Why Publicity Marriages Don't Work

The weather in Los Angeles grew cooler as September approached. However, as the days became shorter, the employees of Revelation Records realized Alan and Byron's weddings were coming up quickly. A few weeks before the weddings, Abby and I went shopping for our dresses. "Are you going to the weddings with Robin?" she asked me after we had both found our dresses.

"Robin's coming to both of them, if that's what you're asking," I said.

"That's not what I asked," Abby said. "I was wondering if you and Robin were going as an actual couple."

"I don't know about that," I said. "I know he wants to keep our relationship a secret from the fans, but just about everyone at Revelation Records knows that we're together. I should ask him."

"Just ask," Abby said. "Maybe he'll finally agree to tell the fans."

"I don't know if he'll agree to that," I said.

Abby shrugged. "It's not that big of a deal," she noted. "There's already fanfiction about you two."

"Really?" I said. "That's creepy."

"There are only a few stories, but it just proves that the fans are already suspecting that something's up between you two," Abby said. "Why don't you just tell them that their favorite couple is real?"

"I don't know about that," I said. "What if Robin and I break up?"

"That won't happen," Abby said.

"How do you know that?" I asked.

"I just do," Abby answered.

A few days later, I asked Robin about the wedding. "Are we going as a couple?" I asked him while we were eating burritos after a long day of fruitless recording.

"I'd like to, but I heard that there was going to be a film crew at Alan's wedding," Robin said.

"Of course there will be a film crew," I said. "He's marrying Kaylee Kartrashian, and they're filming the wedding for Keeping Up With The Kartrashians."

"You know how the Kartrashians are," Robin said. "If they see us together, then it will end up on TV and in the tabloids."

"Maybe we can go as a couple for Byron's wedding, but we'll just be bandmates for Alan's wedding," I suggested.

"That sounds good," Robin said. "I'm just not ready for the fans to know about us yet."

"I'm not sure if I'm ready either," I admitted.

"We'll wait then," Robin said.

The two of us talked about other subjects for a while, and then Robin returned to his apartment. Despite all of the troubles that had occurred throughout Nebula's production, I still loved Robin with all of my heart, and I couldn't wait to go to Byron's wedding with him.

Byron's wedding was a relatively small event. Only Byron and Sara's closest friends and family were invited, and it was held in the church in San Francisco that Byron grew up in. Robin, Kyle, Abby, and I all sat together, but shortly after we sat down, Alan sat down next to me. "I can't believe that Byron made Miles the best man and didn't put me in the wedding at all," Alan complained.

"He probably thought that you were too busy with your own wedding to be involved with his," I said.

"I am, but he should have at least offered!" Alan said as I rolled my eyes. "How's your album coming along?"

"It's taking forever," Robin said.

"We can't seem to agree on one direction to go in," Kyle said. "We all have such conflicting ideas."

"That's a good way to describe it," I said.

"Well, that's unfortunate," Alan said. "I'd love to have another album from you guys. Revelation Records can't live off of the profits from Fire and Rain forever."

"It'll be finished eventually," I said.

"I feel like I should give you a date that I need that album done by," Alan said.

"That would make you a massive hypocrite," Robin said. "If Phantom Cat can't finish their albums on time, then we shouldn't be required to either."

Alan sighed. "You're right," he said.

All of a sudden, an organist began to play, and the ceremony began. The ceremony itself was a simple but heartfelt affair, and although it lasted a little longer than I would have liked, almost everyone watching seeming to enjoy it. It seemed like Byron and Sara would make a good couple, and I wished them the best.

After the wedding, Robin and I spent the rest of the night dancing together. Neither of us were terribly good dancers, but we still had fun. Abby and Kyle did the same, although they were slightly better than we were. "Why is there all of this jazz music playing?" Robin asked.

"Byron has this weird obsession with jazz music," I said. "He must have picked out the music."

"That makes a lot more sense," Robin said.

Around ten o'clock, Robin and I bid our goodbyes to the happy bride and groom and returned to the hotel. As much as we wanted to see San Francisco, we had to return to Los Angeles the next day for Alan's wedding, which promised to be a much more interesting event, to say the least.

When I arrived at the venue for Alan's wedding, I could barely believe my eyes. The room was covered in ornate decorations, complete with a chandelier straight out of Phantom of the Opera. The people at the wedding were almost as impressive, with their lavish costumes and far too familiar names. On the groom's side, there were rock stars and pop idols; on the bride's side, there were all sorts of famous TV actors and actresses. Movie stars, models, and other famous people were scattered among the guests. Even when I took a seat next to Robin, I felt horribly out of place.

As I looked around more, I spotted more people I recognized. The entire Kartrashian clan was in attendance, followed by the film crew for Keeping Up With The Kartrashians. I tried not to listen to their inane conversation as I searched for Abby and Kyle in the crowd, but I couldn't find them. Where's Alan's family? I wondered for a moment. I spotted a middle aged Mexican woman in the front row, and I speculated about her relationship to Alan. Is she his mother? An aunt? A family friend?

