tee hee whoopsies.

The Mess
Spy School
6:30 PM
Tuesday
January 12th

Erica's POV:
What Ben said kinda hurt to be honest. I know I wasn't super friendly and open, but that didn't mean I didn't want to. I just didn't allow myself to. I never want to be broken like that again, so I'm just taking precautions.

Now I'm sure you're all wondering why I kissed him. Twice. And honestly, so am I. But let me take you back so you can understand what went through my head.

*Flashback*

"Yo that last mission was awesome! You disarmed a Russian bomb while hanging in the air! And You're a spy! And your friends are too! And I am too now!" Mike yelled excitedly.

I remembered it well. Especially the ending. When I thought Ben and I were going to die while disarming a bomb, I'd... kissed him. I didn't know what came over me. But I kissed him.

And as much as I hated to say it, part of me was glad I did. Part of me regretted it very much. But I was still partly glad I did. Which did nothing but confuse me.

"Pretty cool huh bud?"

"It's AWESOME! I knew you weren't telling me something but I didn't know it was a matter of national security!" 

But Ben was no longer focusing on them, because he was focusing on me. I heard them talking as I walked in and sat at my usual table alone. I knew he was looking at me, but I completely ignored him. I knew he was hoping I'd glance over, but I didn't.

He had a huge crush on me and the kiss was just too much for me so I'd been avoiding him. More than normal. But he still tried anyways. Which proved to make it more challenging for me. Especially since I kind of liked him back.

"BEN!" Zoe yelled at him.

"Huh? Oh uh hey." He tried to recover from his dazed state.

"Hey? Ben you've been staring off into space for like 10 minutes." Jawa laughed.

"No I haven't."

"True. A few minutes was into space, the rest was at her." Chip poked.

They all looked at me and I made sure not to look.

"Ha. Ha. You're very funny Chip."

"What happened between you and Ice Queen on the mission?" Zoe asked, clearly jealous.

I froze.

"Nothing. Why would you think something happened. Nothing happened. Someone else talk please." He stuttered quickly.

Note to self: Help Ben lie better. I thought sarcastically.

"Well she seems like she's distancing, as usual, but a lot more, and especially towards you in particular. I mean she hasn't said a word to you or even looked in your direction." 

"Thanks for reminding me. I totally wasn't upset about it already. And I had nooo idea." 

"He's right Ben."

"That was a lot of resistance bud. You wouldn't have been so resistant had there been nothing to hide. What happened?" Mike smirked knowingly.

I closed my eyes. I really had to help him lie better.

"I'm not allowed to say. Erica said she'd kill me if anyone found out."

"Two things. 1) So something did happen. I knew it. And 2) She can't kill you, she likes you." Mike smirked.

Ben sighed.

"Yes, something happened. And maybe she does like me a little, but I doubt that'd stop her."

"You'd be surprised what girls do for guys they like." Zoe said softly.

He put his arm around her and I couldn't help but make an angry/jealous expression. He smirked, and I knew he saw.

"Yeah, you might be right Zo, but... Erica isn't like most girls. Unlike girls like you, she's not very friendly or sweet or kind, but keep in mind she's been hurt. She's cold and distant because she's badly broken and is afraid of feeling that pain of losing someone she loved or betrayal again. I mean, yeah she's Ice Queen; she thrives at being one of a kind. No matter how annoying or maddening or maddeningly gorgeous or absolutely amazing she can be depending on the situation. But I feel like most people don't give her enough credit. Guys fall all over her because she's beautiful, girls get jealous and mad that the guys like her, and everyone wants to be her. But her skills and beauty also come with pain. She's just hurting."

All this hit me like a freight train. He was right, but it still hurt.

"But... I still love her. I love her so much. Like an idiot and a complete fool, but I do."

All this hit me like a freight train going at the speed of a bullet train. I dropped my fork and my eyes were wide. He looked over at me and looked confused.

Zoe shivered and Ben asked, "You cold Zo?"

"A little bit." She said quietly.

"Here, I don't need this."

He gave her his jacket and she kissed his cheek.

Everything went silent, and I remember thinking 'I'm about to beat this... girl... up.' (If ykyk ;)

I balled my fists up, and once again, Ben noticed.

And put his arm around her.

"So, what happened with Ice Queen? You seriously didn't think we'd forgotten, did ya bud?"

"Hoping is a better word."

