❛ I must reverse my life. I can't live in the past. Then set my soul free, belong to me at last. ❜

SEASON 1, EPISODE 5
wildfire

━━━━━━ day 62.

THE NIGHT MOVED at a snail's pace after the geeks tore apart their camp. It seemed only a few of them were left. Bianca, Daryl, Shane, T-Dog, Dale, The Grimes', The Morales', Andrea (but not Amy), Glenn, Carol and Sophia (but not Ed).

⠀⠀⠀Amy was a loss. It broke all of their hearts to know that she was dead. She was the example that kindness could still prevail in this new world. However, now, they could see that truly anyone could be taken from them at any second. No matter when, no matter how unexpected.

⠀⠀⠀Bianca didn't realize how much Amy's friendship had meant to her before since she held everyone at an arm's distance from her. However, now it ate her up inside. Amy had been the closest in age to Bianca and was always kind to her. Even when Bianca was a raging bull around camp, Amy didn't seem to mind.

⠀⠀⠀The universe seems to always take the brightest things and burn them out too quickly. If not, they dull and turn to rot.

⠀⠀⠀Amy was precious.

⠀⠀⠀Ed Peletier, on the other hand, was not. No one had batted an eye when hearing of his death. Carol and Sophia shed tears, but it seemed obligatory rather than a genuine feeling. After a few weeks, days even, their hearts would be mended, and they would move on without him.

⠀⠀⠀With the morning passing over them with bright paint strokes, the remaining were moving bodies and busing heads in so the dead didn't come back to haunt them.

⠀⠀⠀Their only problem was Andrea. She sat with Amy's dead body beside the RV, cradling her baby sister in her arms. No emotion passed over her features as she stroked the wisps of hair from Amy's face.

⠀⠀⠀Lori had tried to get Andrea to speak, asking if they could bury Amy. Andrea didn't respond. Lori walked away when she couldn't get anything out of her, talking to Dale, Shane, and Rick on what to do next.

⠀⠀⠀Rick attempted to do the same as his wife, but he barely got two words in before a gun was pointed at his face. He walked backward cautiously until she lowered the gun, comfortable with the distance between them.

⠀⠀⠀Daryl was looking to smash Amy's face in when the group explained to him the situation. Bianca lingered a few feet away, eavesdropping.

⠀⠀⠀"Y'all can't be serious," Daryl hissed, his voice dropped to a whisper to at least grant Andrea that little peace. "Let that girl hamstring us? The dead girl's a time-bomb."

⠀⠀⠀"What do you suggest?" Rick asked, bowing his head.

⠀⠀⠀"Take the shot," Daryl said like it were so easy. "Clean, in the brain from here. Hell, I can hit a turkey between the eyes from this distance."

⠀⠀⠀Bianca looked over at Andrea holding Amy. Her eyes blinked, and it was her dad lying there, a bullet through his forehead. She blinked again, and Amy was back in her place.

⠀⠀⠀It wasn't that easy.

⠀⠀⠀"No," Lori said, her words final as she sat. "For God's sake, let her be."

⠀⠀⠀Bianca walked away, not wanting to listen to it anymore. Not wanting the dead to haunt her thoughts every turn. Anger rolled through her veins, angry and desperate to be released. There were still too many skulls to bash in. People already dead. They could worry about Amy later.

⠀⠀⠀Bianca took her sledgehammer, raised it above her head, and brought it down with a ton of fury behind her working muscles. She could feel the adrenaline pumping, her head spinning, and the threat around her. She brought up the sledgehammer again, back into the man's skull. Then again, and again, and—

⠀⠀⠀"Hey, hey, hey!" Rick suddenly shouted, cutting Bianca off from lifting the sledgehammer again.

⠀⠀⠀Her hands were shaking now. She didn't know if it was from the strain or the sudden concern from a man she hardly knew. Bianca glanced at him from the corner of her eye, strands of hair obscuring her view, but she could see Rick holding his hands up to show he was coming in peace.

⠀⠀⠀"I think you need a break," Rick said to her softly, and the words felt all too familiar. "Why don't you come sit down with Lori, and I'll get you some water?"

⠀⠀⠀"I'm fine," Bianca bit back, malice in her tone. She moved away from Rick, a scowl now firmly planted on her face as she put the same amount of weight into the next person's skull. However, Bianca did keep herself from repeatedly hitting the same person. Just to keep Rick off her back.

⠀⠀⠀"What are you guys doing?" Glenn asked from a couple feet behind Bianca.

⠀⠀⠀Bianca turned, seeing Daryl and Morales dragging a body toward the stoked fire Glenn had been keeping watch of.

