- for the lies we tell & the ones we hurt because of it.

✰ ✰ ✰

NOVEMBER 24, 2018
9:27 AM

I didn't want to speak to him. I didn't even want to look at his face. His presence made me so fucking sick.

I slammed the door in his face, but he wouldn't leave. He just kept knocking and knocking and I didn't feel safe being home alone, so I opened the door, pushed him back and ran to the only place I would feel safe.

Sadly, he followed me.

"Oscar!" I screamed, turning down his street as I ran from my dad. I looked back and he was still behind me, so I turned forward again and ran faster as I continued screaming louder. "OSCAR! OSCAR!"

I saw his house come into view, along with Santos who were sitting on his lawn, looking in my direction confusedly. As soon as he saw me, he stood up and the rest of the Santos did too, taking out their guns.

"Oscar!" I yelled, running up to him and engulfing him in my arms.

"Ramona, what's wrong?" he asked and I pulled back. He stepped back, looking me over for any injuries, but when he didn't find any he wrapped his arms around me again. "Baby, what's wrong?"

"Tell him to leave me alone," I began to cry into his chest. "I don't want him here."

"Who are you-"

"Ramona, honey!" my dad called. I turned around and saw him run up on the lawn. All the Santos cocked their guns and pointed them at him, making him stop. He connected eyes with me. "Honey, just hear what I have to say."

"Who the fuck is this gringo?" Mateo asked, keeping his gun aimed at him.

"It's my dad," I answered, bitterly. Oscar's face went pale and his jaw clenched.

"I need you to get the fuck off my side, homie," Oscar threatened, pushing past me and walking up to him.

"I need to talk to my daughter," he said, looking past him to me. "Tell them I get a pass."

"Nah, you don't talk to her," Oscar interjected. "Don't say shit to her. You wanna pass a message you pass it through me."

"That's my fucking daughter!" he yelled and Oscar reached down and pulled his gun from his waistband.

"No, the fuck she ain't," he gritted out, holding the gun up to his face. "She wants you to go, so get the fuck off my shit!"

"I'm sorry, but I'm not going to listen to some wetbacks!" he yelled and that's when Oscar brought his gun down on his head. He fell to the ground, completely knocked out.

"Get this racist piece of shit off my side," Oscar ordered, spitting on him before turning back to me.

Mateo and Alejandro grabbed his body and dragged him to the street, throwing him in the trunk of his car. All the guys put down their guns and Mateo and Alejandro walked back up to us.

"What's your exact orders?" Mateo asked.

Oscar looked down at me. "You want us to kill him?"

"N-no!" I rushed out. "Just, um, take him away. I doubt he'll come back after this."

"His arm had a lot of holes in it," Oscar commented, looking at the guys. "His eyes were fucked and his bones are showing. He's a fucking heroin addict. Drop him by 5th and Fremont Avenue downtown. It's a drug hub. He'll find a dealer down there and kill himself before he ever makes it back to us."

The guys nod and walk back to the car, taking my dad away. Oscar turns to me, taking my face in his hands. "Are you okay?" he asked and I gulped, nodding.

"Yeah. I'm just a little shaken up," I said, quietly. "Can-Can I stay here? Until my family gets home. I don't wanna go back there and be alone."

"Of course," he nodded. He turned to the guys. "I'll call you guys to come back later."

They all nodded and left and Oscar led me inside. Cesar was in the kitchen, eating a bowl of ramen noodles and when he saw me his eyes went wide. "Ramona?" he questioned, surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"My junkie ass dad decided to show up today and now I'm all messed up," I sighed, taking a seat on the couch. I looked over at him, my eyebrows furrowed together. "Why the hell are you here? Aren't you supposed to be at school?"

Cesar looked at me and then Oscar who had sat next to me. He nodded at him and Cesar looked back at me. "I gotta stay in because I got greenlighted."

"What?!" I shrieked. "The fuck you mean you got greenlighted?"

"Latrelle rode up on Monse and I last night and some shit went down," he said.

"Is Monse okay?" I asked, worriedly. These were my adopted children and if anything happened to them I'd have to kill someone.

