CHAPTER TWENTY ONE.
( the protector. )

SOMETHING WAS WRONG.

  Shadow knew it in the way her heart filled with dread. She knew it in the unease that roused her slowly from sleep— and she also knew it because the roar of Bella's engine had startled her, waking Shadow with more than an hour before school started.

  Bella was gone before the elder Swan could even make it down the stairs. Charlie had already left too, leaving Shadow to fend for herself. She rushed into some clothes and grabbed her motorcycle keys. Despite the lack of permission, Shadow doubted Charlie would have any complaints if she got her story right.

Maybe Shadow had just pissed Bella off. Still, her cousin wasn't reckless. Bella also wasn't a blatant asshole, either. There was a reason she had left Shadow behind.

  It was a curiosity that made the ginger suddenly nervous; for all the possibilities it could hold.

  Reluctant, Shadow made her way towards Bella's room. What was so urgent that she had to leave right away? Regardless of the invasion in privacy, Shadow opened the door and peered inside.

The sight of her younger cousin's computer immediately caught her eye. It was still on— and beside it lay a book. Wandering further in, Shadow crossed the room and studied the website Bella had been on. Shadow had the whole ordeal already pinned as a late assignment Bella was trying to get in. It was the best explanation she could think of.

It was also dead-wrong.

The paragraphs written on the page didn't register for a moment. It was a website dedicated to the lore of local-and-distant indigenous groups; about something called the Cold One. Shadow couldn't help herself after that, her stomach dropping into some deep pit.

As she read on, she realized that the website described vampires to a near-perfect degree.

Shadow didn't stop to rationalize. She knew better. No half-baked excuse could explain this. What reason would Bella be looking into vampires other than Edward Cullen?

And how could Shadow have been stupid enough to think Bella wouldn't figure it out?

Shadow pressed her shaking fingers to her lips. Bella had already pieced it together. That, or she was running on a wild guess— and was likely waiting to confront Edward at the school. Right now. Alone.

The thought was enough to make Shadow move. Her footsteps carried her immediately to the motorcycle waiting outside. She still had time to stop Bella before she did something stupid.

  Her cousin had no idea what kind of danger she was getting caught up in and Shadow would do whatever it took to protect her from it.

→

When she finally arrived, Shadow was relieved to discover that she was just in time. Kids were already piling into the parking lot and she could see Bella sitting in her truck, waiting. The Cullen's hadn't arrived yet either. Another good omen.

  Not good enough to quell her anger, though. Shadow stomped her way over to her cousin's truck. Other students were quick to step out of her path, stumbling over themselves to get away from what was obviously a very pissed-off Swan. Shadow stopped in front of the passenger-side door and reached out to rap on the window, efficiently capturing the brunette's attention.

  Bella's expression quickly morphed into guilt as she took in Shadow's irritated form. Shadow watched as her cousin unlocked the truck. The younger Swan was already bracing herself for the anger that was sure to come.

  However, Shadow stopped short when Bella suddenly tensed. She followed her gaze, searching for the cause. Shadow's eyes immediately found Edward, who was standing a fair distance away. Not far enough to miss the glare Shadow shot him.

  Movement from behind her immediately had Shadow whirling on Bella, "Don't even think about it."

  Bella paused, but her resolve was already in place. "You can't stop me."

  "What is it that you think you know, huh?" Shadow was seething. "Sit here and wait until I get back." There was no room for protest.

  "Fine!" Bella snapped, her irritation making Shadow sneer as she slammed the truck door behind her.

  Shadow turned and set her sights on Edward, who had the good sense to look alarmed by her approach. Her only question was, "How the hell did this happen?!"

  Shadow was only just beginning to understand the dangers of their world. She couldn't just stand by and allow Bella— a human— to get involved. Regardless of her cousin's insistence on the matter, Shadow was going to do whatever it took to prevent it. Even if it meant damning her friendship with the Cullen's.

"Seattle," Edward spoke, hostile in a way that made Shadow burn a little more. "I trailed her and when she came out of a local bookstore, she was followed by a group of men. I did what I had to."

"Oh, so heroic," she said, unafraid of pissing him off with her mockery. "Did you even stop to think about the consequences? She and Charlie are all I have left, I won't let you take her from me."