⠀⠀⠀"This is for geeks. Our people go over there," Glenn said hurriedly, backing up with the two as they didn't seem to listen.

⠀⠀⠀"What's the difference?" Daryl asked indifferently. "They're all infected."

⠀⠀⠀"Our people go in that row over there," Glenn told them a second time, his voice trembling now. "We don't burn them!" he shouted, taking them by surprise. Glenn had never been anything but kind to everyone. "We bury them. Understand?"

⠀⠀⠀Daryl and Morales didn't respond, staring, then once they came back to their senses, they picked up the body again and dragged it to the pile to be buried.

⠀⠀⠀"Our people go in that row over there."

⠀⠀⠀Bianca turned back to the body she stood over, slamming her sledgehammer into his muddied face, brain matter peeking from the seams. She'd hit him a second time, just for good measure.

⠀⠀⠀Bianca looked up, feeling the sting of Rick's eyes staring straight at her. She held his gaze, pulling the sledgehammer up, and the squish in response resonated in her ears.

⠀⠀⠀Bianca didn't say anything, and neither did he.

⠀⠀⠀She turned on her heel and moved on.

⠀⠀⠀"You reap what you sow!" Daryl shouted at Glenn.

⠀⠀⠀"You know what? Shut up, man!" Morales snapped back at him.

⠀⠀⠀Daryl dropped the body before Morales was ready and stormed away.

⠀⠀⠀"Y'all left my brother for dead!" Daryl spat at them. "You had this comin'!"

⠀⠀⠀They had managed to get through all the bodies, making sure they wouldn't be coming back. For Bianca, as long as Glenn wouldn't yell at her, she didn't care if they were geek or human. She gave them a good slam of the hammer, to be sure.

⠀⠀⠀Bianca groaned in frustration, unsure what to do next. She felt like she was doing nothing while doing too much all at once. Then, the sledgehammer fell from her grip, and she soon followed with it, resting her face in her hands and running the sweaty tracks up and down her face. She sat there, blanking on what to do next, but there wasn't anything to do. She could help drag the bodies around, but it wouldn't give her the relief she wanted.

⠀⠀⠀Her thoughts were jumbled and loud, but she couldn't understand any of them. She stared ahead of her, dazed and unmoving, until Jacqui spoke up, ripping panic through the remainder of the group.

⠀⠀⠀"A walker got him!" Jacqui exclaimed, stumbling away from Jim. "A walker bit Jim!"

⠀⠀⠀"It's okay," Jim assured them, standing on unsteady feet as the group closed in, staring at him. "I'm okay."

⠀⠀⠀"Show it to us," Daryl demanded. "Show it to us!"

⠀⠀⠀Jim turned, finding a shovel on the ground, and picked it up for defense. Bianca walked closer but didn't move to raise her sledgehammer. It was one thing to kill the dead...

⠀⠀⠀"Easy, Jim," Shane called.

⠀⠀⠀"Grab him!"

⠀⠀⠀T-Dog rushed forward, catching Jim around the arms. Jim was easy to pin down, his grip relaxing on the shovel until it fell from him. An easy smile came to his face as he tried to reassure everyone, repeatedly, that he was okay.

⠀⠀⠀Daryl rushed forward, disproving his claim when he lifted Jim's shirt and showed the nasty, bright red bite just under his chest.

⠀⠀⠀"I'm okay," Jim continued to say, words sloshing together. "I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay."

"I SAY WE put a pickaxe in his head and the dead girl's and be done with it," Daryl hissed, standing with the rest of the few left, discussing their options.

⠀⠀⠀Jim sat by the RV, head hunched into his knees as the heat of infection began to rise through his system.

⠀⠀⠀"Is that what you'd want if it were you?" Shane snapped at him, his lip curled in disgust at Daryl's quick turn to violence, even for a man still in his right mind.

⠀⠀⠀"Yeah, and I'd thank you while you did it," Daryl retorted without an air of hesitation in his tone.

⠀⠀⠀"I hate to say it... I never thought I would. But maybe Daryl's right," Dale admitted, shaking his head.

⠀⠀⠀Dale allowed himself a moment of pause, but it was snatched by Rick, snarling, "Jim's not a monster, Dale. Or some rabid dog."

⠀⠀⠀"I'm not suggesting—" Dale tried to intervene, but Rick wasn't hearing him.

⠀⠀⠀"He is sick. A sick, sick man," Rick snapped, his eyes darting into the ground, trying to make some sense of all the destruction around him. "We start down that road; where do we draw the line?"

