A beaming light emitted from his blue eyes as his face went from shock to something pained.
Dean tried to move, tried to scream, try to do something...
But nothing. His feet wouldn't move. His mouth stayed slightly apart, breath caught in his throat. His eyes stayed wide in shock.
'CAS!!!'
His brothers scream got him back to the present.
Finally he swallowed. He blinked. He made a step.
And another one.
Faster and faster.
He ran over to the angel who just got stabbed by one of his 'siblings'.
The little fuck saw Dean and disappeared as soon as he was in reach.
He didn't care. He would find them anyways. Somehow.
Right now he focused on his angel.
Said slumped over and made his way to the floor face forward.
Dean gripped the kaki trenchcoat with unusually shaky hands and pulled the limp man into his arms while he sunk to his knees.
'Cas. Cas fucking answer me. You're not allowed to die right now buddy.'
Barely a whisper.
Castiels sky blue eyes fixated Dean before a last glow flickers through them.
Then they fall shut.
Only now Dean notices the shadowy ashes what were once Castiels wings on the floor around them.
Time seems to stop as what happened started to sink in.
He barely registers the steps coming closer or the hand on his shoulder.
Not even the single devilish tear that leaves a hot trail as it rolls down his cheek.
An arm slides around his shoulder.
The hand squeezes it firmly.
He blinks rapidly. Dean doesn't want more annoying tears.
He tears his gaze from the angel in his arms and looks into his little brothers face.
'I'm so sorry Dean.' he barely whispers.
For some reason he suddenly is filled with rage. He clutches the body in his arms against his chest.
'No.' He says the word firmly.
Confusion flutters over Sams face.
'We will get him back.'
'Dean he's-'
'HE'S DEAD WHEN I SAY HE'S DEAD!'
Sam presses his lips together.
He's used to his brothers outbursts and his inability to handle sadness in a healthy way.
'Dean... Cas said it himself. When angels die they-' his mouth clamps shut after his brother stared at him fiercely.
Dean didn't wanna hear it. Fine then.
'Let's get to the car.'
Holding on tighter to his friend, Dean shakily got to his feet.
Sam grabbed him for extra support but he shook it off.
Walking back to the black 67 Chevy, he for once did not feel the joy he normally felt laying his eyes on the beautiful car that carried them anywhere.
The drive home was silent.
Not the normal comfortable silence, no.
This one was deafening and it was killing Dean.
He considered switching on the radio, but he wanted to listen to music even less. So he let it be.
Sam didn't even try to strike up a conversation and he was really thankful for it.
He wouldn't be able to speak right now anyways.
His throat felt tied up and swallowing was painful.
He grabbed the steering wheel so tightly, his knuckles turned white and the leather squeaked quietly in protest.
What felt like an eternity later, they finally made it to the bunker.
Dean gently pulled Cas out of the backseat, after he swatted away Sam who just tried to help.
He walked into the safe space with heavy steps.
Hesitating a moment he looked around.
'Let's put him on the couch ma-'
'My room.' Dean cut Sam off.
Sam pressed his lips together again.
He rarely saw his brother like this.
He rushed after Dean to open him the door to his room.
He mumbled a quiet 'Thanks' and got in.
Dean carefully let the angel down on his bed.
This was not like one of the scenarios he imagined where Cas was in his bed.
Heck far from it.
After some minutes or maybe hours, Dean left the room. He had some reading to do after all.
Sam was hot on his heals so he just handed him book after book.
Anything that could possibly tell them how to get his angel back.