"Yeah, she's fine, but I gotta stay off the streets until the greenlight wears off," he said.

I looked at Oscar. "Can greenlights do that?"

"No, but if you wait long enough more important shit happens and they forget," Oscar commented.

"So you're going to whack out some of their tags and hope they forget they want to kill Cesar?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I was thinking shoot up one of their drug houses, but yeah, something like that," he shrugged and I rolled my eyes.

I looked back at Cesar. "Please be safe, C. I'd have to kill someone if something happened to you."

"I'll be safe as can be, you wanna know why?" he asked, picking up his bowl of noodles. "Because I'll be locked away in my room."

Without another word he walked down the hall and I heard his door close. I laughed at him, but when I made eye contact with Oscar I instantly became quiet and looked down at my hands. Now that we were alone in the same room it was awkward. I can't believe I actually came here.

"Why you acting mad awkward like I haven't nutted in you before?" Oscar asked and I almost choked on my own spit.

"How the hell does that have anything to do with anything?" I coughed, turning to him.

He shrugged. "I'm just saying you acting like I ain't seen you in your most vulnerable state."

"Which is during sex?" I questioned and he nodded. I snorted, rolling my eyes. "You're so stupid."

"But you love me anyways," he gloated and I glanced at him.

"Oscar, please don't," I whispered.

"Don't what? Tell the truth?"

"You know what you're doing," I mumbled.

"I know what I want to do," he countered and I looked over at him to see he was already looking at me. "I wanna apologize."

"I don't really-"

"I'm sorry, Ramona," he cut me off. His tone serious as he leaned forward and looked me in the eye. "I'm so sorry for everything. For hurting you physically and mentally. For not being who you expected me to be when I got out and treating you so fucking badly. I'm sorry for not caring about Malik when I saw how much he meant to you. I'm sorry for letting you down and for giving up when you didn't. I'm so, so sorry."

He was crying by now and I instinctively wrapped my arms around him. I didn't even realize I was crying until I pulled away and his shoulder was wet. I wiped my eyes and wiped his too, brushing my fingers across his cheeks. My eyes met with his brown ones and I couldn't look away.

Kalia was right.

Oscar and I had this unexplainable connection that just wouldn't go away. No matter how much I didn't want to see him, we always made our way back to each other. He was my go-to, the one person I could always depend on to protect me or help me. I always called him when I found myself in stressful situations. I called him after I killed David. I called him at the party in Brentwood all those years ago. I ran over here when my dad showed up and I felt unsafe. Oscar Diaz was my safe haven.

"I love you, Mona," he whispered, looking me directly in the eyes. He brought his hand up to the side my face as he stared at me, adoringly. "I love you so much and I fucking hate myself for how much I've hurt you. You didn't deserve it and you deserve better and I'm so sorry I made you fall in love with me."

"Don't apologize," I smiled. "Loving you was the best part of my life. Not even getting famous topped how I felt with you all those years ago. How I feel with you in moments like this."

"I love you," he cried, his eyes closing as he let tears fall and his body shake. "And I'm so sorry for this."

"For wha-"

His lips connected with mine and I immediately responded, not wasting a second because who knew when it would all come crashing down again. I looped my arms around his neck as he used his body to push me on my back. He hovered over my body, still kissing me passionately and I soaked it all in.

"I want you so badly," he breathed, finally breaking our lips apart.

I looked up his lustfilled eyes. "Then take me."

His eyes got dark and he roughly granned both of my thighs and wrapped my legs around him before reaching down and looping his arms under my back. He stood up with me wrapped around him and carried me to his room. He kicked the door closed and tossed me on his bed before climbing back on top of me and continuing our kiss.

While our lips moved together in sync I reached down and began fumbling with his belt buckle. I tried for so long, but I still couldn't get it, so Oscar pulled back and did it himself, throwing his shorts on the floor and returning to my mouth.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked me, breaking apart.

I nodded. "I'm sure."

That was all the confirmation he needed to rid the rest of his clothes. I did the same, throwing them all in the pile that sat in the middle of the room. Oscar moved to get on top of me again, but I held my hand up to his chest, stopping him from lowering himself any further.

