CHAPTER SIXTEEN.
( future death. )

  AT JASPER'S INSISTENCE, SHADOW was more than eager to agree.

She rose quickly from the couch, only to stop short and collapse back into it as her knees gave way beneath her. Her head was swimming and the Swan girl groaned as a headache nestled itself between her temples. She hadn't realized how drained she felt.

  It seemed to be a reoccurring theme after her screaming fits and she often wondered if it was a side effect. Though, she quickly deduced that it probably wasn't. It had only started happening recently and the best explanation was stress.

  It wasn't like running around the forest was helping her case, either.

  However, going home and resting wasn't an option. There were more important things at hand and Shadow knew better than to let them wait. It seemed crazy for a mere figment of sleepless imagination to be so important. But Shadow couldn't help but feel as if there were something more to her dream.

  There was something about it that kept nagging at her— and if there was one thing that Shadow was beginning to understand, it was that ignoring something that bothered her was hardly ever a good idea. Especially where it concerned her and the supernatural world.

  Once Shadow felt more composed, she looked over to Jasper with a sheepish expression. "Not exactly the smartest choice, huh?"

  Jasper gave a smile. "You might've went at it a little too fast," he agreed, reaching out and offering his hand for her to take.

Shadow gladly accepted the help, not exactly keen on the idea of falling. She opened her mouth to say something more, but found herself closing it as she caught Jasper's expression. The solemn look on his face worried her.

He didn't appear to notice her prying eyes as he pondered something. But, before Shadow could question him on it, she found herself being lifted gently off her feet. Shadow made a sound of surprise as she was then carried bridal-style towards the stairs.

Her face was bright red and she was angry with herself. Mostly for not fighting back. "I have legs, you know, and I would feel a lot more dignified if you would let me walk on them."

  "Are you sure you're okay to walk?" For as much as he tried to keep his facade genuine, Shadow could see the small tug at the corner of his lips. Clearly he found amusement in their current situation.

  Shadow reached out to pat his chest, "God didn't give me two feet and a heart-beat for nothing."

  "Yeah, well those two feet don't seem to be doing so well, so I think I'll be the judge of that." His reply was quick and Shadow couldn't help but smile at his accent.

  She immediately decided she liked it. "Honestly, it's like you want me to make your eardrums explode," she said with a sigh, feigning exasperation.

Though, the amusement faded as she realized how casually she'd wrapped her arms around his neck. The Swan girl hastily folded them across her chest. Jasper smiled, but nothing more was said after that.

Shadow felt comfortable in the silence that ensued. Her curious eyes wandered as they made their way up the stairs, taking in the beauty of the Cullen's home. She hadn't been able to explore much of the house before.

  As they came onto another set of stairs, Shadow found herself staring up at a large piece of artwork. It was created with numerous graduation caps and Shadow couldn't help but laugh at the hidden joke within the piece. It was odd, but amusing no less.

  "Okay, now that's impressive," she said, looking up at Jasper with a grin forming on her lips. He paused as he glanced at it and a faint smile appeared on his features. Together, they stared at the art piece for a few more moments, admiring it and the memories each cap held.

  Despite it being made out as a joke, Shadow could clearly see the sentimental value the artwork had. After another minute of debating which cap they liked best, the pair continued. A couple more steps later and the two finally came across a door. One that Shadow knew would lead them to Carlisle's office.

  Jasper set her down, but the Swan girl found her hand lingering on his arm. She couldn't help but feel a little nervous as she stared at the entrance. It seemed as though, with every return to the Cullen household, she was being dragged deeper and deeper into the depths of their world.

  Not only was she making new discoveries about herself, but things around her were changing as well. It was all happening so fast.

In less than two weeks, her whole life had been flipped. Not that Shadow was unaccustomed to her life drastically changing. She'd felt it before; that up-turning of a world she only thought she knew.

  Not once, but twice.

  Shadow bit her lip. Maybe she was nervous about what she might be told once she entered. Or, maybe it was simply because she didn't want to find out that she was right and make herself any more different from everyone around her.

Even since childhood, Shadow had always been separate. Whether it be because of her hair, her attitude, or even her mouth that could outwit the best of them. Shadow pursed her lip.

She didn't want to feel any more estranged. Hell, even in the supernatural world she was considered a rarity. Banshee's were a dying species. She wanted somebody to understand, but there was no one.

No one but the Cullen's.

  Jasper and his family had exposed their secret and their lives to help her. Was she really so hesitant merely because she wanted to feel normal? Shadow paused, thinking it over as her hand took hold of the doorknob.

