6 YEARS AGO

"What do you mean you can't go?"

You were standing in the doorway to Hana's dorm room, watching her incredulously as you realised that she had made a change of plans—again—without even bothering to let you know anything about it.

It took you the whole morning to pack up, filling the heavy suitcase that you were now holding on your right hand. Meanwhile, your left hand was clutching tightly on the wooden door, holding back from exploding. You had chosen the best sets of outfits, summer dresses, and had even bought a few new pair of bikinis, all packed up nicely for this trip. After dragging the heavy suitcase all the way from your small student apartment to the dorm building, you found Hana lounging on her bed, still in her PJs, her suitcase still unpacked, with not a single sign of her leaving this room anytime soon.

While it was her idea to have this summer trip in the first place.

Rolling her eyes as if you had just said something ridiculous, Hana pushed herself up and sat on the bed. "I'm saying that I can't go. I have—plans," she said, avoiding your eyes.

"You have plans?" you scoffed. "Damn it, Hana. You made plans with me! It was your idea to take this trip."

Instead of looking at least a bit remorseful, Hana only shrugged. "I'm sorry?"

Resisting the urge to throw something, you only looked at her. Actually looked at her. And you began narrowing your eyes when you noticed that she was still refusing to look at you and she was starting to act like a skittish kitten.

"Alright, what is this all about—exactly?"

Sighing dramatically, Hana made an expression which made it seem like she would have preferred to do something else rather than explaining herself. You immediately found out the reason why when she finally spoke.

"The students from my class are going on a study tour for one of the courses I took. They're going to be visiting some places that have to do with our core class and the electives I'm taking next semester, and then there's a trial course planned at the end of it where we can all practice by getting involved in an actual court and solve some work cases. I decided if I really want to continue with law school, it would be great to join the tour," she said, though from the looks of it, it was obvious that she was not telling you the whole truth.

"So—only because it's good for your studies?" you prodded further. Knowing her, there would always be something else. Because there had to be a reason why she had not said anything about any of this before today. "Is that all?"

She fell to a beat of silence first. Then she looked at her feet, her hands pulling the seams on her blanket as she finally confessed. "The guy that I was telling you about will be there too," she murmured, looking away sheepishly.

"A guy? So you changed your mind and ditched your best friend over a guy?" you scoffed, before laughing bitterly. "This is so like you. Only you would drop everything and everyone just because of some boy," you told her while shaking your head. "What did he promise you?"

"He—didn't," she sighed. "I just thought that going on this tour will help me get closer to him, and—you know, maybe I can finally make a move on him."

Closing your eyes, you held back from pinching the bridge of your nose even when you felt your head beginning to pound simply from hearing what she was telling you. "Please don't tell me that he doesn't even know you."

"No, that's not—I mean, he knows me. He's been acting as a TA in my class. So he knows my name," Hana insisted, before she slunk back on her bed, adding, "Well, I think he does. We just haven't gotten a chance to talk."

"Fuck, Hana," you groaned, gritting your teeth while you resist the urge to pull a hair. "Is this the same guy you told me you saw in the convention? Who made you get the wild idea of ditching Psych and switching into Law?"

When she said nothing, you immediately knew the answer. "Are you even serious right now?"

You felt so frustrated, just as you had always felt when you had to deal with these phases of hers. Taking a deep breath to calm yourself down, you began wishing that you could find some way to snap her back to her senses. Something that you had realised time and time again would be something that was impossible to do when it came to Hana.

Your head throbbed as you remembered the catastrophe that happened in the first year of college.

It was Hana who had insisted for the two of you to apply in this campus in the first place after high school. Even though it was the pre-law program that they were offering which had caught your interest, it didn't take long for you to change your mind to choose Liberal Arts for your major on that first year, while Hana was adamant that she was going to take Psychology major at some point.

Until one day, when she attended the convention which was held on campus and came back with a new determination that she was going to take their pre-law program instead.

You had been extremely supportive when she had insisted that she was taking it in your place, that she had become so invested to it after hearing you talked about it a lot. That was until you learned that she had only applied Pre-Law because she had met some cute guy on their convention stand which had caught her eyes. She insisted that it was love at first sight and she had to fight to be with him.

It sounded ridiculous, but that was Hana for you. She had always believed in fairytales and happy endings, but had also been the one who would fall for all the pretty things and would do anything to gain them. But she had always kept her head in the clouds, and more often than not, she would always forget to snap back to reality until it would be too late, and it would always be you who was left to pick up the pieces and put her back up on her feet.

"Hana, I already told you. First, you can't make life-altering decisions over some—guy. Worst of all when it's a guy you barely even know. You moved majors and switched dorms to chase him around and yet here you are, admitting that he hasn't even noticed you. And now what? You're changing plans because of him already when you still have no idea what good it will do to you."

"Look, I like him, alright?" Hana argued defensively. "I get it, I'm not like you. I'm not spontaneous and I don't always have major plans to make big decisions. I wouldn't have been here if it wasn't because my Dad was an alumnus. But I know this is real. I can feel it." But then her gaze clouded, and her shoulders slumped as she added defeatedly, "Even if I can't find any nerve to talk to him, it would still good for my studies." Once again, she looked down, and even you could tell that she didn't even believe her own words as she said them out loud.