He looked at me confused. "What's wrong? You change your mind?"

I shook my head. "No, definitely not," I smiled, devilishly. "Do you still have the camera?"

He's taken aback by my question at first, but then a sly smirk slides onto his lips and he raises himself up again. "Fuck yeah I do."

"Get it."

He quickly does as he's told, walking over to his closet and taking it out. He sets it up in the same spot we always did - right on top of the dresser. He cuts it on, the red light blinking, before walking back over to me.

He covers my bare body with his own again and we continue our activities. We kiss and run our hands up each other's bodies as if we were trying to relearn the territory. It had been so long seen we had been this close. We fucked at his party during the summer, but this was different. This was lovemaking. Full of passion and regret and forgiveness and love.

He moved his body down, peppering kisses against my skin until his head made it between my legs. The feeling of his tongue when it met my center made a sound leave my mouth that there wasn't a name for. I tipped my head back in pleasure as he moved his tongue up and down and in circles. His hand reached up and grabbed one of my breasts, squeezing lightly and I let a moan escape my lips. His tongue kept going until I eventually let go, the feeling of euphoria spread throughout my body.

Let's just say, that was the first time of many I would be feeling that feeling that night.

✰ ✰ ✰

NOVEMBER 27, 2018
10:44 AM

I woke up in Oscar's bed in absolutely nothing for the third day in a row. I was also alone, the spot beside me empty and cold, for the third day in a row. I left to check on Cam every day and spend some time with her, but then right after I'd come back her and be with Oscar. We didn't really discuss what was going on or what we were, we just enjoyed being with each other again.

I tiredly sat up, looking around in the overly bright bedroom. I saw the camera still on the dresser, but it wasn't recording anymore. We didn't record anything other than the first day. Our clothes were still laying on the floor and I smelled of sex.

That's when the familiar ache settled upon my bones and muscles and I fell back into bed, remembering the activities of last night - and the last four days. I missed Oscar's hands on me so much and they felt like they returned home. So much horrible shit was still happening beyond these walls, but being inside them felt so... right. Like this was how it was supposed to be all along and I couldn't keep the smile off my face.

I turned and grabbed my phone from the bedside table and looked to see I had a few notifications.

I smiled, but ignored their texts, putting it in the back of my mind to answer them later. Right now, I had to shower and find the love of my life. I slid out of bed and grabbed a towel before running across the hall to the bathroom. I washed the smell off of me and washed my hair with Oscar's 3 in 1 shampoo, conditioner and body wash. They should definitely be three completely separate things, but leave it up to men to join things out of laziness.

Once I smelled like the physical embodiment of hypermasculinity, I stepped out and wrapped the towel around me. I walked back into his room and he still wasn't anywhere to be found, but I smelled the scent of bacon throughout the house and knew he was cooking, so I quickly got dressed. Well, the best I could. I had no clean clothes here, so I settled for one of Oscar's plain white t-shirts that went to my mid-thigh, a pair of his plaid boxers and knee high socks.

After I was finished, I finally made my way down the hallway and into the kitchen where sure enough, Oscar was standing there cooking. He was taking the bacon of the pan and placing it on a plate. There were individual plates for everything: pancakes, biscuits, bacon and a bowl for the eggs.

He looked back at me, probably hearing my footsteps, and smiled before turning back to the stove. "Nice outfit."

"Thanks," I smiled, taking a seat at the counter. "You're cooking bacon without a shirt on. You're one brave motherfucker."

"Not gonna lie, I got popped a few times and it hurt like a bitch," he admitted and I laughed. He reached down and turned the stove off before grabbing the plate and bringing it over to the counter. "You woke up just in time though."

"Oh my God," I drooled, looking down at all the food displayed in front of me. "I didn't miss the sex nearly as much as I missed the breakfast you make after."

"Don't know if I should be offended or not," he said.

I picked up a piece of bacon and took a big bite out of it. I moaned at the taste. "God, this is so fucking good."

He laughed before taking a piece for himself and popping it in his mouth. He glanced at me as he chewed and I could tell he wanted to ask me something.

