CHAPTER TWENTY TWO.
( weight of home. )

CONTENT WARNING:
MILD ADULT THEMES

  "ARE YOU EVER GOING TO SPEAK to him again?"

Shadow didn't look at Bella as she went over the homework in front of her. It was much easier to feign interest in biology definitions than speak about Edward Cullen. Shadow Swan wasn't a forgiving person— and not even good food was enough to fix this one.

  For all that had gone right, there was still too much that had gone wrong. Setting things right with Bella wasn't going to make her forget what Edward had done. So, when it came to facing him in-or-out of school, Shadow ignored him— mostly for her cousin's sake.

  If it were up to Shadow, she would have torn him to pieces the minute she laid eyes on him.

  And Edward seemed to understand that too. He kept his distance, but she wasn't stupid. She knew he regretted what he'd done. Jasper had told her enough about his feelings to let her catch on. Not that she particularly cared.

"Okay, what he did was bad—"

"Yes," Shadow cut in. "It was." She refused to listen to poor excuses made on Edward's behalf.

Bella sighed, resting her head on the table. They were in the school library, with Bella struggling not to speak of her newfound boyfriend every chance she could. Shadow would have preferred her being a gushing teenager in love rather than someone trying to mend an already strained acquaintanceship.

  "Any progress?" Jasper asked, taking his usual spot next to Shadow as he arrived.

  She smiled softly at him and he shared the gesture with ease. "Yeah, I don't have any issues with Bio," she told him, peering down at the definitions she'd already copied.

  "I was talking to Bella about your inherent Swan stubbornness," Jasper replied, grinning as she scowled at the remark.

  "Great," she said, "Now you're both plotting against me?" Shadow had to admit that it didn't entirely feel like betrayal. Unfortunately, the realization didn't make it any less annoying.

  "No," Jasper explained slowly, "But you're a part of us now. I don't want there to be any bad blood."

  "Such a sweet-talker," Shadow mused, her smile lingering on the edge of a sneer. "I didn't think bad blood existed for vampires."

  Jasper pulled a face. "That was awful— and all I'm asking is that you talk to him. It doesn't have to be forgiveness, but hear him out at least," he asked.

If he thought pursuing the subject further was the appropriate response, he was sorely mistaken.

  Shadow scowled, "If he's really sorry, he would stop being a coward and say it to my face." She slammed her textbook closed and got up to leave.

  Bella sighed, "As you can see, no progress."

  The ginger shot her a glare, turning on her heel with the intent to leave the two behind. She made it all of five steps from the library before Jasper caught up with her. Shadow made a point of ignoring him, even as he curled cold fingers around her own.

"If I promise not to bring it up for the rest of the day, will you stop being angry with me?"

  "How about you stop bringing it up for the rest of eternity?" She offered, still annoyed, but keeping his hand warm in her own.

  "Don't make promises you can't keep," he taunted, but Shadow knew he was uneasy where terms like 'forever' were applied— because they wouldn't have it.

  Trying to steer the conversation away from immortality, Shadow scoffed. "I think we both know my rage could last far longer."

  "Your stubbornness, maybe," he agreed, "but I think your anger would start to wear." Jasper pressed a kiss to her temple, as if to remedy her annoyance.

  "Don't count on it," she told him sweetly, stepping out of his embrace. If he was going to keep pushing the matter of forgiving Edward, Shadow wasn't entirely sure if sharing the same class with him was a good idea. She doubted skipping would do too much damage.

"What are you going to do when your stubbornness becomes your downfall?" Jasper asked, pulling her back to him. Her heart leapt as he pressed another kiss to her cheek.

"Being stubborn led me to you," she said, shameless with her flirting, "I think I'll be alright."

Jasper tried not to express how charmed he was, but she knew he was enjoying it. She often wondered if he knew how open he was with his emotions— at least, where it concerned her. It was endearing.

"Who's the sweet talker now?" He mused, trying to pull her closer. The hallways were vacant now, but Shadow still gave a teasing smile as she shifted away.

"We're going to miss class," she told him, not that she particularly cared. She wasn't about to clue Jasper in on how infatuated she was with his southern charm either.

"Take it from a repeat-graduate; you're not missing much," was Jasper's half-hearted argument. "Let's take a day off."