Shaking your head, you already knew that this talk was getting nowhere. "Whatever. Do what you want. Call me when you're done living in your fantasies cause I'm going to spend the whole summer actually living a real life," was all you told her, before pulling your suitcase with you as you walked out the door.

Still feeling frustrated and enraged after leaving Hana's dorm, you felt like you wanted to either pull out your hair or scream out loud as you made your way back to your student apartment. Noticing that you had too many eyes on you that would have made it impossible for you to erupt in public, you walked to the nearest park and did the next best thing.

You pulled out your phone and called your best friend. The other best friend. The one person who was sane enough to know what to do at times like this.

"Yo!" You heard Joohyun's voice from the other side of the call as she answered at the second ring.

"Hey, am I calling you at a bad time?"

"Nope. I just sat down on the couch to give my swelling feet some rest. Cleaning house is not fun nor it is easy to do when you're in the second trimester. What's up? How's college life doing for you so far?"

Closing your eyes, you pictured Joohyun sitting on her couch, lounging back with her legs up. She was the lucky one to stay back home, living a steady life with a baby on the way. A part of you was envious, while the other part—well, not really. You couldn't possibly handle being a young mother at this age. Not when you still had a big dream waiting ahead.

"I suppose it's going great. But that's not what I'm calling you about. I just needed someone to listen while I vent."

"You know I'm all ears, baby girl," she said, much to your relief. So you began telling her everything.

Joohyun already knew about the drama happening at the beginning of college, and she knew how your effort of trying to stop Hana from making what could have been the biggest mistake of her life had caused a rift between the two of you. It had even made Hana stop contacting Joohyun at some point because, being the most logical one, Joohyun had taken your side instead of hers.

It was always that way with Hana. She had always been hard to deal with since you were kids, always wanted to have it all whenever she had her eyes on something she liked, and however she wanted to get it done. She had always been the ambitious one, though sadly, her desire to aim for the best had never been followed with any logical and proper ways to help her get it. Leaving nothing but a pile of mess and regrets trailing behind her.

You remembered how back when you were little and she would be that one kid who would have a tantrum over the coolest toys and refuse to share. The only reason why you and Joohyun had become her only friends back then was simply because neither of you would back down on her demands, yet at the same time, you were the only two kids in the class who were willing to stay and play with her when nobody else would.

You recalled how she had become class president at school because she wanted to have all the fame and the pride of being a leader, only to ditch all the responsibility she had as one, leaving you and Joohyun to fix all the mess she left behind. Or when she joined the cheerleaders' squad in high school because she wanted to be a part of the popular crowd, ditching you and Joohyun so she could trade her friends with all the fancy ones, until she found out how hard cheerleading actually was. She only wanted the attention, but not the long hours of practice and risking injuries.

You had, at some point, blamed yourself on how she had always been able to make you give in to do as she pleased, to enable her whenever she was reckless, which had made it impossible for her to listen to reasons. But you had never given up on her, neither did Joohyun.

Because no matter how stubborn and obnoxious Hana could be, she was also a good friend. A friend who would listen and who would fight the hardest to protect her friends when they got hurt—just like how she fought for you when you had your first heartbreak or when she dragged all the adults she could find to help when Joohyun broke her arm from climbing a tree—and that was the reason why you could never walk away from her even after having the biggest fight of your lives.

After months of no communication, Hana convinced you to take a trip together for a summer vacation. It was a way for her to ask for a truce and to make up for all the resentment she had given you. That was until she cancelled at the last minute and ditched you without warning.

Joohyun listened patiently as you spoke with no sign of her getting surprised to the change of event. The three of you had been friends since kindergarten, having been born and raised in a small town where everyone knew each other. And if there was any other person who had been on the other side of Hana's reckless and unrealistic decision making, it would be Joohyun.

"What are you cancelling the trip for? Forget Hana. Go and have fun, enjoy the sun, show your bikini and strut down the beach like you own it. You don't owe anything to her and you know she does this all the time. She always got what she wanted when we were kids and had always been stubborn even when she couldn't. She's obviously forgetting that we're all practically adults now, with real responsibilities, and she needs to get out of her head," Joohyun said on the phone. "She'll come around once summer is over. She has to get back to reality someday. Meanwhile, you get to have fun without her holding you back."

"You're right. I'm going to have fun even if I have to go on this trip on my own," you sighed dramatically on the phone, though you felt a bit better now after finding some resolve.

"That's the spirit," Joohyun said, chuckling and sounding more excited for you. "You probably won't always be alone. I can feel it. Who knows, you'll get to meet some Prince Charming that could sweep you off of your feet."

"I highly doubt it," you said, chuckling and shaking your head. Even though she was married, Joohyun had always been a romantic at heart and she never stopped hoping that her friends would find the same kind of happiness and love she had. That was what marrying her high school sweetheart did to her. "But thanks for the pep talk, Momma."

"You're welcome. Have a nice trip, get wild, let loose, and do—whatever it is you do on an island. I know I would if I were you. It's been a while for me since I get to do fun things."

"Momma, the last time you got frisky was with your hubby and you ended up getting that baby growing in your belly," you reminded her with a laugh.

"Shit, you're right," she said, her voice laced with wonder and you could tell that she was rubbing her pregnant belly when she whispered, "No regrets there, though."

I sure hope not. "Thanks for listening, Joohyun. I'll call you once I got there," you told her as you bid her goodbyes and ended the phone call.