"What is it?" I asked, looking at him and he sighed.

"Do you wanna talk about everything?" he questioned.

"Which part?" I asked. "My junkie dad showing up after eleven years of being MIA or the fact we've been hooking up for three days straight after months of pretending this thing we had was old news?"

"The dad part."

I sighed. "What's there to talk about?"

"Like why he decided to show up after all this time," he said and I shrugged.

"Who the hell knows. Who knows how long he's been out of prison. Probably years and he chooses to find me now? He must've found out I had money or something," I said.

My dad was absolute trash. I had no idea how my mom even found herself involved with him, they were total opposites. She was sweet, warm and caring and he was mean, abusive and negligent. I couldn't count how many times I remembered him making her cry or hitting on her when I was a kid. He said the meanest shit to her and in the same breath asked her for money so he could go get high. And she always gave it to him. He spent most of my childhood passed out on the couch with a needle in his hand while my mom was out working hard so I had somewhere to eat and live.

I couldn't imagine how happy she was when he got locked up and we were finally free. I asked her why she never left before that, but she said she didn't want to take me away from my friends and the life I made here. She suffered years of abuse and pain just so I could stay with Cam and Malik. She was way too good for this world.

"Do you think you'd ever forgive him?" he questioned.

I thought about it for a moment before shaking my head. "No," I answered, honestly. "I could forgive him for being a junkie and a shitty dad, but I can't forgive him for what he did to my mother - for how he treated her. That's unforgivable to me."

Oscar was silent as he looked away from me and I reached out, grabbing his face. He looked at me again and I smiled. "Enough about him. Let's talk about us."

"What's there to talk about?" he asked, taking my hand in his and pressing a soft kiss to it.

"What does all of this mean for us?" I wondered, taking my hand back and tucking some hair behind my ear. "I mean, it's been so long since we were in a relationship and so much fucked up shit has happened inbetween then and now. Do you think we can even be like we were again?"

These last few days sure felt like we could.

"I want to try," he stated, honestly. "I love you so much, Mona. And I can't apologize enough."

I smiled at him and took his hand in mine. "I want to try, too. No need for apologies, from here on out, the past doesn't matter anymore. It's a clean slate."

"You really mean that?"

I nodded. "I mean it. I love you Oscar Diaz."

"I love you Ramona Moore."

I reached over the counter and pressed my lips against his. It probably wasn't sanitary to be kissing over food like this, but who gives a fuck. I finally got my man back and things were like they were supposed to be. At least, for the most part.

"Spooky!" Manuel yelled, running into the house.

We broke apart and Oscar glared at him. "Qué quieres?"

"Tenemos un problema," he said.

"Qué?"

He glanced at me before looking back at Oscar. "Su papá está de vuelta."

Oscar's jaw clenched and he pushed himself off the counter, marching towards and out the door. I quickly followed after him, confused at what the hell was going on. I walked out to see a few of the Santos on the lawn with their guns drawn and pointed at my dad. Now I see the problem.

"I told you to stay the fuck off my side," Oscar yelled, standing on the top of the porch and I ran up next to him. "Why the hell you back?"

My dad was standing in the middle of the lawn, swaying side to side and his eyes were droopy - his pupils dilated. There were fresh track marks on his arms and he was covered in dirt, some of his clothes ripped. He was so fucking high.

"I'm here for my daughter," he drawled, barely able to pronounce the words.

"She don't wanna be with your junkie ass," Mateo yelled. "So go back where you came from."

He went to step towards me, but lost his balance and fell down. The guys all put their guns down, seeing he clearly wasn't any kind of threat and could be taking out with a simple shove. We all watched as he struggled to get up.

"Yo, he on that good shit. Fool can't even stand," Julio joked and all the guys laughed. I just stared at him with tear filled eyes. This is exactly how I remembered him; a fucking worthless piece of shit.

"I don't want you here," I told him as soon as he got back his unsteady balance. He blinked at me and I shook my head. "I don't know if you want money or what, but I'm not giving it to you. Just leave me the hell alone."