  Shadow almost laughed at the way he made school sound like just a menial job, but found her humour quickly dying. The Swan girl gasped as Jasper lifted her onto his back. It was second nature at this point to wrap her arms around him as the world blurred into nothing.

Shadow's stomach tied itself together as she clung to Jasper's neck. "You're going to pay for this!" She yelled into the noise, pressing closer as if to shield herself from the chilling wind.

  Jasper's only response was laughter— and just as soon as it had begun, it was over.

  The wind died, the world stilled, and everything was right again. Shadow's relief made her knees weak as Jasper set her down. He made sure to keep a supportive arm around her and, as much as she wanted to curse at him, Shadow leaned into his embrace.

"Where are we?" She managed to ask, too preoccupied with solid ground to see for herself.

"Take a look," Jasper spoke softly. "Forks might be dull, but you can't deny its perks."

It took a moment for Shadow to register the sounds. It took another before she realized what exactly Jasper meant. She could hear trickling and the faint roar of... water. Shadow lifted her head and found herself too stunned to speak.

  She'd known Forks harboured a couple nearby waterfalls, but the pictures didn't do them justice. It was beautiful. Vibrant and green and alive. The heart of the forest. 

Shadow inhaled the rich scent of wet earth and fresh water. A nostalgic note; tying together both the past and the present. It made her entirely vulnerable.

  And suddenly, Shadow was a child again, visiting the beaches with her mother. Or running through the streets with her father, laughing at every splash of a puddle. It was her whole childhood condensed into one moment. The entirety of her life, both the love and the loss.

  It was home.

  Wet earth and pine. Fresh streams and waterfalls. Shadow felt the tie to this place like a weight anchoring her heart down. This was where she belonged— with him, with her family.

"I love you," Jasper spoke, so soft, she almost missed it.

  Shadow understood that there was something entirely different in the way he said it. A vulnerability all his own. Jasper had seen everything inside of her and had never turned away— could never be taken from her, in all the ways love had been taken from Shadow before.

  And even then, that love had never been truly lost.

  Shadow turned to look at him, but his eyes were closed. He seemed to be attuned to something entirely out of her own perception. Shadow was always struck by how much just looking at him made her feel.

  She was sure of it now; that her heart had always belonged to him. She wanted so badly to tell him that. To put into words how much she cared.

  Unfortunately, words had never been her strong suit.

  "I—" Shadow paused, immediately stumbling over herself. "I can't even speak to you right now." There was already a blush dusting over her cheeks. It was embarrassing how much he left her dazed.

  "I didn't think you could be so cruel," Jasper teased, looking down at the Swan girl. He ventured closer, his arms reaching out to hold her.

  Shadow kissed him before he could think to expect it. Where words might have failed her, action didn't. She kissed him softly. Adoringly. She had experienced kissing plenty of times before, but nothing compared to this.

  Shadow curled her fingers around the collar of his shirt, feeling her cheeks warm further as Jasper's kisses ventured away from her mouth. All along the edges of her jaw, right to the dangerous territory of her neck.

  Jasper hesitated, but Shadow had no doubts regarding his restraint. She couldn't imagine fearing him, when all she had never known was safety and comfort in his presence.

  "Do you enjoy tormenting me?" He whispered, his breath against her skin.

  Shadow found herself unable to speak. She just wanted him to keep kissing her and never stop. She nestled closer, her heart beating faster with his lips lingering so close.

  "Is that a yes?" He asked, placing another kiss to the edges of her throat.

  Shadow clutched his shirt tighter. "I'd say I'm the one being tormented right now," she whispered, heart hammering in her chest.

"Is that so?" He mused, "A weakness of the formidable Shadow Swan?" Jasper's grin was wicked as he quickly pulled back.

  Shadow felt her heart plummet and her adoration was replaced with annoyance. "And this is why you're a virgin."

  Jasper choked on his laughter, the sound quickly swallowed up by the roaring waterfall. The playful insult hadn't exactly been planned, but it was out before Shadow could think better of it. At the very least, one of them found the situation amusing.

  "I might be a tease," he told her, still trying for lighthearted conversation. "But, I'm not a virgin."

  Shadow didn't entirely know why she was surprised, but she was. "And when did you plan on sharing that?"

  It wasn't that she was upset. Shadow had known from the start that she wasn't likely to be any of his firsts. To be fair, the only first Jasper held over her was that she had only ever loved him. It was only with him that she felt bound by his voice and his presence.

