- for the ones who help us up when we don't have the strength to help ourselves.

✰ ✰ ✰

FEBRUARY 7, 2019
9:24 AM

The last few weeks of my life had been so busy they flew by. I had attended multiple table reads with Kalia and the rest of the cast. We started our month long shoot in one week and had our final dress rehearsal on Monday. Things were going really well.

And then they weren't.

Last night I had another panic attack. I was just sitting in the living room watching this random movie Zahra found on Amazon with her when a fight scene came on. The blood triggered me and my throat closed up. I began sweating and breathing heavy. Olivia flashed in my mind again. Zahra eventually helped me come down and I could never forget how worried she was.

We didn't finish the movie if that wasn't obvious. We just went to bed, Zahra sleeping with me in my room because she didn't want to leave me alone.

I woke up the next morning seeing her sleeping soundly beside me. I loved her more than anything. I really did. I didn't know of someone who loved me more than her. Cam came in a close second, but Zahra absolutely adored me. It was easy to tell. Just like it was easy to tell I spooked her to her core last night. And I hated that she had to see me in that state.

I slid out of bed, careful not to wake her before walking into the kitchen. It was much colder from under the blankets and I rubbed my bare arms to try and create some kind of heat. Wearing short cotton shorts and a tank top to bed in February was not a good idea. I adjusted the temperature on the thermostat by the fridge before opening the door and taking out the orange juice carton.

I didn't even bother to get a glass as I drunk straight from the carton. The only person in this house who drunk orange juice other than me was Zahra and what she didn't know wouldn't kill her. After taking some gulps I brought it from my lips and wiped my mouth.

I spotted my phone still sitting on the couch from last night and closed the refrigerator door before going to grab it. I saw the time and my eyes almost bulged from my head. Zahra was definitely supposed to be at school over an hour ago.

I looked back at the room, contemplating if I should go wake her up. I decided against it. After last night she needed a day off. I'm sure she was just as tired as I was. I went to my contacts and called the school, bringing the phone up to my ear as it rung.

After a few seconds the line clicked. "Freeridge High School. How may I help you?"

"Hello," I greeted. "I'm calling for Zahra Daniels. She is not feeling well today, so she'll be absent."

"Okay. I'll mark that down for her."

"Thank you. Have a great day."

"You too."

I hung up, taking a seat on the couch and exiting out of the Phone app. I opened up Instagram and began scrolling mindlessly when I came up on posts from Kalia and Tallula.

I missed them. I was thankful I was hanging out with them in a couple days.

"What time is it?" Zahra's voice sounded.

My head whipped to see her standing in the hallway entryway, yawning.

"Almost ten," I replied. "Don't worry. I called the school. You're good and I won't tell Shay or Travis if you don't."

"You know I won't," she said, walking into the kitchen. I followed her to see her pouring some orange juice in a cup.

"How'd you sleep?" I asked.

"Okay," she shrugged, sipping on her juice. "What about you? A-Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I nodded, giving a small smile. "I'm sorry I scared you."

"Don't apologize," she shook her head, setting her glass down on the counter. "It's not like you can help that kind of stuff."

"Yeah.." I trailed off, not really knowing what to say.

It's not like Zahra hasn't seen me at worse. After my mom died I was a complete trainwreck, but these kinds of conversations were hard. And if I was being completely honest, I hated that what happened to at the quince seemed to be affecting me way more than her. I was supposed to be her big sister. I was supposed to be the strong one. She was supposed to see me fight off her bullies and protect her from trash boys. Not curled up into a ball on the living floor crying and shaking.

"How long?" she questioned, looking at me.

"How long for what?" I asked.

"You know what."

Zahra Daniels, straightforward as always.

"Since it happened," I answered, honestly.

"And you didn't tell me?" I could tell by the way her voice wavered she was hurt by that. I would be hurt too if I found out she was keeping this kind of thing from me.

"This isn't something you need to worry yourself about. You're too young-"

"Fuck that, you're my sister!" she cut me off, looking at me with watery eyes. "I don't care how young I am or how bad it is this isn't something you keep to yourself. What I saw last night isn't okay. You tell your family about that sort of thing. You at least tell me."

I could feel the tears brimming my waterline as I tried to keep them in. "Zahra, I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"I think you should go see Theresa," she said, bluntly. "You need help, Mona."

"I don't want to see her."

"Well, you don't have a choice."

"What do you mean?" my eyebrows crinkled together.