Manuel ran out the house and up to Oscar. "Cesar ain't in his room."

"What?!" I shrieked.

"What you mean he not in his room?" Oscar asked, angrily.

"I just checked," Manuel said. "It's empty. He ain't nowhere in the house."

Oscar let out a frustrated sigh and brought his hands over his head. These last few days have been so good and now it's slowly getting worse and worse. I knew it couldn't last. He looked over at my dad and rolled his eyes before pointing at Alejandro. "Get him the fuck away from here and make sure he don't come back this time." He turned to me and kissed my head. "Imma go find Cesar. Stay here, okay?"

I nodded and he went to walk inside his house to what I was assuming was get his keys, but my dad's next words made him stop midstep.

"You wanna act all in charge and powerful," he drawled, raising a finger in his direction. "Di-Did you even tell my lovely daughter that you know me?"

My eyebrows immediately knitted together in confusion and Oscar froze before turning around and taking his spot next to me again.

"Shut your fucking mouth or I swear to God I'll fucking kill you," he threatened, his eyes narrowed at him, his voice dripping in venom.

A lazy, evil smile set upon my dad's lips as he continued. His next words stopping my world as I knew it. "Did you tell her you were the one who killed her mother?"

Tears immediately brimmed in my eyes and I looked over at Oscar who was still glaring at him, his eyes dark. "W-What is he talking about?" I whispered.

"I was locked up with him in Corcoran," my dad added. "I heard him tell all his homies," he said, the last word coming out bitterly.

Tears were pouring out my eyes by now as I looked at Oscar who refused to look at me. "What is he talking about, Oscar? Tell me he's lying."

He still refused to make eye contact and that's when I knew he was telling the truth. I looked down at the rest of the Santos and they refused to look at me along with him. They all knew and they all kept it from me.

Oscar killed my mother.

The love of my life killed my mother.

I couldn't see through the tears in my eyes and I didn't say anything to him. I just ran inside, grabbed my stuff and ran back out. Past Oscar, past the Santos and past my dad as I ran down the street towards my house. I ran and cried, not even caring that the rocky pavement was completely tearing up my feet. I just ran until I came upon the familiar place of my home. In times were I felt like this - lost and betrayed - I would always run to Oscar. He was my safe haven. But I couldn't go to him this time because he was the one who did this to me.

He was the one who killed my mother.

I ran inside and went directly to my room, slamming the door behind me and sliding down against it, bringing my legs up to my chest. I cried and cried and cried. At one point, I was surprised I hadn't run out of water in my body.

I sat down on the floor for hours, thinking about how this entire time I was laying down with my mother's killer. I gave my body to him willingly over and over again. I loved him and he murdered my mom. He took the brightest light in my life from me. He had caused me so much pain. So much sorrow.

And I didn't know what else to do besides to cry.

✰ ✰ ✰

NOVEMBER 28, 2018
1:54 PM

I woke up to a force being applied to my back repeatedly. I opened my eyes to see I was still on the floor, curled in a ball. I grabbed my phone that was laying next to me head to see I had been asleep for sixteen hours. I looked behind me to see someone trying to open my door.

"Hello?" Zahra's voice echoed through the crack. "Mona, are you finally back?"

I crawled away from the door, leaning my back against my bed. "I'm here."

She pushed open the door, this time it opening all the way. She looked down at me and her eyes widened. She rushed by my side. "Oh my God, are you okay?"

I wanted to say yes, but I couldn't lie to her. I couldn't lie about this. I immediately burst into tears and I leaned into her chest as I sobbed. "No, I'm not," I cried.

She cradled my head in her arms, laying hers on top of mine. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head, pulling away from her grasp and wiping my eyes. "It's nothing. A story for another time."

"Sister Pact," she stated, thinking it would get me to tell her, and for anything else it would, but not this time.

"I'll tell you RaRa," I said sadly as I looked over at her. "Just not right now, but sometime soon."

She stared at me, expecting to dissolve my stance, but once she saw I wasn't budging she sighed. "Fine, you get an extension, but I need to know in less than a week."

I nodded. "Deal."