  "When the time was right," Jasper sighed. "But now works, too."

Shadow shrugged, kicking off her shoes. "It doesn't really matter to me." Her socks were next, leaving the ginger bare-foot in the grass.

Jasper watched with intrigue. "What are you doing?"

She grinned, lifting the edges of her shirt. Jasper turned away faster than she could blink. Shadow curled in on herself, laughing loudly. She stumbled a bit in the wet grass, breathless while Jasper glared down at her.

"You could have said you had something on underneath," he told her, glaring at the tank-top Shadow had revealed.

"Don't worry," she assured him, still giggling. "I don't plan on blessing your eyes anytime soon."

Jasper ignored the remark, clearly embarrassed. "Are you going to answer the question?"

"I wanna dip my toes in," she told him simply, venturing closer to the water. "Are you coming?"

Jasper didn't require much convincing. Shadow waded deeper into the pool, until the water stopped just at her ankles. She could feel the roaring waterfall sprinkling her exposed skin, cool and comforting.

"Tell me something I don't know about you yet," Jasper said. She could feel him standing just behind her, so close that she found herself leaning back into him.

When he wrapped his arms around her, she replied, "I have a tattoo."

He hummed in approval. "What does it look like?" His fingers were gentle as they caressed her arm.

Shadow shivered, "It's of the sun."

"When do I get to see it?"

She grinned, "In your dreams."

"Cruel girl," he whispered, kissing the edge of her ear. Shadow was completely at his mercy and he knew it.

  So, she was grateful when he asked another question, "Why a sun?"

  Shadow kicked at the water, sending a splash rippling across the pool. "For my dad," she said, but didn't elaborate on the meaning behind it.

Some of those wounds were still too raw and open to share.

  "Did your mom know?"

  She struggled with her sudden irritation. "No, she was already... gone, I guess." It was the only way Shadow could think to describe it.

  "You're angry with her." The statement wasn't phrased like a question. "Why?"

  Shadow frowned, stepping further into the pool. "She left me," was all she said. It was hard not to feel that frustration again. "I needed her and she left me."

Shadow didn't care if her anger made her seem callous. It wasn't fair. She had been forced to give up so much in order to take on the role that her mother no longer could. It just wasn't fair.

Still, she couldn't help her embarrassment in response to Jasper's long silence.

"I don't think less of you for your anger," he told her, sensing the shift in her mood. "It's understandable, but I don't think her death meant your mother loved you any less."

Shadow's usual response would have been to sneer, but she knew he was being sincere. There was no judgement for her reaction. No insistence on seeing 'a brighter side to things.' He didn't even scold her for her anger, like everyone else had before him.

"Then why didn't she stay?" Shadow found herself asking, as if he could possibly know the answer.

Shadow knew she was being difficult, but she couldn't help herself. Not when this anger had been poisoning her for so long. She wanted so badly to know; why wasn't she enough to live for?

What had her mother seen in Shadow that made it so easy to leave her daughter behind?

The Swan girl bit down on her lip, struggling with the despair that swept over her. This wasn't how she wanted to end this day. Living with the anger was bad enough, she couldn't deal with the sadness that came with it.

"Let me take it," Jasper said, "Just for now." He was holding her again, head rested in the hollow between her neck and shoulder.

Where his touch alone would usually comfort her, Shadow found herself wanting the feelings gone more quickly. "Okay," she agreed, stomach turning with her distress.

The tightness in her throat lessened as Shadow immediately felt his influence on her. It wasn't sudden enough to make her gasp, but she recognized it all the same. The gentle calm eased over her in waves, until her turbulent emotions were settled completely.

When it was done, she found herself resting against Jasper. "You know," she nestled closer, "I could see you being a pretty successful therapist."

Jasper chuckled, the vibrations sending a shiver down Shadow's spine. "I'll keep that in mind," he told her, planting a kiss to her neck.

Shadow tried not show how weak her knees felt. "Any more questions?"

  "Bella's meeting the family this weekend, do you want to come?" The amusement in his voice told her that he already knew the answer.

"Oh, I'm definitely going to be there."

  It didn't hurt that Esme would likely be cooking. For someone who couldn't eat, it was a mystery how she she made such delicious food. Shadow wasn't sure whether to chalk it up to skill or just diligent recipe-following— though, an instinct of her motherly nature was also probable.