"I mean I made a call, too," she confessed. "Last night. After you fell asleep."

"Who did you call, Zahra?" I questioned, eyeing her down.

The doorbell rang through the house and I looked over at the front door before back at her. "Tell me that's not Theresa."

Zahra didn't make any eye contact with me as she answered, "I can't tell you that."

Tears were streaming now, but they weren't sad tears. They were angry tears. "You had no fucking right."

"You can't tell me what I had the right to do with what I witnessed last night," she insisted.

Knocking began on the door and I just glared at Zahra with tears in my eyes. It continued and I didn't budge, determined to just ignore it until she went away. That was, until she began speaking through the door.

"Ramona, I know you're in there," Theresa's voice sounded from the other side. "I'll be here for five more minutes and if you've not come out by then I'll leave. I can't force you to speak to me. But I really wish you would."

I could feel my jaw clenching and my knuckles were straight white from how hard they were clenched together. She finally looked at me. "Ramona... please."

I held the stare for a bit longer before closing my eyes and sighing. I wiped at my cheeks and took a breath as I stepped out of the kitchen and inched towards the front door. My hand went to the doorknob, but I didn't turn it. It just rested there for a moment as I gathered up the courage to swing it open.

I hated that I was forced into this. It wasn't fair and nor was it right. But something was really wrong with me. And I usually always handle my problems on my own, but I can't fix this one by myself. I needed help.

I gripped the golden knob before twisting it and opening the door. The gray overskies clouded above Theresa, who was standing on the sidewalk next to a black 2017 Ford Raptor pickup truck. She spun around to face me as I walked out. She was wearing black dress pants and a dark green blouse with a brown fur coat over it. Her curly, black hair was pinned up and she was slightly taller with the wedged heels she was wearing. Her eyes followed me as I closed the door behind me and walked slowly down the path. I stopped at the gate entryway.

"Didn't see you as the truck driving type," I nodded to the large pickup truck sitting in front of the house.

"It's my husband's," she answered. "My care is in the shop."

"Ah," I nodded. A moment of silence then, "Ya know, unsolicited therapy visits seem kind of unprofessional to me."

"I like to think I'm a little bit unorthodox when it comes to the rules," she shrugged, a slight smirk on her lips.

"I can sue you for this," I reminded her. "I can get your medical license taken away."

"But you won't."

"And why not?" I challenged.

"Because you opened that door," she nodded to the tan painted front door of my house that was slightly chipping. "And I know why."

"Why?" I challenged.

"Because you don't know what peace is anymore," she replied, simply. "Your brain is always going a mile a minute and the time you get to yourself isn't quiet. It's loud. Every second of every day. There's noises and images and sometimes when it gets bad enough - hallucinations. You're scared to close your eyes because you know it won't be dark and quiet. There'll be something there for you to see and hear. And opening your eyes doesn't make it go away all the time. And you're scared."

Her words made the tears come back, but like last time I wouldn't let them fall. I cleared my throat and walked past her, stepping on the road in front of her car. She turned, her body following mine. "You ever been to Freeridge before?"

"No," she shook her head.

"Kids here..." I paused, thinking about it for a moment. "Kids here don't grow up scared. They walk past gang bangers everyday and get rode up on as early as eight years old. They don't get scared. They adjust to their circumstances. They watch their friend bleed out on the ground and they make room for it in their minds so it doesn't bother them. They think that kind of stuff is normal. And I can't adjust because I've seen what life is like outside of this place now. I've seen villas in Pasadena, red carpets during award shows, parties on rooftops. I've seen how not normal any of this is. Before I got famous, I would've made room for it in my mind too. But I can't. And I want that for my little sister and her friends. I want them to not make room for the violence because it doesn't belong here. It doesn't belong anywhere."

"I read the newspaper article about the quince," she said. "Olivia was a gorgeous girl. And I'm sorry she's dead."

"I'm not gonna act like she was my friend," I shook my head, bringing my hand up and sliding it across the shiny black truck. I watch my fingers graze the metal so gently. "Just because she's dead I won't lie and pretend she was great person. I could barely stand the girl, but she was fifteen years old. She didn't deserve to be gunned down at her own quince. And now it's all I can see."

"It's clear you have a severe form of PTSD, Ramona," Theresa said. "But I don't think that the shooting is the only thing contributing to it."

"What do you mean?" I asked, stopping my hand against the car.