I could tell something was bothering her. She looked distracted and way too sad. I reached out and took her hands in mine. "What's wrong with you, RaRa?" She began to cry and I wrapped my arms around her like she did for me.

"Cesar has to kill Latrelle," she cried into my chest and I stilled. "He has to do it tonight. Oscar is making him and we don't want him to. It'll kill him if he kills someone, Mona. What do we do?"

There was nothing she could do.

She knew just like everyone in Freeridge that that was apart of the gang life. I would never want anything to bad to happen to Cesar, but it's the life he was born into and we all knew it. I understood how the fam wanted better for him, so did I, but you can't change gang politics. Latrelle threatened to kill him, so he had to kill him before he got the chance. We all knew keeping him inside until something more important came along was never going to work. The Prophets would've never forgotten.

I hate that he had to this. I hate that this was the kind of life he was born into. I had that Oscar jumped him. I hate Oscar. I absolutely fucking hate him.

Everything, and I mean everything, that has gone wrong is his fault and now I'm starting to see that. I had love lenses on before and everything Oscar did and has done could be wiped away with kiss on the lips or when his hand held mine, but I had the glasses off now and I saw him for what he was.

He wasn't the love of my life.

He was my enemy.

He was the bane of my existence and everyone's existence in this city.

He ruined Cesar's life. He killed my mother then made me fall in love with him. Then as if that wasn't enough, he turned his back on me for years making me think I did something wrong. But it doesn't stop there. He put his hands on me and he verbally abused me and made me feel like complete shit. He wasn't a good person and I saw that now - clearer than ever.

The love lenses were replaced with ones of hatred and there was only one thing I could see - and feel - right now.

Rage.

I quickly stood up from the floor and pulled Zahra up with me. She was still crying lightly and rubbed her tears away. "I'm going to talk to Oscar."

"What will you say?" she sniffled.

"I don't know," I shook my head before walking over to my full length mirror. My hair was a mess and my eyes were bloodshot with dark circles under them. I looked like death, but I didn't care. I wasn't suffering in silence because of him anymore. This time he was going to see my anger and my pain. He was going to see how he hurt me.

"Will you ask-"

Her phone ringing cut her off and she immediately picked it up.

"Jamal!" she exclaimed. It was silent as she listened and a confused look spread across her face. "What do you mean you're at Julio's?" A few seconds passed before she continued, "I'm on my way!"

She hung up the phone and zoomed out of the room, not even sparing a goodbye. I didn't mind though. I had my own mission I was on.

I ran out of my house and down the street towards Oscar's. I didn't drive because it was only a few blocks away, plus, I would probably be too riled up by the time this was over to drive back safely. Once I made it to Oscar's I saw for the first time in ever none of the Santos were outside. I marched right up the stairs and went to open the door, but it was locked - so I kicked it open.

As I walked in I saw Oscar run out of his room with his gun in his hand. When he saw me he instantly put it down and walked towards me, his face softening.

When he got close enough I brought my arm back and punched him square in the jaw. His body recoiled from the impact and he dropped the gun which I quickly bent down and picked up off the floor before bringing it up and aiming it at him.

He looked at me, his eyes wide and his lip bleeding. "Ramon-"

"So not only are you a fucking murderer, but you're out here turning your brother into one too, huh?" I questioned, bitterly.

"Ramona, let me explain-"

"How the fuck are you going to explain murdering my mother to me?" I asked. I could feel the tears coming, but I tried so hard to keep them down.

"The Prophets, they were gaining on us and there weren't enough Santos to fight them off," he started, teary eyed. "We needed to get out before we lost someone or the cops came and then your mother turned down the street and we took the opportunity. Mona, baby, I'm so, so sorry."

He was full on crying and so was I. I couldn't keep it in anymore.

"You could've just hopped in and made her drive you where you needed to go!" I yelled through my tears. "She would've listened! I know she would've did whatever you said! You didn't have to kill her!"

"I'm so sorry," he cried. "Perdóname por favor."

"Your story isn't matching up," I said, staring him down. "If you killed my mom and the rest of the Santos knew, you would've gotten street cred for it. You would have two tear drops. Why don't you."