⠀⠀⠀"The line's pretty clear," Daryl continued, a hand gripped with white knuckles around his pickaxe, and he looked pointedly at Bianca. "Zero tolerance for walkers, or them to be."

⠀⠀⠀Bianca knew what he meant, her heart clenching, and she kept her jaw locked. She knew Daryl was right, but Jim didn't seem to want to go yet. It was a tough pill to swallow, thinking that they should just chop his brain to bits while he was still conscious.

⠀⠀⠀"What if we can get him help? I heard the CDC was working on a cure," Rick said.

⠀⠀⠀"I heard that, too. I heard a lot of things before the world went to hell," Shane told his friend, reminding him that they'd been in this a lot longer than he has. They knew the rumors of the CDC and the shelters and all the things they promised them. But then, the news stopped broadcasting, and the world seemed to linger on the edge of everything.

⠀⠀⠀"What if the CDC is still up and running?" Rick continued, not letting it go.

⠀⠀⠀"Man, that is a stretch right there."

⠀⠀⠀"Why?" Rick demanded, hands on his hips and eyes narrowed in frustration or the sun in his eyes; Bianca wasn't sure. "If there's any government left, any structure at all, they'd protect the CDC at all costs, wouldn't they? I think it's our best shot. Shelter, protection—"

⠀⠀⠀"Okay, Rick, you want those things, alright. I do, too, okay?" Shane told him, placing his hand on his chest to express his concern but his words were overarchingly condescending. "Now, if they exist... they're at the army base. Fort Benning."

⠀⠀⠀"That's one hundred miles in the opposite direction," Lori commented, her arms crossed.

⠀⠀⠀"That is right," Shane agreed with her, then continued his argument for Rick. "But it's away from the hot zone... Now, listen to me. If that place is operational, it'll be heavily armed. We'd be safe there."

⠀⠀⠀"The military were on the front lines of this thing," Rick said, desperation filtering in, begging for them to see his way. "They got overrun. We've all seen that! The CDC is our best choice and Jim's only chance."

⠀⠀⠀Bianca noticed Daryl look back at Jim, a scowl on his face, then slowly turning back to them. Bianca shook her head, seeing his next play. His eyes shot to her but quickly left, darting to Rick and Shane.

⠀⠀⠀"You go lookin' for aspirin, do what you need to do," Daryl snapped at them, the pickaxe jumping up in his hand, and he turned on his heel toward Jim. "Someone needs to have some balls to take care of this damn problem!"

⠀⠀⠀Bianca moved first, shielding Daryl from doing something he'd regret. She stood in front of him. He nearly barreled over her when the click of a gun stopped him in his place. Rick held the barrel of his gun to the back of Daryl's head.

⠀⠀⠀"We don't kill the living."

⠀⠀⠀Daryl glared down his nose at Bianca before turning. Shane stepped in beside Bianca, better blocking Daryl's way to Jim. Daryl raised the pickaxe, showing he wouldn't swing, and rested it down by his side.

⠀⠀⠀"That's funny coming from a man who just put a gun to my head," Daryl commented with a sneer.

⠀⠀⠀"We may disagree on some things, not on this," Shane told him simply. "You put it down. Go on."

⠀⠀⠀Daryl glared between them, then slammed his pickaxe down into the dirt with all the force he had and stormed away.

━━━━━━ day 15.

BIANCA AND HER dad sat in the kitchen together, staring at one another. Neither sure what to say. Bianca's mom had gone upstairs to be with Eugene.

⠀⠀⠀Her dad was tanned with salt-and-pepper hair slicked back in a professional manner despite the world crumbling around them. Bianca supposed he didn't want to waste anything, even the mousse. Her dad had kind eyes that were dark and understanding, yet Bianca felt none of that from him. Instead, his lips were pulled into a straight line beneath the beard he had grown out since she'd last seen him.

⠀⠀⠀"You weren't there," Bianca began under her breath, eyes darting down to her freshly painted nails. "When I needed you."

⠀⠀⠀"Neither were you," her dad commented.

⠀⠀⠀Bianca frowned deep into her skin and returned her gaze to him, a glare that could kill pinned onto him. Her dad chuckled despite realizing it wasn't funny and raised his hands.

⠀⠀⠀"I was only pointing it out," he continued, but Bianca didn't feel that really justified the comment.

⠀⠀⠀"I was eight and mad at you," Bianca scoffed, rolling her eyes.

⠀⠀⠀"And it was my wedding day," Henrik said.

⠀⠀⠀Bianca could remember the day like it was yesterday. Her dad married a woman she disliked and was not right for. Henrik had asked her and Eugene to be a part of the wedding they had only known about for a week. He claimed he'd told them months before, but Bianca was sure he hadn't. Eugene insisted on throwing the flowers, being the flower boy, and so Bianca was left being the ring bearer.