Days passed, they found nothing. Yet Dean refused to give up.
He would find a way and if it was the last thing he did.
'When was the last time you slept?' Sams face was filled with worry.
All he got from his brother was a shrug.
'Go lay down I'll keep searching' he suggested reaching for the book Dean was reading for the 3rd time.
But he pulled it away and made a growling like sound, accompanied by a similar mad look.
Holding up his hands in defense, Sam slowly retreated to the kitchen.
If he couldn't get him to sleep the friendly way he would have to force him. Before Deans stubbornness was the end of him.
Sneaking to the medicine cabinet, he found a bottle with sleeping pills.
But when Sam got back, Dean had already collapsed over his book.
Sam shook his head, got a blanket and covered his brother with it carefully.
Then he sat down at his laptop and started searching.
He found some leads but they turned out to be nothing useful in the end.
That happened multiple times and Sam slowly grew tired.
Silently he got up and poured himself some coffee. Dean probably made it earlier.
He took a sip.
It was cold.
Sam stared at his cup disappointed but took it back to his seat anyways.
Cold coffee was better than non.
Hours passed like minutes while Sam was searching the web for an answer.
He did it mainly for Dean, tho deep down a small bit of hope glimmed even inside of himself.
He wanted his friend back too.
But he also knew how much Cas meant to his brother.
The way he looked at him.
The way he sometimes grew nervous around the angel for no reason.
But especially the merciless teasing.
Sam knew what it meant.
He was sure Dean did too. But knowing him he ignored his feelings, shoving them far, far down.
He glanced at said man, sleeping peacefully on his book.
He stood up quietly and searched through their book stash for some minutes again.
Sam returned with 3 more books just as Dean streched and yawned into the back of his hand.
'How long was I out?' he mumbled tiredly.
'Some hours' the younger said checking the clock on his laptop.
'Fuck.' the elder mumbled as he scrambled to get some books and papers together.
Sam startet going through one of the books he just brought.
Dean joined in not shortly after. He grabbed a small worn book that smelled like oil. The pages stuck together and he could barely read it.
Like this another day passed.

Sam forced Dean to take a break eventually.
He found himself wandering back to his room.
Standing in front of the closed door he took a deep breath.
His hand gripped the door handle. But he hesitated to press it down.
Exactly knowing what he would find didn't stop Dean from hoping Cas would just sit on his bed with that dumbfounded look on his face and his slightly messy hair.
He closed his eyes and he could swear he heard the angel say his signature 'Hello Dean.'
So his eyes snapped back open, pressed down the door handle and gave the door a push.
It swung into the room and showed what Dean knew he'd see.
And still, it hurt more than he admitted, even to himself.
Slowly stepping closer he took a look at his deceased friend.
His cheeks were slightly fallen in and his skin was pale and stared showing bruises.
Not knowing when he stopped breathing, Dean draws a deep breath.
Carefully he sat down at the edge of his taken bed.
'Cas...?'
The nickname left his lips heavier than a stone.
As to be expected Dean was greeted with no response.
Gently and carefully he took ahold of the once angels hand, as if he was scared said remains would simply fade away if he was to rough or fast.
The hand was cold.
Dean squeezed it slightly before looking at Castiels face.
Before he knew it, he ran his fingertips over his cheek.
'God damn it Cas...'

His moment of grief was held short by fast, loud steps.
'DEAN! DEAN I THINK I GOT IT!'
Sam suddenly stood in the door.
Dean let go of Cas' hand and jumped up.
His little brothers face was plastered with a big smile.
Hope started to bubble up inside of him again, warm and a welcoming feeling.
'What are you waiting for, show me!'
They made their way back to the tables they've been working on.
Sam pulled some sheets and a thick dusty book closer to them.
'Here. It says to lift a fallen angel.'
'Fallen. Not dead'
'Isn't it kinda the same??'
Dean squinted his eyes at his brother.
'I guess it's worth a try'
He would try anything if it got Cas back.
'First we need some ingredients'
Of course they would. Dean rubbed his face.
'What do we need?'
'Blood of a righteous person, holy water, a feather of the fallen, a branch of the sacred bush and tears of a lover.'
Silence streched between them for a while.
'Sounds like a bunch, let's get going then.'
'Can you even shed tears man?' Sam chuckled slightly.
He received a glare in return.
A minute later Dean perked up.
'Hey wait what the fuck is that supposed to mean?!'
A moment of surprised silence was shared before it was broken by Sams laughter.
Dean felt his cheeks warm up and he cursed it underneath his breath.
'Oh shut up! Bitch.'
'Jerk.'

Dean rummaged through the trunk of his baby. He knew for sure Cas gave them some of his feathers once saying 'they may prove useful one day'. The pretty bastard was right of course.
But now he can't seem to find them anywhere, even tho he was sure he put them into the trunk with some other stuff.
He hoped Sam already found out what a stick of a sacred bush or some shit was and where the fuck to get it.
His finger tips brushed over something fluffy and a grin appeared on his face.
As he pulled it out he let out the weirdest noise that ever left his throat. A high pitched screech as he yeeted a dead rat away.
How it got in there?
No idea.
Was he mad?
For sure.
There was a dead rat in his most prized possession after all.
After a moment of shock and disgust (mostly disgust) Dean continued his search.
Probably an hour later he returned to his little brother triumphant.
Smirking he wiggled a glowy feather in front of Sams face who just groaned annoyed.
'Dean I'm trying to focus.'
'I won. I found the feather faster~'
'Shut up and get... the tears or something'
Dean pulled a sour face.
He didn't want to admit his feelings directly but apparently Sam already saw through him.
But there was a problem.
He couldn't cry.
At the moment he was to hopeful to cry.
Focusing on the other ingredients Dean made some trips while Sam found a branch of a sacred bush.
Even a way on how to get it, though it was fairly complicated.
Not impossible tho.
They'd have to make a 2 day trip tho.