  Who the hell needs normal anyways, she told herself and, in a second of absolute courage, she opened the door and stepped inside.

→

  The dream was the easy part to explain. It was putting her feelings about it into words that was the hard part.

Shadow couldn't meet Carlisle's eyes as she spoke. "I know it doesn't make sense. I know it could have just been a nightmare. But, there's no explaining the bruise and how real it felt," she said, forcing herself to look at him.

  Carlisle said nothing, but Shadow didn't want to risk his stare being one of scepticism. She pushed on, even when the words became harder to speak. "I know what a nightmare is and that wasn't it." She swallowed down the pain as it swelled up inside her chest. Grief could wait.

  "I'll be honest," Carlisle began and Shadow watched as he shifted in his seat. "I don't know what to make of your dream. If it's an ability, it's not one I've ever heard of. We know that you can identify supernatural creatures, but this? I don't know if I can truthfully tell you what it is."

  Shadow tried not to feel too disappointed. Though, that lingering question was still there; was this another ability, or simply a dream that she'd overanalyzed? A part of her doubted that it would be the latter. But, what more could she say to convince Carlisle that what she'd seen was so important?

  He continued, "Two of the most common abilities I've read is the one you have now and the ability to see imitations of future deaths. Though, it only seems to work in regards to people close to..."

Shadow could clearly see Carlisle's lips still moving, but she couldn't hear his explanation anymore. She didn't want to. His voice faded to background noise as the cold realization dawned over her.

The cold, crawl of the truth on her spine made her want to break out in shivers. She forced back her grimace and bit down on her lip. If this was what was meant for her, then so be it.

  She'd faced death before, but this time she would meet him prepared and unafraid. She had to.

"Carlisle," Shadow spoke softly. She tried to keep the terror from her voice. The Cullen man stopped speaking as he looked at her. His confusion only seemed to last a moment before it dissolved into realization.

  "No," he breathed, in a voice that made Shadow want to curl up in a ball and cry.

Still, she strengthened herself, even if it was false courage. Too many times had she let herself give into her emotions. Shadow wouldn't do it again; she wouldn't lie down and give in to her pain.

  The supernatural world was something complex and completely unpredictable— dangerous.

  And she was being given the chance to see it, to encounter all those possibilities for the impossible to exist. There were still so many things she didn't understand about herself. Shadow didn't doubt that there was still more to discover, but she would be ready to face it head-on now, with no fear or trepidation.

How could she pass that up?

  If there was one thing she could promise herself wholeheartedly, it was that she wouldn't let her death be meaningless or empty. She would make this new world her own and strengthen herself. Death had lain ruin to the fragile, mortal reality she once knew, but he had shown her one that was stronger; untouched by his hand.

  Shadow wouldn't let him ruin her again, to leave her battered and quaking all over. She was going to be something new. No matter what it took.

Shadow drew in a deep breath. She didn't want to say it. She'd purposely kept it out of her explanation for a reason, because she was scared.

  But, she had to know, even if it terrified her. She had to prove that she could hear the truth and still stand. Shadow had to.

"What if I did see a death, but one that was my own?" The words came out so quietly, but her voice no longer shook and the Swan girl took that as an improvement.

  Still, she could feel her heart racing as she waited in disquiet to hear a reply. But, all she received was complete silence. One that seemed to resonate all throughout the house. Shadow stilled. How could she have forgotten their super-human hearing?

Jasper, she realized, panic seizing at her throat.

  Shadow inhaled sharply and Carlisle seemed to mistake it for fear. He opened his mouth to speak and she abruptly cut him off, noting the look in his eyes. She didn't want lies or niceties.

"The truth, Carlisle, or nothing at all." She hated how demanding she felt as she said it, but there was no time for false assurances.

  Carlisle deflated and the distress on his features made something in Shadow ache. Without thought, she reached out and grabbed his hand. Carlisle froze. The restless movement of his fingers drumming against the desk ceased. He stared at the place where her warm hand rested upon his cold one.

  Judging by the furrow of his brow, it was clear that he was expecting a different reaction. But, the one he sought could have only come from a different girl. This one was prepared for the ugly, honest, reality awaiting her.

  "It's okay," she breathed, urging him to speak.

  Carlisle looked up. His eyes seemed to search hers then, looking for some moment of weakness. A fracture in her bravado. But, Shadow had spent a long time perfecting her facades and this was one she wasn't letting go of.

She was going to weave this mask into something real.

  "It is possible," he finally admitted.