⠀⠀⠀Bianca remembered staring at the rings on the pillow, both pristine gold and freshly polished, so they shined immaculately. She also remembered the anger that started to form within her at a young age. She hated his new wife, whatever it had been, and she hated that her parents weren't together anymore. She hated seeing her dad and his fiancé look so happy together when they'd come to ask the twins to join their wedding.

⠀⠀⠀Bianca stared at those rings for so long that when they disappeared, it felt like she had blinked. Her tiny throat was sore, and in the second of blackout, she realized they resided within her stomach. Not even a second of doubt came to mind.

⠀⠀⠀Bianca didn't head into the wedding. She thought they couldn't get married if they didn't have the rings, but she was wrong. The wedding proceeded as planned then her dad came out to find her by the water fountain of the venue, asking where the rings had gone.

⠀⠀⠀That landed Bianca in the hospital for emergency surgery.

⠀⠀⠀At least she didn't have to go to school for two weeks.

⠀⠀⠀However, her dad still went on his honeymoon.

⠀⠀⠀After that incident, there was a lot more between her dad. At the time, and even now, Henrik claimed he wasn't mad about his second wedding, but he still brought it up. After that, it was other things that got to him.

⠀⠀⠀Bianca didn't trust his second wife. Henrik didn't like that she kept trying to sabotage their relationship. When Bianca was sixteen, they had gotten into the biggest argument of her life. It was the night before she was graduating. Bianca could barely remember what it was about. She could remember the anger and resentment and bitterness between them. She could remember it was about his second wife or maybe her mom. There were too many holes to tell.

⠀⠀⠀Then, the next day, he didn't show up to her graduation. On the greatest day of Bianca's short life, he wasn't there.

⠀⠀⠀That was the dagger in the heart, the last straw. After that, Bianca kept her distance from him, seeing him when she legally had to due to the terms of her parent's divorce. When she was of age, Bianca stopped seeing him except holidays only to keep the peace for her brother.

⠀⠀⠀"Sorry," her dad said after a brief moment of silence, craning his head down in shame. "We should be working to fix this."

⠀⠀⠀"No better time like the end, right?" Bianca asked.

⠀⠀⠀Her dad sighed, shaking his head.

⠀⠀⠀"All I want is for you to be happy—" he began.

⠀⠀⠀"And I was," Bianca assured him, her stare pinning him down. "Without you."

⠀⠀⠀"You came here," he pointed out with a flicker of a smile coming to his cheeks as if he knew why she did. "At the end of it all. You ended up here."

⠀⠀⠀"Mom was here," Bianca said without hesitation.

⠀⠀⠀Her dad frowned, annoyed.

⠀⠀⠀"I thought we were working to fix things," he said with a sigh.

⠀⠀⠀"Well, maybe we should've done this years ago rather than now," Bianca retorted. Her anger began to bubble up and rendered her useless in attempting to make amends before they were both dead and buried.

⠀⠀⠀"That was not my choice," her dad claimed, his voice becoming firm and angry like hers, a finger pointed in her direction to turn the blame. Like father, like daughter. "You barely came to see me."

⠀⠀⠀"I was at your house every weekend," Bianca said, crossing her arms.

⠀⠀⠀"And out with friends every chance you got," her dad claimed. "At least Eugene got over his resentment towards me."

⠀⠀⠀"Don't drag him into this," Bianca snapped. "We may be twins, but we are not the same."

⠀⠀⠀"Oh, I know," her dad chuckled. "You're just like me."

⠀⠀⠀"I'm nothin' like you."

⠀⠀⠀"We're here because we're angry, bitter, stubborn, unwilling to let go," her dad sounded off. Bianca wanted to argue but faltered when she recognized he was right. "You cost me my marriage—"

⠀⠀⠀"I did not," Bianca nearly shrieked. "That wasn't me, that wasn't you, that was her."

⠀⠀⠀"Bianca, I'm not an idiot," he rolled his eyes. "I knew she was stealing money, but I loved her. You forced my hand when you called the police."

⠀⠀⠀"Are you kidding me right now?" Bianca asked, leaning back in her chair and started shaking her leg anxiously. "I can't believe you're blaming me for her shit. Again! What if I blamed you for all the shit that's gone wrong in my life."

⠀⠀⠀"Like what?" Henrik asked, amused. "Everything's been handed to you on a silver platter."