Edward stepped closer. "That's not your decision to make," he told her, deathly quiet.

Shadow wanted to tear into him. She wanted to scream and make him bleed and crack and break. Edward seemed more than eager to give into the challenge as they stared each other down.

"That's enough," Jasper spoke from behind her, gently easing an arm between them. His attempts to pull Shadow back were futile.

"I'll kill you," she whispered, sending a ricocheting silence over the group. Her chest was heaving with that wild rage inside her. "If anything happens to her because of this, I'll kill you."

Edward didn't look too shaken by the promise. "And I'll gladly let you do it," he told her.

And that was that.

Shadow stepped away, the defeat making that hole inside her ache as she shoved Jasper's arm aside. She didn't want to be anywhere near them. Knowing that she couldn't stop this was devastating enough on its own. She didn't need his family there to rub it in her face.

When she turned to make for the school, Shadow wasn't surprised to find Bella waiting a few feet away. The elder Swan didn't look at her as she breezed past, pausing only to say, "Don't provoke him."

All that was left now was the wait.

→

  Suffice to say that school work was the last thing on Shadow's mind as the end of the day drew closer. There had been no sign of Bella or Edward since that morning. Alice had tried to assure her all was well, but Shadow didn't linger to hear much more.

They knew. They knew that this would happen and not one of them had warned her. They hadn't even bothered to hide it.

Alice trying to warm her to the idea of Edward and Bella was proof enough. That pissed her off more than the outright lying; the skirting around of how dangerous this was. Only Rosalie seemed to understand, making it clear that she was against Edward's infatuation with her cousin. After all, it wasn't just Bella's safety at stake.

  At the very least, Shadow was taking her lack of screaming as a good sign.

  Still, she was the first to leave when the bell rang. Shadow made for the door and was gone before Alice could catch up with her. Unfortunately, the two shared their last class. Alice had tried her best to reach out to her, but the Swan girl's only thought was to get to Bella as soon as possible.

  "You haven't spoken to me all day," Jasper said, appearing at her side from the swarm of students. "Care to explain why I'm getting the cold shoulder for this?"

  Shadow had no patience for his bullshit. "Don't lie to me. Alice saw it. You don't think I know you're the first person she runs to when she has a vision?"

  Jasper gave an uneasy smirk, "Jealous?" But that was all he said.

  Shadow wanted to curse at him. "You think this is funny?!" She demanded, whirling on him. The aggravation she'd clung to all day was bursting at the seams.

She didn't care for the students that lingered to watch the dispute— or for what this might do to their tenuous relationship. Shadow only cared that she was angry. That no one seemed to understand why this was such a big deal.

  Jasper scowled at the sudden attention. "Her visions can change," he whispered. "I thought I had more time to tell you."

  "Don't lie to me," she seethed, repeating the words only once. "You had your chance and you didn't tell me— and now I have to live the rest of my life not knowing what will happen to her because of it."

  "Do you mind continuing this somewhere without an audience?" He hissed, trying to venture closer.

She stepped back. "Yes, I mind."

  "Stop being difficult."

  "You don't get it!" She snapped, feeling that well of panic rising inside of her. The fear that she had tried to keep buried. Shadow turned before he could notice the tremble of her lip.

This was a different kind of helplessness.

"Leave me alone," she said, but didn't bother to see if he listened. Shadow went to her locker, gathered her things, and left.

  Trying to outrun the guilt and that poisonous anger was a useless effort. She knew that. But, Shadow didn't have the time to face it.

  And time was really the only thing she wanted anymore.

→

The elder Swan didn't bother with the hovering mother act.

  Instead of waiting by the door to demand her cousin's whereabouts, Shadow went up to her room to wait. She knew Bella would seek her out. It wouldn't take long for her to realize that Shadow knew about the Cullen's— that she had tried to keep it from her.

  So, when her bedroom door opened to reveal the younger Swan, Shadow braced herself for that anger.

  "Seriously? A banshee?" Bella demanded, expression contorted with frustration.

  Shadow was immediately stunned into silence. Then, her carefully controlled temper burst through, "He told you?!" Oh, she was absolutely going to murder him.

  "Well, you obviously weren't planning on it!"