The Swan girl turned to look at Jasper, who was still pressed closely. "I'm really grateful for you," she told him.

  That embarrassed blush returned as Jasper tilted his head to look down at her. Admitting to her feelings was a difficult ordeal. It was even harder when he was staring at her like she was life itself.

  "Really?" He smiled, pressing his lips to her forehead. His every touch was delicate. "Grateful enough to listen to your boyfriend's plea to hear his brother out?"

  "And you just had to ruin it," she huffed, stepping none-too-gently out of his embrace. This repeat-conversation was getting old.

  Jasper frowned, "He's sorry for what he did, Shadow."

  "Oh? Then he should've minded his own business." Her snark was hard to keep in check.

  "You need to talk this out," Jasper insisted. "Whether you like it or not, he's a part of your family now. The same way you're a part of his."

  "I don't owe him any of my time just because he's dating my cousin." It wasn't like any of them were married. None of this was so set-in-stone that Shadow couldn't risk a little selfish anger.

"Then what if it were me? What if the roles were reversed and it was Bella who had to forgive me for hurting you?"

Shadow gaped. "She is allowed to decide on her own terms, because she's her own person— and my anger isn't because Edward hurt me," she sneered at the mere idea. "It's because after everything he did, he could've at least given me the courtesy of telling Bella myself!"

"So, this isn't just about secrets," he said, egging her on.

Shadow was beyond frustrated. "No! And why do you care so much?" She had never seen him so incessant before.

  "Because dealing with both your feelings is hard for me too!" His outburst stunned both of them. For a long minute, there was just silence.

  Shadow recovered fairly quick. "Then keep it to yourself," she told him sharply, irritated that he was admitting to invading on her privacy.

  "I can't," he explained, exasperation to his voice. "I haven't been able to control it since—" Jasper stopped there, much to Shadow's growing annoyance.

  She narrowed her eyes. "Since what?"

  "Since I realized I love you," he bit out, clearly embarrassed that he had to admit it. "You make things so much easier to feel, but harder to control."

  She gaped. "Don't flirt with me after pissing me off!" She turned back to the waterfall so he couldn't see the red on her face.

  Jasper laughed. Shadow felt like a petulant child as she turned and kicked water at him. His response was to dodge and immediately do the same.

  Shadow gasped as water splashed her in the face. Jasper's laughter was so loud, she found her anger forgotten as she kicked at the water again. Shadow grinned as the puddle landed right in his open mouth.

  He sputtered, "That's disgusting!"

  She feigned a pout, "Scared to catch cold?"

  Jasper grinned at her and Shadow felt her stomach turn in delight. He approached slowly, but she didn't step back. She was already too deep in the water. Besides, she liked the way he was looking at her.

  And when he kissed her, it was an entirely different feeling. Slow at first, but soon giving over to a different kind of desire. Shadow felt her heart pick up pace as they were suddenly pressed closer, their kiss open-mouthed. Her hand was on his collar again, as if she could bring him any nearer.

  He pulled back suddenly, "I hope you like waterfall germs."

  Shadow sneered at his taunting grin, "Shut up."

  She kissed him again, bolder this time. When she lifted a leg to his waist, he responded with ease. Shadow wrapped her legs around him as he held her. It was so easy; to be in his embrace. To kiss him and lose herself completely.

  "You're so lucky you don't need to breathe air," she rasped out, pulling away. Her chest was heaving as Jasper gently set her down.

  "I'd gladly give up air over and over again if it meant I could meet you," he said sweetly, pressing kisses to her jaw.

  Shadow choked on her laugh. "You're so cheesy, it's embarrassing." An absolute lie. She adored him for it.

  "I am being serious," he confessed, after a moment of silence settled between them. "My abilities have been harder to control. I used to be able to keep it contained, but now..."

  Jasper shrugged, "When you're angry, I'm angry." He paused to kiss her gently, sending a rush of that euphoric feeling through her.

"When you're happy, I'm happy," he finished, his voice a whisper between them.

  "But just when you're around me, right?" Shadow would by lying if she said she wasn't concerned by the idea of him feeling all her emotions.

  He nodded, "But, it's been harder to control at home too. Usually I do better in calmer spaces. It's what makes living with the Cullen's so nice."

  He didn't exactly add a 'but...' at the end of his sentence, but Shadow felt it nonetheless.