"No chance, now, tell us or I start guessing and I'm gonna start off pretty bad." Mike grinned.

"Like you could and or would do that to me."

"I'm a 16 year old boy Ben. I got plenty of dirty jokes. So tell us or I tell you."

"I can't. You know she'd find out and kill me."

Mike said something but I couldn't quite hear it.

"DUDE NO!" Ben yelled.

Way to avoid attention Ben.

I could still barely hear Mike.

"WOAH CHILL BRO!"

They said something else but I still couldn't hear.

"No! Seriously Mike! It was just a kiss!" Ben shouted.

 His eyes went wide and he slapped his hand over his mouth. I glared at him and I could see he was a little scared. And angry.

"Mike. Buddy." He laughed. "I'm gonna strangle you." He jumped up and over the table, tackling Mike. "Are you serious bro!?! I told you to shut up about it and now she wants to kill me! I gotta get my passport, bags, and dye my hair in an airport bathroom as I flee! She'll find me eventually but at least I'll be able to prepare for being murdered!" 

I got up and started walking over slowly. He stood up and backed away. Which was a smart move. Kind of. I was going to kill him. But it'd take an extra couple seconds since he kept backing up.

"Benjamin Ripley." I growled.

"Erica Hale?"

I paused.

"I know you didn't say what I think you did. Because, if you did, I think I have to kill you like I said I would if you told anyone about what happened."

"Depends, what'd you think I said?" He said innocently.

"I think you just told the entire school I kissed you."

"I think you did." He winced.

"What?" I whispered.

"I just said that the thing that happened was just a kiss to make Mike stop making dirty jokes that were way worse, I promise." He tried to explain.

"Like what?"

"Like he asked if we made out in a hot tub in 'minimal' clothing and..." He stopped and waved his hand signally I should understand what he meant. But I didn't.

"And what?"

He covered his face with his hands to hide his blush.

"And asked if we... you know..."

"I don't actually."

"If we... slept together."

"Why would I sleep in the same bed as you intentionally? Much less the same room? And how is that so bad?"

"Oh my gods!" He shook his head. "He meant slept together slept together. As in like... you know..."

"I reeeally don't."

"Good gods! He meant-" He whispered in my ear and my eyes went wide. "Now do you get it?"

I blushed and glared at Mike, who just shrugged.

"ANYWAYS, it was already pretty obvious that the kiss was with you because you're the one I like." He paused. "But no one knew you kissed me until you said that."

I realized what'd happened. My legs buckled and I fell. He caught me as I threw my arms around his neck to stop from falling. He looked at me like he wanted to kiss me, but chose not to for my sake. And I don't know why, but I kissed him. I didn't realize what I'd done until I pulled away and saw Ben smiling and his was head tilted.

"I- I- uh... um... I-"

"It's okay Erica." He reassured.

But I just ran out. I heard people whispering and Ben start shouting at everyone.

"Listen to me! ALL OF YOU! She is allowed to have feelings! She's human too! She's been hurt and she's broken, but that doesn't mean she can't have feelings! This is between us, so-"

I couldn't hear the rest since I'd still been trying to get out of there when he came jogging out after me.

"Erica! Wait up!"

"Why would I do that?"

"I wanna talk to you."

"That's your reasoning? Who says I wanna talk to you? Because I really don't right now."

"No, I wasn't giving you the reason, and I didn't say anything about giving you a choice on whether or not you wanna talk to me. I think you should come sit with us at lunch sometime. Or maybe even talk to me, given you hadn't even looked my way since you kissed me. The first time that is."

"I told you, that didn't mean anything. I didn't want you to die terrified. I also said to never-"

"Tell anyone, and I didn't mean to. I swear. But... you never said I couldn't talk to you about it. And a few things. One, it did mean something, to me at least, both times, and you and I know it. Second, you would have died too. Why would you spend your last seconds kissing me if you didn't like me?"

"Because I... care... about you." I mentally slapped myself in the face.

"That's like the same thing."

"No because you're... like a brother to me."

"Okay owch, and also does this look like Alabama?"

"No? Why?"

"Nevermind. Point being, I like you and I know you like me at least a little. And me being a brother to you is a load of bs."

"No it's not."

"Okay, fine. Why would you kiss me, twice? Or why would you be jealous of someone who hugged your 'brother,' even when it was simply a friendly one?"

I froze and he finally caught up.

"I wasn't jealous of Jessica." I said quickly.