Shadow ignored the way her stomach turned and nodded once. Her next few breaths came shakily, but she forced herself to take them in more slowly. She couldn't let the mask break.

"Would you like to go home?"

Shadow could only nod once more. Her mind had seemed to fade, giving into a lack of awareness. Her thoughts were a jumbled, fuzzy mess. The ginger rose numbly from her seat. Is this what it took to be strong?

Shadow didn't like this; the way every movement felt tense and every emotion felt too distant to hold onto.

  She said nothing as she made her way towards the door. Though, she paused once she reached for the handle. She couldn't just leave it at this.

"Thank you," she whispered to Carlisle, turning to give the Cullen man a genuine smile. At least she could show him the honesty of her gratitude, even if her strength was false.

  Shadow turned away and finally stepped out of the room, her tense muscles relaxing only after the door closed behind her. Her heart felt fragile inside her chest as she practiced her breathing. She didn't want to be scared, but the more she thought about it, the more she realized that it wasn't the act of dying that scared her.

  It was the idea of never knowing when it would be and regretting every instance before then.

  Shadow wondered, had she lived a life she was proud of?

Her thoughts were drawn back to her mother's funeral and the way she had forced back her grief every time afterwards. She hated how she had brushed her pain aside for some claim that she was strong. That wasn't strength at all. It was cowardice.

  Shadow thought about the way she had cut ties with her friends when they reached out to help. She hated how she'd lost them to her own, selfish pride. How many of them had known her mother just as well as she had? They'd all grown up with her, had walked her home like it was their own.

They all felt that loss.

  That was how the Swan girl knew— if her life ended right then and there, she wouldn't be proud of the years that had lead to it. Shadow drew in a deep breath, her back pressed against the door. She made a silent vow; no matter what, from that moment, she would make every second worth it.

  So long as she was proud of herself in the end.

  Shadow stepped away from the door and embraced the fear she felt, because she knew it wouldn't last forever. Not unless she let it. Shadow made her journey down the stairs, keeping her pace slow. She knew who would be waiting at the bottom and she had no idea what she was going to say when she finally faced Jasper.

  As she turned the last corner, Shadow came across a window looking out at the front yard. Her heart stuttered in her chest as the Hale boy's figure came into view. He was still, with his back facing her. The Swan girl knew it was intentional. He wanted space and she knew why.

  Some part of her had hoped that maybe he hadn't heard, but as he began to walk towards the forest, she knew better. Shadow fastened her pace as she hurried to the door, slipping on her poor excuse for shoes without so much as a goodbye to the rest of the Cullen's.

Shadow raced down the steps, wincing as the door slammed behind her. "Jasper!" She called out as she stepped onto the grass. He stopped walking, so she did too.

She saw him turn. Suddenly, he was only an arms-length away. Her heart was sent galloping, but the Swan girl knew better than to let her surprise show.

"Can you save the theatrics for later?" She snapped, annoyed by his antics.

  She immediately regretted the words as his expression grew pained. Clearly she wasn't the only one that her fate concerned.

"Jas," she said softly, but the rest of the words died in her throat as he grabbed her arm and carefully lifted her onto his back. She had enough time to gasp in surprise before the world became a blur.

  Shadow closed her eyes, arms wound tight around his upper torso. The world seemed to howl at her ears, angry and frightening, but she knew it was just the wind. Shadow buried her face in Jasper's neck and suddenly her heart was racing for a whole new reason. His grip on her arm softened, but he didn't let go.

  A few more moments passed. It was only when the wind died down that Shadow lifted her head from the crook of Jasper's neck. She found herself staring up at the side of Charlie's house.

Gently, the Hale boy eased her off his back, but Shadow let her hand linger on his shoulder.

  "I don't regret it," she started to say, but Jasper wouldn't meet her eyes. Shadow frowned, trying to ignore the way it made her chest ache.

"Even if that's what my future becomes, I don't regret meeting you at all," she repeated, needing him to understand. Jasper said nothing.

After a couple seconds of silence passed, Shadow went to remove her hand. She was quickly stopped as she found Jasper reaching up to hold hers. The cold feel of his skin elicited a gasp, but Shadow quickly snapped her mouth shut. Jasper didn't seem to react as he bent his head to kiss her knuckles.

  "I do," was all he whispered before disappearing from sight, leaving Shadow with the realization that it wasn't her chest aching, but her heart.

Edited 02/18/2016 @12:20 PM
Edited 12/01/2016 @12:03 AM
Edited 02/20/2018 @2:54 AM