  "And since this whole..." It took a moment to search for the right word, "Tension with me and Edward, I'm guessing things haven't been any easier."

  "No," he agreed. "It's almost as bad as hearing Edward's thoughts. His guilt is driving me crazy."

Shadow frowned at his distress. If he'd told her sooner, it would've made things entirely easier to understand. Yet, she knew it wasn't entirely unfair. She had her own struggles she kept from him, so Shadow tried to be understanding of the ones he kept from her.

  "Fine, I'll hear him out," she said. "But not unless I hear the words 'I'm sorry I'm such a dickhead' come out of his mouth."

Jasper smiled and picked her up so suddenly that Shadow could only laugh. "Should I jot that down?" He teased, though he made his gratitude clear by holding her tighter.

  "Yes, along with my request for a chicken ceasar salad to go with dinner tomorrow." She kept her legs locked around his waist as she toyed with his loose curls.

"Yes, ma'am," he said, the accent slipping through.

Shadow was entirely infatuated by it. "If you keep talking like that, I cannot be held accountable for what it makes me do."

"Is that a threat or a compliment?"

"Either one works," she said softly, kissing him again.

→

Standing in the foyer of the Cullen house, Shadow was prepared for anything.

Edward could burst through the door with scowls and intimidation— maybe even insults. Shadow could handle it. She had never known either of them to back down from a fight, so the Swan girl braced herself for something ugly.

Jasper might have promised her civility, but she wasn't counting on it.

Still, it was entirely to her surprise when Edward finally shuffled into the room with his head bowed and expression hidden. Someone who— in the short time she'd known him— had always been so at ease in his own arrogance. This wasn't the angst-ridden, volatile teen she was used to.

Which made the entire thing seem more like some setup rather than genuine effort.

Shadow scowled. "Well?"

"I didn't ask them to do this," he said, still avoiding eye contact. "I don't want you to think I forced you to be here. You have every right to be upset and I know what I did was wrong. I just want you to know that it wasn't intentional."

She rolled her eyes. "Is that it?" Her disappointment in him was hitting all-time-lows. Edward winced, but Shadow cut in before he could continue his lame pity party.

"I don't care that you know it was wrong," she told him, aware that her tone was little more than blunt. "I care that you apologize and mean it. I care that you watch out for my cousin and stop tormenting my boyfriend with your sulking."

"I am angry," she admitted, unable to stop her fingers from curling into fists. "You don't make getting along an easier and I know that I don't, either. But..."

Shadow sighed, fighting her frustration. "We should try, at least. I'd rather move on from this than make everyone upset by holding your every fault against you."

Shadow didn't bother shielding her mind from him. And believe me, you have many faults right now, she thought. It was the only moment Edward seemed to struggle with a smile.

"I understand," he said and he was sincere as he looked at her. "I'm so sorry, Shadow. It was my fault, but I would never do it intentionally. It... just came out."

Shadow wasn't sure why blaming him suddenly felt so wrong, but it did. She figured it had something to do with her own familiarity with accidental screw up's. It appealed to her rarely seen better-nature. Saying the wrong thing wasn't exactly a new experience to her.

She crossed her arms, "Yeah, I get it. I appreciate the apology."

"Does that mean you forgive me?" He asked.

  Shadow noted that he seemed a little uneasy at the possibility of her holding that over him. She wasn't necessarily cruel, but she would be lying if she said she hadn't thought about it. It was a lucky thing she knew better.

  "I think so..." she said, but only because it was the truth. "All I ask is that you take care of her and keep her safe, Edward. God knows I can't." It was the only thing that still bothered her.

"You protect her in your own way," he replied, his smile kind. "And so will I, Shadow. Always."

She nodded. "Then that's good enough for me."

Edward regarded her with a hesitant smile before she left. She didn't doubt that they were both glad to end the day on a positive note. Anger was such an easy thing to hold onto in the heat of the moment, but long-term grudges weren't something Shadow was suited for.

  When she got outside, Jasper was already waiting in the car to take her home. Shadow felt the last of her unease leave her as she looked at him. If it meant making his weight easier to bear, there was little Shadow wouldn't do for Jasper Hale.

  Loving him was a gift— and not even the world itself could make her let go of it.

  Edited 02/25/2016 @2:15 AM

AUTHORS NOTE: Aren't they cute?