"It means you're twenty years old and you've almost been raped twice, you watched two children you knew personally get shot and one die, you've seen an old friend of yours get shot in the head by police, you lost your mom at a young age only to find out it was at the hands of the man you loved and trusted. Then later, he releases your sex tape for the whole world to see and shame you for," she listed off. "That can affect a person deeply, especially if its bottled in for a long time."

"Well, when you put it like that..." I muttered.

She didn't even know about the murders. Holy fuck, I'm fucked up.

No, not fucked up.

Broken.

"How do I make the memories stop?" I questioned, my voice wavering.

"I can prescribe you Fluexetine," she said. "It'll help relax you when you feel an attack coming. But for you to see any real progress you need to start coming to our sessions again. Every. Week."

"Okay, I'll-"

The sound of loud Spanish rap music coming down the street interrupted me. I turned to see a cherry red impala driving down the street. I groaned at the though of having to see this man once more. He drove past me, his black sunglasses sitting on his nose as he looked at me through the window, other Santos sitting in the other seats.

It was like it happened in slow motion. His movements, the car's speed, the stares back and forth. It felt like a century had passed since they turned off the block. I was breathing heavy as I turned back to Theresa.

"Was that Oscar?" she asked.

I nodded, gulping. "Yeah."

A pair of red boxing gloves hanging off the car's mirror caught my eye. Present day sounds began to fade away as I was brought back to a memory. Theresa blurred away as I looked at my front door. Sixteen year old me opened the door, my light blue hair bouncing in the wind. I had a pair of black boxing gloves hanging around my neck as I practically skipped along the sidewalk.

FIVE YEARS AGO...

JUNE 16, 2014
2:39 PM

I walked the familiar paths of the Freeridge sidewalks until I came up on the house I was looking for (and which was just as familiar to me). I shuffled up the pathway, kicking empty beer cans and bottles out of my way in the process. I jumped to the top step and ran to the front door. I rapped a made-up beat on the chipping and almost broken down wooden door until it flew open.

I smiled wide at the black haired ten year old standing in front of me.

"Mona!" Cesar exclaimed happily, wrapping his arms around my hips.

I laughed, hugging him best I could from my height. "Hey, kiddo. How are you?"

"Bored," he answered honestly as I walked in the house. I pushed the door closed behind me and looked around for one guy in particular.

"Why don't you go hang out with the rest of the kids?" I asked.

"We're not kids anymore," he huffed.

"Oh, right," I nodded, a smirk on my face. I picked up the rolled blunt sitting on the table and examined it, giving it a quick sniff. Sativa. I turned back to Cesar, tucking it behind my ear. "Still didn't answer my question, though."

"They're all busy doing their Geography project," he pouted.

I remember Zahra saying something about that. "Well, where's your brother? He not keeping you company?"

"He's out back with the guys and said I couldn't go back there until they were done," he said, going to sit at the kitchen table. I followed him, seeing the various papers and colored pencils spread out.

"Sorry kiddo," I sulked with him, leaning on one of the chairs as I looked down at him drawing. More often than not I'd tell Cesar to fuck what Oscar was saying and do what he wanted, but I knew the kind of shit they were handling back there and I knew it was definitely not the place for Cesar. "Hey, why don't you just get a pet or somethin' to keep you company?"

Cesar's eyes lit up as I heard loud laughing coming from the backyard. "Be back, kiddo."

I took off towards the back door. I could see the guys sitting in a circle in the yard, smoke surrounding them. There was a table in the middle they were all leaning over. I tried to get a peek through the screen door that had various holes in it, but their bodies were covering the top.

I pushed the door open and was completely caught off guard when the entire screen broke off the hinges. My reflexes weren't quick enough to catch it as it fell down onto the stairs. The giant crash made all the guys stand on defense to look at me and I quickly cleared my throat, leaning on the railing and pretending that didn't happen.

I flashed a smile meant to distract them from the fact the door just fucking fell apart. "Hello." I walked around the screen, down the stairs and up to them. "What are you guys doing?"

"Are we just gonna pretend like you ain't break this man's backdoor?" Julio questioned.

"Don't know what you're talkin' about," I brushed him off, wrapping my arms around Oscar's neck. "Hi baby."

He smiled brightly down at me, his dimples going deep into his cheeks. He didn't wrap his arms around my waist like usual, instead, his hands going to the boxing gloves still hanging around my neck. "What's with the gloves Muhammad Ali?"