⠀⠀⠀"You introduced me to my first boyfriend, right? The one that tried to hit me on several occasions then dumped me when I defended myself. He ended up in jail, by the way," Bianca commented. "Guess that's your fault. And, well, ADHD is genetic, and I'm pretty sure you have it despite your unwillingness to get your life together and neglected to do the same for me. I was eighteen when I went. So, that's your fault. And, then this whole end of the world—!"

⠀⠀⠀"Alright!" Henrik snapped, voice booming through the room, echoing against the walls. "That's enough."

⠀⠀⠀"I'm just being honest—"

⠀⠀⠀"Get some sleep," Henrik said to her, interrupting once again. "We can continue this conversation when we've both cooled down."

⠀⠀⠀Bianca rolled her eyes and stood to her feet.

⠀⠀⠀"Whatever."

⠀⠀⠀And she left.

━━━━━━ day 62.

THE BURIALS WERE hard; the mock-funeral was harder. It felt like a seizing grip had a hold of Bianca, her lungs crushing and tears working their way up to never fall. Beside the open earth, she felt stiff, and her eyes stayed staring. She barely moved a muscle, even the breeze that tempted to sway her couldn't push past her iron stance. The others seemed to notice, too. Worried gazes lingered, and never did she move.

⠀⠀⠀Inside of Bianca, she was a raging storm of thoughts and worries. She was never good at understanding her emotions, but she understood this. She felt sorry for these people she had come to know at a distance. They were dead, and she was saddened by it, but there was also the lingering thought that they got a funeral and her family didn't. People stood by these people's graves, casting words of remembrance over their bodies, and her family didn't get that luxury.

⠀⠀⠀If Bianca couldn't have her family at the end of it all, she wished she could've had so much as time to say goodbye. Not a hasty one.

⠀⠀⠀Bianca didn't listen to the funeral procession or the silence that filled the gaps. She only listened to her racing mind and was left with a lonely graves site as the rest trickled out.

⠀⠀⠀When Bianca moved, she squatted to the ground, knees kept close to her chest and one arm held around them to keep her balanced. Her left hand went to the dirt, pressing into the delicate texture, and held there. She took a minute, an hour, however long, she wasn't sure, but it was long enough to allow herself to draw three gravestones. Then, she wrote their names.

⠀⠀⠀Eugene, Laura, Henrik.

⠀⠀⠀Bianca stared at their names, her throat closing and her tears threatening to escape, pooled at the edges. They stopped, taunting her. Finally, however, one managed to escape, slipping down her nose and hanging on the end until it fell like a crater within the 'g' of Eugene's name.

⠀⠀⠀Glenn squatted down beside her, silent as he looked over their graves.

⠀⠀⠀"Do you mind if I ask?" he asked after a minute.

⠀⠀⠀Typically, Glenn was nervous about stepping over a line with people at camp. He was always cautious and tentative. But now, he wasn't worried he would offend Bianca. Instead, he was confident in his question and welcoming to however she wanted to answer.

⠀⠀⠀"No," Bianca muttered, burying her chin between her knees, a little happy he had asked. "This is my mom and my dad," she explained, pointing to their markers. "And this is my brother."

⠀⠀⠀Bianca smiled at his name, re-tracing the letters faintly. Then, she turned to Glenn.

⠀⠀⠀"You remind me of him."

⠀⠀⠀"Why?" Glenn asked, curious.

⠀⠀⠀"You're both too kind for this word, caring to everyone. Even to someone like me," Bianca explained, returning to Eugene's name, the tears streaming now. "He's my twin brother. We shared a womb, a childhood, a life... and it, it-it feels like I lost a piece of myself that day." Her voice cracked between her words, and she could feel her lips trembling from the despair. She pinched them closed, trying to keep the sobs to herself.

⠀⠀⠀"I'm sorry to hear that," Glenn said, no pity in his words, just understanding. Warm and bright where her heart had cracked.

⠀⠀⠀"I'm glad you did," Bianca told him honestly. "Haven't really told anyone except... well, I guess Daryl."

⠀⠀⠀Glenn furrowed his brows. He knew they came together, but no one knew what their journey had been like before.

⠀⠀⠀"What do you mean?" he asked.

⠀⠀⠀"He was the one who killed them when I couldn't and stood by me when I could."

AUTHOR'S NOTE —

I think this is one of my favorite chapters I've written. We really dig into Bianca's backstory while still not knowing what exactly happened. Plus her reaction to the sudden attack and her telling Glenn that he reminds her of Eugene. Just an overall good chapter in my opinion.

SONG: Cemetery Gates by Pantera

Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment if you'd like. However, this is an all kind of reader safe space. So even if you ghost read or comment every chapter, I hope you know it means the world to me that you've come into this fic ♡ I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and until the next one.