Bc it was so long originally, I cut it and made it 2 parts.

The Mess
Spy School
6:30 PM
Tuesday
January 12th

Ben's POV:
I jogged towards her.

"Erica! Wait up!"

"Why would I do that?" She asked, trying to sound emotionless. But I heard the sadness.

"I wanna talk to you."

"That's your reasoning? Who says I wanna talk to you? Because I really don't right now." She sniffed.

"No I wasn't giving you the reason, and I didn't say anything about giving you a choice on whether or not you wanna talk to me. I think you should come sit with us at lunch sometime. Or maybe even talk to me, given you hadn't even looked my way since you kissed me. The first time that is."

"I told you, that didn't mean anything. I didn't want you to die terrified. I also said to never-"

"Tell anyone, and I didn't mean to. I swear. But... you never said I couldn't talk to you about it. And a few things. One, it did mean something, to me at least, both times, and you and I know it. Second, you would have died too. Why would you spend your last seconds kissing me if you didn't like me?"

"Because I... care... about you."

"That's like the same thing."

"No because you're... like a brother to me." She winced a little as she said it and I knew she was lying.

"Okay owch, and also does this look like Alabama?"

"No? Why?"

"Nevermind. Point being, I like you and I know you like me at least a little. And me being a brother to you is a load of bs."

"No it's not."

"Okay, fine. Why would you kiss me, twice? Or why would you be jealous of someone who hugged your 'brother,' even when it was simply a friendly one?"

She froze and I caught up to her.

"I wasn't jealous of Jessica." She said too quickly.

"See but how'd you know that's who I meant? I've hugged a decent amount of girls."

"Not true."

"Zoe, Jessica, Sophie, Ashley, Tara, Katie, Parker, you-" She was trying her best to hide her jealousy, but I was looking for it and saw right through her act.

"I get the idea."

"Plus, I heard you talking to Zoe about it."

"But that was on the-"

"Ski lift, where I was a full cart away? Correct. But I'm a spy. It's my job to know things Erica."

"You're getting awfully gutsy Mr. Tough Guy."

"Actually the name's Ripley. I know a good way to help you remember. Just make it yours." I winked.

She rolled her eyes.

"Reeeal smooth."

"Maybe, maybe not, but I've got your attention and I'm not dead right? Therefore it's all working."

"How'd you hear it then?"

"A magician never reveals his secre-" I was cut off by her pinning me against the wall with her hand holding my throat.

"Tell me now." She said harshly.

"Well since you asked so nicely-"

"Now or I cut your throat." She said pressing a switchblade lightly against my throat.

"I dare you to do it."

"Huh?" She let her guard down a little so I spun us around so she was against the wall. I grabbed the knife from her and pocketed it. I stood in front of her and put one hand on the wall. I don't know how I managed to catch her off guard. But I did.

She tried to move but was pinned to the wall. I leaned in most of the way and stopped when our faces were less than an inch apart. She leaned in the rest of the way and kissed me again.

When I pulled away, I was smirking.

"You know something?"

"What?"

"You kiss me an awful lot for me just being like a brother to you."

Her face turned red.

"So please, tell me more about how you don't like me like that. Anytime our faces got close today, you kissed me. If I'm like a sibling to you, why would you kiss me? Twice. And that's today alone. Why?"

She looked at the ground.

"I don't know. This is gonna sound stupid but any time our faces are close recently I've had the urge to kiss you."

"Stupid? That's how I've felt for years Erica." I laughed.

She blushed.

"You know it's okay to like me right? I mean, I like you. I know you know because I haven't really tried to hide it. I've been very obvious about it, and plus, I know you would have figured it out if I tried to hide it anyways. Might as well embrace it rather than be embarrassed when people find out."

"You like me?"

"Uh yeah? I made that pretty... obvious?"

"I thought you loved me." She joked.

"You heard that?" I grimaced.

"I bugged all the tables years ago."

"Great. So you heard all of it?"

"Everything." She nodded.

"Well, it's all true. I mean were gonna find out eventually. I was gonna tell you later on but oh well." I shrugged.

She smiled slightly.

"I wanted to talk to you and pulled out the earbud I had. Given to me by you. And you still had the other one in your pocket. So I heard it all, and Zoe's analysis."

She stayed silent.

"I just want you to talk to me again. Please?" I leaned in more and whispered it into her ear.

I could see her shaking slightly.

"Why are you so afraid of any kind of relationship? I understand you've been hurt, and that you don't want a romantic relationship yet, but I'm just asking you to try to be my friend, our friend. To hang out with us sometimes." I said softly.

"I don't need friends. They disappoint me."

My mouth fell open.

"You know what vines are? And- quoted one?"

"Huh?"

"Oh it was just an accident. Nevermind then."

"I tried to have a friend before and he made it seem like he died to cover up his betrayal."

"You liked him."

She was still pinned against the wall and staring into my eyes. She sighed and gave up.

"... a little bit, yes."

"And you like me."

"No."

"Really?"

"No."

"Who did you like better in all? Me or Joshua?"

"I hate it here. I hate it here. I hate it here." She muttered as she tried to get past me.

I laughed.

"That's it I'm leaving."

"Nope."

"Ben, let me leave."

"Come on, it's not that hard. Me or him? Why can't you ever take a risk and just tell me how you feel?" I said sadly, getting a little annoyed.

"It is for me Ben. And this is already a conversation I never wanted to have. Ever. I've been trying to stay away from you since we got back and intended to do so until the next mission."

"I noticed." I whispered into her ear.

"But you can't just push me away forever. As I said, I understand that you're not ready for a relationship. Admittedly, I'm bummed, but I know I can't push you into a relationship if you're not ready. But can't you just like come over when we're hanging out or eat with us at lunch or even just like sit with us in classes?"

"I- I don't know okay!?!" She shouted.

"Woah calm down, it's okay Erica."

"No it's not!"

"It is, calm down." 

"Don't tell me t-"

"Erica, it's okay I understand! Stop yelling at me! I just want to spend more time with you, doesn't mean I'm trying to kill you or hurt you!"

"Just move." She growled.

"Ask nicely." I teased.

"Move NOW Ben. NOW."

"Calm down first."

"Ben if you don't move I will hurt you."

"Try me."

She shoved my chest. I took a step back, but wouldn't let her past me.

"Erica, I'm here because I care about you. I'm not here to hurt you. Erica, I just want to help. I know he hurt you, but you can't spend the rest of your life away from everyone else because of him. Don't give him that. Don't let him know how badly he hurt you by your interactions with other people. Let him know by hunting him down and beating his ass next mission."

"OR... I do what I want and you leave me alone." She said, trying to get past me again. I could tell it was a statement and not a suggestion.

"Fine." I huffed, finally losing it. "You want to be a loner with no friends forever? Be my guest. See if I care or try to help again. I've had it."

I stormed off to my dorm without another word.

And the worst part? 

She didn't even try to stop me or say something like "Ben, that's not what I meant." Or even just "Ben..." She just walked to her room without another word.

As I mentioned, this is a really long preview, so there is one last part. I may have written the full first 3 chapters instead of just the part where their emotions are messed up so you get 3 chapters before I even release the book bc I dummed and started from the beginning instead of some chapter randomly in the middle.