"Cool right?" I asked excitedly, stepping back and unwrapping them from my neck. I began slipping them on my hands as I explained, "Shay made me clean out the shed in the back and I found these. I think they were Travis'."

"And what am I supposed to do with them?" Oscar asked.

"I wanna go to the boxing gym!" I exclaimed and the guys laughed.

"What boxing gym?" Julio laughed.

"The one the Santos clean money through." They all stopped laughing and stared in shock. "Yeah, you guys aren't very secretive. Now c'mon before it closes! Julio watch Cesar!"

I pulled one of the gloves off and pulled Oscar back inside the house. Cesar was still sitting at the table drawing. "We'll be back Cesar!"

He looked up at me. "Where are you going?"

"We're gonna go fight!" He looked confused, but Oscar and I kept going. We both hopped into the impala and Oscar, without any protest, started the engine and we rode off towards the boxing gym.

"What's Zahra doing?" he asked. "Maybe she can go keep Cesar company while we're at the gym."

"She's busy working on a school project," I said.

"School project about what?"

"Pangea and oceans... I don't fucking know," I waved it off, carelessly.

Oscar chuckled but didn't ask anymore questions. He just turned the radio up as we drove the ten minutes to the gym. When we finally got there I quickly hopped out, letting Cesar out behind me. Oscar's phone started ringing and he stepped away to answer it.

I left him alone outside to deal with whatever and went inside. As soon as I entered the immediate BO of men filled my nose along with repeated sounds of punches and grunts. Three rings were in the middle of the gym with boxing bags and other activities scattered around.

I walked up to the desk where an older White man sat, skimming through a magazine with almost naked women in it. "Excuse me."

He looked up at me. "What's up darlin?"

"Can we rent boxing gloves?" I asked. "I only have one pair and my boyfriend needs some."

"We got some for rent, but I can't give 'em out to you."

"Why?" I wondered, genuinely confused.

"This is a men's only boxing gym," he stated. I could feel my face heat up as I glared at him.

"I didn't know women couldn't box," I frowned, angrily.

"Just ain't the proper environment for a lady," he said, patronizingly. "You got better things to do I'm sure. Maybe go shopping with some girlfriends, yeah?"

"I would say you had better things to do than look at naked women on the job, but just by looking at you I can tell you don't," I gritted out. "Now, give me a pair of gloves."

"I don't take no orders from a woman," he refused. "I'm not your bitch of a boyfriend."

The front door bell ringed and I turned to see Oscar walking in. He scanned the gym, looking for me.

"Spooky!" the old man called out. I could feel the terror in his voice. Oscar's head snapped towards us and when he saw me he walked over. "You're not scheduled for another pick up until next week."

"You think I don't know when I'm supposed to get my money?" Oscar questioned, monotone.

The guy was basically shaking. "No, no. I just meant-"

"No worries Doug," Oscar gave him a smile, but not the bright kind. The kind he gives people he knows are afraid of him. "No troubles, right?"

"N-No sir," Doug shook his head furiously. "No Prophet$ been around for awhile. The only trouble we got is little miss thing over here."

I tried to hide my laugh, knowing what was coming. Oscar looked me over before looking back at him. "Oh, yeah? What dirt she kickin' up?"

"She and her boyfriend trying to use the gym," he laughed. "I say her boyfriend needs to grow a pair and put his woman in her place."

Oscar stared at him coldly. "You think I need to grow a pair?"

Doug turned practically white in two seconds and if he was shaking before he was vibrating now.

"No, no, no. That's not what I meant Spooky. I didn't know-" he tried to defend his case, but I could've told him he was wasting air.

"You didn't know not to disrespect my girl?" he asked. "You sayin' she can't box with me? You tryna limit what I do in my free time?"

"No, no-"

"You think you can control what I do and who I can and can't bring in here?"

"No, Spooky-"

"I'm gonna let this be your warning, Doug," Oscar interrupted him. "Pass me those hand wraps."

Doug quickly grabbed the white hand, bandages sitting on the desk and passed them to Oscar. "I'll see you next week ."

Oscar didn't even wait for his reply as he grabbed me and pulled me away. I flashed Doug a smile and a middle finger before turning and following where Oscar guided me. We approached a ring where two guys were throwing blows.

"Aye!" Oscar's voice boomed. The guys stopped fighting and looked over. "Get out."