I couldn't think about for too long. Before I knew it, Kaylee Kartrashian was walking down the aisle in an overly frilly white dress, along with her father. Kaylee's various plastic surgeries had certainly had an effect on her appearance, making her look even more fake than she already was. Alan, to everyone's surprise, was actually wearing a shirt for once as he waited for his bride.

The ceremony itself was actually quite dull, with the exception of Alan making a few silly faces. I wondered how exactly the producers of Keeping Up With The Kartrashians would make the wedding interesting enough for reality television until a member of the Kartrashian family mumbled, "We'll edit this all later to add some drama."

Almost immediately after the ceremony was done, Robin said, "There's a park a few blocks from here. I think that might be more fun than hearing the Kartrashians talk about themselves for the next few hours."

"Let's go over there then," I said. The two of us walked out the door, but on our way out, we ran into Byron, Sara, and Miles.

"Hi Bianca," Sara said. "What did you think of the wedding?"

"The Kartrashians are the worst," I complained.

"I know, right?" Sara said.

"I still can't believe Alan's marrying Kaylee," Byron said. "She's obnoxious in the studio, and Alan and Kaylee aren't even a good couple!"

"I think they're a fine couple," Miles argued. "They're both attention whores, so it works."

"No kidding," Byron said.

"It does feel a little weird being the only unmarried member of Phantom Cat now," Miles said. "Thank goodness there aren't any more weddings after this."

"You're just saying that because you can't legally get married in California yet," Byron said.

"No, I'm saying it because Ian broke up with me," Miles said.

"That's too bad," Byron said.

"Let's go," Robin whispered to me as he grabbed my hand. The two of us left the building and went to the park, where Robin had left his guitar.

"Why is this here?" I asked Robin.

"I'll show you," Robin said. He picked up his guitar, picked up his guitar, and began to play. "I wrote a song for you, Bianca."

I grinned. "That's so sweet, Robin," I said.

Robin began to sing, and I listened as he sang a beautiful love song. The melody was gorgeous, while the lyrics touched my heart. As Robin played the chords, I knew that it was definitely the best song that Robin had ever written.

That song was called Florence.

"How did you like it?" Robin asked.

"It was amazing, Robin," I said. "That should definitely go on the album."

"Alright, but if it does, then you're singing it," Robin said.

"I'm fine with that," I said.

"Great," Robin said. He then kissed me softly, and my heart beat just a little bit faster. We stayed in the park for a little bit longer, and then the two of us returned. However, I knew that I wouldn't forget Robin's song for a long time.

One week later, I got a phone call from Alan. "Bianca, you have to help me," Alan said. "The drummer tried to kill me!"

"Test your publicity stunts on someone else, Alan," I said. "I'm not falling for that."

"I'm serious!" Alan exclaimed. "Ask my bandmates! They already heard about this!"

"Fine," I said as I hung up and called Byron.

"Alan's telling the truth," Byron explained. "Rex really did try to kill him, and he's waiting for his trial right now."

I then called Miles, and he said the same thing. "I'm surprised too, but maybe I shouldn't be," he said. "All of our drummers turn out to be crazy."

After that, I Googled "Phantom Cat drummer" and a whole bunch of news articles popped up.

Alan Rodriguez Accuses Phantom Cat Drummer of Attempted Murder

Phantom Cat Drummer Rex Bloodwood Linked To Murders Across Los Angeles

Los Angeles Police Department Continues Investigation of Alan Rodriguez Assault

Could Phantom Cat's Rex Bloodwood Be The Weekend Slayer?

That was when I finally believed it. Unless all of that was an incredibly elaborate publicity stunt, Rex must have actually tried to kill Alan. I picked up my phone again and called Alan.

"Tell me what happened," I said.

"I was hanging out with the rest of Phantom Cat when Rex told me that he needed to talk to me. I followed him, and then he held a knife up to my throat. I barely escaped with my life," Alan said.

"That's crazy," I said.

"I know," Alan said. "The LAPD thinks that Rex is the Weekend Slayer. They've already linked him to a whole bunch of other murders."

"Wow," I said.

"Yeah, it's kind of insane," Alan said. "Needless to say, Phantom Cat is going to need to find a new drummer. Also, Kaylee and I might get a divorce."

"You guys just got married," I said.

"Well, we're getting a divorce," Alan said. "It turns out that living with Kaylee Kartrashian isn't as much fun as I thought it would be. I do like having all of the cameras around though."

I rolled my eyes and hung up again. Within the month, Alan and Kaylee got a divorce, and Rex Bloodwood was convicted of dozens of murders in the LA area and sent to prison. Alan, in all honesty, didn't seem too fazed by any of these developments. He appeared in just about every news source in the country, but he wasn't too heartbroken over the divorce. Alan and Kaylee had simply become another classic example of a celebrity marriage that didn't last.