  "That wasn't his choice to make!" Shadow shouted, unafraid to embrace this sudden yelling match.

Still, she felt guilty when Bella flinched away from the noise.

  "It wasn't your choice to keep this from me, either," Bella replied. "But you still tried to." The volume had lowered now. Not that it did much to settle their anger.

  Shadow recoiled with a wince. "I was trying to protect you."

  "Why?" Bella asked, her voice pleading with Shadow.

  It was her only question— and it shocked Shadow. She was expecting anger for her protectiveness. An outright rejection and refusal to accept it. Maybe even a bit of defensiveness, for Edward's sake.

  "Because," she whispered, trying to work through her thoughts. "You and Charlie are all I have left. I can't— I can't lose you too."

  The admittance made her want to sob. Shadow clutched the edge of her shirt, heart writhing with pain. Putting the fear into words felt too much like breathing life to the possibility. She hated it.

  Bella was silent.

  So, Shadow continued, "I know it seems selfish and unfair, but I saw what those other vampires did to Waylon. I saw it," she whispered. Her eyes stung with the effort to hold back her tears.

  Those images were there again. The vision that reminded her how rare vampires like the Cullen's were— and why Shadow's abilities had warned her upon meeting them. They were dangerous. Ruthless. Creatures built to kill.

  "And every time I think about it, or imagine it happening to you and Charlie—" Shadow stopped herself, letting out a sob at the mere thought.

  She couldn't stop herself from crying now. Her words were a jumbled mess and fear left every muscle in her body locked up. She felt sick with how scared she was. Scared that the worst might come to pass and she would be alone again.

  And when Bella pushed forward to hug her, Shadow shattered completely. The sobs that tore from her were raw with all the weight she'd been holding back. From the horror of first discovering this power, to the brutal visions and truths she'd been plagued with since.

  Shadow Swan was selfish.

  She loved her family. She would do anything for them. Shadow adored Bella, with her quiet kindness and resilience. She loved Charlie, for his any attempt to connect because at least he was trying. That was enough for her.

  This downpour town and old forest were enough for Shadow to call home. She never wanted to lose that again. Not ever.

  And that made it so much harder to realize how useless she was in stopping this.

  Shadow couldn't keep Bella from all the dangers in the world. Not when Shadow herself was so intricately connected to it. Bella was always going to find out and Alice had known that.

  However cruel, it seemed that fate loved playing its small games with Shadow Swan.

  "Promise me," Shadow forced out, clutching at her cousin. Her sibling. "Promise me you'll stay safe. That you'll be smart about this." It was the only thing she wanted. The only thing she could think to ask for.

  "I promise," Bella swore, pressing her older cousin closer. Shadow clung to the comfort her embrace provided, burrowing in. It was enough to remind Shadow to pull herself together, for her sake.

When she pulled away, the ginger huffed as she wiped at her hot tears. "I'm sorry. I know it's a lot..."

Bella shook her head. "I can handle it. You don't have to carry it alone."

Shadow wasn't entirely sure what she meant. The knowledge that a world existed within their own? Or the weight of the grief that came with it? She didn't bother asking for clarification. Shadow had experienced enough vulnerability for one night.

"Is this the reason why you've been spending so much time with them?" Bella prodded softly, as if Shadow were still sensitive.

She appreciated the care Bella was taking, but still had to force a smile. "Yeah, they've been guiding me through it." She took a seat at the edge of her bed.

Bella didn't hesitate in perching at Shadow's desk. "How are you handling it so far?"

The elder Swan shrugged, bracing herself for all kinds of questions. "Okay, I think. The Cullen's said I've been getting better at controlling it— and sensing when a fit is coming."

"Hm, so what's up with you and Jasper?"

Shadow stared at her younger cousin with shock. "You discover vampires and banshees are real and you want to know about my love life?" She couldn't believe it.

Bella, however, immediately lit up. "Love? You mean there is something there?" Her expression was almost begging her cousin to divulge the details.

"You are absolutely insane," Shadow breathed, but found the strength to grin. "You wanna talk boys? Tell me about you and Eddie first."

Bella frowned at the nickname, but didn't argue. "I can't say for sure yet, but there's something about him..."

Shadow almost rolled her eyes, but deigned not to. "Like a pull?"