They quickly scurried off and Oscar helped me into the rink before climbing up behind me. I got to my feet and went to put the gloves back on, but Oscar stopped me. He snatched the gloves from my hands and handed me the white wraps instead.

"What the fuck?" I huffed.

"You need gloves when you throw punches. You're not throwing any punches yet," Oscar scolded. "You gotta learn how to fight first."

"I know how to fight."

"No, you don't."

"Fuck you."

"After I teach you how to fight."

I couldn't stop myself from chuckling and Oscar grabbed the white wraps from my hand, wrapping them around each properly. "Okay, put your arms up."

I did as he said and he shook his head. "Wrong. They're too far from each other and not high enough."

I adjusted and he shook his head again. He grabbed my forearms and positioned them himself. I put them back how they were just to bug him and his frown was enough to keep me laughing. He positioned them back and I continued to laugh.

"Stop fucking playing."

"Okay, okay!" I sobered up. "I'm serious now."

"Okay," he nodded. "Now swing on me."

"I can't swing on you when you tell me to swing on you," I shook my head. "Then you know it's coming."

"The person you're fighting knows you're fighting them."

"Okay, but that's different."

"How?!"

"Because-" I stopped myself short of my sentence and quickly connected my fist with his cheek. His head snapped sideways and he stumbled back in surprise.

"Mona, what the fuck?!"

"See? You didn't expect it!" I pointed out, proudly. He just glared at me. "Sh-Should I run?"

He slowly nodded and it took me no time to take off towards the ropes enclosing the ring. He began running after me before I had time to slide out, so I started running circles around the ring as I struggled to hold in my laughter and screams. We both tried faking each other out for awhile before he took his gloves off and chucked them at me.

I dodged them, pointing at him accusingly. "Hey, that's a foul!"

"Wanna watch a movie?" I asked, hopefully hopping out of his Impala.

"Sure," he shrugged. "What do you wanna watch?"

"Kill Bill!" we both said and I playfully pushed him.

"C'mon Mona, let's watch something else," he begged as we walked up to the door.

"You're telling me you don't want to see Beatrix Kiddo getting revenge on all her enemies?" I questioned, shocked at his uninterest.

"No, not really."

"Oscarrrrrr," I whined.

"You broke my backdoor," he reminded me. "The least you could do is let me pick a movie."

"Okay, let's get this straight, your backdoor broke itself," I said matter of factly as we stepped up the stairs. "But fine, I guess I'll miss out on Beatrix Kiddo ending O-Ren Ishii's whole career. Ooh! I should learn how to sword fight!"

"You run out of breath going up one flight of stairs how the hell you gonna learn to sword fight?" Oscar asked, unlocking his door and stepping in.

"Okay, rude," I mumbled under my breath, following after him.

"Cesar!" Oscar called out as I closed the door behind me.

"In here!" Cesar yelled back from the bathroom down the hall.

Oscar followed his voice and I trailed after him, not done with the conversation. "You know what, sue me for realizing elevators were invented for a reason! I shouldn't be shamed for-"

"Cesar what the fuck is that?!" Oscar yelled, stopping short as he walked into the bathroom.

I hit his back from the sudden stop and walking way to close. I peeked my head around Oscar's body to see Cesar bent over the bathtub trying to clean a brown and black striped cat with a bar of soap. It was clear the cat was not enjoying this as he tried to claw himself out of the tub. Water was everywhere and Cesar's arms were scratched to hell.

"His name is Captain Coco!" he said, trying to force him back down into the tub. "He's my new friend to keep me company while you all are gone."

"Where the hell did you get a cat from?" Oscar questioned, angrily.

"The alley behind the house."

"Oh my God," I breathed.

"Why?"

"I was lonely and Mona told me to get a pet!" Cesar reasoned.

Oscar turned to glare at me and I put my hands up in defense. "I didn't think he'd actually do it! Oh my God."

"God, Mona!" Theresa's voice pulled me out of my daydream.

FEBRUARY 7, 2019
9:57 AM

"What?" I snapped back to reality. "Sorry."

"You were gone for a minute there, you okay?" she asked, concerned.

"Yeah," I shook my head, dismissively. "I just-I just remembered something."

"About Oscar?"

I nodded. "Here," she said, handing me a piece of paper. "It's your prescription. Go get it as soon as possible so the next time you feel an attack coming on you'll have it."

I nodded. "Thank you, Theresa."

"Of course," she smiled. "I'll see you next week, right?"