When they came back Dean was in high spirits.
Sam smiled slightly at his brothers antics.
'That better bring him back' Dean said while turning a small twig in his hand.
He couldn't believe they went through a lot of troubles just for something like that.
He thought the tears were harder to get but he just cut an onion and there he had his tears.
So he was slightly disappointed in the little twig between his fingers.
'Give me that before you break it' Sam groaned lightheartedly as he plugged the twig from Deans hand.
'Hey-' he protested trying to snatch it back.
To Deans inconvenience Sam was taller. He held the stick high above his head with an amused smirk.
He punched his 'little' brothers side, which made him topple over slightly with a light chuckle.
Dean sat uneasily in his chair while Sam studied the ritual they needed to do.
After soaking everything except the blood in holy water for 7 minutes they had to put everything into a silver bowl. Then they had to draw a fairly complicated symbol with a rest of blood onto a flat surface. After that was done, it said to light the branch inside the bowl.
The instructions were clear and so they begun.
Dean carried Cas' body to were they were holding the ritual and carefully placed him down.
'You better come back angel' he whispered.
Then he took some steps back.
Carefully they followed all the steps.
Sam read a spell in Latin.
Now all that was left to was for Dean to pour the gross, burning soup over Cas body.
Grabbing the bowl with shaking hands he walked over to the corpse.
Sam startet reciting the last part of the spell and Dean carefully poured out the bowls contains over his friend. He hated everything about it, ruining the angels clothes.
A warm light started to come from the burning goo, as it slowly sunk into Cas' body, after Dean took some steps back.
Holding their breaths the two Winchester brothers watched in anticipation.
A bright light shortly filled the room forcing them to cover their eyes.
After it died down Dean rushed over to his friends side.
'Cas? Cas can you hear me?'
His voice was filled with hope.
The angels body looked better. Refreshed one could say.
But that was it. Nothing else.
The silence streched on for some minutes.
'Dean I-'
'We have to wait more.' his voice had an unusual break in it.
His back was to Sam and he was glad for it. He didn't want his little brother to see the ugly tears that started to form in his eyes, which he couldn't even blink away like usual.
One slowly made its way down his cheek, followed after by another one. They hung on his jawline for a moment before dripping down.
The sound they made after landing on Castiels hand were so loud to Dean, he was surprised Sam hadn't heard.
With a quick movement he wiped them away.
'We have to keep searching.'
Sam let out a deflating sigh.
'Dean I know how much you like Cas but-'
'YOU DON'T KNOW!' he whipped around.
'You don't know Sam. You don't know shit about my feelings.' he got quieter in the end.
Sam looked down at his feet and shuffled awkwardly in his place.
'You never share your feelings.'
'I know.'
'You could have told him'
'....I know'
Dean got up and walked past Sam out of the room.
With a last glance at Cas, Sam followed his brother.
They were back at the table, noses buried in the books, looking for a way to get their friend back.
Hours had passed again when they heard a noise.
Dean ignored it while Sam looked up.
His audible gasp though got his older brothers attention.
He lifted his gaze looking at his brothers face, whos eyes clearly were fixed on something behind him.
He turned around in his chair with a sceptical look.