"See but how'd you know that's who I meant? I've hugged a decent amount of girls."

"Not true."

"Zoe, Jessica, Sophie, Ashley, Tara, Katie, Parker, you-" 

"I get the idea." I snarled.

"Plus, I heard you talking to Zoe about it." 

My eyes widened.

"But that was on the-"

"Ski lift, where I was a full cart away? Correct. But I'm a spy. It's my job to know things Erica."

"You're getting awfully gutsy Mr. Tough Guy."

"Actually the name's Ripley. I know a good way to help you remember. Just make it yours."

"Reeeal smooth."

"Maybe, maybe not, but I've got your attention and I'm not dead right? Therefore it's all working."

"How'd you hear it then?"

"A magician never reveals his secre-" 

I pinned him to the wall.

"Tell me now." She said harshly.

"Well since you asked so nicely-"

"Now or I cut your throat." I said as I took out a Swiss army knife and held it against his neck.

"I dare you to do it."

"Huh?" 

He spun us around and pocketed my knife. He stood over me and I tried to get away he came closer to me and leaned in. And my stupid, stupid self kissed him again.

He smirked. "You know something?"

"What?"

"You kiss me an awful lot for me just being like a brother to you."

I blushed.

"So please, tell me more about how you don't like me like that. Anytime our faces got close today, you kissed me. If I'm like a sibling to you, why would you kiss me? Twice. And that's today alone. Why?"

I looked down. "I don't know. This is gonna sound stupid but any time our faces are close recently I've had the urge to kiss you." I muttered.

"Stupid? That's how I've felt for years Erica." 

My face grew redder.

"You know it's okay to like me right? I mean, I like you. I know you know because I haven't really tried to hide it. I've been very obvious about it, and plus, I know you would have figured it out if I tried to hide it anyways. Might as well embrace it rather than be embarrassed when people find out."

"You like me?"

"Uh yeah? I made that pretty... obvious?"

"I thought you loved me." I teased.

"You heard that?" He winced.

"I bugged all the tables years ago."

"Great. So you heard all of it?"

"Everything." She nodded. 

Well, besides Mike's jokes and Zoe's stupid flirting.

"Well, it's all true. I mean were gonna find out eventually. I was gonna tell you later on but oh well." I shrugged.

She smiled slightly.

"I wanted to talk to you and pulled out the earbud I had. Given to me by you. And you still had the other one in your pocket. So I heard it all, and Zoe's analysis."

I didn't say anything.

"I just want you to talk to me again. Please? Why are you so afraid of any kind of relationship? I understand you've been hurt, and that you don't want a romantic relationship yet, but I'm just asking you to try to be my friend, our friend. To hang out with us sometimes." I said softly.

"I don't need friends. They disappoint me."

His mouth fell open.

"You know what vines are? And- quoted one?"

"Huh?"

"Oh it was just an accident. Nevermind then."

"I tried to have a friend before and he made it seem like he died to cover up his betrayal."

"You liked him."

"... a little bit, yes." I sighed.

"And you like me."

"No."

"Really?"

"No."

"Who did you like better in all? Me or Joshua?"

"I hate it here. I hate it here. I hate it here." 

It was definitely Ben, but I wasn't gonna tell him that.

I laughed.

"That's it I'm leaving."

"Nope."

"Ben, let me leave."

"Come on, it's not that hard. Me or him? Why can't you ever take a risk and just tell me how you feel?"

"It is for me Ben. And this is already a conversation I never wanted to have. Ever. I've been trying to stay away from you since we got back and intended to do so until the next mission."

"I noticed."

"But you can't just push me away forever. As I said, I understand that you're not ready for a relationship. Admittedly, I'm bummed, but I know I can't push you into a relationship if you're not ready. But can't you just like come over when we're hanging out or eat with us at lunch or even just like sit with us in classes?"

"I- I don't know okay!?!" I shouted.

"Woah calm down, it's okay Erica."

"No it's not!"

"It is, calm down."

"Don't tell me t-"

"Erica, it's okay I understand! Stop yelling at me! I just want to spend more time with you, doesn't mean I'm trying to kill you or hurt you!"

"Just move.

"Ask nicely." I teased.

"Move NOW Ben. NOW."

"Calm down first."

"Ben if you don't move I will hurt you."

"Try me."

I shoved him but he still wouldn't let me past.