"Yes," I answered. "I'll be there. I promise."

"Good," she nodded, approvingly. "And I suggest getting out the house and surrounding yourself with loved ones as much as possible. Being inside four walls all alone is not helping any."

"I'm going to the Zahra's valentine's day dance tonight as a chaperone," I told her.

"That's great," she grinned. There was a moment of silence and then, "She loves you a lot you know that right?"

I looked back at the house that contained the girl inside and smiled to myself. I nodded, looking back at Theresa. "I know."

"Well," she breathed in. "I should get going. Have fun tonight."

"I will," I nodded.

I definitely did not.

Because of that stupid song.

FEBRUARY 7, 2019
9:31 PM

That one stupid fucking song that I used to love, but now hate because of the memories it brings. Because of how it makes my body tense when I hear it. Because of the noises of gun shots it makes me hear. Because of how it turns Ruby from a lively kid to a sobbing and terrified boy.

"I just want to be normal again," Ruby cried.

"Oh Ruby," I sighed, cradling his head to my chest, letting my tears fall as well. "I don't think the old you is ever coming back. Things are different now, you're different now. But one thing I learned is that different isn't always bad. It's just... different."

"How can I get to the good different?" he questioned.

"It takes time," I answered honestly, stroking his head lovingly. "If I'm being honest, I'm not there yet either. I can't tell you how to deal with your pain, but therapy helps. It helped me."

"I don't have money for therapy," he cried.

"I'll pay for you," I said. "I'll pay for whatever you need. Whatever you decide. And we'll find ourselves again. I promise."

"I don't know," Ruby sniffled, rising up from me.

"Baby, you're not ready," Jasmine shook her head.

"And that's fine," I assured him, grabbing his hand and looking him in the eye. "The offer is always on the table whenever you are."

"Thank you, Mona," Ruby said.

"No need to thank me," I gave his hand a light, reassuring squeeze. "I should probably go find Zahra so we can all go home. It's been a long night."

"Okay," Ruby nodded and Jasmine took him in her arms.

I stood up from the stairs and walked back into the party. The music was still going and people were still dancing, oblivious to what had happened to Ruby. Oblivious to the pain.

I saw Jamal smacking a guys hand away from a girl's butt before losing him in the crowd. I walked towards the door connecting to the hallway, swinging it open.

"We're done!" Monse yelled at Cesar before storming off past me. I gave one glance at Cesar who looked stressed before running after Monse. She went through a separate door that led to a different hallway.

"Hey! Monse! Hey!" I chased after her. She finally stopped, turning back to me with tears in her eyes.

"What Mona?" she asked, angrily.

"What happened back there?" I asked, stopping in front of her.

"I'm moving to Brentwood," she said and I was taken aback.

"What?"

"I found her," Monse sniffled, wiping her nose with the back of her hand. "I found my mom. And she wants me to move out there with her. And I am."

This new information shocked me for sure. I didn't know what Monse outside of Freeridge looked like. I didn't know what Cesar without Monse in Freeridge looked like. And neither did Cesar. And I know that scared him.

"He doesn't want you to go, does he?" I concluded.

She shook her head. "But it's not up to him."

"You're right," I agreed. "It's your life. It's up to you entirely. And you wanna go. So go."

"You're not upset with me for leaving?" she whispered.

"Of course not," I shook my head. "I'd feel better if you were gone. I'd feel better if you all were gone. This place isn't safe. And you deserve to get to know your mom." I paused, pictures of my own mother flashed in my mind and the tears began to slip silently again. "Mothers are special."

"I wish Cesar would see that," Monse cried and I engulfed her 8in my arms, shooshing her cries.

"Shh, hey, it's okay," I coddled her. I pulled back and put my hand to her cheek, wiping a tear away. "I know what it feels like when a Diaz breaks your heart. I know it better than anyone. And it's going to be okay."

"You really think so?" she sniffled, looking at me with her brown eyes.

I gave a small smile. "Yes. I do."

No, I don't.
It won't ever be okay ever again.
Not after they've left their mark on you.

------

this chapter is straight trash i apologize but i needed to post something for yall. i had something completely different planned for this chapter but it didnt feel right so i had to change it up.

yall know that feeling when u wanna get to a certain part in ur book that ur most excited to write but u gotta write all the less exciting shit that comes before it??? yeah that's where i'm at right now. pls hang in there with me guys bc crazy shit is coming. like *cough* out of this world crazy *cough* shit