"I asked them not to give me credit for it because of you," he answered. "But I needed credit for at least one, so when you killed that gringo it was the perfect chance for me to get it back. I got the credit for my kill, it just wasn't my kill."

I shook my head, not believing he would go that far to deceit me. I brought the gun down and sunk to the floor as I began crying. This was all just too much and I couldn't take it. I stood up quickly and with an angry scream I chucked the gun to the side and it hurled straight through the living room window. Two is better than one, right?

I turned back to Oscar, breathing heavily as I looked at him with my blurry vision. "When you gave me that note in class," I began, reminiscing. "You knew. You saw me around town with her all the time. You knew I was her daughter. You knew from the fucking jump that killed my mom. You knew when you sent that first text to me and when were walking on the beach."

They weren't questions. They were statements.

Our entire relationship since the very beginning was based on lies and betrayal. It was based on deceit.

"Everyday since then, when we had sex, when I told you my dreams, when I cried in your arms when I missed her so much, you knew what you did. And you looked me in the eyes and lied to me.

"It was never my intention, Ramona. Please believe me," he begged, his voice cracking. He stepped towards me, but I stepped back, not wanting to be any closer to him. "I didn't even plan on ever speaking to you. But then I saw you that one day in the hallway when you were breaking down and I knew I couldn't just stand there. Then you came into class hours later and you looked so... miserable. So I gave you the answers and the note and after I felt bad for lying, but I was just going to leave it at that. Then, you told me to call you and I did with the intention of telling you the truth, but that day on the beach, when I looked at you... I just couldn't bring myself to say it. So I said it was the Prophets and then our relationship just moved so fast and I couldn't tell you the truth even if I wanted to. I'm so sorry, Ramona. I'm so fucking sorry."

I couldn't reply. I could barely even look at him at this point. If it was any other Santo who killed my mom, I might have been able to look past it in a few years if Oscar would've kicked them out or killed them. But it was Oscar who pulled the trigger and I couldn't look past that even if I tried.

I was looking down at the floor, tears dropping off my cheeks and hitting the tan carpet. "I get it now," I whispered. "I get why you distanced yourself in prison," I finally made eye contact with him. His cheeks were wet and his were red. "I get why treated me so badly when you got out. Why you kept telling me I shouldn't want to be with you. Why you slid me those fucking answers in class... it was the guilt. You could feel it spreading through your body. It was eating you alive, so you thought trying to push me away would ease the little voice in your mind telling you that you're a shitty ass person."

"I'm so sorry," he repeated for what seemed like the eightieth time. He looked so defeated and apologetic and guilty. He looked absolutely pitiful.

And I didn't give any fucks.

"Shove your apology up your ass and leave me the fuck alone. I never want to see you ever again," I spat. "Stay away from my sister. If Cesar brings her over here, you leave the fucking house. Stay away from me and my family. Just... stay the fuck away."

Without another word I turned and ran out of the house and for the first time, I didn't look back.

∰

Translations:

• Qué quieres? → What do you want?

• Tenemos un problema → We have a problem

• Su papá está de vuelta → Her dad is back

• Perdóname por favor → Forgive me please

----

well, that happened.
i told u some wild shit was gonna happen.
who guessed it?

i couldnt give u guys a full chapter of happy moscar lmaoo im sorry but its just how it be. what can i tell u? oscar shouldn't have killed her mom.🤷🏾‍♀️

ramona is officially done with oscar. that was the last straw for her. how do u guys feel about it?

[and for those of u who still didn't catch it, the hint i was talking about was abuelita's telenovela she was talking about in the car. it paralleled what oscar did to mona]

  ↓ ramona running from her dad ↓

  ↓ y'all when mona's dad said oscar killed her mom and u found out it was the reason why he was so mean to her and pushed her away ↓

mona: did you kill my mom, oscar?
oscar:

↓ oscar trying to think of ways to justify killing her mom when she had the gun to his face ↓    

↓mona during the entire end of this chapter ↓

  ↓ in case y'all wanted another update from david here u go ↓

last chapter, lets gooooo!