"Erica, I'm here because I care about you. I'm not here to hurt you. Erica, I just want to help. I know he hurt you, but you can't spend the rest of your life away from everyone else because of him. Don't give him that. Don't let him know how badly he hurt you by your interactions with other people. Let him know by hunting him down and beating his ass next mission." He encouraged.

"OR... I do what I want and you leave me alone." 

"Fine." He sighed angrily. "You want to be a loner with no friends forever? Be my guest. See if I care or try to help again. I've had it."

He stormed off. And while I wanted to call him back and apologize, I couldn't. I just needed some time to think over the hour's events. So I walked away and snuck back to my room.

I got to my room and laid down on my bed.

I fell asleep for a little while and when I woke up I felt weird, but I ignored it and started thinking.

A lot had happened.

Everyone knew I kissed Ben, and then saw me. And he stood up for me and ran after me. And I kissed him again. And really upset him by not just telling him how I feel.

Why am I so bad at this?

Why do I care that I'm so bad at this?

Because you like him and feel bad that you upset him.

I got that thanks. It was rhetorical. 

Wow, no denial? You are feeling weird.

Whatever. It was still rhetorical.

I know. But just tell him.

No way in hell.

Yes.

Absolutely not. I refuse to look at him until the next mission which is hopefully not for a while.

You know you wanna talk to him. 

Of course I do but I can't.

Can't or won't?

Shut up.

I sighed.

I cannot believe I just had an entire conversation with myself.

Believe it.

Literally stop.

Nope.

I decided to go on my computer and work on my homework. Not the current week's stuff, the next. I was typing a paper when I got a notification.

I kinda hoped it was Ben. And then got mad at myself for hoping that.

It was just an alert on one of the cams I had around the school to know what was going on a little easier. It was just some kids screwing around with guns or whatever. No big deal here.

I decided to shuffle through since I was mostly done with my paper anyways.

I saw mostly just people hanging out with their friends and getting ready for their next classes. I stumbled across one I put in Ben's room when I found out people were going to try to kill him a ton for thwarting them. Bad guys are poor sports. They lose and they go on a rage filled killing spree. Point being, even though he thought I didn't care, I was always protecting him. Even if he had no clue. Plus, this way I'd know if he ever switched and pretended to die like Joshua did.

I saw him walk in and slam his door. I realized the audio was off so I turned it on.

It was mostly him yelling in frustration and pacing around his room. 

I didn't know why but I felt like I had to go talk to him and apologize. I didn't want to but it literally felt like I had no choice.

I put an earbud in and went to see what his problem was. By the time I got there he was still yelling. He stood by the window, leaving his back to the door, so I snuck in and hid in the corner. 

He turned back around and then this supposedly genius, turned and punched the wall as hard as he could. I swear I could literally hear the cracks of at least 2 or 3 of his knuckles breaking, maybe 4, and maybe his hand. His words changed from the previous wordless yelling in frustration, to a string of curses. And I mean a string.

I saw him grab an ice pack and and wrap it up with an ace bandage.

"Can't just talk to me for 10 minutes without shutting down and running away! Why do I bother?"

"That's a good question." I smiled.

I just smiled? What the heck is going on?

He jumped and yelled, "Stop doing that! I swear you do it for fun!"

"I don't do fun."

"Fair point." He sighed. "What do you want?"

"Let me see your hand." I said kindly.

Why am I being so nice?

"It's fine." He said coldly.

Something isn't right.

"Bull. C'mon let me see it."

He sighed but held it out with an annoyed glare. I took the bandage and ice pack off. I could see four clearly broken knuckles and his hand looked to be at least a little bit broken too.

"Smart move." I teased.

"Shut up." 

I froze and looked at him. He didn't look scared or teasing anymore. Just angry. I decided to ignore it and properly wrap his hand up.

"There." I smiled again.

He nodded and laid down on his bed, cross armed, with his back to me.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing. Now get out of my face. Ignore me like you usually decide to."

"But I'm here this time."

"And you can get the hell out. I told you I'm done with you."

"Ben? Why are you being so mean?"

"I'm mean? Take a hike through memory valley. But take it somewhere else. Because I want you to leave me alone."

"Okay." I said sadly as I left.

What in the name of gods just happened?  He's acting like... m- like me. And I'm acting like... him. Did we- no you can't switch personalities with someone because of a fight. That's totally crazy and only happens in early 2000's movies. It could never happen in real life. Right?

Okay, last part out around next week Monday.