'Hello Dean. Hello Sam.'
The brothers were at a loss of words.
Shocked but positively.
Dean rose slowly from his seat. 'Cas- Cas you're alive-'
The angel looked down at himself. 'That appears to be the case yes' he answered the corners of his mouth slightly lifted.
The air got knocked out of his lungs before he could say more.
Dean had tightly wrapped his arms around Castiel and gripped into his signature trenchcoat, secretly scared of letting go again.
A short look of confusion flickered over the divines face, before he returned the gesture and embraced Dean in a hug.
Inhaling deeply the older Winchester closed his eyes. Never had he felt such overwhelming happiness and relief like in this moment.
'Dean are you okay?'
The question snapped him back to reality. He was acting so out of himself it was embarrassing.
Quickly he pushed Cas an arm length away.
'Yeah totes. I'm great.'
Behind him he heard a slight snicker.
He prayed for his brother to stay silent.
Cas looked confused between the brothers not getting either of them.
Sam joined them on the other side of the table and pulled Cas in a not quite as tight hug as Dean.
'Great to have you back Cas' he said when letting go and smiling at the guy in front of him.
'I am glad to be back. But how did you manage that again? You Winchesters are always so full of surprises.'
The brothers shared a look and then shrugged in sync.
'We would love to explain but we have no idea buddy' Dean said while scratching his chin.
Cas hummed understanding.

After a lot of protesting Sam and Cas had managed to ban Dean to his room after they cleaned up all the books, cups and empty beer bottles on the tables and floors around them.
Plopping dow into his bed Dean let out a long, heavy sigh. The past week and it's events stuck in his bones like cement.
Draping an arm over his face he enjoyed the moment of peace, when he heard something like a ruffling.
'Cas didn't we talk about zapping into my room randomly? Man what if I was naked??'
'Sorry Dean.' God how he loved to hear hear his name spoken in that deep husky voice.
I made him feel..... feelings.
'I can leave again if you like-'
'No no!' he sat up quickly, scared the angel was already gone again.
He wasn't.
Cas was standing there. Looking like a wet cat.
Dean patted the spot beside him after he sat on the edge of the bed.
Shuffling over to him Cas plopped down beside him.
They stayed silent for some time.
If Dean had learned something the past days it was that he should stop being a pussy and tell Cas about his stupid feelings before said fucking died again. Which he of course hoped would never happen again.
'I'm glad you're back.' he said it quickly and quietly. But he knew Cas had heard everything.
He didn't dare to look at the one beside him, but he could feel his gaze pretty clearly on him.
'You better don't fucking die again.' jokingly, lighthearted 'You're way to important to me.' quietly, heck some would call it shy.
He felt warm fingertips on the back of his hand. Gently stroking over it before lightly grabbing ahold of him.
It was a action of mere seconds but for Dean it felt timeless as he stared at the angels hand on top of his, soaking in it's warmth.
He made note of every little detail, like how Cas' nails were a bit longer than usual, how his thumb ran lightly over his fingers and how damn soft his hand was compared to his.
It made him feel all giddy and shit.
Dean finally managed to lift his gaze and instantly got lost in those blue eyes that looked at him with so much warmth it made him melt internally.
'You're important to me as well Dean.'
He probably was hallucinating. He stopped breathing for a second an he swore his heart stopped too.
'I feel different than humans but lately I have this... overwhelming feeling of peace and happiness inside of me when you're around.'
Deans mouth fell open in disbelief.
'.... Is it a bad thing?-'
'That basically was a fucking love confession.' he pressed out.
Cas furrowed his brow in thought.
He stayed silent for some minutes and Dean regretted opening his mouth.
'Thinking about it... You're right.'
What.
'I'm right?' he echoed like a dumb parrot.
'The feeling fits love.' Cas' soft hand wandered onto Deans stubbly cheek and he cursed mentally not having shaved or showered in days.
'Dean Winchester I think I'm in love with you.'
Thats it. This had to be a fever dream. The angel looked so sincere and soft and Deans stomach was feeling so weird and his heart fluttered so bad and he hate loved it so, so much.
'Fuck I feel like a teenie girl' he breathed out, grabbing the hand on his cheek.
'What have teenage girls to do with this?' the dumbfounded looks was back and it made him probably fall even harder.
'Is there somet-'
Dean didn't hesitate this time. He grabbed the angels face, pulled him close and presses his lips on Cas', cutting the guy off mid sentence.
It was short, it was impulsive and it was over before he knew.
Dean pulled away and suddenly panic rose in him.
Cas blinked, the dumbfounded look deepening before getting replaced by a huge love sick grin Dean had never seen before.
It fitted him surprisingly well.
All the panic ebbed away as a similar smirk tugged on his lips.
'Can we repeat that please?' Cas asked softly while already leaning closer again.
'Only one more time I don't want you to think I'm growing soft or some shit' Dean managed to get out before his lips locked together with his angels once again.

-End-