Bella shrugged, "Kind of. I feel drawn to him and I can't tell if it's because of who he is, or because of what he is. Do you know what I mean?"

Reluctantly, Shadow nodded. "Yeah. I feel the same way about Jasper— and every time I'm with him, I don't know," she mused, "It just feels like the world is right again."

  "Do you... love him?"

  Shadow paused, genuinely contemplating the question. Did she love Jasper? It seemed like months had passed since knowing him, but it had only been a short while. How could she call it love, when she hardly knew what the word itself meant? Shadow was only just re-discovering what friendship was, never-mind a relationship.

  The elder Swan sighed, "Sometimes, I think I do. But, mostly I can't tell." And Shadow wasn't a fool. She knew why admitting to her feelings was so hard.

  The weight of love was a heavy burden to bear. She'd learned that from her mother— and Shadow didn't know if she could ever let someone have that kind of power over her. If she could trust someone with her life like that. It terrified her more than anything.

  But, she knew there was a part of her that did love Jasper Hale, however reluctant she was to admit it.

  Bella seemed to realize it, too. "It's not an easy thing," she agreed.

  Shadow smiled faintly, "Well, I definitely don't make it any easier for him."

"No," Jasper agreed, "You don't."

Shadow nearly screeched as she whirled towards the window. "You asshole!" She cursed, readying to chuck a pillow. He didn't venture any closer, but the threat did little to intimidate.

Having recovered quickly from her surprise, Bella got up. "I'll leave you two alone," she said, sending a quick wink in her cousin's direction.

Shadow scowled at her back as she retreated to her room. The absolute traitor. She was not interested in continuing the conversation Jasper had clearly listened in on. Or any conversation, for that matter.

  For as much as things had worked out, she was still irritated with him.

To his credit, he seemed to pick up on that fairly quickly. "How do I fix this?" Jasper asked, daring a step closer.

  Shadow frowned, picking at the lint on her blanket. "It's done. There's no fixing it, or keeping it from her anymore." Though, she wished that weren't the case. Shadow felt little guilt for the things she did to protect her family.

  "I'm not talking about the secrets we keep," he spoke softly. He was closer now, but remained out of reach. Leaving the decision to her.

  She didn't look at him. "I don't have anyone else. It's just her and Charlie. That's all that remains of my family." She didn't entirely know why she was explaining this again.

  "I won't let anything happen to them."

  "That's not your promise to make," she bit back, unable to help herself. Shadow hardly realized that she was staring at him now, nearly face to face as he hovered over her.

  Jasper took her anger with ease, "It is, because I intend to spend a very long, long time loving you, Shadow."

  She stared at him a long moment, pondering her surprise and that blossoming adoration. It took every ounce of will not to get lost staring at the planes of his face. The definition of his nose, to the framing of his lashes against honey-gold irises.

"Even if I can't promise you forever?" She had to ask— because Shadow realized that was the true definition of love; accepting that its end was a very real possibility.

Love does not demand unhappiness in its absence. Only growth and healing. Only the promise to move on. To live.

Jasper closed his eyes, as if imagining that possibility required more than just a fleeting thought. His expression was immediately withdrawn. Pained.

When he opened his eyes again, his resolution was clear. "For even just a second with you? I would suffer anything."

His honesty was startling.

Shadow had expected his previous anger. That denial and refusal to accept her mortality. His devotion was hard to fathom, but not hard to believe.

  She felt it too; the pain that accompanied the mere idea of losing him. The utter helplessness she endured in his presence. Shadow was completely overcome by how much she cared. How much she loved.

  If she were to have lived only loving Jasper Hale within the space of a single breath, it would have been enough.

  "I love you," she whispered to him, refusing to waste another second in not admitting to this space inside her. The place she held just for him.

  Shadow didn't give him the chance to respond. She rose up to kiss him, wrapping her arms around the comforting places that seemed to line up in her hold. He was cold, always cold— but that cold was hers— just as her warmth was his.

  She would breathe life into him if she could.

  And he would have likely let her try.

Edited 02/18/2016 @12:32 PM
Edited 12/16/2016 @1:02 AM
Edited 02/21/2023 @1:28 AM

AUTHORS NOTE: Aha... it's been a while. Enjoy.